theHedoren

Arc Name: The Bravuran Jobs
Arc ID: 5073
Morality: Villainous
Author: @GlaziusF
---
My first impression: Glaz’s arc is extremely polished when it comes to dialog and text descriptions. The grammar and spelling is very professional, and the various characters are consistant in their mannerisms/dialects. The Bravuran characters especially have a subtly humorous way of speaking that --while still formal and eloquent -- makes it clear that English is their second language. Or as Lloyd, the Contact, says, “I have not mastered yet this English.”

I’m on the fence about Lloyd himself. Something about his personality makes him charmingly oblivious at first, but after a while he gets a bit tedious. He tends to go into melodramatic speeches about his poor beset-upon homeland. I can definitely see this as a legitimate character trait, but it’s not as endearing after a half-dozen similar speeches.

The custom mobs (all belonging to the Bravuran armed forces) have a very stylish design, both simplistic and effective. One thing that impressed me very much was their bio text. Like many canon enemy groups, the Bravurans have an organized hierarchy of soldiers -- e.g. “So-and-so is promoted from the ranks of such-and-such” -- and each new rank has a description of improved powers or weaponry. Even the names of the mobs are well-crafted, conveying that these units are indeed foreign soldiers.

The story itself is a bit less than impressive, but the individual missions were nicely done. I’m a villain, “hired” by a Bravuran national to undertake various criminal pursuits. In did enjoy the way most of the missions were introduced: Lloyd would read a newspaper article about Bravura, but would be interrupted by my character’s interior monologue. These interruptions are very funny, and refreshingly portray me as a clever villain. Some people might not like to be pegged as such, but I definitely prefer it over blindly performing grunt labor. There are fleeting moments where Lloyd seems to know more than he lets on, but these are so subtle that they may just be paranoia on my part.

By the end of the arc, I didn’t feel like I accomplished much. Sure, I had a healthy supply of loot and swag, but I could’ve gotten a similar stockpile by running ordinary bank missions. The theme that ties the missions together isn’t very well defined, but I believe I was being used as a kind of game. Like an unsuspecting gladiator, or something. In any case, the individual missions feel like they could be interchanged or replaced with little-to-no effect on the overall story.

But don’t get me wrong, the actual Bravuran jobs are humorous and well-written; they could easily pass for official newspaper missions.

A few specific things:<ul type="square">[*]Mission 1: The Mission Intro Dialog is very vague about Bravura itself. While I can assume a few things from the title, the Contact doesn’t make a single mention of the name of his country.[*]Mission 3: In the Mission Entry Popup, I’d recommend changing “Sergeant what’s his face” to “Sergeant What’s-His-Face” to avoid double-takes. Just my personal preference, really; it’s fine as it is.[*]Mission 3: The first ambush caught me off-guard, sneaking up unnanounced from behind. I was prepared for subsequent ambushes, but the first one surprised nonetheless.[*]Mission 5: The final boss is a heavy hitter. For a Boss, at least. My poor Blaster couldn’t withstand what I assume was Total Focus. I don’t imagine there’s anything that can be done about it, though.[/list]Overall it was an excellent arc. A good mixture of humor sprinkled throughout, and not a single error that I could find. Some interesting custom enemies, appropriate challenges, and some very profitable villainous escapades. While I don’t feel it’s a perfect arc, I don’t think it needs improvement. Since 4.5 stars isn’t an option, I’m just rounding to 5. Good job, Glazius!

[ QUOTE ]
Arranged in alphabetical order for fairness and ease of use:
<ul type="square">[*]Altoholic_Monkey -- Indies (1 mission) | Sequels (2-3 missions) | Epics (4-5 missions)[*]Bayani[*]Beach_Lifeguard[*]Bubbawheat (QPQ)[*]Burning_Brawler (QPQ)[*]DeviousMe (QPQ)[*]Dominemisis (QPQ)[*]Dragonslay[*]Frozen_Northman (QPQ)[*]HolyEvilAoD[*]Lazarus (QPQ)[*]LaserJesus[*]Misho (QPQ) | Non QPQ[*]Peacemoon (QPQ)[*]Policewoman (QPQ)[*]Rapulis[*]ridiculous_girl (QPQ)[*]SteelSky[*]Sooner (QPQ)[*]Stomphoof (QPQ)[*]Talen_Lee[*]theHedoren (QPQ)[*]Venture[/list]
EU reviewers
<ul type="square">[*]Col.Blitzkrieger[*]Leese[*]Master_Zaprobo (In character)[/list]
Review sites
<ul type="square">[*]City of Guides - Mission Architect[*]CoH Mission Review[*]Mission Architect Advanced Search Site[/list]
Note: QPQ = quid pro quo: Play and rate/give feedback to the reviewer first in order to get a review on your arc, some are more lenient on this than others. Also, tends to have a shorter queue.

