If you've room, I'd like some honest opinions on this one:
Rites of the Maenads
Arc: 61159
Levels: 35-54
Length: Long (4 missions)
Contains: Cimeroran Traitors, Custom Boss
Synopsis: Romulus is at it again. This time he's after the secrets of the Maenads, wild women who follow the path of Dionysus.
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REALLY trying to nudge this up there, it's by far the one I think is the most solid. But... they say the writer is their own worst editor, as well as their own lousiest critic.
So... please, don't lavish with undeserved praise; if there's flaws, get out the red pen and circle them.
"City of Heroes. April 27, 2004 - August 31, 2012. Obliterated not with a weapon of mass destruction, not by an all-powerful supervillain... but by a cold-hearted and cowardly corporate suck-up."
I'll hit "the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz" once the servers come back up, so if and when you might find the time...
Arc #68429: Laugh? I Thought I'd DIE!
By @Decorum
Arc ID: 68429
Length: Long
First Published: 04/15/2009 11:01
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Collection, Battle, Defeat All Enemies
Mission 2: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, Collection, Release Captive
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, patrol, Release Captive, Escort.
Enemy Group: Custom Group
Description: That Krazy Killer Klown with Klaws, Cut-Up has escaped from the Polk and Prodd Sanitarium again (#453 in a series of 5000. Collect them all!). Find out what mischief he's up to and drag him back to his rubber room and rubber ducky! Bad jokes; medium difficulty; Level 25-up recommended.
Thanks in advance!
Dec out.
[ QUOTE ]
Don't suppose offering feedback on Welcome to AE and the Dragon stuff in beta counts? Didn't think so. Revenge is commented upon, as far as I could get.
[/ QUOTE ]
Actually yes, it does. Thanks for taking a look at the Rikti arc anyway. I'll grab Bricked Electronics then, since it's the one on your list that I didn't play in beta already. 
Or have you in the meantime updated those other acrs and would like to request a more thorough review?
[ QUOTE ]
Thanks... You put the FU in fun!
Good day to you sir!
xoxo
Pyro!
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm sorry you feel that way. You asked for a critique, and you got it - an honest, impartial opinion of my person with much detail on exactly where you need to improve and suggestions on how to do so.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
[u]Childhood Horrors[u]
*
Rating: *****
Likes: Dynamic mission objectives, story references, canon incorporation, plot flow.
Gripes: Mission 2 escort seems unnecessary, mission 3 has a few too many glowies.
*
Synopsis: I found a gem! 
Well, barring the grammar stuff, so maybe a gem with a scratch, but still a gem. The story was compelling, mixed several elements together into a cohesive and evolving plot, was told from a very interesting perspective, and while it ended a bit predictably, it was an excellent work all the same. I especially liked the dynamically changing objectives, the cross-referencing to here and there, and of course just the idea of You Know Who doing You Know What. 
...
[/ QUOTE ]
You know... for a story-arc with the sole purpose of simply showcasing my custom-enemies, Childhood Horrors has pleasantly surprised me and my friends (both in-game and out).
Glad you loved it and I will eventually revise it. Seeing as the one major change I want to introduce other than the obvious language and balance issues you've raised probably requires improvements to the MA/AE system itself, I may have to unpublish and republish the arc if the work I have to do on it proves to be too extensive for the in-game UI tools. 
Thanks for an awesome review feedback-providing as well as flattering and you're absolutely right, English is not my native tongue. 
I believe that a Kheldian Gold Standard should be based on SO's, and for anything above that... there's Platinum!
Save Ms. Liberty (#5349) � Augmenting Peacebringers � The Umbra Illuminati
Save Ms. Liberty (#5349) � Augmenting Peacebringers � The Umbra Illuminati
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Arc Name: The Sleeping Star
Arc ID: 53951
Author: @Leese
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 45-50 recommended, but I've done it on a lv41 Blaster.
Description:A young girl's friend has gone missing, and she'd like you to help search for her.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *****
Likes: Intriguing plot, suspenseful presentation, creative semi-custom group, excellent story told with no particular reliance on custom stuff; your customs only enhance the thing.
Gripes: Level gap, surprise EB, non-EB customs not very challenging, "just a bunch of stuff that happened".
Synopsis: Very well-presented story that, while it's not something we haven't seen in the game before, is told from a perspective that shines truly new light onto the concept. It's both an origin story as well as an involved plot of mystery and suspense, and at several points I worried for the author's characters.
Some people may call Mary Sue, but I say no way. Excellently written, wonderful grammar, and while it's not a grand-scale-epic or presents a profound moral of the story, it is definitely an arc worthy of 5 stars: fun, involved, and a pleasure to both read and play.
[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it!
I'll be making changes based on a lot of what you've said. In response to some of your comments...
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You may want to make the suspicious people optional to take them off the nav text and just have the player find them, and retain the required suspicious spawn(s) for when Leese is found.
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This is a good suggestion, but I mainly included the extra Suspicious People so that the mission wouldn't immediately end when the Void was defeated - which might make the identity of Alice's kidnappers obvious a bit prematurely, IMO.
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Also, you might want to relabel 'find luggage' as 'look for clues',
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You bring this up a lot. My previous testers on this arc before I published it showed a definite preference for very defined clue descriptions. I'd personally go for "look for clues" myself. I'll get a little more feedback on this.
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Let's find this Cap'Tur guy before...NYAGH, there he is, and smacks me with 'artefact'! Should be an i instead of e.
