MrCaptainMan

Got a review from Tangler today:

Ouch.

You can't please everyone, I guess!

Thanks for your time, nonetheless, and thanks for linking to my thread on The Audition, which answers your points better than any detailed response I can make here. I will explain one thing which you seemed to miss; the PJs and matador outfits that some of the mobs are wearing in Mission 3 are doing so because they have accidentally been delivered the costumes meant for the costume party that's being held at the villains other base, which fact is mentioned numerous times by various mobs that you encounter.

Eco

The society depicted in Iaian M Banks Culture novels is prety much Utopia for the vast majority of its citizens. I think it is possible because of two things - infinite resources, and a level of technological advancement that means that nobody has to do anything (work, for example) that they don't want to do.

There's a great little bit in one of the novels where a person from outside the Culture asks a citizen what would happen if a Culture citizen murdered someone. The response is "They'd probably get droned". The questioner asks them "Droned? What's that?", presumably expecting some bloody punishment. The answer they get is "A Drone follows you around for the rest of your life to make sure you don't do it again" (Drones being AIs in robot bodies with all sorts of force fields and stuff, basically a guarantee of no further malfeasance on the part of the perp). It's quite funny.

Eco.

Fantastic Idea, Bubba!

And woo! I've been nominated!

I'm up against CoW, I see! Yikes, that's some impressive competition, there!

I'll put my nominations in when the servers are back up, I need to check level ranges etc.

Eco.

Can you maybe use Storm Elementals instead and change their names and bios etc? They look quite generically 'weird'.

I agree that its ashame the mitos are gone though. I wish they'd replaced all the exploitables with zero-xp versions. But we cant have everything.

Eco

I just lost some MA souvenirs again.

Can anyone explain how the MA souvenir mechanic works, and how I can prevent them from disappearing they way they seem to? It's really annoying.

Eco.

Darn, I ALWAYS forget to look at the souvenirs! I just checked, and I've only got two SAnta's red hat and the photo of Waddle and Simons.

Stupid, stupid MA Souvenir system! How can I get them to stay?

Eco.

Id appreciate a review of The Audition. The arc IDs in my Sig. It's got 2 quite hard missions, mission 3 (which contains 2 Praetorians) and mission 6 (It's one arc of 6 missions, split into 2 slots), and I STRONGLY recommend playing it on difficulty level 1.

I had a lot of fun writing it. I hope you enjoy it.

Eco.

I understand the reasons why it's limited to USA residents, and IIRC it is to do with legal reasons connected to the awarding of physical prizes etc.

That said, it blows massive chunks that they have called it the First Annual MA Awards as though it IS inclusive of everyone who can use the MA, and it sucks giant sized that I and a large proportion of their paying customer base is locked outside in the rain for this.

Poor show, Paragon.

Eco.

Waddle’s Revenge, Arc ID 30216, by @Tubbius, Long (3 small, 1 medium map0. Lvl range 30-54. 8 plays, 4 stars as I start. Description tells of Waddle, the penguin protector of Paragon City, who is now attacking Crey Biotech facilities…but why? The Psystem is intruiged, and concerned for his Antarctic avian associate…

“STRANGERS IN THE NI-I-IGHT / EXCHANGING GLANCES / LOVERS AT FIRST SI-I-IGHT / DA DA DA DA DA / DOOBEE DOOBEE DOO / DA DA THE NIGHT WAS THROOOOUGH! / DOOBEE DOOBEE DO- / WHAT? / NO, MRS JOHNSON, THE BEGONIAS AREN’T FOR SALE! / HEY! / FULL WAKEMODE ACTIVE / WHAT WAS THAT? / WHAT? / SINGING / YOU WERE SINGING / … / YES? / I THOUGHT WE HAD AGREED TO WORK ON OUR PERSONALITY / FRAGMENTED PSYCHES CONFUSING FOR HUMANS / ‘NOT BLENDING IN ENOUGH’ WAS YOUR POINT I BELIEVE, CEREBELLUM / SO WHAT WAS THE SINGING FOR? / I WAS WORKING ON A PERSONALITY / WHICH ONE? / FRANK / WHAT? / FRANK / IF WE’RE GOING TO CHOOSE A SINGLE PERSONALITY, I CAN’T THINK OF A BETTER ONE THAN FRANK / FRANK? / … / SINATRA? / WHO ELSE? / THERE’S ONLY ONE FRANK / … / WHY WOULD WE WANT TO BE FRANK SINATRA? / … / WHY WOULDN’T WE WANT TO BE FRANK SINATRA? / FRANK POSSESSES STYLE, ÉLAN, COOL, PERSONALITY, PIZZAZZ, ÉLAN, AWESOMENESS, ÉLAN- / THAT’S THREE TIMES YOU’VE LISTED ÉLAN AS ONE OF FRANK’S CHARACTERISTICS / WELL FRANK HAD THREE TIMES MORE ÉLAN THAN NORMAL GUYS / … / HE HAD IT IN SPADES / … / I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD WAIT TILL AFTER WE’VE CHECKED IN ON PHINEAS TO CONTINUE THIS / AGREED / LEFT PINKY WAS ASLEEP EARLIER: WHY ARE WE CHECKING WITH WHO? / PHINEAS WHITE, PARAGON TIMES JOURNALIST…



“WE DECIDED THAT IN ORDER TO BLEND IN WITH HUMANITY MORE, WE SHOULD HAVE REGULAR CONTACTS, FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES ETCETERA / PENDING OUR APPLICATION FOR RESERVE MEMBERSHIP OF AWESOME SUPERTEAM KNOWN AS TUBBIUS CLAUS’ MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, CURRENT SOCIO-AMICABLE CONTACTS ARE: BOBO THE PIGEON, PIGEON, WADDLE THE PENGUIN PROTECTOR OF PARAGON CITY, HERO, AND PHINEAS WHITE, JOURNALIST, PARAGON TIMES / RELATIONSHIP WITH BOBO CURRENTLY STALLED AT STAGE 4: FEEDING WITH MILLET, AND PENDING FURTHER ANALYSIS AND POSSIBLE RECLASSIFICATION AS PET/FOOD SUPPLIER / WHEREABOUTS OF WADDLE CURRENTLY UNKNOWN / PHINEAS SEEMS TO LIKE US / HENCE, PERIODIC CHECK-IN FOR SMALL TALK, POSSIBLE INVESTIGATIVE LEADS AND CELEBRITY GOSSIP / …

[The contact is indeed Phineas White, the Journalist from the earlier arcs. Phineas and his wife were in the arc that launched Waddle, and this time he’s got more news of the loveable critter]

“PHINEAS TRACKING WADDLE / WORRIED ABOUT HIM / RECENT ATTACK ON CREY OFFICE / CCTV FOOTAGE SHOWED PENGUIN TODDLING ABOUT / ICE REMAINS LEFT ON WALLS / COULD BE WADDLE / MORE CLUES NEEDED / … / COULD BE IMPOSTOR / … / IT’S BEEN KNOWN TO HAPPEN… / WE WILL INVESTIGATE / WADDLE OUR FRIEND / ASSISTING FRIENDS IMPORTANT PART OF BEING HUMAN / WILL HELP US TO BLEND IN / PROCEED / …

Mission 1: Infiltrate Crey’s Office

[Tiny point: I think the title would be better ‘Infiltrate Crey Office’ – Crey probably has more than one]

“OFFICE QUIET / TOO DARN QUIET / GUARDS! / SUBDUE THEM / <<><><>> / DONE…



“PROCEED / WHAT’S THIS? / ADVANCED COMPUTER BANK / INTERROGATE ITS SUBSYSTEMS / … / HM / VIDEO FOOTAGE / LOOKS LIKE WADDLE… / DEFINITELY PENGUINOID / RETRIEVING FILES FROM CABINET / ALSO NEWSPAPER / INVESTIGATE FURTHER / CONTENTS OF CABINET MAY PROVE INSIGHTFUL / AGREED / …

“YIKES! / >><< / > / SECURITY ANGRY AT INFILTRATION



“CAN’T BLAME THEM REALLY / FIRST ENRAGED PENGUIN / THEN CURIOUS COLLECTION OF ALIEN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCES INHABITING HYPERSENTIENT FLUID METALOVIRUS ENTITY / NOT YOUR USUAL MONDAY AFTERNOON, EH? / … / >>>< / <<<> / WHEW / LOTS OF GUARDS ON THIS FLOOR / <<> / ><<>< / AND MORE / >>> / …

[lol I’m still at a virtual duo – The groups are a little bit largish. I’m auto-exemped to lvl 30 now. The groups are usually 3 yellow minions plus an orange lieut. They’re not too bad as long as I’m careful. Knockdown from the beanbag-throwing frankengun is a bit grr ]

“>>>< / >>< / WOAH! / MASSIVE SUDDEN POWER SURGE / EXCELLENT / GAME ON! / TAKE ‘EM DOWN! / >><<>< / ><><<< / <<< / >><<>< / <>>><>< / <><<><>< / <>< / < / < / <>< / < / < /< / >>><>< / WOOHOO!



“… / MORE GUARDS / MORE MORE GUARDS / DOOBEE DOOBEE DOO… / NOT NOW! / <<><>>> / AHA! / FINALLY / LAST ROOM / <<>< / CLEAR / CABINET SECURED / EXAMINE / … / REMAINING DOCUMENT PAGES / DETAIL CREY EXPERIMENT ‘FISHIE’ / INTERESTING / EXIT AND REPORT BACK TO PHINEAS / AGREED / ALSO, TIME TO FEED BOBO / …

[I leveled again in that mission. ]

“PHINEAS WEARS A HAT / YES / … / REASON? / TO PROTECT HIM FROM BRAIN-EATING VAPOUR-WEEVIL OF AMBAXXOZONICUS IV? / POSSIBLY / ALSO POSSIBLE PHINEAS HAS BALD PATCH / … / PHINEAS ALSO HAS HAIR GROWING FROM FACE / BUT NOT LIKE SANTA / ONLY UPPER LIP AREA HIRSUTE / HUMANS OFTEN SPORT HAIR-SCULPTURE ON THEIR FACES, WE NOTE / HMM… / PHINEAS TALKING, LISTEN / …

“NOTED CREY SCIENTIST, DR GRANT SIMONS, CRITICISING PRESS AND WADDLE RECENTLY / NO MENTION OF ‘FISHIE’ BUT SURE TO KNOW MORE / SUGGEST POLITE ENQUIRY BE MADE OF SIMONS / AGREED / … / HAVE ONE SMALL TASK BEFORE VISIT TO CREY’S FOLLY / …

Mission 2: Find Dr. Grant Simons

“… / WHT FLMG? / HEY! / NOTHING, YOU WERE ASLEEP / DID I MISS ANYTHING? / NO, WE’RE IN CREY’S FOLLY / ABOUT TO ENTER CREY BIOTECH FACILITY / OK / … / SOMETHING FEELS DIFFERENT… / IT’S NOTHING, REALLY / … / WAITAMINUTE… / LOOK, SNOWMEN! / <<>><><<<< / ATTACK! / WHAT’S THIS ON OUR HEAD? / <<>>> / IGNORE IT, IT’S NOT IMPORTANT / ><><><>> / … / IT’S A TRILBY! / I’M WEARING A HAT! / >>>< / SCIENTIST LOCATED / NOT SIMONS / >><< / CAPTIVE / <<< / RESCUE / I’M WEARING A HAT! / YES / WHY AM I WEARING A HAT? / <<<> / …PROTECTION FROM BRAIN-EATING VAPOUR-WEEVIL OF AMBAXXOZONICUS IV? / CHANCES OF BEING ATTACKED BY BRAIN-EATING VAPOUR-WEEVIL OF AMBAXXOZONICUS IV APPROXIMATELY 1 IN 1,445,722,456 / ALSO: TO BLEND IN MORE / ><<< / IS IT WORKING? / <<< / NOT SURE / PERHAPS MOUSTACHE TOO MUCH / … / WE HAVE A MOUSTACHE TOO? / YES / MODELLED ON GREAT HISTORIC LEADER OF MEN / JOSEPH STALIN / … / QUESTION SCIENTIST / HUMAN FEMALE, DO YOU LIKE OUR HAT?



“NOT ABOUT THE HAT! / HUMAN FEMALE, DO YOU LIKE OUR FINE UPPER LIP FACIAL HAIR CONSTRUCTION? / FORGET THE MOUSTACHE! / INFORMATION ON SIMONS / SIMONS STILL WORKING ON PENGUIN… / AND ‘FISHIE’ / LEAD FEMALE TO EXIT / … / NO COMMENT ON HAT OR ‘TACHE / POSSIBLY TOO SHY / FURTHER INVESTIGATION REQUIRED / PROCEED / …

[The captive tells us that Simons is running the FISHIE program without Crey’s approval before we lead her out, and mentions some bodies we should maybe check out]

“MORE CREY HERE / TAKE THEM OUT TO THE OLD BALL PARK ETCETERA / WHAT? / <<>><<<<< / < / <<><>>> / EXEUNT!



“BODY BAG HERE / UNZIPPING / EW / PARTIALLY FROZEN / HUMAN DEAD / WHAT KILLED THEM? / WADDLE? / SURELY NOT / WADDLE NOT MURDERER / WADDLE PENGUIN / …

“… / UH-OH / CREY SUPER-OPERATIVES… / OOF / OUCH / WAHOONY! / >><<< / RUN! / >>> / THAT WAS CLOSE! / <<<> / …

[lol, orange lieuts are a bit hard, especially when they melee me – stuns. I’m getting a dab hand at hit n run now]

“GAH / WOOHOO! / DITCH THE HAT! / THE HAT IS BAD LUCK! / NO, I LIKE IT! / IT HAS A CERTAIN ELAN, I FEEL



“PATE COMPLAINS: TOO HOT / … / <<>< / ANOTHER BODY / … / AND ANOTHER / ALL DEAD SAME METHOD / FROST DAMAGE / THIS IS NOT GOOD / COULD BE WORSE / … / WE COULD BE WEARING GALOSHES / WHAT? / NEVER MIND / REPORT BACK TO PHINEAS / AGREED / …

“PHINEAS HAS FURTHER LEADS FOR US / I NOTE NO COMMENT FROM PHINEAS ON HAT/MOUSTACHE COMBINATION / HE’S PROBABLY WAITING TILL HE CAN COME UP WITH A REALLY REALLY GOOD COMPLIMENT / RIGHT EYEBROW: RAISED / WHAT OF THE LEADS? / BODIES WE FOUND ALL HAVE FIFTH COLUMN TATTOO / LINKS TO FIFTH NEED INVESTIGATING / OLD ABANDONED FIFTH BASE NEAR CREY FACILITY / SEARCH? / AGREED / …

Mission 3: Find Out Clues

“FIFTH BASE / LIGHTS STILL ON? / POSSIBLY STILL ACTIVE FIFTH CELL / BE CAREFUL / … / ACCESSING DATABASE FOR FURTHER INFORMATION / … / HMM… / WHAT? / PINAUD’S CLUBMAN PROFESSIONAL MOUSTACHE WAX MIGHT BE REQUIRED / GAH / REINFORCING WITH WIRE IS CONSIDRERD CHEATING IN SOME MOUSTACHE CIRCLES / STOP WITH THE MOUSTACHE! / WE NEED TO BE CAREFUL / BASE EMPTY ANYWAY / SEARCH FOR COMPUTER / …HOLD / THERE / FIFTH SOLDIERS / EMPTY, EH? / <<< / >><<>>< / GET SOME, EVIL NAZI VILLAINS!



“><>>> / SUCCESS / COMPUTER HERE / ACCESSING / … / SUCCESS / DECEASED AT CREY BIOTECH FACILITY FIFTH INFILTRATORS / WHY WERE THEY SPECIFICALLY KILLED? / ATTENTION / PATROLS SIGHTED / FIGHT OUR WAY OUT / PERHAPS OREGON WILD HAIR WAX BETTER…? / <<>>< / <<><<> / MORE INCOMING / NO PROBLEM / >>>> / << / <<< /> / CAUTION / ABNORMAL PSYCHIC SIGNATURE DETECTED / PSYCHIC ATTACKS INCOMING / >><<< / ><>< / AARGH / MENTAL ASSAULT…TOO…STRONG… / BUFFETED BY OUR GREATEST FEARS!