Also, some non-QPQ have more than one reviewer with some not accepting new submissions, check the most recent page for up-to-date information.


[/ QUOTE ]

Added my name to the list.

Okay, I’ve been debating about this for a long time, and here it is: my first attempt at a review thread! The goal here is to provide some (hopefully) helpful comments to my fellow MArcers and -- since this is a “quid pro quo” format -- get some exposure for my own work.

I want to make this clear from the start: these will be subjective reviews. I will do my best to be objective, but there’s no such thing as an opinion-less review. I’m all for fairness, however. I won’t just say “I hated your arc” and leave it at that. Odds are I’ll never say I hate someone’s work, and if I didn’t like an arc, I will explain why. Conversely, I will try to point out why I did like an arc, to show what ought to be encouraged in the future.

Most reviews will be intended to be helpful. Or, to put it another way, I won’t be entertaining readers at the expense of an author. I don’t write for “shock value”, nor do I take pleasure in giving people harsh criticism. If I do say something you disagree with, I encourage you to reply, but try to be civil. If I feel you are merely being argumentative, I will ignore you and move on. But it’s no easy task to offend me, so I wouldn’t be worried about that.

I will focus on whatever aspects of your arc make an impression on me. I’m not a min-maxer, so combat numbers tend to go right over my head. I don’t farm, but I doubt people submit those for review anyway. I enjoy a good story, but I probably won’t go into an in-depth analysis of what such-and-such character is supposed to represent, or if the unifying theme is consistent with the decay of modern society, or so on and so on. I’m not an expert on in-game canon, but if something strikes me as obviously false, I will point it out. I will also do cursory glances for grammar and typos.

In most cases, I will solo arcs at the lowest difficulty setting with my lvl 50 Fire/Fire Blaster (who is also adequately set up for exemplaring). If a Boss or AV gives me more trouble than I’d like (i.e. granting me several impromptu faceplants), I might switch over to an alt and re-try the arc. I do not ragequit arcs, but I won’t finish an overwhelmingly daunting task if I’m not invested in the story. In any case, I will note this as thoroughly as I can in the review. Arcs I don’t complete will not receive star ratings, but I will mention in the review the rating I feel would’ve been appropriate.

Please note that real-life takes priority. I am in college now, and I work part-time. I will review as many arcs as I can during the week, but weekends are already hectic enough for me. If I don’t respond to your responses, or seem otherwise absent, please don’t take it personally.

All that aside, I come to submissions. Since I’m not completely selfless, this is a “quid-pro-quo” thread; if you’d like me to review your arc, I expect some feedback on one of my own arcs in return. When I receive something constructive (either in-game or in my arcs’ respective forum threads), I will add your arc to my queue. If we make an arrangement and I play your arc before receiving feedback, I’ll probably just hold your review hostage until I hear from you. If you send me feedback in-game, please just add your arc’s ID# to the end. If it’s a forum response, I’d like the ID# plus the arc’s title plus your global handle (if it’s different from your forum name). All this will help speed up the process. Any additional information is fine, but honestly, it probably wouldn’t change anything. I have no preferences for level range, morality, length, etc.

I also wanted to point out that ratings or comments I receive on my own arcs will not affect your chances. That is to say, a 5-star rating does not guarantee you a similar rating. Nor do I “revenge-rate” arcs based on negative feedback. That wouldn’t be fair to the people who genuinely didn’t enjoy my work, and I’m not arrogant enough to think that there won’t be any critical response.

Since this is my first dedicated review thread, I might find that my queue becomes more than I can handle. If this happens, I will post an announcement that the queue will be closed until I can make some headway. And I will make this announcement in big bold letters. Or maybe with a funny hat. Anything to let people know that they won’t be added, regardless of further feedback I receive.