[/ QUOTE ]British VS American spelling. :P
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What could this mission use? Dialogue. A little more for the boss, maybe a patrol for flavor. Also, maybe make the boss spawn after meeting up with Leese, having her say something about you better finding the leader of these 'villains'.
[/ QUOTE ] I made Leese optional in this mission because I didn't the arc to focus too heavily on her. She's also had a tendency to spawn right next to Cap'tur when I test, so I'm kinda reluctant to chain the objectives, or he might spawn right on top of the players.
[ QUOTE ]
A little contact text on the base leader, and something to include that you need to defeat his guards too. Changing the nav text to 'defeat base leader and guards' should take care of that nicely.
[/ QUOTE ]I'll kill two birds with one stone and make it "Interrogate base leader and guards."
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Intro dialogue: very nice fake Idiot Ball. Also excellent reasoning for the subversion. Me like.
[/ QUOTE ]Thanks.
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What could this mission use? Ambiguous clues. Having them plural and not detailed at first would be nice, giving a sense of tension since you only discover what the clues are one at a time, and each paints another part of the picture that you didn't even know was there before.
[/ QUOTE ]Will definitely be done, thanks.
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What could this mission use? A warning that if the 5th is really there that Vogt is probably very strong (you know, standard EB/AV you have to face text) somewhere.
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The daft thing is I had this text when Vogt was originally Nosferatu, but I removed him (as Nos is very tough even as an EB, and I remembered he'd never work with the 5th now) and took the red text with him. I'll put it back in again.
Thanks again for your comments. Greatly appreciated.
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Arc Name: Bricked Electronics
Arc ID: 2180
Author: @GlaziusF
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 8-20
Description: Mark Freeman finds a ghost in a machine. Trailing it will lead you through the scrap heaps of Skyway City to meet an unexpected ally and stop a grievous heist.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *****
Likes: Suspenseful presentation, optional objectives.
Gripes: Level gap, some disconnects, "just a bunch of stuff that happened".
Synopsis: Well now, this is certainly a nice low-midlow level arc, and one done very well to boot. The contact is not only a lesser-known CoH one who fits really well here, but the story itself makes use of him in an intrinsically way, and uses him to present the story in a respectably suspenseful manner.
While the plot itself isn't anything world-shaking, I'm rating based on the quality of the work, not whether or not I like or dislike any particular part because of personal theme preferences. It's solidly put together and fairly compelling, fits perfectly for a hero in the low to mid levels it's designed for, and the sparingly used custom critters greatly enhance the experience - something I consider a distinguishing mark of a very good arc. The only thing I'd have to say about them is that they're not very challenging.
There are a few minor plot holes, but they're not severe enough to cause any major disconnects (though it couldn't hurt to bridge them), which can easily be seen by them not making my gripe list. All in all, fun arc, good story, good mechanics, and a pleasure to read.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Barely out of the intro and already intrigued by your use of Mark Freeman. The attention grabbers good, lets see if it keeps. The map sure helps, and
ah, I see weve got Goldbrickers in a hero arc, woot. Some nice dialogue too, and the objectives are just ambiguous enough to leave the player guessing, nice. I liked the optional objectives too.
What could this mission use? Nothing I can think of.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro dialogue: there should be a comma after tell.
Mission: Ah, a custom group I see. Very intriguing, though a tad weak the Clockwork wiped the floor with em. Not sure about the nav text with the mysterious robot there, feels a bit forced.
What could this mission use? Maybe power up the custom critters a little more.
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro dialogue: the bank insert feels a bit off. Cant really scratch out why, though.
Mission: oh, a Council base. Nice twist. Also like the Archons dialogue, the fight itself, and the objective is well-chained. Not so sure about the use of let me die though; you might rub some players the wrong way with that. Well, time to go after the gas canisters. Not entirely sure Id actually blow those up (and they blow pretty big), but the guard dialogue is nice and amusing, and since its a tripartite, I guess thats not too big of an issue.
What could this mission use? Perhaps change die to something less absolute, like axed or beaten, something to imply a more ambiguous defeat.
[u]Mission 4:[u]
Intro dialogue: there should be a comma after note.
Mission: Now its an abandoned office. Strange. I wouldve pegged the Brickers for the warehouse type. Lets see if that has a twist to it. Oh, what do we have here? A little ally, heh heh. Sadly, it doesnt last long. The other one seems to though, and the dialogues an excellent touch. Now lets see if we can find
thats not a tech crate. And its certainly not a laptop either! Im supposed to lug this huge thing back out instead of the crates? Why, I never. 
What could this mission use? A little better connection between the crates/laptop deal. Didnt find any crates, so not sure if thats objective text you forgot to change at some point, but the computer thing just feels weird.
[u]Mission 5:[u]
Intro dialogue: Hm, small disconnect there between the bank and the computers. Its still not stretchy enough that Id consider it an issue, but it couldnt hurt to explain the link a little better. Good warning with the time ext in red, however.
Mission: Fast and furious, heh heh. Nice twist with JJs powers. Small disconnect with the boss dialogue there, but the paranoia explains some of that. Was also kind of odd that one of the boxes turned out to be check it while the other was defend it, but it worked out okay.
Return dialogue: Oh, some very nice insinuations there. Questions are raised, me like. 
What could this mission use? A little more connection in the intro text.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
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Arc #68429: Laugh? I Thought I'd DIE!
