The sun was a blazing hot orb of oppressive fire on the morning horizon.
Ok, not really, but Linarra had already been awake for 26 hours, tracking down yet another Nemesis Plot, and she was tired. Just having received some crucial information from a source that only required a small amount of encouragement, she leapt up to depart, but then she heard loud, clanking footsteps she recognized as marking danger or at least, inconvenience. Before she could turn, she was battered from behind by strong, cruel fists gloved in steel. She turned about and saw her assailant- Repartay. She thought a better name would have been Repetetive Cliché, but what could you do?
His expectant eyes darted about as Linarra leaped up to hover over her attacker. She knew he wanted to play the little game he liked to play, and she had to admit it made her laugh. Sure, he was a villain, but he was Mostly Harmless, really.
You are SO ugly, she said to him, baiting, while she nocked a few arrows and let fly, trying to penetrate his thick armor.
The low, dullard voice responded, Sos your MOM! He laughed at his cleverness. The arrows bounced off of him.
You smell like poo!
Sos your MOM! He smirked at her, once again impressed by his brilliance. More arrows, more bouncing.
Your mother dresses you funny!
Sos your MOM! A brief look of confusion crossed his face, but again, he laughed at his comic expertise. One arrow got through, but he didnt seem to feel it.
I could use some coffee
HA, Sos your MOM! He thought this observation was particularly insightful.
She had had a few run-ins with Repartay, and he had had trouble dealing with her flying above him, as he never figured out how to attack anyone far away from him. Not the sharpest knife in the ...shed, as it were. But she had never been able to defeat his resilience and his protection. She considered trying again to defeat him, but realized she was too tired, and decided to fly away
Moments later she found herself several dozen feet from where she was standing, sprawled in a fragrant pile of garbage, wondering what had just happened. She felt like a flying truck had hit her. Turning, she saw another familiar enemy, and before she could react, she found herself frozen in place by strong sticky strands, and unable to retaliate.
Margravine Noblesse, she called herself, and as much as Linarra despised her pompous attitude, she often wondered how in blazes this villainous woman with the crazy title always found time to get her hair just right. And she saw that the Margravine had her bubble of protection in place, the one that made her immune to Linarra's arrows, and everything else, for that matter.
You are SOO easy to track, little girl. All of you heroes are so easily duped. Heres some information, go talk to so-and-so. And BAM! Ambush. Simple as that. HA!
Sos your MOM! Repartay yelled as a greeting at Noblesse, waving to her.
Quiet, buffoon! Im speaking NO interruptions! She turned back to Linarra. Right where you belong. My aim is flawless. Well, now that you are in my clutches, I have to decide what to do with you. Will I put you on my wall, a new trophy to add to my collection? Will I infiltrate your mind, and make you betray your friends, without you even knowing? Noblesse reeled back with an empty fist again, and that empty fist directed what felt like a giant hammer of air at her chest, knocking her windless and gasping.
Fortunately, Noblesse LOVED the sound of her own voice and this gave Linarra time to think. And then she had it! No, she had nothing. She was a bit stuck, and the hours awake had muddled her mind.
Repartay began to move toward her, but then looked to his right, out of view around the corner, then turned in the opposite direction and ran, muttering a clipped, Sos your mom! as he dashed away.
The reason became clear a group of heroes rounded a nearby corner, when one of them turned and spotted Linarra. LIN!
Noblesse turned to see Desmodas Siazar and a group of her colleagues redirect their focus
from concerned glances at Linarra, to infuriated looks at her.
The moment Noblesse spotted Desmodas, Noblesse began her retreat. As she started to activate the device that would convey her to her base, she smiled at Desmodas but it was a smile cracked with doubt. Desmodas zoomed up to her, while her colleagues focused an onslaught of attacks on Noblesse. But their attacks all splashed off the bubble around the Margravine.
Noblesses smile became more confident. But it turned to panic as, with seconds to go before she disappeared to her lair, her bubble dropped. NO! she shouted, and Desmodas took the opportunity to strike her so hard with his shrouded fist that she felt a few of her teeth loosen. As the tentacles of dark power threatened to overtake her, Noblesse disappeared to her den.
Desmodas mumbled a few curses under her breath after swinging a few more times, only striking air. Thanks, Des
what are the chances? Linarra asked from the bottom of the trash pile.
Desmodas extended a hand to Linarra. Lucky we came along. You need a trip home
and a looong, hot shower, she concluded, recoiling as Linarras new bouquet assaulted her nostrils.
