Moondance Unexpected Relatives
Main problem is that it's very difficult to figure out who's speaking, or to really gain much empathy for the characters when you don't really know who they are.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
Point Taken..you're not the first person to say this
All the characters here have appeared in previous stories-
Silver Spirit and his father William are in New Years Resolution.Silver is also in The Best Job in the World.
Sekmet is in The Woman and the Lions and F.Y.E.O.
And of course Moondance made his first appearance in Choices and Decisions.
Essentially these are all origin stories interlinked by the characters relationships to each other.As such the above story is an excerpt from the continuing narrative, obviously it looks like I might have to rework it, though the next part of the story will start to explain those relationships and as such may make things clearer .Also to an extent this was a sort of experiment to see if I could write something like this dialogue rather than narrative lead, thats why I asked for comments.
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thats why I asked for comments.
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And why I gave them.
If you go for too long before identifying people who are speaking, it gets to be impossible to know who is. If you don't even have an initial identification, it's into the realms of 'trying to torture your readers.'
The idea would probably actually work, if the 'narrators' didn't matter to the storyline. Two anonymous agents discussing a target, maybe. Doesn't matter who's saying what, just what they are saying matters.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
Ok this is a work in progress it just felt a nice place to let people have a read..a nice little cliffhanger. Yes this is a continuation of Choices and Decisions and yes there is more to come though other chars may get their stories first
"Well my first question is how the hell did he get here? How did he get past the security and even more, how did he get past the Guardian AI?
"Um Dad, simply put he walked in...he walked in 'cos it let him, it recognised him" this was said with a disbelieving shake of the head.
They looked across at the boy, who was in the kitchen/diner, rooting through the cupboards and the refrigerator. Every now and again they could hear a small gasp or coo of delight. There were by now a whole series of opened jars, dirty spoons, spills and bowls of half eaten food and puddles of gently melting ice-cream littering the table and work surfaces.
"What do you mean recognised him, I've never seen him before in my life!"
"Well Dad neither have I, but according to the Guardian AI...he's Family and ...family..."
"How!?!"
"Well as you know, the Guardian AI scans everything. Weve always posited that we'll meet a shapeshifter at some point, so I included as a failsafe a DNA scan, married into the hand scanner. You put your hand on it and it checks your fingerprints, body temperature, levels of radiation and finally scans your DNA. Quite simply it scanned him, it recognised his DNA, he's family, just not family we've ever met. The Guardian AI let him in, it was intrigued I think, it alerted me and I headed over here. I found him asleep on the sofa there. He was curled up in whatever is wrapped up in that cloth, I tried to touch it and was left wishing I hadnt, I got quite a shock and was left wishing I'd armoured up before coming here. Oh and Dad you know only about 8 people know this place even exists, it has a whole series of traps and deadfalls before you even get to the door, he knew them all, how could he, this is our most secure base' our emergency bolthole."
"Look I'll show you the security camera footage..."
A holo-display started up and began to play.
A young man, no a boy, scruffy, dirty, wearing ragged clothes, a battered black leather jacket, torn AC/DC t-shirt, ripped black combats approaching the camera. Something slung over his back, something circular, straps over his shoulders like a backpack, covered by a cloth, a dull gleam can be seen where whatever was underneath showed through the rips in the cloth.
It was very apparent that the boy was approaching the door very carefully, circumspectly, checking the area around him so that when he reached the door he slipped through with no-one noticing. He then walked down the corridor, avoiding the traps, switching off others but resetting them as he passed. After a few minutes he reached the main door and glancing quickly over his shoulder, he placed his hand on the scanner pad and the relief on his face could be seen as the door responded.
The holo-display paused.
"See Dad, he knew the scanner was there, he didn't search for it, it's hidden, it was reflexive as if he's used many times before. Here this is Guardian AI's decision tree calculations, I've set them to run alongside. You can see it run facial recognition, power scanning, fingerprints, sidebar physics scanning and finally the DNA matching.
You can see its decision is based on three things. That spike there is a tachyon particle presence, indicating intradimensional chrono travel, that object well it really, really spikes as magic in some way, apart from being truly ancient in origin and well look at the DNA matches...I've already called Sek. I do think she's gonna get a real surprise."
William was dumbfounded, he sat back and glanced over at the boy in the kitchen area. He studied the boy, he reckoned he was, what 12-14 years old, but he looked older as if life had been hard. He was on the skinny side but you could see it was whipcord thin, all muscle, not a scrap of puppy fat. When he moved it was with an economy, no wasted movements as if he had complete control. He had coffee coloured skin, that looked like it hadn't seen the sun much, and blonde hair, it was dirty, matted worn with a longish fringe that hung down over his left eye. As he moved, William glimpsed what might have been a burn or a scar running across his left eye, down his forehead and over the top of his cheekbone. Green-gold eyes caught him looking as a tentative smile played across his lips.
William stood up, walked across the room to the sofa, where the circular object lay in its ragged cloth cover.
"Oh I wouldn't do that if I were you, it doesn't know you yet."
"Yeah Dad I told you it gave me a hell of a shock earlier."
"Dont worry it's not dangerous or anything, that's my shield and it does get rather protective at times. This said through a mouthful of Ben&Jerry's Phish Food ice-cream and a wide smile. "God' this is gorgeous no wonder so many of the people I saw on the way here are sooo fat."
A bleeping cut through the silence, all three turned to face a disturbance, as the teleport pad activated. The air shimmered, they all felt the displacement pressure of the air in the room as a tall blonde-haired woman appeared on the pad.
Hardly before the figure had solidified in the teleport they heard...
"Silver what the hell do you mean...?"
"Ah Sek I think you should meet your nephew."
"Hello Auntie, long time no seen before."
Ok I have tried to tell a story in dialogue here so feel free to comment and I hope you enjoyed it.