By @Decorum
Arc ID: 68429
Length: Long
First Published: 04/15/2009 11:01
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Collection, Battle, Defeat All Enemies
Mission 2: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, Collection, Release Captive
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, patrol, Release Captive, Escort.
Enemy Group: Custom Group
Description: That Krazy Killer Klown with Klaws, Cut-Up has escaped from the Polk and Prodd Sanitarium again (#453 in a series of 5000. Collect them all!). Find out what mischief he's up to and drag him back to his rubber room and rubber ducky! Bad jokes; medium difficulty; Level 25-up recommended.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: ****
Likes: Creative custom group, humorous arc, excellent animation choices, chaotic feel, some enemies are a very nice challenge
Gripes: Disjointed text and objectives, surprise EB
Synopsis: I do like comedy arcs, but this one's still got some rough edges to work out, though almost entirely in the mission objectives department. The custom critters could use a little more detail in their description, but that may be intentionally ambiguous, so I didn't hold that against you - or your horrid, horrid jokes.
The arc is fun, attention-keeping, and some enemies are a decent challenge, but with the dynamics set up the way they are now, I just couldn't rate it a 5. Iron (or hammer, if you will) those out, however, and you've got a top-of-the-line arc completely sans argument.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Mission: Certainly intrigued right off the stalagmite, and the jokes thus far aren't as bad as I feared. Ah, I see what the contact meant by be ready right away. Nice-looking custom group there, short and sweet descriptions...but why does the Punching Clown have claws? Shouldn't he have super strength or something? I mean, where's the punchline on that one? And is it just me, or does Judy have a Redding Rail Rifle?
Well, I dug through the trash, seems there was something about a device and fighting with Arachnos. Hm, that one must've slipped out from under me due to a lack of battle dialogue.
Return dialogue: Dr. Polk seems unusually upset about this device. Don't think the intro dialogue covered that.
What could this mission use? Dialogue for the battles.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro dialogue: This reads a bit choppy and sticky. Consider making a few sentences longer, combining things that relate to the same thought, etc. You know, just stuff to make the flow of reading easier.
Mission: Nice map choice there; don't see Lou's too often, and it seems of the appropriate length. So I open the secure storage, and it turns out someone's been in it already (not very secure, this secure storage, is it now?). Kind of a disconnect here, since the note I find is written by Joy-Buzzer, yet the nav text now tells me to defeat Boss Boppo.
Well, there he is, and with a Mime...that has sonic powers? I've heard of saying some very loud things without words, but this is just a tad too far-fetched for me. Shouldn't these guys be grav control? Would seem more appropriate to 'moving imaginary things and forces'.
So Boppo goes down (nice fight, enjoyed it), but suddenly I have to save a sidekick withou knowing why. Dynamic mission objectoves are nice and all, but they do need something to tie them into one another.
Ah, there's the sidekick...oh, so that's Joy-Buzzer. So what was the deal with Boppo then? Well, I'll take a guess and say she went an stole what they were after, and they didn't like that very much. However, the mission text really needs to cover that, especially if you're going to keep those objectives chained like this. This mission's pretty weak on connectivity as it is now.
What could this mission use? More connecting text between mission objectives, more elaborate clues, an explanation of how they got away with the device if I beat their boss, etc.
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro dialogue: Needs a comma after 'what was what'.
Mission: Okay, that mission name sure caught my eye. Might want to make it a little brighter, though. Now then...wait, why am I rescuing Joy-Buzzer? I thought I was here for Dr. Prodd first of all? Well, guess I'll see.
Oh, there she is already, as a hostage to lead out, and saying her boss has gone crazy. Really now? HIT THE DECK, incoming Idiot Ball! Yeah, you really should make that one less obvious. Yep, soon as I tak her to the entrance, surprise EB fight (you really should warn people about those), and I finally get the objectives I initially expected.
Hey, there's Dr. Prodd, to be saved, and suddenly it's clone time. Okay, that doesn't sound too-WAUGH, ambush of purely bosses?! That's a little harsh, don't ya think? I thought I was being tough with an all-lt. one in on of my missions, but seriously, this one takes it.
Well, I off them, time to find Cut-Up, whose minions are oddly enough a lot funnier than he is. Makes me wonder who should be in charge here. Oh wait, scratch that, that coke line made it all better.
What could this mission use? Some organization. I realize it's supposed to have a chaotic feel to it, but it'd really flow much better if Joy-Buzzer was just an optional EB and the other objectves listed right away. Also, the standard EB/AV 'you may need a team' warning really should be here.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
I think I got skipped.
No, you just didn't read and gave me feedback on the arc that I wasn't asking for feedback on - and that I can't actually use feedback on anymore since it's no longer editable by me, so what you gave me was a litte...not very useful.
Don't worry, you're still on my list though - and next, in fact. Not gonna rile on ya for it. Decorum just got placed ahead of you because his feedback I can use to improve my creations, so giving him feedback to do the same with his own in return made his arc a higher priority.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
You could have said. Or you could have simply not listed that as one of the arcs you wanted feedback on.
Um...I kinda did.
[ QUOTE ]
Therefore, I request that after you list your arc in the following standard format:
Arc Name:
Arc ID:
Author:
Number of Missions:
Level Range:
Description:
you give me some feedback on one of the following arcs: "the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz" or "Hunting the Dark Dragon",
[/ QUOTE ]
And from my feedback thread:
[ QUOTE ]
And even though I can no longer edit this arc, so feedback will be most helpful for those above this line,
[/ QUOTE ]
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While I've already said that further feedback on Welcome to AE isn't very useful to me since I can no longer edit it,
[/ QUOTE ]
Like I said though, don't worry about it; 's cool. I'm not gonna hold it against ya or let it affect your review in any way, form or fashion. You've got my word on that.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
[ QUOTE ]
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Arc #68429: Laugh? I Thought I'd DIE!
