DoomCrier's Bible Volume 2
By
Blue Rabbit,
Posted on: 2010-01-11 09:32 in CoH and CoV General Discussions
Quote:
Is this why they don't want the physical address posted on the forum?
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Originally Posted by Steelclaw
* Impatient Players: Everyone is chomping at the bit for new information or for the expansion to be released? Passing Out The Pitchforks and Torches Angry Mob DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! At first it will just be a few people outside the NorCal studios politely pestering the developers as they show up for work. Then it will be a crowd of muttering people with catchy slogans on home made signs. Next there will be groups of players chained together in a ring outside the office. There will be police officers and tear gas! Then some politician will take notice and go off about this crime against the American standards of free speech! A groundswell of support will start in Congress and soon theyll pass a law requiring the creators of every medium in the entertainment industry to release information freely and update progress reports daily. Eventually every movie, game and television production company will go out of business because theyre spending more resources reporting their progress than they are on MAKING progress.
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Quote:
Oh man, I would SO leave this place in the dust to play this game. JAMBALAYA!
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Originally Posted by Steelclaw
...The Flaming Carrot OnLine Game...
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Quote:
I lul'd
| * Server Population Degradation: Signing on to play the game and seeing fewer and fewer others around? It’s Rats From A Sinking Ship DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! Champions Online stole a bunch of our fellow heroes. Next it will be DC Universe taking their fair share. Then World of Warcraft will come out with a Super Hero pocket dimension expansion. Then out will come Lego’s Marvel Universe! Then they’ll all start piling on…. Guitar Super Hero, City of Star Wars Galaxy, The Flaming Carrot OnLine Game and on and on and on…. Soon there will be one guy in Des Moines , Iowa who will be all alone in the game and the richest character in CoH history because the last few months he just walked into Atlas Park and started spamming “Can I have your stuff?” in broadcast. |
Quote:
Dear Sir,|
Originally Posted by Steelclaw
[...]The Flaming Carrot OnLine Game[...]
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I've read your pamphlet and I am most interested in knowing more about this wondrous game.
Rabbitly yours,
BR
Rabbits & Hares:Blue (Mind/Emp Controller)Maroon (Rad/Thermal Corruptor)and one of each AT all at 50
MA Arcs: Apples of Contention - 3184; Zen & Relaxation - 35392; Tears of Leviathan - 121733 | All posts are rated "R" for "R-r-rrrrr, baby!"|Now, and this is very important... do you want a hug? COH Faces @Blue Rabbit
Quote:
Dear Wascally, |
Originally Posted by Blue Rabbit
Dear Sir,
I've read your pamphlet and I am most interested in knowing more about this wondrous game. Rabbitly yours, BR |
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Flaming_Carrot
Here is the information you requested and may I say, as a natural predator, that you would look wonderful in a lovely white sauce.
Salivatingly,
Steelclaw
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw
* Server Population Degradation: Signing on to play the game and seeing fewer and fewer others around? Its Rats From A Sinking Ship DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! Champions Online stole a bunch of our fellow heroes. Next it will be DC Universe taking their fair share. Then World of Warcraft will come out with a Super Hero pocket dimension expansion. Then out will come Legos Marvel Universe! Then theyll all start piling on
. Guitar Super Hero, City of Star Wars Galaxy, The Flaming Carrot OnLine Game and on and on and on
. Soon there will be one guy in Des Moines , Iowa who will be all alone in the game and the richest character in CoH history because the last few months he just walked into Atlas Park and started spamming Can I have your stuff? in broadcast.
Too Funny! 
Prometheus: ... so what I told you was true, from a certain point of view.
Me: From a certain point of view?
Prometheus: You're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on your point of view.
Me: You're right about that. Power Blast is very pretty from a certain point of view. But that point of view is not head-on. <Kaboom> - Arcanaville.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!
(Sorry, I had to)
Since the forum seems to be overrun with people who have pure pessimism flowing through their veins these days, I figured it was time to resurrect my old post The DoomCrier's Bible.
