I figured this would be the place to post this - this is the intro to a short story I'm working on. Any feedback is more then welcome.
Breaks added where paragraphs would be.
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The first thing he noticed when he groggily opened his eyes was the darkness. He wasnt sure his eyelids had even lifted. Then the stench hit him, like flying into a steel wall at fifty-three miles an hour. It smelled of death. Dried blood and decaying flesh. It was nauseating. He felt like he was going to vomit, but nothing came. Then his eyes adjusted to the light, and he wished he had never opened his eyes in the first place.
The room was small; maybe six feet wide and eight feet long. All around him, laying on the floor, chained to the walls, were bodies. Dozens of them. Some were skeletons, others still fleshy and obviously recently dead. Some bodies had claw marks over their faces and arms. Others were missing whole limbs, as if they had been eaten or simply torn off. Spiders and maggots covered the room, feasting off the decay and gore.
He noticed for the first time he was chained. His arms and legs were bound to the wall, though they were loose enough he could sit on the floor or walk about a few feet. Some of the bodies scattered around him had similar restraints. Some of the chains had arms hanging from them, with matching bodies crumpled in a heap beneath them. It seemed these victims had tried to gnaw their own arms off in an attempt to escape, like a trapped coyote.
Suddenly, a bright light filled the room, temporarily blinding him. So, a voice said, youve woken up. I was beginning to worry. He sat up straight, his eyes wide with fear. He knew that voice. It was a voice dark and forbidding, filled with dread and laced with poison. It was a voice that promised a slow, painful death.
N-no, he stammered weakly, y-you.. It cant be you y-youre d-dead
I figured this would be the place to post this - this is the intro to a short story I'm working on. Any feedback is more then welcome.
Breaks added where paragraphs would be.
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The first thing he noticed when he groggily opened his eyes was the darkness. He wasnt sure his eyelids had even lifted. Then the stench hit him, like flying into a steel wall at fifty-three miles an hour. It smelled of death. Dried blood and decaying flesh. It was nauseating. He felt like he was going to vomit, but nothing came. Then his eyes adjusted to the light, and he wished he had never opened his eyes in the first place.
The room was small; maybe six feet wide and eight feet long. All around him, laying on the floor, chained to the walls, were bodies. Dozens of them. Some were skeletons, others still fleshy and obviously recently dead. Some bodies had claw marks over their faces and arms. Others were missing whole limbs, as if they had been eaten or simply torn off. Spiders and maggots covered the room, feasting off the decay and gore.
He noticed for the first time he was chained. His arms and legs were bound to the wall, though they were loose enough he could sit on the floor or walk about a few feet. Some of the bodies scattered around him had similar restraints. Some of the chains had arms hanging from them, with matching bodies crumpled in a heap beneath them. It seemed these victims had tried to gnaw their own arms off in an attempt to escape, like a trapped coyote.
Suddenly, a bright light filled the room, temporarily blinding him. So, a voice said, youve woken up. I was beginning to worry. He sat up straight, his eyes wide with fear. He knew that voice. It was a voice dark and forbidding, filled with dread and laced with poison. It was a voice that promised a slow, painful death.
N-no, he stammered weakly, y-you.. It cant be you y-youre d-dead
But the only reply was a hideous cackle.