----
Some time later, after the swelling of that one strike, (that one palpable strike, she had to admit), had subsided, Margravine Noblesse, in a delightful berry-scented bubble bath in her luxurious apartment, filed her lovely nails painstakingly. While her mechanical menagerie moved about her, performing all the demeaning, menial chores that she would never deign to do for herself, she mused on her future. All she needed was one more Big Win, one coup that would convince the Conclave to move her to a higher, more deserved, station.
With luck, she would soon be Duchess Noblesse, and though she didnt love how that sounded (too Hello Kitty / High School Musical), she DID love the promise of ever-greater power. Perhaps she could invent a title that sounded better with her moniker. The nobility did it all the time
One of Noblesses lackeys burst into her bathroom HER BATHROOM! Before he could realize his mistake, he ran up to her and held out the object of his enthusiasm. Nobl- um, Margravine! This letter! It tells where
and when! You can finally get her!
Noblesse ripped the note out the mooks hands. And then backhanded him. You KNOCK before entering, bootlicking dimwit! I could have your EYES out for resting them on my deshabille! And you would PRESUME to tell me what I can and cannot do???? Get out of my sight before I let him test his new assault arsenal on you. She indicated the gigantic robot looming behind her, and it focused all three of its targeting lasers on him... presumably, just in case. The nameless minion scurried away unseen by the Margravine Noblesse while she read the intercepted communiqué. Then she put on a robe, scribbled a short note of her own, marked it with her seal, and sent it off with a messenger.
----
Repartay sat in his apartment at his kitchen table, pen in hand, a blank sheet of paper before him. He knew he could think of the ultimate comeback, he was sooo close. He would show them, he would show them ALL how smart he was. Especially Noblesse. She was so pretty, and so smart! On the other hand, what he always said was SOOO clever already, and always demoralized his enemies why mess with a great thing?
A knock came at his door. A local kid, hat pulled down , handed him a note. The witch Her Highness sent this, the boy said, his voice low and demoralized. I dont take that crap from anybody. Gimme 10 bucks. He handed Repartay a sealed note.
He gave the kid $10, and the kid sped off to another errand, or mark, or whatever.
Repartay tore open the note. After struggling with a few of the words, the look on his face changed from intense concentration to open ecstasy. She wants me to help! ME! I knew she liked me!! He dropped everything, and ran out the door.
---
Noblesse entered the warehouse, and it appeared to be empty. She traveled through slowly, and found nothing moving. As she entered the largest room, she saw that it looked like a reliquary of stolen art paintings, stone statues, wooden carvings, all celebrating villainous exploits throughout the years. Some of these would look great in my den, she thought to herself. There was even an effigy of Ms. Liberty hung by a noose from the ceiling. Nice.
At the far end stood Repartay, with a giant grin on his face. He started clapping and jumping up and down when he saw her. She approached, and saw the crumpled bundle at his feet. The red hair and the costume revealed it to be Linarra.
You were SOOO Naïve, little girl. I mean, look at you, crumpled there, beaten by a simpleton!
Repartay broke in eagerly. I waited, just like you said in your note, Mis-
She fixed the large oaf with a withering gaze. Dont interrupt, feeb. She turned back to Linarra. Now that you belong to US, we will make an example of you. We will show all of the heroes that would DEIGN to presume that I would do anything that they wanted
we will show them that they must answer to ME, and
My note?
Repartay interrupted her, his timing, as usual, atrocious. Yeah, what she said! And, Sos your MOM!
Just then Repartay gasped, as one of his strongest protections expired. He bent over double, swallowing huge gouts of air, but held up a hand, as if to say, Im ok.
What note
asked Noblesse again, but as clever as she was
The only thing that surprised them more than the voice behind them was the small sound that preceded it.
twang Sos your faces!
They wheeled to see the effigy hanging above them
but now it was floating with a bow in its hand. An empty bow, with a humming string...
A whisper escaped Noblesses agape mouth. That doesnt even make
An uncountable number of arrows descended from the air, the only sound a series of tiny fwips, one skewering one of Repartays thighs, disabling him, and another lancing Noblesses shoulder, the pain rendering her impotent as well. The illusion of Linarras defeated body faded, and the disguised archer floated down from her perch, reverting back to her usual appearance with a dizzying spin.
Over the pained moans, Linarra pulled out her cell phone. PPD, Linarra here, I need a cleanup crew at my GPS location. Two villains to run in yeah, theyre disabled. And I brought the donuts, so get a move on.
Heres a souvenir for you, Linarra said to the large man. She tossed a hat at Repartay. Hey, he said after a few moments of Herculean contemplation, this looks just like that messengers hat from that
message! M. Noblesse just shook her head.
She couldnt help but gloat at the mastermind. Villains will always lose, because they expect Heroes to be DUMB.