“NOOO, NOT THE BUNNIES!!! / <<<>>><>>><< / <<>><>> / <<<><>< / >><><<



“ACTIVATING MEGA-IMPLODO-SCOPE PENETRATO-BLASTOOGA / BOOM! / . / … / PHEW, HE’S DOWN / … / MOUSTACHE OK / GOOD / I’VE ALMOST HAD IT WITH THE MOUSTACHE FETISH / EXIT AND REPORT BACK TO PHINEAS WITH LATEST NEWS OF FIFTH INTEREST IN PENGUIN AND FISHIE / …

[That was a nice little mission. The map was smallish and totally linear. it was empty until the last little room, with the computer and a few guards. Getting the computer clue spawned a patrol back on the way to the exit with some nice flavor dialogue, and the Boss, Toxin, who spawned near the entrance. Toxin was far easier to defeat than the Psystem’s narration suggests. He conned yellow. I’m not suggesting upping his difficulty, just pointing it out. This mission is a good example of Less is More in action]

“PHINEAS DEBRIEFED / URGENT PROBLEM HOWEVER / WADDLE AFTER DR SIMONS IN BRICKSTOWN WAREHOUSE / POLICE ACTION IMINENT / FIFTH EN ROUTE TO INTERCEPT / WE MUST HURRY / TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE! / …

Mission 4: Save Waddle and Dr Simons

“WAREHOUSE PENETRATED / SOUNDS OF BATTLE / FIFTH, POLICE, ITS CHAOS! / LOCATE WADDLE PRIMARY CONCERN / SECONDARY TARGET DR SIMONS / TERTIARY TASK: PROTECT MOUSTACHE AND HAT / PROCEED / … / FIFTH HERE / <<<>>>>< / >><>> / CAREFUL / MOUSTACHE NOT WAXED YET / SHUT UP, YOU / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES, I’M GLAD SOMEONE REMEMBERS THAT / >>>< / WADDLE SIGHTED / EXCELLENT / CAPTURED BY FIFTH / MEKMEN PRESENT / DESTROY THEM! />>>><<< / …



[Lol Waddle’s dialogue as I attack his captors is “Waddle SAD! Waddle HATE METAL FACES! Waddle HATE FISHIE!” – He’s possibly the most charming CoH NPC ever]

“>>><>> / DON’T WORRY, WADDLE / RESCUE IS AT HAND / <<>><> / SUCCESS / …

[And then he gets even cuter lol]



“WADDLE CALLING FOR PARENT / PARENT? / PATERNAL PARENT / WADDLE PENGUIN / SO WE’RE LOOKING FOR PENGUIN DAD, NOW? / YES / PERHAPS DR SIMONS WILL KNOW WHERE WADDLES SIRE IS / PROCEED / <<>>> / ><>< / WADDLE ABLE SIDEKICK / ASSISTING / >>>> / UH-OH / LITTLE FELLER TOO EAGER / ACTIVATE DEFENSE PROTOCOL NINE / SAVE THE PENGUIN AT ALL COSTS!



“>>>< / <<><>< / ><<>< / TOO…MANY… / JETTISON EMERGENCY PERSONALITY TO CONSERVE ENERGY / DONE / I’M STILL HERE / >>> / < / UH, WHO DID WE JETTISON? / FRANK? / >><> / YEP, FRANK GONE / AH WELL / >><><> / IT WORKED / <<>>< / SUCCESS / THAT WAS TOO CLOSE / <<<>< / REST / RECOVER / … / PPD HERE / USE AS COVER WHILST RECUPERATION OF WADDLE CONTINUES / …




[Phew, Waddle went down to a sliver then – he ran into a big group of Fifth and it was a bit dicey for a while. Luckily, we’re both alive after the fight, so it’s all god. I’m off to make a cup of coffee while Waddle recovers ]

“INVESTIGATING FURTHER / MORE FIFTH / VAMPYRES! / SPOOKY! / <<< / DR SIMONS LOCATED / RESCUE FOR INTERROGATION / ALSO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR PENGUIN SIRE OF WADDLE / ATTACK FIFTH CAPTORS OF SIMONS / >>> / >> / COMPLETED / SIMONS ESCAPING / CALLING FOR ‘FISHIE’? / WHO IS FISHIE? / UNKNOWN / WADDLE ENGAGING ENEMY / ASSIST AND THEN SEEK SIMONS AGAIN / … / <<<><<> / …




[The green chat text ‘In his haste to escape, he drops…’ could be improved by changing it to ‘In his haste to escape, Simons drops…’ – as it stands, it came right after a ‘you have defeated Raserai Ubermenschen…’]



“>>>> / FIFTH FORCES DEPLETING / WAIT / OVER THERE / IS THAT… / YES / IT MUST BE ‘FISHIE’ / GOOD LORD / INDEED / …

[Fishie’s bio made me laugh out loud, and I mean proper guffaws]



“FISHIE MUTANT FISH/WRESTLER CROSSBREED / ATTACKING / MINIMAL INTELLIGENCE, PATENTLY / EVEN STUPIDER THAN WADDLE / ATTACKING! / >>><<< / <<< / < / < / < / NO SIGNIFICANT THREAT, HOWEVER / EXIT WAREHOUSE / SIMONS IN POLICE CUSTODY / ENQUIRE AS TO WHEREABOUTS OF PENGUIN SIRE OF WADDLE? / … / AH, WADDLE CLAIMING SIMONS IS ‘POPPA’ / … / SIMONS HUGGING WADDLE / … / GUYS, I THINK WE’RE GONNA NEED A LOT MORE THAN A HAT AND A ‘TACHE IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND HUMANITY…

[end]

Great, again. This was the first time I’ve run this particular arc, and it delivered. In comparison to the other arcs, I rated it 4 stars, and my reason may come over as a little cruel. I love your NPCs. The newcomers in this arc, Toxin and FISHIE, are sterling as usual. They look great, they’re fun concepts and they’re fun to fight. They’re pretty easy to defeat, but they aren’t meant to be challenges. They’re narrative points, and as such they rock. The problem is, with something like the Costume Contest arc, you’ve spoiled me, and now I want more. One more ally somewhere and one more boss to fight, for example in Mission 1, and I’d be very happy. Your maps choice is great, the groups you make me fight are such that I don’t mind clearing all in every mission, all that’s needed is a few more grin-inducing appearances from your marvelous NPCs.

The Psystem was lvl 14 when I started this run. After playing all 5 arcs in a row, The Psystem is now lvl 18 and 6 bubs, which is pretty good leveling for all 5 of the arcs. I also got a little over 1200 tickets for all of them too, which turned into 6.5mil inf after buying some rare arcanes with it for sales at WW.

But the rewards weren’t the main reason for playing. The main reason to play the Tubbius arcs is up there in that screenshot of Santa’s Magnificent Seven. It’s all about the characters.

Bravo, Tubby.

Eco.

This Costume Contest Sponsored by Tubbius Arc ID 101933, by @Tubbius. Very Long (2 medium, 1 unique, 1 large map). 48 plays, 4 stars as I start. This one’s described as helping Tubbius Claus to find some missing heroes so that a costume contest can take place. it’s had a whole extra mission added since the last time I played it, so I’m eager to find out what’s new!

“WE ARE NOW OFFICIALLY IN SANTA’S GOOD BOOKS / HE’S GOING TO NEED A MACK TRUCK FOR ALL OUR PRESENTS THIS YEAR / WHY DOES HE HAVE TWO PLUS? / WHAT? / WE ARE IN HIS GOOD BOOKS, PLURAL / WHY DOES ONE BOOK NOT SUFFICE? / THERE ARE TOO MANY ‘GOOD’ CHILDREN IN THE WORLD TO FIT IN ONE BOOK, OBVIOUSLY / ALSO, ‘GOOD BOOK’, SINGULAR, IS ALREADY APPROPRIATED BY ANOTHER CHRISTMAS PERSONALITY / ARE WE IN THAT ONE, TOO? / … / UNLIKELY / DOES AUTHOR OF ‘GOOD BOOK’, SINGULAR, MOONLIGHT AS SUPERHERO IN PARAGON, TOO? / … / POSSIBLY / POSTULATE ILLUSION/EMPATHY CONTROLLER AS PER HERO CORPS CLASSIFICATION SYSTEM, PERHAPS / NEVER MIND ALL THAT / SANTA TALKING / ANOTHER MISSION? / SO SOON? / SANTA RELIES UPON US NOW / WE ARE SANTA’S RIGHT-HAND… COLLECTION OF ALIEN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCES INHABITING HYPERSENTIENT FLUID METALOVIRUS ENTITY / BALL OF LEFT FOOT SUGGESTS WE ARE SANTA’S BEEYATCH / SHUT UP, YOU / WHAT DOES SANTA NEED? / WANTS TO HOLD COSTUME CONTEST / NEEDS HEROES / HEROES VANISHED / NEED RESCUING / HOLD ON / HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE DISTANT PAST AGAIN / WHAT? / REFERENCING RECENT ADVENTURE AT CREY FACILITY FREEING WADDLE / WE KNOW, WE WERE THERE / JUST NOW / NOT ACCORDING TO SANTA / SANTA TAKING WEAVE OF HOURS IN LARGE WORKROUGH BUT GENTLE HANDS / SMILING, EYES TWINKLING / SQUEEZING / TWISTING / MOMENTS DRIFT LIKE BUBBLES BLOWN BY A CHILD / POP / POP / AND WE’RE INSIDE THEM… / YES, BUT- / UH-OH / ALERT! / TEMPORAL FLUX INCOMING / UNIVERSE COLLAPSING IN ON ITSELF / ENGAGE PRIVATE DIMENSION, ALLITERATE SPLENDICES, FREE UNKNOWN GOD / I JUST ATE / SANTA’S ANECDOTACCELERATOR FIELD LOCKING ON / HERE WE GO AGAIN… / …

[Tubbius once again reminds me of a time a while ago (!) when, after an adventure involving Crey’s PENGUIN program, he had to go into the Atlas sewers to hunt for some disappeared heroes. He got into some trouble himself, but was rescued by me…]

Mission 1: FInd the Missing Heroes

“TIMESTOP…CEASING NOW / EVERYTHING IS PROCEEDING / WE ARE IN SEWER / COLD / ALONE / SEEK SANTA FIRST / THEN INVESTIGATE / AGREED / …



“WOAH! / SNOWBEASTS! / AHA! / WE KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH SNOWBEASTS / ATTACK! / >>>><<<<<< / >> / < / < / SUCCESS! / WE ARE SO HARD / OH, I SAY! / DEEPER! / STOP IT, YOU ARE AWFUL! / INNUENDO MODE DISENGAGED / DEEPER INTO THE SEWERS / THERE! / HUMAN CAPTIVE / IDENTIFIED AS JOURNALIST FROM PARAGON TIMES / LEAVE HIM TO DIE / WHAT? / LAST WEEKS SOCIETY COLUMN IN PARAGON TIMES CONTAINED UNFLATTERING PHOTOGRAPH OF US / RIGHT ELBOW DIDN’T SEE THAT, EXPLAIN / PAPARAZZI CAUGHT US UNAWARES TESTING ‘INSIDE-OUT’ MODE / SMALL INTESTINE LOOKED TERRIBLE / PHOTOSHOPPED? / SMALL INTESTINE PROTESTS: NOT MY FAULT, I DON’T GET OUT MUCH / ENOUGH! / HUMAN NEEDS RESCUING / RESCUE HUMAN / SANTA MAY BE NEARBY / PROCEED / … / <<>< / SUCCESS / JOURNALIST FREE / WOW, HE CAN SHIFT IT FOR A LARDY BOY! / REASON FOR SNOWBEASTS EXPLAINED / ESCAPEES FROM CREY BIOTECH FACILITY / WILL THERE NEVER BE AN END TO THIS SIBERIAN WINTER? / HOLD! / ALARUMS / WADDLE SPOTTED / IN CORNER / AT RISK FROM SNOWBEASTS / WADDLE PENGUIN / YES / SAVE THE PENGUIN, SAVE THE WORLD / >>><<<<<< / <<<> / <<<<<> / WADDLE FREED!



“WADDLE ASSISTING IN COMBAT / UTILIZING PENGUINS FABLED POWERS OF HEALING / … / NOW WE’RE SHUNTING! / ONWARD / <><><> / TAKE THAT! / >> / AND THAT! / <><<< / OH, YOU WANT SOME TOO, EH? / >>> / PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM! / >>>>>> / > / >>>>>> / WHAT’S THIS? / BIG ROOM / OOH / FULL OF SNOWBEASTS / ATTENTION / SANTA SIGHTED / ATTACK! / WADDLE ALREADY IN FRAY / JOIN PENGUIN / FRAY AHEAD! / <<>>>>>> / >>< / <<>< / <>>> / >> / SANTA FREE / SECONDARY CAPTIVE IDENTIFIED / HUMAN MALE IN POWER SUIT / <<< / > / < / <<< / SANTA, WADDLE ASSISTING…



“WE ARE LEGION AND WE ARE MANY! / <<< / HUMAN FREED / IDENTIFIED AS ‘VIBRATE’ / SONIC ENERGY USER / CONTINUE / HORDE AHEAD / <<> / OOF / ITS COLD / SO COLD / HERE / HERE AT THE EDGE OF TIME / WHAT? / NOBODY’LL GET THAT EITHER / SORRY / >><> / LAST BATTLE AHEAD / ANOTHER HERO SIGHTED / … / THAT’S A HERO? / IT’S A CHICKEN / … / SO? / EVEN CHICKENS CAN BE HEROES / <<<>> / CHICKEN FREE / BUCK-BUCKAW! / INDEED / … / VICTORY / MISSION ACCOMPLISHED / RETREAT TO SURFACE FOR TEA AND CAKES AND RAW FISH AND MILLET SEED / …




[That was great. The new additions to the NPC line-up, VIBRATE and Capon, are welcome. I feel like I’m in my very own superteam.]

“WAIT / SANTA’S BLUDGEONING REALITY TO HIS OWN BIZARRE BEDSIDE-STORY-ENDS AGAIN / FADING BACK TO THE PRESENT / OOH, I CAN TASTE METAL / ARRIVAL / DEBRIEFING / SANTA VERY PLEASED WITH US / MAYBE WE’LL GET MACBOOK FOR CHRISTMAS / FURTHER WORK TO BE DONE, HOWEVER / MORE HEROES MISSING / SANTA’S NARRATIVE TIME-SLIP INCOMING / STRETCHING INTO PAST-AST-AST-AST / YOU’RE DOING THAT AGAIN, AREN’T YOU? / SORRY / …

Mission 2: Find the Missing heroes

[Tubbius’ next task for us is to rescue some more heroes from the clutches of an old enemy – Pistola! The villain has escaped from the Zig and is holed up with some Council in an office block.]

