I really liked this. Well written and easy to read. Within those few paragraphs Id started to like Annette, wanting to know more about her life.
I loved the bit where she takes off her suit and you describe it as transforming. This is exactly the feeling I get when I take off a suit or when I used to take off my school uniform a great psychological break. The fact that she uses the third person to refer to Nitoichi just after reinforces this even more and later we understand why.
The boiler not always kicking in is another great bit of description that brings the scene to life. In fact most of the bath scene made me think I could do with a nice long soak myself. 
A few edits:
Be careful of repeating the same word at the start of too many sentences. Paragraph five has she as the starting word far too many times. It kind of reads okay as they are short sentences so it almost becomes a list (where repetition like this works), but the pacing of the scene is slow so you dont really want that.
She slipped inside, closed the door and locked it. would read slightly better if it was, Slipping inside she closed and locked the door.
Some weirdo out in the woods north of Salamanca name of Buck had sent her down something out of Alice in Wonderland into what she was apparently supposed to believe was 'The Spirit World.' Your editing is really good, but the comma key got broke for this sentence. 
There she had fought a lot of things she refused to believe existed, called Red Caps, and they had been real tough little... This could do with swapping around slightly a well. Something like: There she had fought some things called Red Caps. Regardless of the fact that she refused to believe they even existed they had been real tough little...
opened a small cabinet,
This (and the cloth bag bit) make it sound a little too disassociated from her and it is, after all, her bathroom cabinet. Id change it slightly but its a minor thing.
the only one she really had. To avoid a bit of a close repeat of she had this probably should be:
the only one left to her.
Story wise:
Then she had gone over to Galaxy Girl's statue, where she could at least be guaranteed some relaxing conversation, only to find herself talking gibberish. Why was she talking gibberish? Gibberish like what? These are the sort of questions I thought of when I read that bit.
Liking this so if you do any more please post it.
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Be careful of repeating the same word at the start of too many sentences.
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I try, but it's so hard... No, I'm aware of this and do try to avoid it, but sometimes I lapse, or can't figure out another way to phrase it.
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There she had fought a lot of things she refused to believe existed, called Red Caps, and they had been real tough little... This could do with swapping around slightly a well. Something like: There she had fought some things called Red Caps. Regardless of the fact that she refused to believe they even existed they had been real tough little...
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I take your point, though not exactly. She still refuses to believe they exist, even though they keep poking her with knives. It's complicated, you'd need to meet her.
[ QUOTE ]
Then she had gone over to Galaxy Girl's statue, where she could at least be guaranteed some relaxing conversation, only to find herself talking gibberish. Why was she talking gibberish? Gibberish like what? These are the sort of questions I thought of when I read that bit.
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This is a bad roleplayer habit. The story was written as much as a background piece to explain some offline happenings for the character as it was a standalone bit of fiction. People who were there would know what I was on about, of course. However, seeing as I put it here on Creative, I should have expanded that a bit. Like I said, bad habit.
Thanks, Leigh, that was really well written and thoughtful commentary. I think Annette is going to get a few more bits of fiction written about her, so you should see more.
I have also been posting bits and bobs up on the Union Handbook Wiki. You might be interested in some. My user page is here. If you liked this one, you might find the 'Velvet' story interesting. Even if the context doesn't make a lot of sense, I think the character scene-setting should appeal.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.
Thursday, September 26th, 00:40, Galaxy City
Nitoichi glanced quickly around the rooftop she was perched on, and then out over Gemini Park. It was quiet. Even the Hellions in the park had given up for the night, though she did think she could see the leg of some fallen Vahzilok zombie twitching under a bush across the street. She padded softly to the back of the building, keeping low, and looked down into the alley. No one. No drug deals, no robberies, not even a couple kissing. Smiling, she slipped down onto the fire escape, cracked open the window using a magnetic key she had wired in herself, and slipped inside. The timer button for the landing light was near her apartment door and she did not bother to turn it on, she knew where the lock was by instinct and touch. She slipped inside, closed the door and locked it.
