Steelclaw

Alternate methods of defeating Hamidon...

1) Whipped cream and spoons. Lots of whipped cream and lots & LOTS of spoons.

2) Dress it up like a Japanese School Girl and tell Lusca.

3) Tell the Denny's CEO you found a massive, cheap supply for its Western Style Omelettes.

4) Two Words: Jack Bauer

5) Remind Jack In Irons that there's always room for Jell-O.

6) Steal Hamidon's moisturizing cream; watch as it dries up into dust.

7) Tell it that single-cell fashion is, like, SO primeval ooze.

8) Induce Mitosis and hope to GOD that the cells grow smaller as they begin to sub-divide.

9) Tell Blue Steel you have his breakfast egg order all ready.

10) Plant a tree of forbidden fruit nearby; pray that Hami eats it and someone ELSE kicks him out of Eden.

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You two are gonna drive me to drinking.

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I can't be wacky all the time. It's pretty tiring maintaining that level of weird consistently!

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Testify!

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This whole thing reeks of horrible make up product placement.

[/ QUOTE ] ::Quickly stuffs the wad of cash into his pants' pocket::

I don't know what you're talking about.

... and tries something a little different. (hopefully)

Introducing, in honor of Going Rouge, the Tammy Fae Power Set.

Primary: Offense MK-1 (MK=Mary Kay)

1) Base Thumper - Claws own face and throws a handful of base into opponent's eyes. Does Minor damage with a chance to disorient.

2) Mascara Pen Massacre - Jabs the little stick into opponent repeatedly for Moderate damage and continuing Toxic over time.

3) Head butt - let's face it, with that much make up caked on as a layer of armor, you won't feel the impact but your opponent sure will. Damage: high, no side effects. Long recharge since you'll have to repair the "damage" to your make up after use.

4) Smile Pretty - Lean in and smile at your foe like a beauty pageant contestant. No damage. Opponent is mesmerized and held while they stare in awe at the shifting, writhing mass of make up and flesh.

5) Kiss of Death - Grab their face and plant a fat kiss right on the lips. Enough gloss is left behind to restrict airways and make breathing impossible until they clear the debris. High damage over time.

6) Lee Press-On Death - Acrylic nails snikt out like claws and lacerate your opponent for extreme lethal damage. This attack comes in a multitude of colors and designs so you can be fashionable while you filet foes.

7) Explosive Exfoliation - All that make up has severely blocked your pores and kept life-giving oxygen from your skin. Sometimes your skin just rebels. Sudden explosive compression sends make up shards in all directions. Does high damage to all foes with a chance of Knockback.

8) Basilisk Beauty - A higher powered Smile Pretty. Your grace and beauty is such that you can now mesmerize an entire group of enemies. They are so overcome by your made-up magnificence that they may retch and vomit during the experience.

9) What About The Children?! - You begin to cry and sob about the wretched plight of all those neglected children. Your make up begins to run in black and red trenches down your face. The resulting effect is so... moving... that everyone within the area takes extreme damage and is under the influence of the fear... er... the spiritually transported.. effect.

Secondary: Defense AA (Avon Armor)

1) Heavy Base - Good resistance to smashing and lethal. No need to reapply, so no endurance cost and always on, even when you go to bed, which explains the state of your pillow.

2) Just A Touch Up - You never know when there might be a member of the paparazzi around, so it's always a good idea to add a little more make up. Toggle power; provides high resistance to smashing and lethal.

3) A Girl's Gotta Keep Up Appearances - You've put on more make up than most test animals in Rogue Islands testing labs. As such, you have built up a natural resistance to toxic, fire, energy, cold and negative effects. Always on, no endurance cost.

4) You Smudged My Make Up! - You wear heavy putty make up that looks wonderful even if you do say so yourself, but it's SO sticky! As long as this power is on, any opponent who hits you comes away with some make up stuck to them. Cumulative slow effect.

5) Maybe She's Born With It - People are finally beginning to respect the fact that they may smudge your make up! Opponents take one look at you and decide they'd really rather not hold you. Resistance to holds, mezz, immobilize, fear, stuns, etc while activated.