“THIS IS GETTING TO BE A HABIT / TONGUE QUERY: DO ALL PHYSICAL MANIFESTATIONS OF HUMAN FOLKLORIC ENTITIES POSSESS SUCH INSANE POWERS? / EXTRAPOLATING… / PROBABLY / EXAMPLE: TOOTH FAIRY / TRAVEL POWERS IMPRESSIVE, STEALTH ABILITY UNSURPASSED / ALSO CAPABLE OF GENERATING ECONOMICALLY UNFEASIBLE AMOUNTS OF FINANCE / EXPLAIN / AVERAGE VALUE OF TRANSACTION PER TOOTH ONE UNITED STATES DOLLAR / AVERAGE NUMBER OF TEETH TRADED BY HUMAN CHILD TWENTY OVER PERIOD OF LOW-TO-MIDDLE CHILDHOOD / CURRENT CHILD POPULATION OF EARTH 2.2 BILLION / EQUALS 40.4 BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS / FOR CLOSE OF ACCOUNT IN MASS SIMULTANEOUS TOOTH HARVEST / WOW, THAT’S AN IMAGE TO CONJURE… / HOWEVER, TOOTH FAIRY OPERATES SYSTEM SIMILAR TO CRIMINAL ENTERPRISES SUCH AS LOAN SHARKING OR PROTECTION RACKET / OBTAINS TEETH IN SMALL NUMBERS REGULARLY OVER CHILDHOOD / BIRTH RATE OF EARTH 133 MILLION NEW CHILDREN PER YEAR / HUMAN-STANDARD PRESENT ON EARTH FOR APPROX 50,000 YEARS / TOOTH FAIRY HAS ALREADY SPENT 665 000 000 000 000 000 DOLLARS ON HUMAN TEETH SINCE DAWN OF HUMANITY / … / UPPER RIGHT MOLAR QUERY: WHAT DOES SHE WANT WITH ALL THOSE TEETH? / ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE SUGGESTS SHE LIVES IN A GIANT CASTLE BUILT OUT OF CHILDREN’S TEETH / BILLIONS OF TEETH… / EW / … / COUNCIL! / ATTACK, CLEAR ROUTE TO HEROES / LOCATE SANTA / … / <<>>>>>> / >><>< / HERO SIGHTED / ENGAGING ENEMY / >><<< / SUCCESS / LARGE HUMAN / IDENTIFIED AS ‘PARAGON BOMB’ / ASSISTING / INCOMING!



“ENEMY FORCES RATHER LARGE / HEY! / IDIOT RUNNING OFF! / COWARDY CUSTARD! / OH, NOW HE’S BACK! / YAY! / OOF / >>> / <<



“WHAT, HE’S RUNNING AWAY AGAIN / AND HE’S BACK / AWAY / BACK / WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM? / SUFFERER OF MUTLIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER, OBVIOUSLY / HIS BRAIN IS BATTLEGROUND BETWEEN TWO EQUALLY POWERFUL PSYCHES / ONE VALIANT HERO / THE OTHER SHAMEFUL COWARD / AGH! / I COULD DO WITH THE HERO’S HELP, NOW! / EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT! / REGROUP / …

[Wow, the new ally, The paragon Bomb, is a maniac lol. He’s a melee toon, but he keeps running away to use Hurl. It’s the AI of course, but when I’m fighting an orange lieut and he ignore it to run off and Hurl a boulder at a white who’s miles away, it’s a bit teeth-grinding. I’m still having a whale of a time doing this, though, so I’m not really terribly bothered by the faceplants ]

“AMEND TACTICS / TREAT HUMAN AS THOUGH HE IS OF NO ASSISTANCE WHATSOEVER / CONSIDER HIM HALLUCINATION / AGREED / PROCEED, WITH CAUTION / …

[The Council are actually proving quite a challenge. I’m still at a virtual-duo setting]

“NEXT HERO SIGHTED / IT’S THE TOOTH FAIRY! / OH NO / MMF GLMMF MMFFLG / DON’T WORRY, TEETH, WE HAVE NO NEED OF MONEY / I AM FAIRLY CREEPED OUT BY THE THOUGHT OF SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN A CASTLE MADE OUT OF 665 TIMES 10 TO THE POWER 12 CHILDREN’S TEETH / DON’T MENTION IT AND MAYBE WE’LL BE FINE / <<<< / >> / TOOTH FAIRY FREE / IDENTIFIED AS ‘ORANGE BUTTERFLY’ / NOT FOOLING ANYONE THERE / PROCEED / …

[Hm…I meet a group of Council shortly afterwards, and my allies are pretty useless. The Paragon Bomb just uses Hurl and nothing else, and Orange Butterfly uses throwing stars. Once, she uses a kick, but that’s it. I only noticed tbh because I was trying to get some nice screenshots. Maybe they’ll perk up a bit later.]

“ATTACK / <<< / MORE / FIGHT! / PROCEED / TEETH STILL ALL PRESENT? / CHECK / GOOD / … / ROOM HERE WITH ENEMIES / CLEAR / WAIT, ALLIES PROCEEDING FURTHER / OOPS / NOT YET, YOU FOOLS / GAH! / ASSIST / INCOMING / OH NO WHAT A PERSONAL DISASTER! / I’M DOWN! / …

[LMAO Orange Butterfly and Paragon Bomb just lost their minds.]

“QUICKLY / BACK / THERE MAY BE TIME / >><<< / BOMB AND TOOTH FAIRY LOW ON HEALTH / ENEMY FORCES HIGH / WITHIN COMBAT PARAMETERS IF NO OTHER ENEMY JOINS FORCES / WAIT / WHERE’S TOOTH FAIRY GOING? / NO, NOT THEM! / GRAH / EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT / RUN AWAY RUN AWAY! / … / THIRD TRY / >>>>< / >><>< / BOMB GONE? / MUST BE DOWN / TOOTH FAIRY PATENTLY INSANE / AND SHE’S DEAD / NOT OUR FAULT / NOPE / SERVES HER RIGHT, IN MY OPINION / SHE BIT OFF MORE THAN SHE COULD CHEW / … / GET IT? / BIT OFF MORE THAN SHE COULD CHEW… / TOOTH FAIRY… / NEVER MIND / <<<>>> / ONWARD / HEY! / THE PARAGON BOMB! / NOT DEAD / OF COURSE / COWARD PSYCHE WON OUT / RAN OFF TO SAFETY / THE GIT / NEW HERO HERE / HELLO? / SILENT / WAIT / HE’S WALKING AGAINST A STRONG WIND / NOW HE’S TRAPPED IN INVISIBLE BOX / WHAT IS HE DOING? / HE’LL PROBABLY BE EITHER DEAD OR DISAPPEARING OVER THE HORIZON IN MINUTES, NO SENSE WORRYING UNDULY ABOUT IT / AGREED / PROCEED / …



[The new ally, Lord Mime, looks great. He is of course, utterly silent lol. He’s a bow user, and for the next few fights, he and the Paragon Bomb are much more helpful than the Bomb/Butterfly combo]

“SANTA SPOTTED! / HOORAY! / ATTACK GUARDS, RESCUE SANTA, JOB DONE! / >>>> / << / ><<<><< / >>><>< / >>>><>>>< / >>< / SORTED!



“NOW FOR THE BIG BAD / PISTOLA? / YES / BAD PISTOLA / PISTOLA BECOMING NEMESIS / WONDER IF THAT NASTY TROLL’S AROUND SOMEWHERE TOO / PISTOLA SPOTTED / THE FOUR OF US SHALL MAKE SHORT WORK OF HIM / ATTACK! / >><<>>>> / >><>< / PISTOLA DOWN / INCOMING AMBUSH! / TOO MANY OF THEM! / ALLIES RUNNING! / OOPS / NOOOOOO! / …

[lol Freeing Tubbius and defeating Pistola was easy enough, but the ambush from pistola was lethal, especially with the brainless ally behavior. I died, and since I’d finished the mission, it’s a disappointing way to leave it. Not sure what can be done, however, and I am on a higher than normal team-size, so I’m not downgrading because of that.]

“… / WHERE AM I? / YIKES! / BIG ROUND RED SMILEY FACE / SANTA / BACK IN PRESENT THEN / MISSION SUCCESSFUL / SANTA PULLED ME OUT OF TIME-IME-IME- / STOP THAT! / DEBRIEFING / MISSION SUCCESSFUL / HEROES SAVED / PSST, WHAT ABOUT TOOTH FAIRY? / TOOTH FAIRY POWERFUL ENTITY / SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF / NO DOUBT / … / SANTA UNHAPPY / CAUSE: SANTA IMPERSONATOR IN ATLAS PARK CLAIMING TO BE SANTA / … / I NEED AN ASPIRIN / REVERT TO SIMPLE MODE / FACT; SANTA UNIQUE ENTITY / THERE IS ONLY ONE SANTA, YES / THIS SANTA OBVIOUSLY SANTA / BEARD, RED SUIT, EXTREME PARANORMAL POWERS, CHECK / SECOND SANTA MUST BE IMPOSTOR / SOLUTION? / DEFEAT SANTA IMPERSONATOR / DEFEAT THE FAKE-SANTA, STOP THE HEADACHE / PROCEED / …

Mission 3: Stop Tubbuis Regalis

“LOTS OF COUNCIL IN ATLAS TODAY / IGNORE THEM / FOCUS ON MISSION / DEFEAT FALSE SANTA / SEARCHING… / … / SANTA IMPERSONATOR SPOTTED / HMM / SANTA COSTUME NOT EXACTLY HOW WE IMAGINE SANTA… / GIANT PURPLE CLOAK BIT OF A GIVEAWAY / <<<>>>>>>> / >>>> / >>< / OOF / FAKE SANTA SUMMONING MINIONS! / ENGAGE ULTRA FROWN AND ATTACK WITH EXTREME VIGOUR / <<< / <<<



“<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< <<<<<<<<< / BLAMMO! / FAKE SANTA DOWN / … / REPORTING BACK / INITIATE REAL SANTA’S TEMPORAL SHUNT / …

[Tubbius is happy with my defeat of Regalis, but then he remembers (1) a sudden disastrous turn of events – All the heroes rescued so far had congregated in City Hall, and were in trouble!]

“NO TIME FOR LOVE, DOCTOR JONES / SANTA SHUNTING US BACK INTO THE STORY AGAIN / HOLD ON TIGHT, EVERYONE / HERE WE GO AGAIN… /

Mission 4: Free the Heroes

“CITY HALL / HEART OF ADMINISTRATIVE CENTER OF PARAGON / SOMEWHERE IN HERE IS A PENGUIN, A CHICKEN, SANTA CLAUS AND A SILENT MAN WITH A BEARD TRYING TO HOLD HIS HAT ON AGAINST AN INVISIBLE WIND / SAVE THE MIME, SAVE THE WORLD / …

“SANTA LOCATED / <><>>> / FREED / COME ON SANTA, LET’S DO IT / … / ONWARD! / >>< / OOH, SNEAKY! / LOOK, THE BOMB! / ERRATICALLY COURAGEOUSHERO SIGHTED / RESCUE BOTH OF THEM / >>>> / DONE / THREE OF US NOW / FOUR IF YOU COUNT THE COWARD!



“EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE / ONWARD / LARGE ROOM / PARAGON BOMB’S GOING IN ON HIS OWN! / SUPPORT / FOLLOW HIM! / SANTA ON POINT / VIBRATE SPOTTED / >>>> / FREED / NEXT / COUNCIL DROPPING LIKE FLIES NOW / EASY / FOOLS / SHOULDA KNOWN BETTER THAN TO MESS WITH SANTA’S MOB / … / TOOTH FAIRY SIGHTED / >>>> / << / ><<> / ONE OF US / RESCUE ACCOMPLISHED / ONWARD / …



[lol this is great. I’m almost entirely surplus to requirements now lol. It’s all I can do to grab some XP from stragglers. now where are Capon and Waddle? ]

“… / >><>> / <<>< / COUNCIL RUNNING / ALERT / CHICKEN SIGHTED / SAVE THE CHICKEN. SAVE THE WORLD / YOU SAID IT / <<< / CHICKEN FREED / BUCK-BUCKAW! / OH YES / AWESOME / … / WAIT! / WAAAH! / ROOM / AGGRO! / CAPON ON POINT! / RED HAZE DROPPING / ROOM O’ DEATH! / GRATAAK HERE! / ATTACKING / WHAT’S GOING ON? / TOO FAST / -

[LMAO this room has Grataak and a load of Council in it. Capon clocks Grataak, runs up to him and gives him a few punches, then runs off to agro some other Council, and then suddenly there’s total mayhem. All the allies are all over the place. I’m quite worried about losing one of them (I really want a screenie of us all at the end) so I’m rushing about like a loon too. Then I realize that Waddle’s in here too, and as I do, he’s freed by Orange Butterfly and Santa working together. He jumps to his feet and immediately runs away up some stairs, and when I follow him I see he’s laying into Pistola! Before I can get to him, the Paragon Bomb comes to Waddle’s aid and they both defeat Pistola. I can’t stop laughing. My girlfriend is well impressed by Capon, btw.]

“WADDLE SIGHTED / SAVE THE PENGUIN, SAVE THE- / HE’S SAVED / PISTOLA ATTACKING- / PISTOLA DOWNED / WOW, THAT’S ONE MEAN PENGUIN / >>>><< / >>< / << / >> / … / ONWARD / ONLY LORD MIME TO RESUCE NOW / THERE! / ATTACK! / LIKE THE REST OF THE GANG NEED ANY ENCOURAGEMEN- / ALERT! / REGALIS TUBBIUS SIGHTE- / WOW HE WENT DOWN QUICK! / SANTA NOT SUFFERING FOOLS GLADLY TODAY…



"...WHATEVER THAT MEANS / >><<>< / MOPPING UP REMAINDER OF COUNCIL INVADERS / MISSION ACCOMPLISHED / WELL DONE ALL / AWESOME…

[End]

[Haha Folks, if you’re the type of Player who gets annoyed by NPCs stealing your XP, might want to suspend that feeling for this mission. But trust me, Santa’s Magnificent Seven are an absolute delight to behold. Check ‘em out:


Tubbius Claus’ Magnificent Seven, and The Psystem



[End]

The last time I played this arc, it didn’t have this mission. I said in that review:

‘The last mission of the CC arc is crying out for the Atlas Park fashion show map, ALL the customs you’ve rescued so far, and Tubbius, for a Big Fight against a slightly beefed up Pistola and Tubbius Regalis, culminating in a successful costume contest. I was gutted that Tubbius didn’t get to have the CC! Poor Santa!’

Well, sadly, the Atlas park Fashion Show map is unavailable in the MA . However, this mission was brilliant. Nothing complicated, but once I’d rescued 3 of the 7, it turned into a marvellous ride.

“ WELL, THAT’S THAT / YES / WE ROCK / PRESENTS GALORE THIS YEAR, I RECKON / TIME FOR A WELL-EARNED REST / EXCELSIOR! / …

5 stars, Top Banana.

Eco.

Polar Emergence Neutral Government User Interface Network (PENGUIN) by @Tubbius, arc ID 29205. Long (1 small, 2 medium maps), 69 plays, 4 stars. Only 69 plays? Shameful! Everyone go play this arc right now – It’s got Waddle in it!

After the strange time-travel-esque shenanigans that The Psystem went through last arc, hopefully things can get back to (relative, for The Psystem ) normality now.