It had been a crazy evening. Some weirdo out in the woods north of Salamanca name of Buck had sent her down something out of Alice in Wonderland into what she was apparently supposed to believe was 'The Spirit World.' There she had fought a lot of things she refused to believe existed, called Red Caps, and they had been real tough little... Well, they had been hard to take down. Then she had gone over to Galaxy Girl's statue, where she could at least be guaranteed some relaxing conversation, only to find herself talking gibberish. She shook her head, grinning, and unclipped her swords from her back, then cracked the Velcro on her collar and unzipped her suit. Nitoichi turned back into Annette as the leotard was peeled off her legs. The transformation became complete with the removal of her gloves and boots. Except...
Annette dropped Ni's gear off in the practice room and then padded through the flat to the bathroom. She turned on the hot tap and let it run, allowing the water to run through her fingers, checking it was warming up. Sometimes the boiler didn't kick in. She felt... a bit too much like Nitoichi. Normally there was a clear distinction. In costume, she was Ni, out of it she was Annette. It was a choice she had made, and a necessity. Annette had grown up in the 'shadow' of her brother, a mutant hero. She had never felt ready to go out and be a hero, and she had never felt ready to wear a skin-tight costume either. So, Annette had purposefully created Nitoichi almost as a separate personality she could switch into when she needed to go out and do what she felt she needed to do. Now they were bleeding into each other.
The water heated up and she removed her hand, allowing hot water to start filling the bath before she mixed in some cold. The mistake had been to allow both girls to make the same friends. Annette had always loved heroes, perhaps because of her brother. He had taken her places, she had met famous heroes, and had collected their autographs since she was just a kid. The meetings at Galaxy Girl were great for her, but she should have stuck to just getting autographs. Instead, she had got involved, especially with Richard. She had stuck around and talked, like she was one of them, and that was the point, Annette was a normal girl, not a hero.
She stood, opened a small cabinet, and took out a white, cloth bag. Opening the drawstrings, she took out a small handful of dust and sprinkled it into the water under the taps. The dust, a mix of various herbs and at least one mineral, swirled into the water, colouring it slightly red. Annette watched the swirls for a few seconds, letting the stuff mix in before she turned the taps off. She had two choices, and she was pretty sure that the second one was now the only one she really had. She either stopped going near the statue as Annette, or she just gave up the whole, stupid secret identity thing, at least among the heroes. Libby had already figured it out, and if Dinah didn't know then Nitoichi needed to work on her people-reading skills. She was pretty sure Richard knew as well, but not positive. She checked the water temperature, swirling her hands through the dusky red liquid one last time, turned the taps off, and swung her legs over the side of the bath into the water.
The water was hot, almost too hot, just the way she liked it. She sat for a minute with her feet in the bath. Hey, yeah, and what the hell was Ni up to with Libby! Annette didn't look at girls like that. Like what? Like... that, stop kidding yourself, you know exactly what I mean. You realise you're actually thinking to yourself in two voices, maybe you are going crazy. Annette giggled despite herself. If she was going nuts, might as well do it in a lovely herbal bath. There were two candles at the tap end and a box of matches on a stool, and she lit the candles now, waiting until they had really caught before reaching out and turning off the bathroom light. The room fell into semi-darkness and Annette began to sink her lithe body into the water. Various cuts and abrasions stung, and then eased into dullness as the herbs started doing their work. With a sigh, Annette relaxed and settled down for a long soak.
---
Annette awoke suddenly, splashing water over the side of the bath as she jerked herself upright. Damn! She had drifted off. The water was still vaguely warm, and the candles had not burned down too much, so she had not slept for long, but it was stupid to fall asleep in the bath. She ran her hands over her face and hair, squeezing the water out. Best get dried and get to bed, she had work in the morning. She stood, pulling the plug and reaching for a towel. She paused, dripping on the linoleum, her hand on the towel rail. Something was... not quite right. What had woken her? She listened, closing her eyes and concentrating hard. There was nothing. She picked up the towel and began to dry herself. Mostly dry, she wrapped her hair in the towel and opened the bathroom door before turning to blow out the candles.
A torch beam hit her straight in the face and she reflexively raised an arm to cover her eyes. Looks like we hit the jackpot, said a voice.
Oh yeah! another voice, slightly to her left. She dropped her arm and covered herself as best she could, trying to make out the owners of the voices. She felt panic rising in the pit of her stomach. Who were they, what did they want? You would have spotted them easily if you had been Ni, you know.