6) Rapid Re-Application - Long years of practice have made you adept at fixing up the occassional little messes in your appearance. The fact that you use a trowel and spackle has nothing to do with it. Click power causes period of high regeneration rate.

7) Ambrosia Armor - You wear more perfume than Chanel makes in a fiscal quarter. The people around you show their appreciation of your delightful scent by bowing! Strange how they always seem to be gripping their throats or clutching their stomachs while they do though. Toggle; while on everyone within range has a chance of choking and gasping for air. Attacking them will stop the effect.

8) Slippery Little Sucker - Sometimes you want to have a little shine to your appearance. Sometimes you just have to sparkle! Toggle power. When active you wear a petroleum based make up that causes most attacks to hit and skid off without doing actual damage.

9) The Whole Enchilada - Drastic situations require drastic solutions! You apply every bit of make up in your substantial collection all at the same time! Oh, it might cost a bit to replace, but beauty knows no limitations! Click power. Extreme resistance to every kind of attack with the exception of psychic, but only if the psychic is not actually looking at you. If they are then you're immune to their power too. This power does not recharge as normal. In order to get the power back again you must travel to any store and pay 100,000 influence to replenish your make up supply. Oh, and while using this power you transform into something that looks like one of the Hydra... but in pastels.

These sets are available to Scrappers and Brutes.

Contrary to popular belief and unpopular suspicion I have never imbibed, lit up, snorted, shot up, got down, careened sideways, got diagonal, went down under, got schnookered, blitzed, blotto, baked, wasted or any other metaphoric or euphamistic way of describing drug or alcohol use.

People who know me say I'm untethered enough without artificial help.

This thread wins the first ever Official Steelclaw Stamp of Approval.

That and $7.95 will get you a small coffee at Starbucks.

After a week of hiding out in the various trash cans at NorCal (BaB's was my favorite one to hide in, he always had the best doughnuts) I have managed to ferret out information about the expansion that will be happening AFTER the Going Rogue one.

It will be obstensibly titled City of Heroes: Golden Age. It will be about those glorious heroes and dastardly villains who were fighting back in the 1940's and 50's. No, it won't be about them back then, it will allow you to play them as they are NOW.

It will be sub-titled: Going Senile.

Some of the features of City of Heroes: Golden Age; Going Senile:

1) New travel power in the pool powers: Super Wheelchair which will include the tier one powers of Trick Riding(def buff), Coasting (zero end cost at sprint speeds), Turbo Props (faster superspeed with poorer handling) and Rockets (flight)

2) Clothing With Skin costumes will now have the Depends option.

3) For those who have been clamoring for the walk emote you will be met half way as the devs will introduce the Walker emote.

4) The Geriatric Arch Type:

a) Includes a large number of sleep based powers both against your enemies ("Why when *I* was a hero we didn't have that fancy Spandex stuff; we wore burlap and we liked it!" "That's nice grandpaa.. ZZzzzzZZzzz..") and as self heals ("Just a little nap before going to sleep I think.")

b) Has the Senility inherent power. Open up new mission possibilities with this inherent. Every time you are headed towards a mission door you have a percentage chance of stopping suddenly and muttering. "Now what the heck was I doin' again?" At this point the mission in your mission list and the navigation bar will change to something completely different. Adventure for you and confusion for your contacts!

c) New weapon selection: The Cane. Does smashing damage with a chance to stun. At lower levels the attacks will debuff the victim who is humiliated at being beaten by an old fart in public. Higher level attacks cause allies within range to act as though disoriented as they laugh themselves silly.

d) Charge up defense. Similar to Brute's fury or Dominator's domination bars; this bar will charge up as the Geriatric fights. When it is full the hero/villain will give a mighty cry of "My Hip!" and fall down writhing. This immediately summons two dozen pets dressed as medical staff. The staff will heal and buff the Geriatric and all his/her allies in the area.

e) The Psychological Torture secondary will be available to all Geriatrics. Examples of powers include: "Why Don't You Call Anymore?", "Let Me List My Illnesses", "Why Can't You be More Like Your Brother?" and "You Put Me In A HOME You Ba***rd!"