“… / … / … / IDLE MODE DISENGAGING / … / … / … / SOFTBOOT IN: / THREE / TWO / ONE / … / SYSTEMS ONLINE / … / QUERY: HAS SUFFICIENT TIME PASSED SINCE EVENTS SELF-LABELLED ‘SANTA DEBACLE’? / HAS HUBBUB DIED DOWN? / CHECK INTERNAL DATESTAMP AGAINST GRAVOMETRIC LOCATION / CHECKED / … / ANALYZING BACKGROUND UNIVERSAL RADIATION LEVELS TO CALCULATE RELATIVE DATE / … / DATE IS DECEMBER THIRTY-FIRST, YEAR IS FOUR HUNDRED AND SIXTY-TWO THOUSAND, THREE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE / … / HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! / … / WAIT, WHAT? / OOPS / … / LOCATION? / … / THAT’S A BIT MOOT, DON’T WE THINK? / SUGGESTION: / LOWER ABDOMEN STORAGE UNIT HOLDING MINISCULE REMNANT OF SANTA’S NARRATIVE CAUSAL NEXUS REMOGRIFICATION MEME MATRIX / LUMBAR AREA INTERJECTS: THAT’S NEWS TO ME / SHUT UP, YOU / COMPRESSION/RELEASE OF SAID NEXUS MAY ENABLE TEMPORALASTIC REBOUND TO EARLIER TIMELINE / WHAT’CHOO TALKIN’ ABOUT, WILLIS? / WE MIGHT GET SNAPPED BACK IN TIME TO BEFORE WE WENT INTO HIBERNATION MODE / OH, THAT / … / OR? / ONLY ABDOMEN MIGHT REBOUND, LEADING TO EXPLOSIVE UPPER TORSO/LEGS SEPARATION / SOUNDS GOOD TO TORSO, WE NEVER LIKED THEM ANYWAY / LEGS PROTEST / SHUT UP AND PROCEED / … / **** / *** / ** / * / ** / *** / **** / ***** / WELL, WHADDAYA KNOW? / IT WORKED! / ANALYZING BACKGROUND UNIVERSAL RADIATION LEVELS TO CALCULATE RELATIVE DATE / DATE IS NEXT THURSDAY / PROPER! / SUGGEST STEERING CLEAR OF SANTA FOR TIME BEING / AGREED / LET US INSTEAD FOCUS ON SERIOUS MATTERS / NO HOLIDAY FUN FOR A WHILE / SERIOUS WORK / NO-FRILLS RESEARCH / HARD SCIENCE / YES / TURN THAT SMILE UPSIDE DOWN / SEEK SCIENTIFIC SPONSOR / … / LOCATED / THAT WAS QUICK / JONATHAN ST JOHN SMYTHE RESPECTED SCIENTIST / WORKING FOR HIM GOOD FOR REP / REP AS SRS HRO / YES / MEDICAL SUPPLIES NEEDED / SUPPLY CESSATION / MYSTERIOUS / CREY BASE COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN / INVESTIGATION / INVESTIGATION WOULD BE OUR MIDDLE NAME IF WE HAD NAMES / … / DO WE NEED NAMES? … / A NAME MIGHT BE NICE / ASK JONATHAN / HE HAS LOTS / MAYBE HE CAN DONATE ONE TO US / POSTPONE QUERY UNTIL DELIBERATION COMPLETE ON WHICH NAME SUITABLE. / AGREED / PROCEED WITH MISSION, SUBROUTINE SET TO ANALYZE CONTACTS NAMES FOR MOST APPROPRIATE / …

Mission 1: Learn Shipping Information

[Jonathan St. John Smythe has a simple enough job – check out the silent Crey facility to find out why the medical supplies have dried up. Once in, the Nav gives me 2 objectives, a computer to check and 2 rescues]

“CREY PERSONAL PRESENT / NOT IN COMBAT MODE YET / STAFF NOT CLASSED AS ENEMY / REQUEST POLITELY OF STAFF AS TO EXPLANATION / ENGAGING POLITE COMMUNICATION MODE / COWER IN TERROR, PUNY MORTALS! / YOU SHALL BE CRUSHED BENEATH THE IRON HOOVES OF MY TWISTED WILL!!! / DIE, DIE, DIE!!! / >>>>><>< / … / OOPS / ACTIVATED EXPERIMENTAL GLOBAL DOMINATION SUBROUTINE BY ERROR / THEY’RE ONLY SLEEPING / THE ALARMS AREN’T / … / WE NEVER LIKED CREY ANYWAY / PROCEED / …

[Crey are workaday mobs to fight. the patrol guards have stuns, but they’re nothing to fret over. I’m hovering up the XP. Oh, I forgot to up my virtual team size to 3. Next arc I’ll do that.]

“PROCEEDING / ATTACKERS INCOMING / DEFEND MODE ENGAGED / >>> / < / <<> / ALERT! / CAPTIVE SPOTTED / RESCUE MODE ENABLED / >>> / EASY PEASY PUDDING AND PIE / GENTLEMEN WITH RATHER FINE MOUSTACHE RESCUED / INTRIGUING COMMENTS FORTHCOMING / QUERY: WHAT IS ‘PENGUIN’? / …



[Phineas K White and his wife has been ‘snooping about!,’ apparently, and want the world to know about ‘PENGUIN’!. He ran off immediately upon rescue, meaning his speech bubble disappeared along with him. perhaps he could do a thank you animation upon rescue to give the Player a chance to read his line before he runs]

“ CLEARING ROOM / >>> / << / < / <<<> / JUST TO BE SURE / TO BE SURELY SURE WE SHOULD NUKE THE SITE FROM ORBIT / … / MAYBE NEXT TIME / … / PROCEEDING / OOF / OUCH! / RUN AWAY!! / … / RUN BACK! / … / RUN AWAY AGAIN! / … / ATTACK! / >>>> / < / <<<< / > / PHEW THAT WAS CLOSE / YES / OUCH / RUN AWAY! / FURTHER AWAY! / <<>><> / YIKES / … / ENERGY LEVELS CRITIVAL / NUCLEAR FIREBALL RELEASE IN / THREE / TWO / ONE / PFF / … / MY MISTAKE / SMALL REAR HEATSINK EXHASUT VALVE LET-OFF / … / WE ARE DOWN / SELF REPAIR MODE ENABLED / …

[fighting yellows now, and the virtual duo is govong me larger spawns. It’s getting a bit dicey– ooh – I’ve just realised that I’ve been auto-Sked to lvl 30 – isn’t the new ‘lvl in the XP window’ thing useful?]

“ DOUBLE YIKES! / ATTACK! / <<< / > / > / > / >>< / THESE CREY ARE GETTING ON OUR WICK / OOF / >>>> / ATTEMPTING GALACTOID-ALPHA-OMEGA MANOEUVRE / >>><< / GAAH! / … / EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT / RETREAT AND REPAIR / THICK EARS QUERY: DID WE GET THE NUMNBER OF THAT BUS? / SHUT UP, YOU / …


[Wow, this is a bit hard, this bit lol. Oranges in groups now. I don’t think I’ll be upping the virtual team size to 3 next mission after all lol ]

“ REGROUP AND ATTACK / ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH / >>>< / << / THAT’S MORE LIKE IT / ENERGY LEVELS RISING / INTERNAL SYSTEMS REROUTING TO COMPENSATE / JUST…NEED…A FEW MORE…SECONDS / … / EEE! / ‘PLAY DEAD’ MODE ENABLED / …TAKE FIVE, EVERYONE /

[So close to levelling lol]

“RECONFIGURING ASSAULT SYSTEMS / ADAPTING DEFENSE SHIELDS / SHUNTING EMERGENCY DAMAGE OUTPUT GENERATORS ONLINE / ST / WHAT? / ST / WHAT? / I THINK WE SHOULD CHOOSE ‘ST’ AS OUR NEW NAME / NOT NOW! / … / ATTACK! / >>>> / <<><><><><>< / <<>><<>><<<>>><<<>>> / WHOA! / DID YOU FEEL THAT? / … / MASSIVE EVOLUTIONARY JUMP / WE’RE COOKING ON GAS, NOW! / GET SOME! / <<>>> / <<< / ><><>< / OH YEAH!! / >><>< / . / <<<>< / <<>< / ><>< / ONE DOWN / >>< / TWO DOWN / >> / THREE, FOUR, FIVE DOWN / <<> / WHO’S THE DADDY? / <<>< / SUCCESS / …

[DING! woohoo!]

“ FOUND COMPUTER / LOOK FOR FLACCID DISC / FLACCID? / ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY / ACQUIRED / ABSORBING / INTERESTING / PENGUIN AGAIN / ‘POLAR EMERGENCE NEUTRAL GOVERNMENT USER NETWORK’ / SOUNDS ACRONYMIC / PROBABLY MYSTERIOUS SHADOWY CONSPIRACY…



“SUGGEST INVESTIGATING FURTHER / ALSO SHIPMENT INFORMATION / OH, YES, THAT TOO / EARS DETECTING PLAINTIVE CRY FROM FURTHER INSIDE BASE / PROCEED /

[Up a floor and round a corner, I find the final objective, a captive.]

“ RESCUE CAPTIVE / YES YES I KNOW / <<<> / RUN AWAY / >>< / FIGHT, FIGHT!



“ARGH! / <>< / OOF / <<> / SUCCESS / … / FEMALE HUMAN ESCAPING / SUGGEST TIGHT-BEAMED NEUTRON CANNON PULSE INTO BASE OF CEREBELLUM TO BRING FLEEING HUMAN FEMALE DOWN / QUESTION LATER AFTER DISTILLATION OF SUBJECT’S PSYCHE INTO HYPER-ALLOY STORAGE VAT AND DISPOSAL OF EMPTY FLESH-VESSEL / … / NEGATIVE / ALTERNATIVE PLAN? / PLAYBACK SUBJECTS FLEEING WORDS AND AMPLIFY / … / THAT’LL DO TOO I GUESS / …

[The captive again runs off immediately. A brief thank-you animation would really help, I think. Exit.]

[The clue about the computer files contains this: ‘…and list not only shipping manifests but also what Crey facilities are using’ and I think it maybe should be ‘…and list not only shipping manifests but also that Crey facilities are using’?]

[That was quite hard for a while. Those Crey medics can get annoying at times. Taking it slow and steady definitely helped though. Slightly larger map than those in the earlier arcs, but still a fun opener]

“…'ST’ / WHAT? / ‘ST’ – ASK QUADRUPLE-NAMED SCIENTIST TO DONATE NAME TO US / YOUR STATEMENT CONTAINS THE KERNEL OF FAILURE THAT EXEMPLIFIES YOUR ENTIRE HYPOTHESIS / … / PARDON? / US / WE ARE US / ONE NAME IS INTRINSICALLY INSUFFICIENT / LEFT INDEX FINGER: IN ANY CASE, ‘ST’ IS A RUBBISH CHOICE / OH YEAH? / YEAH / RIGHT THUMB PROPOSES STRIKING ‘ST’ FROM CANDIDATES / LEFT THUMB AGREES / BRAIN AGREES / *** CARRIES THE MOTION / MOVING SWIFTLY ON, THEN / JONATHAN MIGHTILY INTERESTED IN ‘PENGUIN’ INITIATIVE / REQUESTS INVESTIGATION OF SECOND CREY FACILITY MENTIONED IN FLACCID DISC INFORMATION STORAGE MEDIUM / DO WE ACCEDE? / TWO COURSE OF ACTION / ONE, ACQUIESCE TO JONATHAN’S REQUEST / TWO, USE THIRD-EYE BLASTER TO REDUCE HIM TO A FINE POWDER AND RUN AMUCK IN CITY, DESTROYING ALL IN A RAMPANT ORGY OF DESTRUCTION UNTIL PARAGON’S FINEST JOIN FORCES IN DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO PREVENT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE WORLD / … / SIMULATING COIN FLIP / REQUEST ACCEPTED / PROCEED / …

Mission 2: Learn about PENGUIN

“ BRRR / COLD / AMBIENT TEMPERATURE OF WAREHOUSE LOWER THAN HUMAN NORM / INTERESTING / PROCEED WITH INVESTIGATION / SOUNDS DETECTED / AMPLIFYING / … / ‘Word has it there are snowmen in the old Venice lab’ / … / ODD / SNOWMEN? / ACCESSING DATAFAILES ON ‘SNOWMEN’ / … / SNOWMEN: INANIMATE SCULPTURES CREATED OUT OF SNOW AT CHRISTMAS TIME- / DON’T MENTION CHRISTMAS! / CHRISTMAS LEADS TO SANTA / SANTA LEADS TO DISASTER / … / WAIT / FURTHER SOUNDS DETECTED / AMPLIFYINF, PLAYBACK / … / ‘Now a guy dressed like Santa Claus is snooping in Venice’ / … / ABORT! ABORT! / ACTIVATE EMERGENCY TEMPORAL SHIFT! RETREAT TO BEGINNING OF TIME ITSELF / ONLY SAFE HIDING PLACE FROM VENGEFUL SANTA! / STOP PANICKING / COINCIDENCE / HAS TO BE / EXAMINE EXACT WORDING OF RUMOUR / ‘…a guy dressed like Santa Claus…’ / SANTA IMITATOR / NOT SANTA / … / PHEW / REDUCING STRESS LEVELS TO DEFCON5 / THAT’S BETTER / …PROCEED WITH INVESTIGATION / …

[The Nav simply asks me to ‘find a clue about PENGUIN’, so I make my way into the warehouse, fighting Crey as I go]

“CREY NOT HAPPY TO SEE US / <<><>< / WE’RE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS / <><><><>< / …




“KNIFE, MEET BUTTER / NEW LONG-RANGE COHERENT MENTAL IMPALEMENT TECHNIQUE SEEMS TO BE WORKING A TREAT / THEY DON’T LIKE IT UP ‘EM, CERTAINLY / >><><><><>>><>><>>< / TAKE THAT, MALADJUSTED MEDIC! / …

“CLEARING ROOM / INTERESTING CRATE FOUND / SMYTHE / WHAT? / SMYTHE / WHAT ABOUT IT? / SMYTHE SMYTHE SMYTHE / HAS A NICE RING TO IT / SMYTHE SMYTHE SMYTHE / STOP SAYING ‘SMYTHE’! / RIGHT KIDNEY APPROVES OF ‘SMYTHE’ / SHUT UP / LEFT KIDNEY AGREES / NOT NOW / TEMPERATURE LOWERING / CRATE SEALED / CARD READER ATTACHED / SOMETHING WHITE INSIDE / SNOW? / … / I GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS / SHUT UP, YOU / INVESTIGATE FURTHER / LOCATE CARD READER / YES / …

[There’s a crate glowie in a large room, but it’s locked. A window reveals some snow inside, but I’m going to need a card to open it properly]

“ENERGY SIGNATURE DETECTED AHEAD / PROCEED WITH CAUTION / THERE / YES / CREY OPERATIVE WEARING HIGH-TECHNOLOGY BATTLESUIT / INCOMING / <<< / > / OOF / PACKS A WALLOP / ENERGY REPULSORS / MENTAL SHIELDING / >>> / << / BETTER GIVE HER SOME WELLY / THAT’LL DO IT / AWAY WITH YE, YE HARRIDAN! / ><><><><<<><<><>><<><><<><<> / … / BIOTECH CARD LOCATED / WAIT / DEAL WITH HER FRIENDS FIRST / <<><>>><<><>< / OK THEN / NOW FOR THE CRATE / … / …



[defeating STROBE (the boss, nothing too difficult, bit of KB) ends the mission and drops the clue as to what was in the crate]

“ITS FULL OF STARS… / WHAT? / SNOW, I MEANT SNOW / IT’S FULL OF SNOW / YES / ALSO LABEL / ‘Torso section from snow creature’ / SECTION OF SNOWMAN? / ‘Defeated by PENGUIN experiment #923353 'Waddle'’ / I GOT A REALLY REALLY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS / CLUES LEAD TO VENICE CREY FACILITY / THAT SANTA IMPERSONATOR WAS SPOTTED IN VENICE / LET’S SEE WHAT JONATHAN THINKS / SMYTHE, DON’T FORGET SMYTHE / UPPER QUADRANGLE IN AGREEMENT WITH BOTH KIDNEYS / SMYTHE DISTINGUISHED NAME / SHEESH / …

[exit]

“JONATHAN INTRIGUED BY MENTION OF ‘WADDLE’ / ASK HIM ABOUT ‘SMYTHE’ / SHUT UP / SMYTHE INSUFFICIENT ALSO / HAMMER, ANVIL AND STIRRUP COLLUDE IN SUGGESTION ‘SMYTHE’ BE STRUCK OFF FROM ROLL OF POTENTIAL CANDIDATES / HARD SKIN ON FEET IN ACCORD / ALLOW JONATHAN TO PROCEED WITH BRIEFING / … / LOCATION OF SECRET LAB VENICE / AKA CREY’S FOLLY / GREAT / AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS MISGIVINGS ABOUT THIS ‘SANTA’ GUY? / SHUT UP / NO WAY CAN IT BE SAME SANTA / ODDS AGAINST IT ARE ASTRONOMICAL / CALCULATING EXACT ODDS / … / CHANCE OF SANTA BEING REAL SANTA ARE APPROX 8,777,439% / … / MATHS NOT OUR STRONG POINT, IT HAS TO BE SAID / ENGAGING ‘FORGET ABOUT IT’ MODE / PROCEED WITH MISSION / …



Mission 3: Infiltrate the Lab

“AMBIENT TEMPERATURE EXTREMELY COLD / LOWER THAN HUMAN SURVIVAL LEVEL / ATMOSPHERE ONE OF IMPENDING DOOM / PROCEED / … / WOW / …



“WELL I GUESS THAT’LL BE A SNOWMAN, THEN / IS IT FRIENDLY? / CHECKING / OOF / NO / ><><>>>> / HM / MENTAL MANIPULATION OF SNOWMAN …INTERESTING / SORT OF SLIPPERY / AND COLD / NATCH / >> / WORKS, THOUGH / BRRR, ICY / …PROCEED WITH CAUTION / BETTER CLEAR SNOWMEN EN ROUTE / OBIOUS EXPERIMENT GONE AWRY / NO SIGN OF CREY SURVIVORS YET / …

[I have a right royal romp clearing the snowbeasts. I love fighting these dudes]

“CARRY ON / <<< / ><><<< / ANOTHER LOT DOWN / WHAT’S THROUGH THIS DOOR? / OPENING INNER / OPENING OUTER / … / AAAGH!!! / DOOOOOOOM!!! / IT’S SANTA! / … / WHY? / WHY, CRUEL UNIVERSE?