By @Decorum
Arc ID: 68429
Length: Long
First Published: 04/15/2009 11:01
Morality: Heroic
Mission 1: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Collection, Battle, Defeat All Enemies
Mission 2: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, Collection, Release Captive
Mission 3: Unique map, level range 1-54. Contains Ambush, Boss, patrol, Release Captive, Escort.
Enemy Group: Custom Group
Description: That Krazy Killer Klown with Klaws, Cut-Up has escaped from the Polk and Prodd Sanitarium again (#453 in a series of 5000. Collect them all!). Find out what mischief he's up to and drag him back to his rubber room and rubber ducky! Bad jokes; medium difficulty; Level 25-up recommended.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: ****
[/ QUOTE ]
Better than I really expected, given the flaws some have been pointing out to me.
[ QUOTE ]
Likes: Creative custom group, humorous arc, excellent animation choices, chaotic feel, some enemies are a very nice challenge
[/ QUOTE ]
Your words are kind. Thanks!
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Gripes: Disjointed text and objectives, surprise EB
[/ QUOTE ]
Your words are...accurate.
[ QUOTE ]
Synopsis: I do like comedy arcs, but this one's still got some rough edges to work out, though almost entirely in the mission objectives department. The custom critters could use a little more detail in their description, but that may be intentionally ambiguous, so I didn't hold that against you - or your horrid, horrid jokes.
[/ QUOTE ]
Hee, well, you WERE warned about the bad jokes. They're Cut-Up's stock and trade (he's one of my toons, has joke binds with over 70 awful jokes and 70 pop culture reference stupid battle cries). I should probably flesh out the group a little more in my head, then onto the mission.
[ QUOTE ]
The arc is fun, attention-keeping, and some enemies are a decent challenge, but with the dynamics set up the way they are now, I just couldn't rate it a 5. Iron (or hammer, if you will) those out, however, and you've got a top-of-the-line arc completely sans argument.
[/ QUOTE ]
I expect honesty, not flattery so the 4 is fine. I do need to do some work and, yes, with a hammer. Something to shoot for, though.
[ QUOTE ]
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Mission: Certainly intrigued right off the stalagmite,
[/ QUOTE ]
I see the bad jokes are catching.
[ QUOTE ]
and the jokes thus far aren't as bad as I feared. Ah, I see what the contact meant by be ready right away. Nice-looking custom group there, short and sweet descriptions...but why does the Punching Clown have claws?
[/ QUOTE ]
Boxing clown, and BECAUSE it doesn't make sense. He cheats.
[ QUOTE ]
And is it just me, or does Judy have a Redding Rail Rifle?
[/ QUOTE ]
I just picked the goofiest looking one out of the choices.
[ QUOTE ]
Well, I dug through the trash, seems there was something about a device and fighting with Arachnos. Hm, that one must've slipped out from under me due to a lack of battle dialogue.
[/ QUOTE ]
Small amount of battle dialogue IS there, with the Arachnos telling the Crew to get out, as they got what they came for, and the Crew saying they'll teach them to mess with them. It fires so quickly though, even I miss it. Needs work.
[ QUOTE ]
Return dialogue: Dr. Polk seems unusually upset about this device. Don't think the intro dialogue covered that.
[/ QUOTE ]
Got ya. He should be coming off just upset that Cut's getting into more trouble. Noted, needs work.
[ QUOTE ]
What could this mission use? Dialogue for the battles.
[/ QUOTE ]
Or better dialogue. And somehow to make it more "visible".
[ QUOTE ]
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro dialogue: This reads a bit choppy and sticky. Consider making a few sentences longer, combining things that relate to the same thought, etc. You know, just stuff to make the flow of reading easier.
[/ QUOTE ]
I had a rough time with that one. I probably went live a little early. Doc Polk has a certain cadence to his "voice" that I didn't hit well. Exasperated statement (grumbly aside). The original writing was like twice the allowable size and got hastily trimmed. Needs a rewrite.
[ QUOTE ]
Mission: Nice map choice there; don't see Lou's too often, and it seems of the appropriate length. So I open the secure storage, and it turns out someone's been in it already (not very secure, this secure storage, is it now?).
[/ QUOTE ]
Well, that was intended to be part of the gag, yes. File it under "not coming off right".
[ QUOTE ]
Kind of a disconnect here, since the note I find is written by Joy-Buzzer, yet the nav text now tells me to defeat Boss Boppo.
[/ QUOTE ]
Noted.
[ QUOTE ]
Well, there he is, and with a Mime...that has sonic powers?
[/ QUOTE ]
Of course! Again, that's part of the gag. I've actually had a lot of positive comments on that bit. Seems to be popular.
[ QUOTE ]
So Boppo goes down (nice fight, enjoyed it), but suddenly I have to save a sidekick withou knowing why. Dynamic mission objectoves are nice and all, but they do need something to tie them into one another.
[/ QUOTE ]
Probably needs a clue. I was trying to avoid having a clue for everything, but I didn't want it at the expense of clarity (such as it is, in an arc like this). And maybe have Boppo yelling "Take care of the sidekick" instead of "take care of the girl". Or should I come right out and say "kill"? It felt....wrong in this context, even if that's what he means.