You just cooperate and we'll take you with us when we leave, said the first voice. If not, we leave you tied up to burn with the building. Well, that answered the who, Hellions on a fire-setting spree. Next was the what. Cooperation could imply just not screaming her lungs out, but... Jakey, you wan' first go at her? No... the other kind of cooperate. Figures, pick on the weakling. The panic grew.
Nah... you can have her. Prissy would kill me if I cheated on her. This was crazy, she was a hero for Heaven's sake! These guys were nothing more than a grease stain on the pavement to Nitoichi. But you're not Nitoichi, you're Annette, you're nobody.
Are you crazy, Jakey? Look at her. The torch beam flicked over her body and she got a brief look at the man on her left, Jakey, who had the girlfriend he did not want to lose. Definitely a Hellion. One of the lower ranks, a Blood Brother. You gotta have some of that. What are you, some kind of Outcast wimp? The torch had been bobbling, moving closer, and now a hand reached out to grab her shoulder, turn her toward Jakey. Annette whimpered. See, she's scared. You can smell her fear. C'mon, man, you'll never hear the end of it if y'don't...
The light was no longer in her eyes, at least not both of them, and Annette narrowed one eye, looking at Jakey. He was a kid, probably younger than she was, being pushed into something he did not really want to do by an older gang member. Some abstract part of her brain wondered how many of those kids she saw in the park where there because they had been bullied into it by friends. At Jakey's level, the demon-worship probably had not started, no fire tossing for him. Nitoichi was wondering whether the older boy had made it to Fallen rank yet, though Annette was just too busy trying not to cry.
So, what's the problem? You take them out and call the cops. But Annette's not a hero, I can't just take them out. Are you kidding? You could knock this kid over with a wet paper towel. It's not like you always wear the costume for practice. I just... can't? It's that or they probably pass you around the gang once they get you out of here. And this place gets torched as well, you know that's why they came. But... But what?
Something shifted in Annette's brain. Nitoichi was right. People knew who she was anyway. She had created her alter ego a little too thoroughly, believed in it too strongly herself, used it as a way to get over her own shyness and lack of confidence, and now that was going to get her killed if she did not let it go. She reached up and unwound the towel from her hair, dropping it behind her and then lowering her arms to her sides. She was relaxed, calm in a way she had not felt even as her costumed self. She smiled at Jakey.
The older Hellion stepped back slightly, just as she had hoped. That's more like... She moved as he spoke and his sentence broke off as she stepped foward. Her hands came up and pushed out, fingers locked into two daggers as they struck the boy in the chest. She felt something give, a rib cracking. He was lucky, she normally had a pair of swords in her hands when she did that. Jakey fell backwards, stunned and hurt. He coughed and there was blood on his lips, but Annette was too busy to worry.
She turned, her right hand lashing out. It struck the other boy at waist height and arced up over his ribs, digging deeply, causing pain. Her left hand followed through in a stabbing blow to the stomach which drove every last gasp of air from the thug's lungs and doubled him over. Knee strikes were not in her usual range of attacks, but it seemed obvious to follow it through that way and the Hellion was tossed backwards across the room by the blow. His head hit the wall and he fell, lying still.
Annette turned back to Jakey, arms tensed, ready to attack, but he was just sitting on the floor, clutching his ribs. As she turned, he looked into her eyes, fear, no, terror showing, and shook his head. Annette nodded, relaxed, and wandered over to the telephone on its little table with the letter rack. She picked up the receiver.
Jakey gurgled something just as Annette became aware that the older boy was moving again. She turned her head, still side-on to the fallen leader and saw him bringing the pistol around to point at her. He was on his feet already, taking aim. Jakey had tried to warn her, some detached part of her brain decided. She dropped the telephone handset and picked the letter opener out of the rack as the gun went off. Twisting, she shifted out of the path of the bullet, unwinding her right arm as she went. She had always carried throwing knives, though she barely ever used them any more. The letter opener was not really heavy enough, and unbalanced, but she put all her will behind it as she let go.
She blinked. There was a thud as the pistol landed on the floor under the Hellion. He was still gurgling, but the rapidly growing pool of blood on the carpet under him was evidence that there was nothing much to be done. The boy was pinned to the wall beside the door, the letter opener driven through his neck.
Annette picked up the handset again and dialled 911.
Disclaimer: The above may be humerous, or at least may be an attempt at humour. Try reading it that way.
Posts are OOC unless noted to be IC, or in an IC thread.