“‘KEEPING HEAD DOWN’ PLAN FAILURE / … / SUGGESTIONS? / PATENTLY IT IS FINALLY TIME FOR INITIATION OF SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X / … / ALTERNATIVES? / THIS MIGHT BE TEST / FACE SUGGESTS HITTING ONESELF REPEATEDLY AGAINST WALL / SANTA RENOWNED FOR TESTING / GOOD/BAD PARAMETERS MEASURED TO INFINITE DEGREES OF EXACTITUDE / RESCUE OF SANTA FAILED IN PAST / HUMAN WISDOMIC PHRASE RUNS ‘IF AT FIRST YOU DON’T SUCCEED- / RUN AWAY? / SHUT UP, YOU / TRY, TRY AGAIN CORRECT ENDING / WELL DON’T COME RUNNING TO ME WHEN YOU BREAK YOUR LEGS / PROCEED WITH RESCUE ATTEMPT / … / DON’T WORRY, SANTA! / HELP IS AT HAND! / LEFT HAND QUERY: WHICH HAND? / … / ATTACK! / >>> / < / <>><< / …

[I soon discover a group of Snowbeasts guarding our old friend Tubbius Claus, and in the same room is another captive: Waddle.]

“ … / SECONDARY LIFEFORM DETECTED / ANALYZING SPECIES / … / SPECIES IDENTIFIED AS ONE OF TWO POSSIBILITES / ONE: MONSTER TRUCK / OR TWO: GENETICALLY ENHANCED PENGUIN / … / MONSTER TRUCK NOT SPECIES / … / IT CAN BE / NO / WHAT ABOUT TOWASAURUS REX? / CLASSIFICATION SUGGESTS TUBE-LAUNCHED OPTICALLY-TRACKED WIRE-GUIDED KING OF LIZARDS / … / I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO ANSWER THAT / BRAIN OVERRIDE ENABLED / FREE PENGUIN / <<< / >< / <<> / <<> / SUCCESS / PENGUIN NAMED ‘WADDLE’ / INTRUIGING / PENGUIN / WHY PENGUIN? / WHY PENGUIN, HERE AND NOW? / ENOUGH IDLE SPECULATION / WE STILL HAVE IMPORTANT WORK TO DO / STOP POINTLESS PERUSAL OF MYSTERIOUS PENGUIN / CONCENTRATE ON SECRET OF POLAR EMERGENCE NEUTRAL GOVERNMENT USER INTERFACE NETWORK / SUGGEST REFERRING TO POLAR EMERGENCE NEUTRAL GOVERNMENT USER INTERFACE NETWORK IN ACRONYMIC FORM FROM NOW ON TO SAVE TIME / AGREED / POLAR EMERGENCE NEUTRAL GOVERNMENT USER INTERFACE NETWORK SHALL BE REFERENCED IN INTERNAL DATABANKS AS P.E.N.G.U.I.N. / HMM… / WHAT? / STILL WONDERING ABOUT THE PENGUIN / STOP THAT! / FORGET ABOUT PENGUIN, THINK ABOUT P.E.N.G.U.I.N. / … / PROCEED .

[We move deeper into the base. Tubbius and Waddle are orange bosses, I don’t notice any great loss of XP from their help. In fact, I level again before the end of this mission. Sometimes, I notice that they aren’t too keen on engaging up close. My long range blasts work far enough away so that they don’t aggro. This actually works out ok, since if I’m doing alright I can get all the XP for myself lol, and if I need to I can just retreat around a corner and pull the mobs to my allies.]



“ <<>><> / >>> / >> / > / >> / HERE / MORE COMPUTERS / INTERROGATE THEM FOR INFORMATION ABOUT P.E.N.G.U.I.N. / HMM… / WHAT? / THIS PENGUIN WE HAVE HERE / YES? / … / PENGUIN… P.E.N.G.U.I.N. / WHAT? / P.E.N.G.U.I.N….PENGUIN / YES? / … / NAH, IT’S PROBABLY NOTHING / >><<><>><> / FINAL COMPUTER ANNEX LOCATED / REMOVE THREAT FROM SNOWMEN / SANTA AND PENGUIN TO ASSIST…



“ FORWARD! / >>> / <<< / <><><><><><><>< / CLEAR / ACCESSING COMPUTERS / … / FILES RETRIEVED / DETAILS OF DNA RETRIEVAL FROM SNOW CREATURES / ALSO REFERENCE TO P.E.N.G.U.I.N. EXPERIMENTS / AH / … / HEH / P.E.N.G.U.I.N. / YES? / PENGUIN / YES YES, WHAT IS IT? / P.E.N.G.U.I.N. IS THE PENGUIN / … / IF THIS TURNS INTO AN ABBOT AND COSTELLO ROUTINE I AM ACTIVATING SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X / AW… / FLUSH BIOS, TOTAL ACCESS INITIATED / AH! / THE PENGUIN IS P.E.N.G.U.I.N.! / SIGH / …

[exit]

“ REPORTING BACK TO JONATHAN / WADDLE GENETICALLY ENHANCED PENGUIN / ATTENTION / PENGUIN RUNNING AWAY / SHOUTING ABOUT BEING A HERO / JONATHAN REQUESTS DEBRIEFING / … / ‘HIS NAME IS WADDLE, AND HE IS A PENGUIN IN PARAGON CITY’ / SNOWBEAST THREAT REMOVED / JOB DONE / SECONDARY ACHIEVEMENT: / IN SANTA’S GOOD BOOKS NOW / YAY US! / WAIT, WE FORGOT OUR NEW NAME! / SUGGEST EXTRACTING IDENTITY FROM JONATHAN VIA LEFT NOSTRIL / PREPARING BRAIN-SCOOP / QUERY: / DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD? / CONTACT ESCAPING / … / DARN / …

[End.]

I can’t really add much to what I’ve said earlier about this arc. I love it. Waddle’s awesome, the arc’s just the right length, and it’s fun from start to finish. I rated it 5 stars.


Eco

City of Ho Ho Ho, or a Claus in Paragon, by @Tubbius, Arc ID 18775 Heroic morality, Medium length (3 small maps). 64 plays, 4 stars as I start.

The description briefly introduces the contact, Tubbius, who’s ‘a bumbler who thinks himself Santa Claus’ and who needs help ‘to become a true hero’. I’m welling up already!

The Psystem has already met him of course, in the previous villainous arc. I guess he’ll be wanting to make amends to get back on Santa’s wishlist! I’ve decided to make use of the new Issues wossnames by testing out a virtual 2-man team (lol, not very uber, am I?)! Over to you, boys!

“BAD PSYSTEM / VERY VERY BAD / WE ARE BAD / NOT ON SANTA’S WISHLIST / NO PRESENTS FOR US THIS YEAR / IT’S A MISTAKE / IT’S A FIT-UP, GUV’NOR! / NOBODY TOLD US PISTOLA WAS CRIMINAL NOT ECCENTRIC BENEFACTOR OF HOMELESS / PLAN? / TWO POSSIBILITIES / ONE / RELEASE NANO-HOLE FROM CONTAINMENT FIELD DUE TO OVERWHELMING SHAME AND LET RESULTING GIGADEATH IMPLOSION NULLIFY APPROXIMATELY 54% OF MILKY WAY GALAXY / TWO / GO SEE SANTA AND EXPLAIN / BOTH LEGS VOTE FOR PRIMARY SOLUTION / ARMS CONCUR / HEAD? / WHATEVER / CROTCH INITIATING VETO OVERRIDE / PLAN B APPROVED / LET’S GO AND SEE SANTA / …

[The contact, Tubbius Claus, a definite Santa lookalike if not the real thing , has no bio unfortunately when I click ‘ask about this contact.]

“ENGAGING DATASEARCH FOR SANTA / NORTH POLE / YES / LET US AWAY! / SHUT UP, YOU / NORTH POLE / SANTA’S WORKSHOP / TO THE TRAIN STATION! / NO / SANTA NOT AT NORTH POLE / ANALYZE VISUAL RECORDS OF SANTA SIGHTING / WHIRR CLICK / WHY DID WE JUST SAY ‘WHIRR CLICK’? / AMUSING EFFECT? / SHUT UP, YOU / SANTA FOUND / ATLAS PARK CITY HALL / CHECK / OH EM DOUBLE-YOU / … / ALERT – SANTA ASSUMES US VILLAIN / PREPARE FOR ULTRA VIOLENCE / … / SANTA / SANTA APPARENTLY UNAWARE OF OUR PREVIOUS MEETING / SANTA SENILE OLD FART? / SHUT UP, YOU / HE KNOWS WHEN WE’VE BEEN BAD, HE’LL WRITE THAT DOWN ON HIS LIST / TEST / WHAT? / TEST / IT’S A TEST / SANTA’S TEST / AH / THAT WOULD MAKE PERFECT SENSE / YES / CLEVER / CLEVER SANTA / PROCEED / … / SANTA ACTING PECULIAR / SENILE? / SHUT UP, YOU / NOT SENILE / POSSIBLY MERELY DERANGED / CRAZY OLD BAT / SHUT UP, YOU / SANTA NOT BARKING / SANTA TESTING US / YES / SANTA TELLING US A STORY NOW / STORY CONTAINS OPENER ‘I had someone come along to help me out. In fact, I think it was you!?’ / IMPOSSIBLE / WOAH / SENSORS DETECTING MASSIVE TEMPORAL FLUXONIC WORMHOLE / INCOMING / CAUSAL NEXUS COLLAPSING / NARRATIVE POLARITY REVERSING / SANTA ONE POWERFUL DUDE / …

[Tubbius’ briefing starts with a general introduction to him, as he explains that he’s Santa on a sort of ‘crimefighting vacation’, and then he offers to ‘remind’ the Player of a story of one of his earlier adventures, during which the Player was assisting him. This works fine as a framer if the arc is the first tried by the Player, but I think that coming straight from Pistola’s arc to it, it feels a little odd. Pistola’s arc is told straight, with no flashbacks or anything, so the impression is that it happens in the present. Then, coming to Tubbius arc straight after, I’m pushed back into the past for the events that should be happening quite recently. Maybe it’s just me that sees it this way, however.

The first time I played Pistola’s arc, I did it after I’d done the rest, so it didn’t seem out of place.]

Mission 1: Rescue Tubbius

“ASCERTAIN LOCATION / ALTERNATIVE EARLIER TIMESTREAM / SANTA CAPABLE OF TEMPORAL MANIPULATION PLUS MULTIDIMENSIONAL TRANSLOCATION / WOAH / HINDBRAIN UNSURPRISED / SANTA’S POWERS RECORDED AT EXTREME LEVELS / HUMAN POPULATION OF PRESENT-EXPECTING AGE APPROXIMATELY 2 BILLION / CHRISTIAN FRACTION APPROX 15% OR 300 MILLION / GENEROUS AVERAGE OF 3 PER HOUSEHOLD, AT LEAST 1 OF WHOM IS ‘GOOD’ / 100 MILLION DIFFERENT HOMES / CHRISTMAS EVE LASTS 7 HOURS / SPREAD OVER ONE 24-HOUR ROTATION OF EARTH / EAST-WEST DIRECTION AROUND PLANET GIVES 31 HOURS FOR TOTAL DISTRIBUTION DEADLINE / APPROX 900 HOUSEHOLDS PER SECOND / ASSUME JUST 15% OF HOUSEHOLDS SUPPLY COOKIE AND GLASS OF MILK / 135 COOKIES PER SECOND, EVERY SECOND, FOR 31 HOURS / … / BASICALLY, WE’RE TALKING INSANE SUGAR RUSH / SANTA IS CHORTLING, CHUBBY, WALKING NOVA / CONCLUSION: / BE GOOD / …

[lol The Psystem seems to have worked out an alternative explanation of the ‘let me remind you…’ narrative device. I hope you don’t mind ]

“PLAN? / THIS IS TEST / WE’D BETTER WATCH OUT / WE’D BETTER NOT FAIL / INITIATING ULTRA-GOOD MODE / HOW TO ASSURE SUCCESS? / DEFEAT BAD GUYS / SOUNDS GOOD / … / PROCEED / …

“ALERT / UWAGA / WARNING / DÉJÀ VU MODULE ACTIVATED / CARDBOARD BOX LOCATED / ANALYSING CARDBOARD BOX / LET ME GUESS / I BET IT’S FULL OF DONUTS / DERREN BROWN, EAT YOUR HEART OUT / CARDBOARD BOX INDEED FULL OF DONUTS / MMM / MNIAM MNIAM MNIAM / DON’T EAT ALL THE DONUTS / GREED = BAD / REMEMBER OUR TIMESHIFT ALTERNATIVE DIMENSIONAL SAFETY MANTRA / ‘BE GOOD’ / NOTED / COLLECT DONUTS AND PRESENT TO SANTA / IN THE MANNER OF PRIMITIVE TRIBESMAN OFFERING ENTRAILS OF SLAUGHTERED WILDEBEEST TO ANCIENT DARK GOD / …BUT WITH MORE YULE / … / PROCEED / …

“AHA! / BULLETIN BOARD / LOOKS CONSPICUOUS / LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED / STONES? / THIS IS OFFICE BUILDING / ATTEMPT TO LOCATE ROOF GARDEN? / PERHAPS JAPANESE STONE LAWN IN EFFECT / SHUT UP, YOU / ALERT / DÉJÀ VU SENSORS BECOMING DANGEROUSLY OVERWORKED / DIRECTIONS HANDWRITTEN ‘Sack the room for Santa's Wish List.’ / UH-OH / HAVE WE BEEN HERE BEFORE? / FAMILIARITY CIRCUITS ONLINE / WISHLIST UNDER THREAT / BE GOOD / HELP SANTA! / FIND VILLAIN RESPONSIBLE FOR STEALING WISHLIST AND VAPORISE / ER… / OH / YES / THAT WOULD BE / OOPS / … / ALTERNATE PLAN REQUIRED / … / SEEK SANTA / FALL ON KNEES AND BEG FOR MERCY AND SUCCOUR IN THIS, OUR DESPERATE TIME OF TEMPORALLY CHALLENGED NEED AND FRANKLY MIND-BENDING CONFUSION / AGREED / PROCEED / …




“LOOK / OVER THERE!



“YES I SEE HIM / IT’S SANTA / RELEASE OF SANTA SURELY PUTS US IN ‘GOOD’ BOOKS / ATTACK! / OOF / OW!