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, there's the sidekick...oh, so that's Joy-Buzzer. So what was the deal with Boppo then? Well, I'll take a guess and say she went an stole what they were after, and they didn't like that very much. However, the mission text really needs to cover that, especially if you're going to keep those objectives chained like this. This mission's pretty weak on connectivity as it is now.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, I'll admit to shabby writing on that part. The explanation's in the return contact text, and it's lazy over-exposition. The second mish is the weakest, I think. But I DID mention the sidekick in the send-off text, warned in fact that she was hanging around. I just didn't give her a name yet, on purpose, to make you think "Joy-Buzzer? Who the heck is that?" with the note.
[ QUOTE ]
What could this mission use? More connecting text between mission objectives, more elaborate clues, an explanation of how they got away with the device if I beat their boss, etc.
[/ QUOTE ]
Noted.
[ QUOTE ]
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro dialogue: Needs a comma after 'what was what'.
Mission: Okay, that mission name sure caught my eye. Might want to make it a little brighter, though. Now then...wait, why am I rescuing Joy-Buzzer? I thought I was here for Dr. Prodd first of all? Well, guess I'll see.
[/ QUOTE ]
Yeah, that's supposed to be a "surprise". Maybe if I fiddle with the event text.
[ QUOTE ]
Oh, there she is already, as a hostage to lead out, and saying her boss has gone crazy. Really now? HIT THE DECK, incoming Idiot Ball! Yeah, you really should make that one less obvious. Yep, soon as I tak her to the entrance, surprise EB fight (you really should warn people about those), and I finally get the objectives I initially expected.
[/ QUOTE ]
I think rather than warn them, I'd like to bring it down a notch. And, yeah, it's a little telegraphed, but I had several folks utterly surprised by that bit on test.
[ QUOTE ]
Hey, there's Dr. Prodd, to be saved, and suddenly it's clone time. Okay, that doesn't sound too-WAUGH, ambush of purely bosses?! That's a little harsh, don't ya think? I thought I was being tough with an all-lt. one in on of my missions, but seriously, this one takes it.
[/ QUOTE ]
Also needs toning down, and maybe fiddling with the powers some. Even I was having a hard time with them.
[ QUOTE ]
Well, I off them, time to find Cut-Up, whose minions are oddly enough a lot funnier than he is.
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Makes me wonder who should be in charge here. Oh wait, scratch that, that coke line made it all better.
[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What could this mission use? Some organization. I realize it's supposed to have a chaotic feel to it, but it'd really flow much better if Joy-Buzzer was just an optional EB and the other objectves listed right away. Also, the standard EB/AV 'you may need a team' warning really should be here.
[/ QUOTE ]
Noted, although, as said, I think I may tone things down some rather than give the warning. I'd rather it were easier for the less powerful ATs.
What it suffers mostly from is being a one mission arc I originally did on test (90% of the last mish) and trying to expand it some, give more details, etc. That's a lot of why it seems disorganized, I think, is that I worked somewhat backwards on it.
Thanks very much for the feedback and suggestions. You've given me quite a bit of helpful info to work with. Very much appreciate the time.
Dec out.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Arc Name: Bricked Electronics
Arc ID: 2180
Author: @GlaziusF
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 8-20
Description: Mark Freeman finds a ghost in a machine. Trailing it will lead you through the scrap heaps of Skyway City to meet an unexpected ally and stop a grievous heist.
[/ QUOTE ]
Rating: *****
Likes: Suspenseful presentation, optional objectives.
Gripes: Level gap, some disconnects, "just a bunch of stuff that happened".
[/ QUOTE ]
You're gonna have to explain "level gap". The mission without Brickers in them are 1-20 instead of 8-20? Is that it?
[ QUOTE ]
It's solidly put together and fairly compelling, fits perfectly for a hero in the low to mid levels it's designed for, and the sparingly used custom critters greatly enhance the experience - something I consider a distinguishing mark of a very good arc. The only thing I'd have to say about them is that they're not very challenging.
[/ QUOTE ]
Remember that, I'll come back to it.
[ QUOTE ]
Ah, a custom group I see. Very intriguing, though a tad weak the Clockwork wiped the floor with em. Not sure about the nav text with the mysterious robot there, feels a bit forced.
What could this mission use? Maybe power up the custom critters a little more.
[/ QUOTE ]
How well do you remember the first time you fought Clockwork? I remember their rapid-fire electric brawls being a real pain. I'd say they're on the high end of lowbie groups, less so than Vazhilok. Since this is intended as an arc that even lowbie heroes can run I'd rather err on the side of easy.
They'll probably be a little harder when the Tweeters start actually casting sonic barrier like they should. They still haven't fixed that.
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Also like the Archons dialogue, the fight itself, and the objective is well-chained. Not so sure about the use of let me die though; you might rub some players the wrong way with that. Well, time to go after the gas canisters. Not entirely sure Id actually blow those up (and they blow pretty big), but the guard dialogue is nice and amusing, and since its a tripartite, I guess thats not too big of an issue.
What could this mission use? Perhaps change die to something less absolute, like axed or beaten, something to imply a more ambiguous defeat.
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Well, at this point, Targus is convinced that everything up to and including the squeaky ventilation fan at the commissary is plotting to kill him. Actual heroes are cackling murderous fiends.