To summarize: Give me constructive feedback on one of my arcs and I will review one of yours in return. I will try to be fair, but I’m not perfect, so please be polite and courteous. I will run arcs solo to apply as much of my attention to the story as possible. And lastly, my sanity -- or semblance thereof -- is my highest priority.

And with that, I offer my arcs for consideration:

Arc Name: The Double-Edged Sword
Arc ID: 4384
Morality: Heroic
Length: Long
Level Ranges: Three missions 30-54, two missions 40-54
Difficulty: Medium- Final mission contains 1 AV, but with optional Allies; a few collections, several rescues (Captives and Allies)
Synopsis: At first it seemed like business as usual for Crey Industries. But when a shady experiment spirals out of control, it's up to you to stop the growing threat.

Arc Name: Dr. Dave and the Copper Legion
Arc ID: 60280
Morality: Heroic
Length: Very Long
Level Ranges: All levels cap at 54; min. levels are 35-5-1-1-41.
Difficulty: Medium- Final mission contains 1 AV, but with two Allies; many collections, some captives to rescue, an escort mission
Synopsis: When an ancient weapon is unearthed by forces unknown, do you have what it takes to save Paragon City from destruction?
and (just for fun)
Theme Music: “The Copper Legion” - soundtrack/instrumental, 5:21

I look forward to hearing from you!

-the Hedoren

I've never made it to 100%, myself. My largest arc is close -- something like 99.8% -- so I almost understand the confinement. I'm sure I'd go insane trying to shuffle letters around.

In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have found this arc for a good while if you hadn't /t'd me directly. Most arcs just fly past my radar, and I might have passed this by as well if I didn't remember "The Echo" so positively.

I apologize now if I seem a little blunt -- I’m running on a lack of sleep lately.

That said, there are things I liked and didn’t like about this arc. I did like your use of mobs, both customs and standard; there was enough variety without seeming chaotic, and all enemies fit well with their respective missions. As always, I’m impressed by your use of chained objectives, which must take a lot of time to synchronize properly. I also liked the subversions you used when objectives I completed mirrored Synapse’s briefings, but in a strange and unexpected way. And the general themes of things going awry was nicely handled.

However, the ending left me a little put off. After every mission, Synapse’s increasingly-tetchy comments begin to wear thin. But after saving the entire solar system, I wasn’t much interested in hearing how badly I failed. I can see the irony in this, and I certainly don’t speak for everyone -- it just wasn’t to my personal taste. Your general use of Ambushes was a little overwhelming at times, but it wouldn’t be a challenging arc if I didn’t have some trouble, right?

A few specific things:
<ul type="square">[*]The first mission’s Intro Text seemed a little awkward in places, mostly with the abundance of commas.[*]Just a suggestion, but maybe include the number of Nodes left to destroy? If this is a group of chained objectives, maybe just write in the Nav Text something like “4 Focus Nodes to destroy”, and so on.[*]Tiny little thing: Maybe remove the period from Mission 2’s Mission Accept Text?[*]Two typos in Mission 3: In the Clue for the Check Bullion objective, it says “checkj”; in Clue for the Defeat All objective, it says “theyre” with no apostrophe.[*]In Mission 4, it took me a few minutes to figure out what the objectives were. It made sense when I though of the last mission from “The Echo”, but the Nav Text was kinda arbitrary.[/list]
Again, I apologize if I seem harsh. I do enjoy your arcs, and it feels like you’re definitely on to something here. A good 4-star effort, imo.

He never actually said it was "acceptable", just that it's commonplace.

I'm not sure I want to know -- but maybe I do -- what gets one banned from the UK these days....

Virgo: It's rarely a good idea to wake a sleep-walker, especially when playing arc #4384: "The Double-Edged Sword". Also, be wary of fountains, empty containers and people wearing masks.

(Review by LaserJesus)

---

Libra: A penny on the sidewalk can be a good omen, but beware of other things made of copper in arc #60280: "Dr. Dave and the Copper Legion". Be careful at work, especially when confronting a deceptive and two-faced boss.