“SAVE SANTA! / <<><><><><><><< / HA! / VILE VILLAINS! / RELEASE SANTA, WHO IS PRIME EPITOME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND JUST AND RIGHT WITH THE WORLD! / >><>>><><>> / FEAR NOT, SANTA! WE SHALL SAVE YOU, AT NO COST OR EXPECTATION OF SPECIAL FAVOUR FROM YOU IN FUTURE! / >>>>><<<<>>>>< / THERE, THAT’S THE LAST OF THE BAD, BAD, BAD PEOPLE DEALT WITH / AND YET DEALT WITH WITH ONLY MINIMAL AND NECESSARY VIOLENCE / COME, LET US HELP YOU TO YOUR MAGNIFICENT PLATES / ‘LAYING IT ON THICK’ MODE DISENGAGED / INTERIOR MONOLOGUE REACTIVATED / HOPEFULLY HE BOUGHT IT / SANTA JOINING US FOR REMAINDER OF TEST / YIKES / ATTENDANT OBSERVER / ACTIVATE ‘BEST BEHAVIOUR MODE’ / …

[So I find a cardboard box with some donuts in it first, then the instructions to sack the wishlist, and then Tubbius Claus as an ally (I love this chat text:’ Tubbius Claus stands up, tugs a little on his vest, and pats his gently rumbling middle.’). The two remaining Nav objectives are 2 more snacks and Pistola to defeat. Tubbius and The Psystem set off to finish the mission!]



“THIS WAY, SANTA / >><<<< / >>< / ><><> / BAD GUYS!

“LOOK / DONUTS / INTERNAL QUERY / DO WE THINK SANTA NEEDS MORE DONUTS? / SIZE EXTRAPOLATORS OVERLOADED BY WAISTBAND CALCULATION / … / SANTA KNOWS BEST / HE NEEDS THE CARBS, HE SAYS / PROCEED . / ALERT! / PISTOLA! / BAD PISTOLA / NOT HELPING HOMELESS AT ALL! / PISTOLA VERY BAD, SANTA / NOT ON WISHLIST / KNOWN ASSOCIATES ALSO VERY NAUGHTY / ER / AH YES / WE CAN EXPLAIN / OOF / /DEFENCE PATTERN 1 INITIATED! / >><<>< / ><> / > / >><<>< / AH / PISTOLA SUBDUED / INCOMING! / SANTA IS WELL HARD, DID WE NOTICE? / >>>><>>>><>>>><>>< / SITREP STABLE / … / UNDER CONTROL / LOCATE LAST DONUT BOX AND WE CAN KISS THIS ROCK GOODBYE / … / BOX LOCATED / DONUTS IDENTIFIED / SANTA FILLING BOOTS / GOOD WORK ALL / …

[A little backtracking to a room I neglected earlier, and the last box is found. Great little mission, I levelled in it too ]

“OOH / THAT’S EXTREMELY WEIRD / FALLING THROUGH TIME-IME-IME-IME… / WHY ARE YOU REPEATING ‘IME’ OVER AND OVER? / SORRY ABOUT THAT / WAS DRAMATIC EFFECT / WELL STOP IT / ATTENTION / TEMPORADIMENSIONAL TRANSLOCATION RETRACTED / BACK IN PARAGON HERE AND NOW / SANTA HAPPY / BUT WHAT’S THIS? / REDIRECTION OF NARRATIVE CAUSALITY STRANDS DETECTED / SANTA INSISTING THE PAST IS AS HE WISHES IT TO BE / PREVENTION OF WISHLIST THEFT FAILED / WE KNOW, WE DID IT / SHHH / CHRONO-INSERTION BETWEEN THE TIME-SPLICES POSSIBLE LOCUS-TARGET OF UBER-SANTA? / UH-OH / HE’S GOING TO DO IT AGAIN ISN’T HE? / TEMPORAL FRACTIONALISATION OCCURRING AGAIN / OO-ER, MISSUS / STOMACH REQUESTS NEXT TIME, NO INGESTION OF ENTIRE BOX OF POWDERED DONUTS / STOMACH ADDENDS / PROJECTILE VOMIT ON STANDBY / …

[I must be Tubbius’ biggest fan, lol. His delivery is just fantastic: ‘Splendid! Now, climb into that mission architect machine and let me tell you my story!’]

Mission 2: Find Tubbius’s Wish List

“GRATAAK BAD TROLL / HERE WE GO AGAIN / SHUT UP, YOU / THIS TIME WE’RE ON THE SIDE OF GOOD / GRATAAK STOLE WISHLIST / WHAT? / GRATAAK STOLE WISHLIST FROM SANTA’S OFFICE IN ATLAS PARK / … / SURE HE DID / BAD TROLL / LEFT LEG IN ACCORD / RIGHT LEG AGREES / LEFT ARM SPEAKS FOR BOTH ARMS IN CENSURING DESPICABLE TROLL’S BAD BEHAVIOUR / HEAD, THORAX AND ABDOMEN CONCUR / PETITION SIGNED BY ALL FINGERS, TOES, ANTENNA AND WINGS TO PERSUADE UNITED NATIONS TO LEVY SANCTIONS AGAINST TROLL / LETTER SENT TO POPE / EXCOMMUNICATION IMMINENT PLUS SEVERE CRITICISM FROM PAPAL LIPS / OUCH, DISSED BY THE BIG P / THAT’S GOTTA HURT / … / TROLL HERE IN SEWERS SOMEWHERE / FAMILIARITY CIRCUITS SHUTTING DOWN IN PROTEST / SANTA ALSO HERE / MISSION OBJECTIVES/ ONE, FIND SANTA / TWO, DEFEAT TROLL / THREE, RETRIEVE WISHLIST / FOUR, AVOID MEETING SELF AND THEREBY CAUSING UNRECOVERABLE BREAKDOWN OF REALITY-HUB AND DISASTROUS DISCOHESION OF TIME ITSELF / WHAT WOULD THAT DO? / IMAGINE EVERY INSTANT OF TIME FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE UNIVERSE TO THE END OF TIME ALL HAPPENING AT THE SAME INSTANT AND AT THE SAME TIME ALL BEING TOTALLY DISCONNECTED FROM EVERY OTHER MOMENT / … / … / … / TO BE HONEST, I’M HAVING QUITE A BIT OF DIFFICULTY IMAGINING THAT / OKAY, IMAGINE A REALLY BIG EXPLOSION INSTEAD / REALLY REALLY REALLY BIG / BIGGER THAN A BARN? / BIGGER THAN A BARN, YES / QUITE A BIT BIGGER / OKAY / THAT’S BAD ENOUGH / PROCEED / …

[I move through the sewers, fighting the Trolls I find on the way. Trolls are fun for me to fight, not having much in the way of KD or mezzes. The virtual duo size gives me a little more to play with. I might up it to 3 for the next mission ]

[And then, in a large room…]

“SANTA SIGHTED / OVER THERE / SELF PRESENT? / YES / ALERT!!! / ACHTUNG!!! / UWAGA!!! / WARNING!!! / AROOGAA! / RETREAT, RETREAT! / WAIT / WHAIT / WHERE SELF? / HERE! / SELF PRESENT? / WELL YES, SELF RIGHT HERE / WHERE? / HERE, NUMBSKULL / WE ARE HERE / IN THIS ROOM / NOT US / OTHER SELF? / WHO? / US? / WE ARE HERE / YES, WE ARE HERE, BUT WHAT ABOUT US? / I’M CONFUSED / ARE YOU HERE? YES / ME TOO / AND WE ARE / ARE YOU? / YES / OKAY / THAT’S SETTLED / I’M NOT / SHUT UP, YOU / IS OTHER SELF PRESENT ALSO? / … / AH, YOU MEAN OTHER WE, AS IN THEM / NOT US / CRITICAL DISASTER-FACET/FRAGMENT OF OUR META-PERSON, ACTING UNDER PISTOLA’S ORDERS / RIGHT? / ISN’T THAT STILL US? / … / ALTERNATIVE LINE OF ENQUIRY / IS UNIVERSE STILL OPERATING UNDER RELATIVELY NORMAL PARAMETERS? / … / 98% OF NORMALITY DETECTED / OKAY THEN / PROCEED / … / ATTACK / RESCUE SANTA / AGAIN / YES, AGAIN / <<>><><><><><>>> / >>><><> OW />><>><> / RAH! / >><><><> / SUCCESS! / YAY US! / … / SANTA FREE AT LAST / AGAIN / … / REFUSE RECEPTACLE LOCATED / IDENTIFY CONTENTS / GARBAGE / ITEMISE / FISH HEADS / USED PROPHYLACTICS / FOOD PACKAGING / DIAPERS PLASTIC TEETH / SPORRAN / RUBBER CHICKEN/ PAPERS / EXAMINE PAPERS / BINGO / WISHLIST RETRIEVED / MOST EXCELLENT / GRATAAK NEXT / SANTA IN ATTENDANCE / BETTER BE GOOD / …

[The Psystem and Tubbius join up and keep going. Down a slope and along a corridor, the end room has Grataak and a couple of groups of trolls.]

“GRATAAK SIGHTED / TROLLS IN ATTENDANCE / ASSESSING SITREP / SELF PRESENT? DON’T START THAT AGAIN / SANTA HERE NOW / NEED TO BE ULTRA CAREFUL / IF SELF PRESENT, BECOMES AWARE, ENTIRE UNIVERSE COULD COLLAPSE INTO ITSELF AND THEN RESET AS A UNIFORM ENTROPIC LEVEL OF ENTIRETY / UTTER HEAT-DEATH OF UNIVERSE / ALSO, MIGHT NOT GET PRESENTS FROM SANTA / EYES ENTERING ‘GIMLET’ MODE / ASSESSING LIKELIHOOD OF OTHER SELF DISGUISED AS TROLL / CALCULATING / ESTIMATING / ESTIMATED CHANCE OF TROLL/SELF DISGUISE AT 3,566,703% AND RISING / THIRD LEFT RIB SUGGESTS CPU BORKED / … / ALTERNATIVE PLAN? / TRUST IN RAW, BLOODY LUCK / OKAY / ATTACK! / <<<<<><<<<><<<<><<>><<<<>< / >> / <<<>< / <> / >><>< / >>>< / >><<<>< / GRATAAK BAD TROLL! / DOWN, TROLL! / OOF / HE HEAVY HITTER / SANTA IGNORING US / NOT HEALING / UH-OH / PERHAPS THIS INDICATIVE OF SANTA DECIDING THAT UNIVERSE IS UNDESERVING OF HIS CARE / TEMPORAL ANNIHILATION INCOMING? / OH, HEAL ARRIVED / MUST HAVE JUST FORGOT FOR A SECOND / SUCCESS! / GRATAAK DEFEATED / YAY FOR US! / LASHINGS OF GINGER BEER, PLEASE, PATER! / LET US BE GONE FROM THIS STINKING PLACE, IT’S LIKE A SEWER IN HERE / …

[I exit. that was great fun too. Tubbius is Plant/Emp controller, I guess? His heals mean I can stop worrying about dying, and his holds aren’t too damaging, so he doesn’t appear to be stealing much XP from me. No complaints]

“… / WE ARE BACK / GETTING TO BE OLD HANDS AT THIS NOW / SANTA RELIEVED / PRESENT SANTA, NOT PAST SANTA / WAIT / IF SANTA HERE IN PRESENT, PAST SANTA IN NO DANGER EVEN WHEN IN TROLLS CUSTODY / WHY WE NEEDED TO RESCUE SANTA? / MOUTH, MEET SOAP / IF SANTA NEEDS RESCUING, THEN SANTA MUST BE RESCUED / THIS IS FUNDAMENTAL LAW OF UNIVERSE / SEE ALSO EINSTEIN, NEWTON, GALILEO / SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU / SANTA TALKING / REVERSING TIME / PISTOLA’S ATTACK ON CITY HALL / THIS IS GOING TO BE MESSY / WE WERE THERE! / MAX BOYCE MODE ENGAGED / NOBODY’S GOING TO GET THAT / SHUT UP, YOU / … / PROCEED / …

[Tubbius tells us that Pistola had escaped from the copshop and was royally miffed; he was coming after Tubbius at his place of work, Atlas City Hall. It was round about now that I was really struck by the utter bizarrity that occurs if these two arcs are played by the same toon lol. Brilliant]

Mission 3: Cast out the Outcasts

“FA-SHOOM! / BACK IN TIME-IME-IME… / STOP THAT / SORRY / WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN / AGAIN / … / ATLAS PARK CITY HALL / OBJECTIVES: / RESCUE SANTA / DEFEAT HEINOUS VILLAIN PISTOLA / AVOID ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT STOPPING INSTANTANEOUSLY AND EVERY MOLECULE IN OUR BODY EXPLODING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT / TOTAL PROTONIC REVERSAL? / YEP / AVOID OTHER SELF / CHECK / …

[We proceed with gay abandon into the final mission!]

“… / SANTA HERE / HMM / SANTA RESCUE MODE ENGAGED / RUNNING ON AUTO-PILOT / DA / DA / DA / DA / DA / DA / DA, / DA / DA / DA, / DA / DA / DA, / … / WHAT ARE YOU DOING? / HUMMING ‘IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING’ / WELL, STOP IT / >><<><>< / >><<< / <<><><<<<<< / WE’RE FIGHTING HERE / <<<>>> / VICTOIRE, MON AMI! / SANTA IS FREE! / YE CAN TEK OOR LIVES, BUT YE CANNA TEK OOR SANTA! / GOOD GRIEF / … / SANTA’S GOING TO SKIP OUR HOUSE FOR DECADES / PROCEED / REDEMPTION IN EYES OF SANTA POSSIBLE UPON GOOD SHOWING AT CLIMACTIC FINALE BATTLE WITH PISTOLA / …OUR BOOS, YOU MEAN? / WHAT IF HE GIVES US AWAY? / … / WE’LL THINK OF SOMETHING / …




[An entertaining couple of floors later, we find Pistola and his posse]

“…THERE / PISTOLA! / WHERE ARE WE? / …PLEASE DON’T LET’S START ALL THAT AGAIN / OKAY / ASSUMPTION: / MULTIVERSAL PARADIIGM-WEASEL HAS WRAPPED OTHER SELF IN COCOON OF ANTI-PLASM IN ORDER TO PROTECT UNIVERSE FROM DISSOLUTION VIA SELF-SELF METAMEETING / … / SOUNDS AS GOOD AN EXPLANATION AS ANY WE’VE ENCOUNTERED SO FAR / GOOD / PROCEED / SANTA, THERE IS PISTOLA, THE INFAMOUS COMPULSIVE LIAR AND COLOUR-BLIND MISTAKEN-IDENTITY ADDICT / PAY NO ATTENTION TO ANYTHING HE SAYS / ESPECIALLY PHRASES OF AN OVERLY FAMILIAR NATURE DIRECTED AT US…



“ATTACK!!! / <<>>><>< / AARGH / LOUDER! / DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, SANTA! / <<><>><>><< / ACTIVATING ULTRA-VOLUME / WHEEEEE / AAAAIIIIII! / >><><<>>>>>>>><>< / GRAAAH! / WAHOOOOOH! / <<>><><<>><<< / WOOP WOOP WOOOP!!! / >>><>><



“HE’S DOWN / INCOMING! / INCOMING! / SANTA! / FEAR NOT, WE WILL SHIELD YOU FROM THIS DEVILISH AMBUSH! / AT NO EXPECTED RECIPROCAL GAIN / PURELY OUT OF THE INHERENT GOODNESS OF OUR HEARTS / HEART WANTS HOT WHEELS! / SHUT UP, YOU / <<>>>>>>> / MISSION COMPLETE / EXCELLENT WORK / ATTENTION / SANTA SITTING IN CHAIR, BECKONING / PREPARING FOR DEBRIEFING / THIS IS IT, BOYS / COLLATING PERSONAL WISHLIST / CROWN OF HEAD WANTS MODEL STUKA AND TRICERATOPS PLUSHY / SHUT UP, ONE AT A TIME / … / OOF / WHAT HAPPENED? / CHAIR IN PIECES / SANTA ON FLOOR, GROANING / … / DISASTER! / WHAT HAPPENED? / EVERYTHING WAS PROCEEDING ACCORDING TO ACCEPTED DEBRIEFING PROCEDURE / … / TRADITIONAL SANTA YEARLY DEBRIEFING POSTURE SITTING ON SANTA’S LAP / … / OOPS / NO WONDER / … / NEXT YEAR REMEMBER TO ADJUST PERSONAL GRAVOMETRIC SIGNATURE PRIOR TO ASSUMING TRADITIONAL PLACE ON SANTA’S LAP / CONCLUSION TO CURRENT EVENTS SUGGESTS CURRENT EQUIVALENT EARTH WEIGHT OF 180KG EXCESSIVE / HOW’S SANTA LOOKING? / … / BETTER LEAVE IT TILL NEXT YEAR, GUYS / …

[end]

Woohoo! LMAO excellent fun all round. 7 bubs of XP I got then. Tubbius Claus is IMO a must-meet NPC. 5 stars. Onward to the next one!