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Now lets see if we can find
thats not a tech crate. And its certainly not a laptop either! Im supposed to lug this huge thing back out instead of the crates? Why, I never.
What could this mission use? A little better connection between the crates/laptop deal. Didnt find any crates, so not sure if thats objective text you forgot to change at some point, but the computer thing just feels weird.
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Yeah, don't know what happened there. I guess one of the changes didn't take. Those are supposed to be desks with laptops on them and labeled as such.
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Mission: Fast and furious, heh heh. Nice twist with JJs powers. Small disconnect with the boss dialogue there, but the paranoia explains some of that. Was also kind of odd that one of the boxes turned out to be check it while the other was defend it, but it worked out okay.
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Well, I wanted the Goldbrickers to be obviously trying to break into the stuff, but you can't get clues from completing a defendable objective, therefore...
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What could this mission use? A little more connection in the intro text.
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Well, that's the tough part. The intro text is over 1000 characters. I make it fit by taking out the BRs and putting in paragraph breaks. I'll see what I can do though.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
Sorry to hijack again, but I think that the final tweak is done.
Fixed the mainframe spawning by getting rid of the defeat condition - win win situation. Also fixed minor typo in some defeat text and changed Mimi to be a natural Leut in keeping with the other NPCs (so the only bosses that may be seen at this point are the standard ones if someone has upped their difficulty which is fairly rare in the lower levels).
#2409 - The Mystery of the MAGI vaults. Azuria has contacted you to help her stop the thefts from the MAGI vaults.
#68054 - Out of the gutters. Left for dead, you swore that you were through with being a victim (alt villain beginning story)
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I make it fit by taking out the BRs and putting in paragraph breaks. I'll see what I can do though.
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Did not realise it recognised Ps as well as BRs - nice.
#2409 - The Mystery of the MAGI vaults. Azuria has contacted you to help her stop the thefts from the MAGI vaults.
#68054 - Out of the gutters. Left for dead, you swore that you were through with being a victim (alt villain beginning story)
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Um...I kinda did.
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Oh. Ha! Stupid me. I was scrolling up from the bottom of that thread, not reading down from the top.
Arc Name: The Darkman Cometh
Arc ID: 33969
Author: @Sun Bird
Number of Missions: 5
Level Range: 1-54
Description: Part 1. An unsual encounter with a new villian group leads to many questions. Seemingly unrelated events carried out by the same group may have a more ominous meaning.
Got another one for ya.
Arc Name: The New Freaks in Town
Arc ID: 72852
Morality: Heroic
Factions: Custom, Freakshow
Level range: Mission 1 is 1-45, Mission 2 is 1-50
Synopsis:There is word around the city that there is a new villain group in town and are planning an attempt to overthrow the Freakshow. That's bad new for the Freakshow by far, but it could turn out bad for all of us. You must make sure this doesn't happen and prevent an all out gang war.
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You're gonna have to explain "level gap". The mission without Brickers in them are 1-20 instead of 8-20? Is that it?
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Correct. As you can see, it's a personal gripe of mine, so I didn't hold it against you. As someone else reviewing arcs around here (I forget who) said, I consider a contiguous level range (+/- 1 or 2 at most) to be a final polishing touch to an arc, something that tells me the author really paid attention to the finer points of his or her arc, in this case by ensuring that players 'felt' about the same throughout the arc, not losing or gaining powers.
This applies foremost to maximum level, which you did an excellent job on in your arc, but it is my opinion that for a truly well-polished arc, the minimum level should remain in the general range as well. That's just a personal thing of mine though, and has no effect on my ratings (unless the level range gets really wonky, like going from 45 to 23 all of a sudden ).
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How well do you remember the first time you fought Clockwork? I remember their rapid-fire electric brawls being a real pain. I'd say they're on the high end of lowbie groups, less so than Vazhilok. Since this is intended as an arc that even lowbie heroes can run I'd rather err on the side of easy.
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I have no issues with that and didn't hold it against you, heh. I just prefer things to be a challenge - not 'oh man, this is hard', but not a cakewalk either. Take this as you may, for I know opinions on this are wide and varied.
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Did not realise it recognised Ps as well as BRs - nice.
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Huh, i didn't either. Must try that sometime.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
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Arc Name: Catching Lightning in a Bottle
Arc ID: 60639
Author: @Hertz
Number of Missions: 5 (one defeat all)
Level Range: 40-45 heroic
Description: Defeat the body-exchanging villainess Shanghai.
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Rating: **
Likes: Interesting plot idea.
Gripes: Disjointed objectives, lack of clues, unncessary defeat all, plot holes (one of which creates a filler mission), ESP overload, what happened resolution, player power river (though not quite Mary Sue), level gap, just a bunch of stuff that happened.
Synopsis: This needs a lot of work, even from a mechanics standpoint. While the concept that authors very often see the characters they include in their arcs as vastly more powerful than those of other players (represented by them being AVs/EBs) irks me personally, my personal feelings on the matter did not influence that from a mission mechanics standpoint, your character allies were simply too much, especially with the large number of them in the last mission. They removed most of the challenge of the arc, and turned the final fight into something I couldve gone afk on, and that just isnt fun.
The disjointed mission objectives and lack of clues, however, were the hardest-hitting problems, aside from the occasional Idiot Ball, and IMO are your highest priority to fix if you want to make this a really good arc. The potential is there, no doubt about it, but the storytelling itself needs much improvement.