5) All in-game Hospitals will now be fleshed out as completely as the AE buildings or Pocket D. There will be multiple rooms with different kinds of doctors or specialists. Geriatric arche types will gain experience points for special AT-specific missions called "Track Down a Diagnosis."

6) New costume pieces: Hospital Johnny, Pants Pulled Up To Armpits, Ear Hair, Sandals with Socks and Plaid, Plaid, PLAID!

7) The boob slider will now have a "gravity" slider option as well.

8) The bio section of your character will allow the option of changing the title from "Bio" to "In MY Day..." Once changed to the latter option the text space will increase enough to hold a small novel.

9) A new type of inspiration called "Fiber"; 'nuff said.

10) Those buying the collector's edition box of City of Heroes: Golden Age; Going Senile will get a special click power. The power only works in Pocket D. Approach DJ Zero and click; your character screams "You call that music?!" At which point a record player scratching sound effect occurs and the club track switches to Big Band music for the next several minutes.

11) New Hero Zone: Happy Acres Retirement Community

12) New Villain Zone: Lou's Discount Retirement Penitentiary

13) Senior Citizen's Discounts at Wentworth's/Black Market

14) AE Tickets? Reward Merits? Vanguard Merits? All old and forgotten. The new standard: Gift Certificates to Country Buffet!

15) Finally you will be able to respec all your powers AND AT. Not because you fell in a vat of toxic waste, got bitten by a radioactive ant-eater or made an incredible scientific discovery. No. Just because you're Going Senile and woke up this morning thinking you were a Peppermint Fairy with minty-fresh blaster powers.

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If there's a badge, I'll run this, no matter how painful.

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Congratulations! You've earned the "Master of Masochism" badge!

Actually, doesn't CoH/V go rouge every time there's a zombie invasion?

8) The players will randomly at some point in the MoPTF contract a disease similar to the Vahzilok wasting disease. Though this does not specifically debuff the character it does have the following symptoms: uncontrolled intermittent twitch emote, if the character stands still for more than 30 seconds they have a cumulative 5% chance of going into a combat level Sleep state, anytime the chat function is used the system will randomly switch around letters or replace words.

(That last one hasn't been verified as being a programming effort by the Devs, it may just be exhaustion on the part of the player.)

9) Whenever reporting back to Positron there is a 20% chance that he will ask the players to go to the far corner of a zone that is distinctly higher than their current level. Upon entering the door mission they will be confronted by a single NPC who will say "Oh, yer here fer Pos-ah-tron's laundry? Sure, jus' lemme go get it."

10) There will be new music that plays during every transition screen between zones and when entering mission doors. "Time Is On My Side" by the Rolling Stones. The whole song must play before the screen resolves; every time.

11) As psychological torture... er... as an added bit of entertainment the Tips screen will feature such tidbits as "You can quit a task force at any time from your team menu." or "I bet your family really misses you by now." or "Doctors have proven that holding it when you really have to go greatly increases your risk of bladder infections."

12) There is a new clock feature that keeps track of just how much time you've been on the TF. It is labeled "Amount of Your Life You Won't Get Back:"

Scene at a Paragon City school for adult education:

"Welcome back class. Tonight we are going to review the lessons we learned last week for how to react to a street thug when you are in your secret identity. Now, what was the word I asked you all to remember?"

"Crap!"

"Right, C.R.A.P.
Cower back in fear.
Run away as though in terror.
Assume your hero garb once out of sight.
Pummel the bad guy once you go back."

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I approve of this revelation and would like to sign up for your newsletter.

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Agreed. I wish there were a Steelclaw newsletter I could receive weekly, Extra edition on Sundays.

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A weekly newsletter? Don't I already post more than once a week as it is? Hmmm... I could do a delivery service but there'd be shipping charges of course.

Postage and Handling. That is... you'll pay me extra not to directly "handle" the newsletter I send you.

I finally figured it out!