(Reviews by Lazarus and by HolyEvilAoD)

I would love any feedback on either of my arcs, but particularly:

Arc Name: Dr. Dave and the Copper Legion
Arc ID: 60280
Morality: Heroic
Length: Very Long (5 missions)
Level Ranges: All levels cap at 54; min. levels are 35-5-1-1-41.
Difficulty: Medium- Final mission contains 1 AV, but with two Allies; many collections, some captives to rescue, an escort mission
Synopsis: When an ancient weapon is unearthed by forces unknown, do you have what it takes to save Paragon City from destruction?

I would love some feedback on either one of my arcs:

Arc Name: The Double-Edged Sword
Arc ID: 4384
Morality: Heroic
Length: Long
Level Ranges: Three missions 30-54, two missions 40-54
Difficulty: Medium- Final mission contains 1 AV, but with optional Allies; a few collections, several rescues (Captives and Allies)
Synopsis: At first it seemed like business as usual for Crey Industries. But when a shady experiment spirals out of control, it's up to you to stop the growing threat.

Arc Name: Dr. Dave and the Copper Legion
Arc ID: 60280
Morality: Heroic
Length: Very Long
Level Ranges: All levels cap at 54; min. levels are 35-5-1-1-41.
Difficulty: Medium- Final mission contains 1 AV, but with two Allies; many collections, some captives to rescue, an escort mission
Synopsis: When an ancient weapon is unearthed by forces unknown, do you have what it takes to save Paragon City from destruction?

I'm fairly happy with both so far, but I know there's still plenty of room for improvement.

I don't see what all the fuss is about. Venture is merely one reviewer on an ever-expanding list. Like every other reviewer, he has a particular style and a specific viewpoint.

I don't have issues with everything he writes, nor do I hang on his every word. Sometimes I find Venture's comments very helpful, even though I've never been reviewed by him. And on other occasions, he strikes me as a blunt and tactless.


Well, rats. I can't seem to make up my mind about Venture. If only he weren't the only arc reviewer on the entire internet....

While I remember it, I thought the hospital map was creepy enough when Mother Mayhem was using it. But add some random corpses, skeletal remains and nightmarish apparitions, then stick it inside my own head? Setting a whole new level of eerie-ness in here....

Also, I agree that the final AV was a tough battle. But that mostly comes from the way the MA works with bosses and powers, I'm sure. I could handle him, but it took many Break Frees and my entire strategic arsenal as an Arch/Dev to take do so.

No kidding.

I recently made some changes to the final mish that (hopefully) make the Allies much easier to find.

Double-clicking on 1 star gives a 0-star vote.

I'm having a hard time picturing a Dev conspiracy in this, but there's no proof for or against.

Either way, the voting process leaves me disillusioned.

My understanding was that only Dev's Choice frees an arc slot. HoF is just another rating (or compilation of ratings).

But I could very easily be wrong.

Several of my NPCs have names with hidden meanings. Or maybe, not so hidden.

<ul type="square">[*]a captive catgirl named Abby Schrodinger.[*]an aggressive fiery fairy-girl with the name Nina Ross (from both Spanish and Italian)[*]Alex Maxton (a very inside reference about a shapeshifting character I wrote about in Junior High)[*]Josephine Rêvenoir's last name[*]"Praenuntius" (the Cimeroran emperor who commissioned the Copper Legion) is taken from Latin, of course.[/list]
Also, in my next arc I plan to use the IDs and souvenirs from arcs I like as some inside jokes in a warehouse. At the top of a (currently) short list is "Lot #1567: an emerald statuette"

Glad you enjoyed it! So far, every reviewer has good things to say about the "Copper Legion" enemies. It's very validating, on my part.

As for the title, I kinda see your point. It was the first title I was satisfied with. Dr. Dave himself is an archaeologist/teacher/hero, and his students frequently compare him to Indiana Jones (and he doesn't exactly deny it). I figured I'd just use the typical Indy formula for titles. Rather, the average formula.

Thanks for the feedback!

And I've personally used two Defeat Alls in my arcs. I was able to scrap one (due to an overdue insight).

The other is in the Midnighter Club, an extremely tiny map with no places to hide. And almost all mobs are defeated while completely the other objectives, anyway.

Depending on the map, a "Defeat All" takes a frustrating amount of time. With cargo ships, a single mob could be hiding inside one of the open containers or behind a stack of crates, requiring the player to backtrack and scour the entire map thoroughly.