Really close on that list should also be the plot hole in mission 4. If you dont explain the caves and the kidnapping there, this mission feels like nothing more than I needed another mission to make this 5; i.e. a timesink; filler. Without that explanation, there is no reason for this mission, as Luminary could just call the PPD and ask them to deliver Shanghais body to the boat.
Equally as important is the resolution of this arc. All this time Shanghai has been jumping from body to body, and suddenly she just doesnt feel like escaping? No. This needs a better resolution, no doubt about it, even if its just generic Applied Phlebotinum. If youve really got no explanation on hand, I suggest a device Luminary got from Positron; something developed as a countermeasure to Shanghais powers.
On the positive side, the arc is a pleasure to read, as youve got very few spelling and grammar errors, and the plot itself is a great concept and has the potential to be a hectic-feeling, mystery-laden adventure for any sort of hero. As it is now, however, its neither a challenge nor does it convey the story to be told well. Needs work.
Details:
[u]Mission 1:[u]
Intro dialogue: The PPD has riflemen? 
Strikes me more as should be officer there. Also, there should be a the in front of Themis Corps, unless of course its the corps of the hero Themis, in which case there should be an apostrophe after Themis. Same goes for the other references to it.
Mission: so the first thing I find is Desdemona, and I have to say Im a little struck by the overused nature of that name. She doesnt give me a clue either, but at least the dialogue hints at things as does Strongman Sal, whom somehow I already know to defeat, but drops no clue either, making the storytelling here just a bit too ambiguous. This continues with the hostage in the last room, and apparently my ESP is very good now, since I know Shanghai shows up the moment I blab about her escape. Mustve failed me earlier since I didnt see her anywhere. Couldve sworn I took everything out on my way here.
Oh, she shows up as the PPD rifleman on a raid, okay. Odd that shes got Longbow and not PPD, but at least now the backtrack makes sense. Still feels very disjointed, though.
What could this mission use? Clues. Lots of them. Clues and supporting text are a very good bridge between objectives, and should be used as such. Also, the nav text about Strongman Sal could be more ambiguous; like defeat villain leader or something.
[u]Mission 2:[u]
Intro dialogue: Luminary seems to know unusually much about the Carnival rebellion and its workings. Not really a problem, but could be touched upon more in the previous mission.
Mission: Okay, fairly straightforward. Gives some hints as to whats going on, which is good. The Mistress seems unusually interested in Shanghai though, and not in a good way. Considering what happened last mission, I think Ive just been tossed the Idiot Ball.
What could this mission use? More detailed intro dialogue. Why is Shanghai so interesting to these villains?
[u]Mission 3[u]
Intro dialogue: There should not be a comma between friends and too. Also, its spelled Ziggurat.
Mission: Hm, so Im supposed to extract this Junk person, which everyone suddenly seems to want to get at Shanghai, including of all people Nemesis. Right. And its a defeat all, on a map where spawns just love to hide. 
Feels very unnecessary, especially after rescuing the PPD officer who outright says hes going to get backup. Why do I have to take out everybody when therell be more PPD on-scene shortly? Well, time to lead the known criminal out instead of stuffing him back into his cell. Oh look, hes going to get the Flyer warmed up. I wonder what hell do with it while Im of fighting Shanghai, whom I suddenly know is there thanks to my ESP. Well, at least she drops a clue. Yes, I wonder whoever could this very close body be? I think I just got handed another Idiot Ball.
Return dialogue: Oh, I take that back, Im holding only one. Seems Junk remained in custody after all. Thats certainly an unexpected twist. Should still be spelled Ziggurat, though.
What could this mission use? Some connecting text that Shanghai has arrived, not to mention something to explain why shes so interesting to all these villain groups. Also that she took over Ohmboy (whose presence isnt entirely explained either, but thats an easy handwave) could be made less obvious, allowing for removal of the Idiot Ball.
[u]Mission 4[u]
Okay
why is a police officer being held in a cave? Ah, got kidnapped I see. Kind of a major disconnect there. In fact, Id call this a pretty significant plot hole. Okay then, time to find this officer. Seems there are some heroes here too, again without explanation, though that can be handwaved too I guess. So I find the officer, who isnt an escort (much appreciated), and again my ESP pops up and tells me Shanghai is here. Time for another beatdown, but it seems this time shes got no defeat dialogue or clue. How disappointing. Whoever will she pick up next? Certainly not the strapping young Acupuncher right next to me; Ill just leave and let him go without a second thought.
What could this mission use? Objective-connecting text and clues, something to explain why the player lets Acupuncher go after what happened to Ohmboy.
[u]Mission 5[u]
Hm, kind of interesting that Arachnos got wind of this too, but I suppose Junk couldve just called them in. Odd that I need to defeat him before Shanghai will show, though. Well, I pick up the officer, Shangais body, and the predictably displaced Acupuncher and beat the stuffing out of Junk without lifting a finger. How disappointing. Also no clue, no objective-joining text, he doesnt even call out for Shanghais help; I just suddenly know shes here thanks to my ESP. Beatdown time again, no challenge at all thanks to the rampant Ebs, mission ends, and suddenly Shangai is caught because someone thought up something Im not told about that prevents her from escaping yet again. Not like she couldve just hopped over into an Arachnos body and tried this whole thing again.
What could this mission use? Objective-joining text and clues, a better resolution.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
Thanks for the notes. I'll see if there's a way to bridge some of those objectives together a little bit better, and alter mission #4 to give a good explanation why Shanghai doesn't attempt to escape in #5.