Yes, I know it seems unusual for a religious text to have multiple volumes or revisions but in response to those who state unequivocably that any lauded holy text has only one, true and pure, original I have three words for you:
King James Version.
Now that I've offended approximately 60% of you, let's get to work on the remaining 40...
* No News is Good News: No new information about any upcoming issues or expansions?! Conspiracy Cover Up Flavored DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! Don't treat us like children! We know what's really going on here! You talked the big talk and now you're not saying anything. This happens with our friends and family all the time. You never had anything planned in the first place did ya?! You made all these promises and blew all this hot air but in reality the only thing you have planned for the next issue is to FINALLY PUT THE MISSING "L" IN THE SKULLS BADGE TITLE!!!
* Marketing Loves You: Blaming the Marketing Department for the lack of information flowing out to the players? Secret Society World Domination DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! It's insidious genius I tell you! First they get together a team of programmers and enslave their will; a task which is easily done via a process of free donuts and mint condition Star Wars toys. They create a game which brings in thousands of players and give continuous "free" issues with new things to play with. Then they test the mind-control waters with a few paid booster packs... then mention a huge expansion that will give everyone what they've always wanted... then draw out the silence... draw out the silence... until EVERYONE is paying attention to every breath they take... then.... oh my then... "We'll give you Going Rogue... but first you have to prove your loyalty by wearing this Paragon Supremacy Army uniform and taking a nice little march... er... walk... to the nearest military base in your area..."
* Event Extensions: They extended the Halloween Event and now they've done it to the Winter Event as well?! Time and Space Manipulation DOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOm!!!! They extended Autumn by a week! Now they've gone and pushed Winter out an additional week! That's two weeks people! TWO WEEKS that our year has been warped out of synch! And you wonder why Florida is seeing temperatures below freezing?! And you wonder why the mid-west is buried under 20 feet of snow?! It isn't green house gas emissions that is causing the problem, folks! The Developers at Paragon Studios are to blame for Global Warming!!
* Forum Consolidation: They took the Australians, the Europeans and the Americans and crammed them all into a single forum?! World Wide Melting Pot DOOOOOOOOOO(gasp!)OOOOOOOOOOOM!! To heck with dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria! This is enforced desegregation at its worst! At this moment porpoises are lining the outer edges of every continent in the world, pressing their noses against the shore and flipper pushing for all theyre worth! They all have little remote controls wired into their brains with Paragon Studios printed on the patent sticker. Thats right folks! The forum consolidation is just to get us ready for the true diabolical plan! Theyre going to mash everything together so were back in the original Proto-Continent! I have it from reliable sources this all originated from someone asking for ways to reduce server load.
* Server Population Degradation: Signing on to play the game and seeing fewer and fewer others around? Its Rats From A Sinking Ship DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! Champions Online stole a bunch of our fellow heroes. Next it will be DC Universe taking their fair share. Then World of Warcraft will come out with a Super Hero pocket dimension expansion. Then out will come Legos Marvel Universe! Then theyll all start piling on . Guitar Super Hero, City of Star Wars Galaxy, The Flaming Carrot OnLine Game and on and on and on . Soon there will be one guy in Des Moines , Iowa who will be all alone in the game and the richest character in CoH history because the last few months he just walked into Atlas Park and started spamming Can I have your stuff? in broadcast.
* Impatient Players: Everyone is chomping at the bit for new information or for the expansion to be released? Passing Out The Pitchforks and Torches Angry Mob DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! At first it will just be a few people outside the NorCal studios politely pestering the developers as they show up for work. Then it will be a crowd of muttering people with catchy slogans on home made signs. Next there will be groups of players chained together in a ring outside the office. There will be police officers and tear gas! Then some politician will take notice and go off about this crime against the American standards of free speech! A groundswell of support will start in Congress and soon theyll pass a law requiring the creators of every medium in the entertainment industry to release information freely and update progress reports daily. Eventually every movie, game and television production company will go out of business because theyre spending more resources reporting their progress than they are on MAKING progress.
My mind wanders so often you've probably seen its picture on milk cartons. - Me... the first person version of the third person Steelclaw