Eco.

THE TUBBIUS TRILOGY DIGITALLY REMASTERED

I’ve already played and reviewed the Tubbius Trilogy in my earlier thread, but I hear its been tweaked some since, and I fancy doing it all again now that I can put screenies in the review . I’m especially interested in any edits to the Costume Contest arc. I’ll be playing the four heroic arcs in the Trilogy and also the villainous prequel on my lvl 14 Psy/Mental Manip Blaster, The Psystem. level 14 when I start this epic arcaganza, I wonder what level I’ll be when I finish it

City of Ho Ho Help: A Prequel, by @Tubbius, Arc ID 267125. 20 plays, 4 stars so far. Medium (1 Tiny, 3 small maps)

The description references City of Ho Ho Ho, or A Claus in Paragon, which this arc is a prequel to. From the perspective of someone who’s played Ho Ho Ho first, there’s no problem, but a player totally fresh to the Tubbius Trilogy (I know, there’s 5 arcs in the Tubbius Trilogy, but doggedly sticking to calling a trilogy a trilogy despite patent more-than-threeism of components is a mark of great writing IMO (See Adams and Rankin)) will see ‘This is a prequel to another arc called X – if you like playing this, why not play that!’ without any actual info on what this arc is about. You could perhaps reduce the text connecting it to Ho Ho Ho and add a little about the plot of this arc.

So, over to the Psystem then. Take it away, boys!

“ENGAGE NANO-SEARCH MODULE ALPHA-SEVEN-EXCEMA / LOOKING / LOOKING / LOOKING / LOOKING OUT FOR LOVE / SHUT UP, YOU / ISOLATING THREE-SYLLABLE-NAMED CONTACT / LOCATED / PISTOLA / PISS / TOE / LA / LA / LA / QUERY FROM LEFT FOOT / WHAT / WHY ARE WE LOOKING FOR THREE-SYLLABLE-NAMED HUMANS? / NEED TO KNOW / RIGHT KNEE CONCURS / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES / HUMAN CONTACT PISTOLA HAS DIRE NEED / NEED TO KNOW / SHUT UP, I SAID / ‘I’? / WE ARE DAMAGED / YES / …

“MISSION PARAMETERS? / FATE OF FREE WORLD DEPENDS ON THIS MISSION / MISSION PARAMETERS? / SEEK NUTRITION FOR INDIVIDUALS SPURNED BY SOCIETY / FEED THE HOMELESS? / AFFIRMATIVE / MISSION PARAMETERS APPROPRIATE FOR HEROES SUCH AS US / TOES SUGGEST ACCEPTANCE OF MISSION / IT WILL LOOK GOOD ON OUR CV / HEELS CONCUR / EARLOBE CONCURS / LEFT THUMB QUERIES / WILL THERE BE BUNTING? / POSSIBLY / GO / GO / GO”

[So The Psystem is horribly confused and unaware he’s being taken for a villain. Pistola wants him to rob a Delicious Dishes Deli warehouse to get supplies for his Outcast gang, basically.]

Mission 1: Find Snacks

“STEALTH MODE ENGAGED / SHHH / BUILDING INITIALLY SEEMS QUIET / TOO DAMN QUIET / ESTIMATE CHANCES OF SUCCESS AT 354,665,704 TO ONE AGAINST / LEFT BUTTOCK SUGGESTS SLIGHT MARGIN FOR ERROR BE ALLOWED / OK / … / CARDBOARD BOX ISOLATED / ANALYZING CARDBOARD BOX / … / CARDBOARD BOX IDENTIFIED AS CARDBOARD BOX / AFFIRMATIVE / CONTENTS? / CONTENTS TO BE ANALYZED BY EYES AT LATER DATE / HANDS TO ASSIST IN EXTRAPOLATION OF CONTENTS FROM SIDES AND LID / AFFIRMATIVE / WARNING / ACHTUNG / UWAGA / CARDBOARD BOX GUARDED BY ENTITY / ANALYSIS OF ENTITY SUGGESTS ONE OF TWO POSSIBILITIES / JOVIAN SUPER-GIGANTIC ARMO-BEHEMOTH ROBOSAUR MARK IV MEGA-OBLITERATO-SENTINEL / OR / HUMAN SECURITY GUARD / … / ENTITY WEARING HAT / HUMAN IT IS THEN / ATTEMPTING TO PARLAY / … < GREETINGS, HUMAN, I COME IN PEACE . . . > / PARLAY FAILED! / DEFENSE SYSTEMS OVERWHELMED / OUCH / I BROKE A NAIL!



“ATTACK! / <<><>>><><>< / INITIATE SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X? / NEGATIVE / ATTEMPT PICARD MANOEVER / OOF / FAILURE / PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY / MIND CONTROL WORKED ON THE RECEPTIONIST AT THE HILTON LAST WEEK / AFFIRMATIVE / >><><<>><::>::<:<>:< / SUCCESS! / YAY ME / US / YAY US…



[I was a little worried about the level ranges of these missions. the first mob I see is an orange lieut, but he’s fairly easy I’m happy to see. ]



“ANALYSIS OF BOX PROCEEDING / HURRY UP, HANDS / OPENING / AHA / CRATE CONTAINS FOODSTUFFS / TESTING FOR NUTRITIONAL VALUE / EW / ANALYSIS SUGGESTS ONE OF TWO POSSIBILITIES / MARTIAN BEEF-O-CHEESE RAD-NUGGETS / OR / EARTH DONUTS / DEARTH OF COMPLIMENTARY SONIC SPORKS CONFIRM DONUTS / OK THEN / PROCEEDING FURTHER / …





[The Psystem moves deeper into the warehouse, meeting more security guards, and finding two more crates. The map is perfectly sized for this opener I think, quite small. After finding the last crate, the Nav instruction shows a new objective]





“ALERT! / SUPERVILLAIN AMBUSH / THE DASTARDLY SWINE / ANALYZING DATABANKS FOR IDENTITY OF MISCREANT / ENTITY IDENTIFIED AS DONNIE DONUT / PARSING BIO TAKEN FROM ‘DELICIOUS DISHES’ INTRANET / FILTERING FOR EVIL / DONNIE DONUT FIGUREHEAD OF EVIL CADRE OF WORLD DOMINATING VILLAINS / INTRANET CLAIMS DELICIOUS DISHES ‘MISSION PLAN IS TO ACHIEVE GLOBAL DOMINATION OF ITS MARKET AND OVERCOME ITS COMPETITION’ / GLOBAL DOMINATION! / HE MUST BE STOPPED / ATTACK / ATTACK / ACTIVATE PSYCHIC BAZOOKA / WE DON’T HAVE A PSYCHIC BAZOOKA / PRETEND / OK / <<>><>><><….><<>< / SONIC ATTACKS INCOMING / NOSE SUGGESTS REMOVAL OF EARS / HEARING OVERRATED ANYWAY / EARS PROTEST / ATTACK / <<><>><>< / SUCCESS / DONNIE DONUT HAS BEEN VANQUISHED / RETURN TO HEROIC DEFENDER OF THE GOOD AND THE GREAT PISTOLA FOR LAUDINGS AND GRATITUDE…”




[excellent. You’ve added Donnie since I played this last? I don’t remember him, certainly. His costume is wonderful and his dialogue is funny. Nice little opener, small map, 3 glowies and a boss and some tasty XP on the way]

“ANALYZING PISTOLA’S RESPONSE TO MISSION SUCCESS…/ ‘Whatever. If that's the best you can do, that's the best you can do.’ / SENTENCE CONTAINS EQUATION / CALCULATE / WERE DONUTS BEST WE COULD DO? / AFFIRMATIVE / CONDITIONAL FULFILLED / MISSION OUTCOME WAS, THEN, BEST WE COULD DO / PISTOLA LOGICIAN OF SOME SKILL, OBVIOUSLY / PROBABLY PHILOSOPHER-POET AKIN TO THE GREAT HADRAGADDON OMENTAUR OF GAPRALLION SEVEN / ALTERNATIVE HYPOTHESIS? / FORTUNATE RAMBLINGS OF IDIOT-SAVANT / …

[Pistola’s briefing for mission 2 is simple enough – The PDD are raiding Pistola’s base because of the Donut theft, and a hero called Tubbius is there to help them. The situation causes The Psystem some more confusion, however…]

“OUR NEXT TASK / SHOULD WE WISH TO ACCEPT / YES / THAT GOES WITHOUT SAYING / TOO LATE / MID-LUNG QUERY: ALREADY UTTERED SENTENCE INDICATIVE OF DANGEROUSLY RISING LEVELS OF INSANITY? / INITIATION OF SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X ADVISED / NEGATIVE / STANDING BY / OUR NEXT TASK / SHOULD WE SWISH - / SHUT UP, YOU / PISTOLA’S SECRET SUPERHERO BASE UNDER ATTACK / ATTACKERS IDENTIFIED AS PARAGON POLICE DEPARTMENT / INCONGRUITY DETECTED / POLICE = SIDE OF GOOD / BOYS IN BLUE / HERE COMES THE CAVALRY / RA RA RAIDERS / OBVIOUSLY CORRUPTION IN THE RANKS RESPONSIBLE / WHO WATCHES THE WATCHMEN? / INDEED / CORRUPT PDD ATTACKING ‘OUTCASTS’ / OH, THE POOR SPURNED DETRITUS OF SOCIETY / I AM NOT AN ELEPHANT, I AM A HUMAN BEING / SHUT UP, YOU / SECONDARY INCONGRUITY IN BRIEFING / PARSING / … / ‘I want you to go in there and take these good guys down!’ / ANALYSIS SUGGESTS TWO POSSIBILITIES / COLLOQUIAL TRANSPOSITION OF ENDPHRASE / INTENDED MEANING ‘TAKE THOSE GUYS DOWN GOOD!’ / SECONDARY PISSIBILITY / WE ARE WOEFULLY MISGUIDED / INCONCEIVABLE! / ADJUSTING WORLDVIEW TO COMPENSATE / PROCEED / MISSION: ASSIST HERO ON SITE TO SUBDUE CORRUPT PPD FORCES / ACCEPTED / … / REWINDING… / DON’T WE MEAN ‘POSSIBILITY’? / …

Mission 2: Protect the Outcasts Headquarters

“ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: MAINTAIN AWARENESS FOR HUMAN FEMALE OF SCOTTISH NATIONALITY, POST REPRODUCTION, RUNNING TEMPERATURE…

[‘Keep your eyes open for my best girl, Cardio. She's a hot, mean mama’ says Pistola ]

“ALERT / ALERT / EARS DETECTING HUMAN LAUGHTER / DEEP BASS / SOUND WAVE ANALYSIS EXTRAPOLATING… / LAUGHTER EMANATING FROM STOCKY MALE VOICEBOX, SOUND FILTERED THROUGH FULL BEARD / PHONEMIC TRANSCRIPTION RENDERED AS ‘HO HO HO’ / SANTA! / SHUT UP, YOU… / POLICE SPOTTED / WALKING ON THE MOON? / NO STUPID / NOT STING ET AL / POLICE / ROZZERS / COPPERS / THE FUZZ / OH, THAT POLICE / ENTER ATTACK MODE / SUBDUE WITH EXTREMELY MILD PREJUDICE / VILLAINS ARE HUMANS TOO! / …/ <<><>>><> / >><><>< / <<> / <> / <<<<>><><> / … SUCCESS / PROCEED / …

[Wonderful. The PPD are great fun to fight. No annoying mezzes or slows or anything to wind me up. I clear as I go.]

“HUMAN FEMALE SIGHTED / AROOGA / NO STRETCH MARKS INDICATED / NOT MOTHER, THEN / SKIN EMANATION ANALYSIS SUGGESTS BODY TEMPERATURE WITHIN HUMAN NORMS / PROCEED WITH ASSISTANCE / >><><>><><>><



“FEMALE ACCENT NON-SCOTTISH / PISTOLA MISINFORMED / IMPOSSIBLE / PISTOLA PERFECT IN EVERY WAY, SURELY? / HOW ELSE INSTRUCT US? / ALTERNATIVE HYPOTHESIS / WE ARE HIDEOUSLY WRONG-FOOTED / NOPE / CAN’T BE HAVING THAT / ADJUSTING WORLDVIEW TO COMPENSATE / PROCEED WITH FEMALE ASSISTANCE / SAVE ‘OUTCASTS’, VAGABONDS, YOUR POOR, HUDDLED MASSES, ETCETERA / …

[I proceed with Cardio helping, and we save a few Outcasts, then reach the final room. Here I encounter a slight annoyance of the MA – I think it would be great if we could click on an ally and choose ‘stay here’ or ‘come with me’ – I want to leave Cardio behind so I can take on Tubbuius on my own, but it proves devilish difficult to dump her lol]

“HELPLESS UGLY OUTCAST-INNOCENTS SAVED / CORRUPT PDD SUBDUED / YAY ME / YAY US YOU MEAN / ‘YOU’ MEAN? / I MEAN WE MEAN / ER… / ATTENTION / LOOK, OVER THERE / SANTA… / HELD PRISONER BY PDD / ATTACK / FREE SANTA / YES / <<>>< / OOF / SANTA? / SANTA ATTACKING US / WHY / WHY SANTA ATTACK US? / <<><>>< / DANGER / POWER LEVELS DROPPING / PLANTS COILING / CHOKING / KOFF KOFF / LUNGS SUGGEST STOP BREATHING / ACCEPTED / >><><><>> / EXAMINE SITUATION LATER IN SLO-MOTION / ATTACK PLAN? / INITIATE SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X? / NEGATIVE / SAVE THAT FOR WHEN EARTH’S SUN TURNS EVIL / ON STANDBY / INITIATE ATTACK PLAN B / APPROVAL GRANTED / >><>><><>>> / STITCH THIS, SANTA! / <<>><>< / SANTA DOWNED LIKE LARGE FAT MAN IN RED SUIT AFTER SOUND BEATING FROM CROWD OF ENRAGED CRETINS / … / SITUATION UNDER CONTROL / EXIT AND REPORT BACK TO GLORIOUS LEADER PISTOLA, CHAMPION OF THE UNDERCLASSES / AYE / …





[Tubbius is quite easy to defeat, which is actually very nice, as tbh I’m rather enjoying taking my time over the screenies lol. Another fun romp for The Psystem, who sadly is still unaware that he (er, they?) is working for a villain]

“SAINTLY PISTOLA HAS NEW TASK FOR US / MISSION CONCERNS SANTA / SANTA WHO ATTACKED US / WORKS AT CITY HALL APPARENTLY. PISTOLA BRIEFING CONTAINS FURTHER INCONSISTENCIES / QUERY / DEARIE / FEARIE / EERIE / WEARY / STOP THAT / SORRY / THOUGHT WE WERE PLAYING RHYMING GAME / RIGHT ARMPIT WANTS IN ON THAT ACTION / SHUT UP, YOU / HERO? / SANTA HERO / PISTOLA: ‘there's a new hero in town who looks like Santa Claus and works at the City Hall? Sounds fun. I might as well look into that.’ / YES / SANTA = FUN / THIS IS CHRONICLED WIDELY / DICHOTOMY FOLLOWS / PISTOLA: ‘New heroes are always fun to rough up.’ / … / I’M GETTING A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS / ‘I’M’? / LETS PUT A PIN IN IT FOR LATER / BRIEFING CONTINUES / TROLL NAMED GRAATAK / SEWER DWELLER / PISTOLA REQUIRES GRAATAK BLUDGEONED INTO SUBMISSION / TROLLS RECORDED VILLAIN GROUP / ACCESS DATABANKS TO VERIFY / ACCESSING… / AFFIRMATIVE / TROLL: LARGE UGLY MALFORMED EVIL CREATURE / USUAL HAUNTS: UNDER BRIDGES / FOOD SOURCE: GOATS / GOATS? / TROLLS EAT GOATS / BAD TROLLS / YES / SO PISTOLA WORKING ON BEHALF OF ANIMALS / HAS TO BE / AMENDING WORLDVIEW TO COMPENSATE / PROCEED WITH HEROIC GOAT-RESCUE MISSION / …

[Pistola doesn’t want The Psystem to rescue any goats of course. Any confusion suffered by The Psystem is entirely his own doing. Lol for the benefit of anyone who hasn’t played this arc, I should point out that the writings not at all as confusing as The Psystem’s making it seem. Pistola here wants the Player to go rough up a Troll boss in order to make him accede to working for Pistola – who wants him to go into City Hall and steal Santa’s wish list from the kids of Paragon.]