Let me also state for the record that "a bunch of stuff that happened" applies to damn near every story in the entire game, so I'm going to disregard that entirely as an objection, as it is essentially meaningless.
Edit: If it were possible I would love to have the ability for Shanghai to switch bodies to someone else, you realize who it is, you fight them; she switches again, you fight that body too. The engine doesn't allow us to do so. There's no way to make an Ally betray you, which is what it would take. I could rewrite the clue to say, "You suspect that Shanghai is now ..." but that's about all I can do, short of rewriting the entire set of objectives. I just don't think the tools will let me do it the way it should be done.
Edit: It also occurs to me that I can't simply have the text say "and it's obvious where Shanghai is now" because it might not be. The player doesn't need to rescue any of the allies, and even if I made them required, the allies might not still be alive at the time you meet Shanghai. About the only thing I can do, now I think about it, is give the player credit in the "mission followup" text for being suspicious.
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Let me also state for the record that "a bunch of stuff that happened" applies to damn near every story in the entire game, so I'm going to disregard that entirely as an objection,
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By all means. Like I said, not everything my 'gripes' list is something I hold against the arc itself; some things are just my own preferences, which I do not apply to the way I rate.
And yes, you're correct. However, I've also seen a good few arcs that don't fall into that category. In my opinion, an arc isn't just a nuch of stuff that happened when it fulfills one of the following conditions.
1) Has a morale of the story. Doesn't need to be something profound, but it does need to be a little nugget of wisdom taught by the tale.
2) Has a larger theme; something that makes the player feel his or her actions make (or would) impact the game world itself. A classic example of this is the 'stop the villain's doomsday weapon' plot, as it affects more than just what's specifically seen.
3) Conveys the feeling of "only you can do this"; i.e. doesn't give the sense that if the player quits the arc, the contact can just call up some other person and they'll get the job done. Note that this applies more to heroes than villains, or at least heroic deeds.
4) Gives the player a choice, and one that requires some thought. The choice of saving many lives at the cost of one or one with the potential for the deaths of many is a classic example of this; though obviously geared more toward heroics.
Your arc, for instance, has the potential for 1 and 2, but doesn't really convey either. If you'd like a suggestion there, a body-snatcher story like this makes great fuel for a "Do we ever really know who we are?" morale at the end, when you mention the sorting out of getting people back into their correct bodies. Heck, Luminary being Luminary, I can see her asking that question straight-out.
I also get a sense that 2 gets started with Shanghai being wanted by so many villain groups, but it crashes somewhere along the way due to the unanswered "Why is this essentially generic villainness so special?" The answer of "Villain group X could do terrible thing Y, which you prevented by running this arc" would really add some impact there - with a little immersion from the player, of course.
"If I had Force powers, vacuum or not my cape/clothes/hair would always be blowing in the Dramatic Wind." - Tenzhi
Characters
I think I follow your explanation, which is a lot more useful than "a bunch of stuff that happened." I don't like the after-school special ("drugs are bad, m'kay?") idea of a moral at the end, precisely because it's so condescending to the player's intelligence. However, I could include a very specific danger to Shanghai's escape, rather than a vague set of possibilities such as, "the last time she was apprehended, she was working on a plot to do X, Y and/or Z, and we think she's still going to try to complete it."
I'll fiddle with the text and, to a degree, with some of the NPCs that turn up. I think they can scale back to Boss level instead of Elite Boss level without affecting the end-mission balance too much.
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You're gonna have to explain "level gap". The mission without Brickers in them are 1-20 instead of 8-20? Is that it?
[/ QUOTE ]
Correct. As you can see, it's a personal gripe of mine, so I didn't hold it against you. As someone else reviewing arcs around here (I forget who) said, I consider a contiguous level range (+/- 1 or 2 at most) to be a final polishing touch to an arc, something that tells me the author really paid attention to the finer points of his or her arc, in this case by ensuring that players 'felt' about the same throughout the arc, not losing or gaining powers.
This applies foremost to maximum level, which you did an excellent job on in your arc, but it is my opinion that for a truly well-polished arc, the minimum level should remain in the general range as well. That's just a personal thing of mine though, and has no effect on my ratings (unless the level range gets really wonky, like going from 45 to 23 all of a sudden ).
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Ah. I don't worry so much about minimum level, because if people get boosted up a few levels but aren't really fighting harder enemies (IMO the 30-40 carnies villainside can be done on a level 20ish character) then there's no trouble. Any minimum level evening I do tends to be a byproduct of the maximum level scaling, just because so many enemies share a level range.
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Did not realise it recognised Ps as well as BRs - nice.
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Huh, i didn't either. Must try that sometime.
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It doesn't.
But it converts carriage returns to BRs, and until it converts them they're only one character. So that's worth about 30-40 characters in a long enough opening.
Up with the overworld! Up with exploration! | Want a review of your arc?
My arcs: Dream Paper (ID: 1874) | Bricked Electronics (ID: 2180) | The Bravuran Jobs (ID: 5073) | Backwards Day (ID: 329000) | Operation Fair Trade (ID: 391172)
Have added a patrol and additional boss to mission 3 and made both bosses non-required (though you'll probably encounter them en-route to the objectives anyway)
Fixed an error in the souvenier.
Mission 2 will get looked at tonight.
#2409 - The Mystery of the MAGI vaults. Azuria has contacted you to help her stop the thefts from the MAGI vaults.
#68054 - Out of the gutters. Left for dead, you swore that you were through with being a victim (alt villain beginning story)