People seem to fall into two categories here. Either (a) they outright refuse to play Defeat Alls, or (b) they'll go along with it if there's a very good reason. Many would much prefer a workaround of some kind.

Not having played your arc, I'm not sure about your plot requirements. But maybe for the Scrapyarder mission you could have the player go in to defeat the group's leader? Sometimes taking out the top dog is all the underlings need to know who's in charge.

As I mentioned before, I don't usually focus on the actual combat mechanics when playing missions or MArcs. What I can say for "The Portal Bandits" is that combat seemed to go smoothly, with no obviously-overpower enemies. Even as a Blaster (Fire/Fire) it was fairly balanced.

I was kinda confused with the first mission when Vanguard became involved. I know it's explained later on, but it made me stop and think "Wait... why is the Vanguard guarding Portal Corps?" And later, it was "Why didn't the contact think it was strange at the time?" You might mention early on that Iron Samurai is aligned with Vanguard.

There was also a minor technical thing I noticed, mostly in regards to your use of commas. Some of your sentences seemed to run when they could easily be separated by a semi-colon. Or even a new sentence. That might just be my personal preference, though.

I liked your custom critters. As I said, I like the way they're organized into a hierarchy with corresponding names and powersets. I also liked the variety of the mobs -- enough to make them interesting, but they still had a recognizable theme.

The Clue contrasting them with the Rikti was also a nice touch.

As for your final boss, this is the kind of character I want to see more of. While not a terribly interesting personality, I do appreciate her intent. After so many "I want to take over the world!" angles, it's refreshing to see a misguided antagonist now and then. That is, someone with good intentions but skewed methods.

Oh, and Vikki Vandale's interactions with her allies were amusing, too.

Final opinion: 4 stars (balanced challenge, good custom group, slightly tedious mission text/dialog)

The LTs were all set to Hard, which apparently still gave them the Sentinel and Tesla Cage. I have now dropped them to Standard, but I may switch it back if they turn out to be pushovers.

And the Bosses have been changed as well. No more Energy Transfer or Overload.

Thanks for the review of my arc! Frankly, it was the harshest review I've had yet.

Which is a good thing, don't get me wrong. You pointed out some things that could easily be fixed and improve the play experience.

[ QUOTE ]
By this he means the ruins, as he is apparently not in with the Midnight Squad like I am.... I arrive in the caves and hear someone talking and walking about in the distance. I set off to investigate and find... living Cimerorans!

[/ QUOTE ]
As far as the live Cimerorans, the mission is supposed to take place in the ancient version of Cimerora. In retrospect, it doesn't make sense to not have Dr. Dave be a Midnighter, or at least have some kind of honorary membership.

[ QUOTE ]
I feel like I missed something here. He says that they found information in Cimerora that tells them this, did that happen off-screen or did I miss something in mission 1?

[/ QUOTE ]
It's never explicitly mentioned, but Heather ends her legend spiel by saying no one knows where the Legion is buried, "or so we thought." Honestly, I ran out of text space and hoped the player would assume either (a) Heather tells you the location later, or (b) she doesn't actually share specifics with the player, instead going to Dr. Dave first. Maybe a brushoff on my part, but I can't decide if I want to change it.

[ QUOTE ]
...squishy ally in missions 1 and 3...

[/ QUOTE ]
I was worried at first that any Allies I included would seem overpowered; I've seen too many arcs where the player is just a third wheel, watching the NPCs battle it out. But I suppose I could raise Heather up to a Boss to keep her from being a liability (especially as an Escort).

[ QUOTE ]
...ally who appears too late to help in mission 4...

[/ QUOTE ]
The mission used to be a Defeat All, and I originally had Pyralis in as a way to speed things up. Now that it's a rescue-only situation, all he really does is drop the Clue. I may either drop him or rewrite his purpose.

[ QUOTE ]
...excessive end drain from LTs, and a somewhat overpowered boss.

[/ QUOTE ]
Again, a real easy fix.

My main focus with this was the story. I'm not exactly an expert player, so I don't know what specifically makes an arc a balanced challenge. But that's what feedback is for!

I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the pointers!

No problem. With any list of random numbers, it's bound to happen eventually. On the silver-lining side, it still showed up as 4-something-something-4.

And I was mostly focused on the rest of the review anyway.