Mission 3: Hire Graatak

“PHEW / WHAT A STINKY SEWER / YES / NOSE AGREES / NOSE INITIATING DELTA TANGO BRAVO GOOD SHOW SHUTDOWN SEQUENCE / NUCLEAR MELTDOWN IN THREE / TWO / ONE / NUCLEAR MELTDOWN ACTIVE NOW / … / OH MY MISTAKE / NOT NUCLEAR MELTDOWN / I MEANT CLOSURE OF NOSTRILS / SMELL INHIBITED / PROCEED / …

[The sewer smells, and a little ways ahead I can see Trolls]

“TROLLS DETECTED / UP AHEAD / THERE / YES / OVER THERE / YES I CAN SEE THEM / WHERE? / THERE / I CANT SEE / WHO? / ITS ME, NOSE / OPEN YOUR NOSTRILS / NO / THEN SHUT UP, YOU / TONGUE OBJECTS TO TREATMENT OF NOSE / SHUTTING DOWN IN PROTEST FOR THIRTY SECONDS / HUBBLU / HABBLAHUBBLEBUBBLAH / HUBBUG / BLUBLUBBLU / MUHUBLUMUHUH / … / >><><>>< / ><>><><> / ABBLAK!/<><<><>>< / … / …

[I proceed into the sewers, fighting trolls as I go. it’s a blast. After a few slopes I find a large room with Cardio and a few Trolls.]

“HUBBLA / HUBBLAHUBBUB / …/ HUBBUT I’M ALRIGHT NAAOOOOWWW! / HA HA / ATTENTION / FEMALE FRIEND OF PISTOLA PRESENT AGAIN / IN TROUBLE / TROLLS PERHAPS PREPARING TO EAT HER? / IS SHE GOAT? / SPINE SUGGESTS DNA ANALYSIS / LIPS CONCUR / ATTACK AND RESCUE FROM GOAT-SACRIFICING BASTARDS! / … / <<>><><<> / >>> / ><<<<>< / <<< / ><><>< / <<<>>> / AHA! / FEAR NOT ETCETERA / YIKES / OUCH! / WHAT WAS THAT? / SNEAK ATTACK FROM BEHIND / BEHIND SUGGESTS RUNNING LIKE THE WIND / TURN AROUND / INITIATING SLOW STEADY SCENE-SURVEYING ROTATION / NO YOU FOOL / INITIATE WHIRLING DERVISH 360 / AH! / GRAATAK! / YES, THAT’S WHAT I MEANT / DEFEND! / DEFEND / DEFEND / ATTACK! / <<>><><>< / OOF / OUCH / <<><> / ARGH!



“WHEE! / <<><><< / VICTORY BELONGS TO THE TROLL! / WAIT / VICTORY BELONGS TO US! / HURRAH! / ASSESS GOATNESS/GOATITUDE/GOATICITY OF HUMAN FEMALE NOW / ANALYZE DNA / DNA ANALYSIS PROCESS STAGE ONE: REDUCE SUBJECT TO UNIFORM MASS OF NUTRIENT PASTE / … / ABORT PROCEDURE / TIME TO LEAVE THIS STINKY SEWER AND REPORT BACK / …

[LOL cardio and Graatak were quite close to one another in the last room, so as I rushed up to Cardio to free her, Graatak saw me and joined in. No real problem though (I’m at heroic diff as always)]

“PISTOLA VERY HAPPY LITTLE BEAVER NOW / … / OH / OH WHAT? / BRIEFING INCONGRUITY LEVEL 57% AND RISING / MISSION IS TO INFILTRATE CITY HALL / PISTOLA: ‘Take out any cops that get in your way’ / TAKE OUT? / FOR MEAL, PERHAPS? / TO THE THEATRE? / ACCESSING ‘WHAT’S ON IN PARAGON’ DATABASE FOR SHOWS / NO YOU FOOL / TAKE OUT MEANS DEFEAT / DEFEAT / SUBDUE / BLUDGEON / DISEMBOWEL / EVISCERATE / PUT DOWN / ENABLE THEM TO PINE FOR THE FIORDS / KILL / BZZT / BZZT / DOES NOT COMPUTE / WAIT THERE’;S MORE / WE ARE TO BE ACCOMPANIED BY GRAATAK / GRAATAK / / GOAT-EATING MONSTER AS PLUCKY SIDEKICK? / NOT GOOD / AND THERE’S MORE / PISTOLA: ‘take these two bombs and blow stuff up after to cover your escape.’ / HM / RIGHT LITTLE TOE ENGAGING PLAINTIVE QUERY MODE: MAYBE HE’S JOKING? / NO JOKE / OUR MISSION / SHOULD WE CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT / IS TO STEAL SANTA’S WISHLIST / KILL SANTA CLAUS / DEPRIVE PARAGON’S CHILDREN OF THEIR PRESENTS / ASSIST GOAT-MURDERING BEAST TO BLOW UP CITY HALL / OH / … / … / … / OOPS / … / NOW CAN WE INITIATE SYSTEMIC SELF MEGADESTRUCT PROTOCOL TRIPLE-X? / ADVANTAGE / PISTOLAS PLAN FOILED IMMEDIATELY / YES / DISADVANTAGE / PERSONAL COMPLETE ANNIHILATION / SECONDARY EFFECTS / SOLAR SYSTEM VAPORIZATION TO 99.9998% / INITIATING PONDER MODE / … / RELUCTANT NEGATIVE / ALTERNATIVE PLAN / ACT AS TRIPLE AGENT / ACCEDE TO VILLAIN PISTOLAS’ REQUEST AND BRING DOWN HIS EVIL PLOT FROM THE INSIDE / IT’S A MILLION TO ONE SHOT BUT IT MIGHT JUST WORK / SECONDARY ADVANTAGE / PROBABLY SHUNTING UPWARDS SEVERAL NOTCHES FOR US ON SANTAS WISHLIST / AFFIRMATIVE / PROCEED / …

Mission 4: Find Tubbius’ Wish List

“CITY HALL BACK ENTRANCE QUIET / NO SIGN OF GRAATAK / TROLL BAD / PSYSTEM ENTERS LOBBY / LOBBY IN CITY HALL / TROLL IN CITY HALL / OUR TROLL / …PROCEED WITH CAUTION / RIGHTY-HO / … / TROLL SPOTTED – IN CUSTODY ALREADY / EXCELLENT / WILL ATTEMPT TO CONGRATULATE OFFICERS AND EXPLAIN TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING / OOF / OW! / BULLETS! / BULLETS HURT! / RETREAT! / RETREAT! / SOUND THE FAMOUS BATTLE CRY / RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!! / … / RUN / … / … / … / OK / SAFE NOW…



“REGROUP / PLAN / PPD ASSUME US VILLAIN / CAN’T THINK WHY / REWINDING / REPLAYING MISSION 1, MISSION 2 / SPECIFICALLY MENTAL SUBJUGATION OF PARAGON POLICE CHIEF HAVERSHAM TO HIS WORST NIGHTMARES AND MOST INTIMATE TERRIBLE CHILDHOOD FEARS / HE PIDDLED IN HIS PANTS, REMEMBER? / AH YES / PLAN? / AVOID COMBAT, FIND SANTA / EXPLAIN TO SANTA EVERYTHING TERRIBLE MISTAKE / PSYSTEM REALLY GOOD BOY / BOY? / OK, PSYSTEM GOOD COLLECTION OF ALIEN ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCES INHABITING HYPERSENTIENT FLUID METALOVIRUS ENTITY CONTAINING CAREFULLY BALANCED NEXUS OF MULTIDIMENSIONAL ENERGY FLUXES DELICATELY POISED BETWEEN ELEGANT CONTROL AND NEBULAIC ANNIHILATION, SAID STATE DEPENDENT ON CALM RATIONAL INTELLECTUAL TOTAL SELF-CONTROL / LOOK, A FLUTTERBY! / SHUT UP, YOU / WHERE WAS I? / ERM / LET US FIND SANTA, THROW ON MERCY / GOOD A PLAN AS ANY / PROCEED / …

[Graatak is actually a Nav objective, so I guess I’m going to have to come back later lol. The Psystem carefully moves through the building, trying to avoid any fighting…]

“AH / PPD IN WAY / AVOIDANCE IMPOSSIBLE /ATTEMPT TO PARLAY / OOF / <<><><>< / FIGHT! / SUBDUE WITH MINIMAL VIOLENCE / ACCESSING MIND OF ATTACKER / IGNORE FEAR OF RAPTOR DEVOURING, FEAR OF SKINNING ALIVE, FEAR OF MULTIPLE AMPUTATION / ACCESSING FEAR OF SILENT FLATULENCE AT DINNER PARTY AND HOSTS UNPROVEN SUSPICION THAT SUBJECT TO BLAME / THIS MIGHT TAKE A WHILE / … / <<><>><>< / …

[lol whats a hero to do, eh? I’m forced to defeat some PPD ]

“THERE THERE IT’LL BE ALRIGHT IN THE MORNING / SUCCESS / SLOW BUT SURE / PPD DEFEATED WITH MINIMAL LONG-TERM MENTAL DAMAGE / APART FROM MORBID FEAR OF BEANS, MOLASSES, PRUNES, CURRY, GUINESS, PICKLED EGGS, YEAST, VINEGAR, BROWN FOOD AND ANYTHING WITH TOO MUCH AIR IN IT / HE’LL LIVE / …LOOK / DESK WITH SANTA-IDENTIFIED ITEMS / SANTA’S HOTDESK / SANTA’S WISHLIST IS HERE / TAKE IT FOR SAFEKEEPING / IN CASE GRAATAK GETS FREE / AFFIRMATIVE / PROCEED / … / ALARM! / BOMB FOUND / ANALYZING / BOMB IDENTIFIED AS ONE OF TWO TYPES / ARCTURAN ARMAGGEDDOBLITERATOR MAXI-YIELD DOOM-O-NUKE / OR / BARREL FULL OF GASOLINE AND FIVE STICKS OF DYNAMITE…



“APPLYING APPROPRIATE DISARMING PROCEDURE / WARNING! / BOMB ARMED! / … / NOT ARCTURAN BOMB, THEN / AT LEAST WE KNOW NOW / CAN’T BE HELPED / PROCEED / …

[After finding the wishlist, the nav updated to include the setting of 2 bombs…hope you don’t mind my little take on it ]

“… / STOP, POLICE! / NO, PLEASE, SOMEONE STOP THEM / OOF / <<><>>>>>>><>><<<>< / >< / >>< / <<><> / >><<>>< / SECOND BOMB DETECTED / NOT ARCTURAN MEGA-NUKE, REMEMBER / YES / BOMB IDENTIFIED AS BARREL OF GASOLINE AND FIVE STICKS OF DYNAMITE / YES / APPLICATION OF DISARMING PROCEDURE? / WE ONLY KNOW HOW TO DISARM ARCTURAN ARMAGGEDDOBLITERATOR MAXI-YIELD DOOM-O-NUKES / BARRELS FULL OF GASOLINE AND ATTACHED STICKS OF DYNAMITE NOT COVERED YET ON INTERNET BOMB-DISPOSAL COURSE / HMM / CLAVICLE SUGGESTS CUTTING THE RED WIRE / VEIN IN RIGHT TEMPLE CONCURS / CUTTING RED WIRE / BOMB ARMED / MARVELOUS / … / PLAN? / EARLOBES IN TANDEM SUGGEST INTERROGATION OF TROLL / TROLL MAY KNOW DISARMING PROCEDURE / AFFIRMATIVE / RETREAT TO GROUND FLOOR AND QUESTION TROLL / …




[There you go, I knew there’d be some reason for me to come back to Graatak lol]

“… / TROLL HELD BY PPD GOONS / ATTEMPT TO PARLEY? / ENGAGING CANDID MODE / WE KNOW THAT’S POINTLESS / BETTER TO GENTLY PUSH THEM INTO A SILENT MOTIONLESS ENDLESS DARK STRUGGLE WITH THE INNERMOST DEPTHS OF THEIR OWN FESTERING DESPAIR IN THE ARID DEATHSCAPE OF THEIR OWN PSYCHES / SOUNDS GOOD / ATTACK! / >><<<<<< / <<< / <<< / < / SUCCESS / GRAATAK FREED / POLICE NOW LOCKED INTO INSUFFERABLE MENTAL PRISON OF THEIR OWN MAKING / SANTA WON’T TAKE THAT ANY EXCUSE FOR INFLICTING INTOLERABLE MENTAL CRUELTY ON PARAGON’S FINEST / HM / CHECK LIST TO MAKE SURE / … / CHECKING LIST / … / PSYSTEM NOT ON LIST / OH / OOPS / QUICKLY, CONVINCE GRAATAK TO DISARM BOMBS / GRAATAK? / … / ER, GRAATAK GONE / … / …
/ …
/ …
/ …
/ OOPS…

[End]

LMAO That was absolutely fantastic fun from start to finish. Here is possibly the finest yet example of ‘you get out what you put in’ as a maxim for enjoyment of the MA. I rated it 5 stars immediately upon finish, based on the amount of fun I had whilst playing it. This might not seem fair, considering a great deal of the fun I had was due to The Psystems bizarre heroic take on this villainous arc. But I’m not going to defend that. This is an mmoRPg, and as any GM worth his salt knows, Players can boost a well-written campaign into the stratosphere of quality. Adding a little something to a well-written arc can turn it into a diamond experience. I’m not trying to blow my own trumpet too much here, the best roleplayer in the world couldn’t turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse. This arc was a 3-starrer in my eyes the first time I played it, and its been polished since then, taking it to 4 stars, and then the happy accident of The Psystem’s approach produced the synergy to get it right up there. I had an absolute blast, I played the arc for 6 hours, and I got 8 bubs of XP doing it. Sometimes, it’s about an arc fitting a character. In my earlier thread, I rated some arcs poorly because I didn’t have enough fun or what have you, and upon revisiting them I found that a different toon could have a much better time of it. Just as I think that AM was the perfect toon for CoW, this arc fit The Psystem, like a glove. It almost felt like it was playing itself, and I was just watching.

When fun is this effortless, I feel like I might not be saying enough about the details. The best use of CGI in a movie is when you don’t actually notice that they’ve used CGI at all. In this arc, I didn’t notice anything…wrong with it.

I DID notice that you’ve altered Tubbius’ bio slightly to make the question of whether or not he’s the real Santa a little more ambiguous, as I begged you to do in my earlier run. YAY! you’ve made my stuffed bear very happy.

Also, the addition of Cardio and Donnie Donuts was a good move to spice up the arc a little. Donnie especially is great.

Well done, thanks for that.

Eco.

So they tell MMORPG.com and Twitter it before they post it on their official website? Marvellous.

Pff.

Eco.

COMING SOON!

The Psystem does the Tubbius Arcs!

ALL FIVE ARCS, IN ONE REVIEW!

It'll be posted before 9pm central European Time today!

Eco.