Ever since I've been a member of this fine, outstanding community of CoX forumites the incredible abilities of the Paragon City civillians has been a subject of much joking and conjecture. We have at once both lamented and lauded their seeming invulnerability to attack, incredible leaping abilities and endless endurance (at least when it comes to purse tug of wars).

Well, at last I feel I am able to put this mystery to rest.

Every civilian in Paragon City is, in fact, a hero. Yep, that's right. Every one you see walking in the streets who isn't an enemy is actually a super hero in their secret identity.

Think about it! Clark Kent always has to play the bumbling, helpless buffoon when there are witnesses around! You see him cowering before a man with a gun, but the second you turn your back.. WHAM! Unconscious bad guy!

This also explains some of the wierd comments civies say. They're forever going on and on about how nice your costume is. That's because they're comparing it to their own! And that business about "I've changed my mind about capes." Has nothing to do with how they feel about super heroes.. you just helped them come to a fashion decision!

One good thing about this is that you no longer have to feel guilty about walking on by those people getting mugged or intimidated without helping. Rest assured that the moment you are out of sight the "victim" is going to make a miraculous come back.

In fact; I would hazard a guess that the only Non-Meta people in Paragon city besides the criminals are the Police. Kinda sad, huh?

I figured I'd jump on the band wagon..

1) An open ended letter to the forum: U

2) A series of letters regarding the series of letters currently sweeping the forum: WTF

3) Letters to the guy wondering why the girls are all pointing at him and laughing: XYZ PDQ

4) A message to the person also suffering from food poisoning: OU812

5) To the guy with the terminally slow computer when you all enter the mission door at the same time: CUL8R

6) To the guy who always quits the team when people take too long between missions: YUH82W8

7) To everything that ever happens on Pinnacle after the statement "Hold My Beer and Watch This": LOL

8) To everyone running a mute character on Virtue who eventually gets sick of the communication barrier: OOC FTW

9) To all the thoughtful, well considered dialog that the hard-working creator put into his AE mission which became the latest one beloved by farmers: TLDR

10) To all the teen age boys first trying out the game and seeing the costume category to show skin and the boob slider: Y UZ COH4XXX

11) In response to ANY attempt to get a developer to quantify "Soon": ROFLMAOWMBMOTHWWBFWRCC

(A little help with that last one for those not in the know: Rolling on floor laughing my a** off while monkeys beat me over the head with wiffle bats filled with rotten cottage cheese)

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*dies from laughing
That is perfect.
Now be honest, did you have those lyrics ready before I made my post? And if not, how long did it take for you to come up with them?

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No, I did not have them ready before you made your post.

And this particular effort took me around 20 minutes or so. When I make the parodies I bring up a window of the songlyrics.com and a Word window next to it and just work. If I am having trouble with the synchopation I will sometimes have another window with the song playing so I can figure out the timing.

This one was easier than most because the song itself is so easy to work with. I tried doing the entire song "American Pie" once and nearly had another brain annurism.

There is a tongue-in-cheek "news" paper in Paragon City called the Scallion. You may have heard about their sister company in this world.

Any-who, I happened across this article from them. If any of you happen to have others, feel free to add them.

The Origin of Disgust

Meta beings of natural origins have throwing knives, magical heroes or villains got their cantrip spells and even those technological wonders all seem to carry tazers up their fully armored sleeves.

But what about Mutants?

Mutants have an ability called Mutagen. They claim it’s simply a super power that every single one of them possess. An amino acid expectoration that does minimal damage and sometimes causes their opponents to choke for a bit.

The Scallion has discovered otherwise.

Our investigative reporters have done research into this so-called Super Spit Ball and discovered that this is no simple hock-a-loogie attack. For one thing, our staff watched several well known mutants use the power and in every single case they were throwing something with their hand. Further investigation revealed the mutants were not spitting into their hand and throwing it first. In every case the mutant seemed to be reaching towards their chest first before throwing their mutagen. We here at the Scallion filmed such an act with a super slow motion camera and were appalled to discover the hero reaching into their own armpit prior to throwing.

That’s right folks; mutants have been throwing their arm pit cheese at their enemies.

“Well it’s no freakin’ wonder we all fall to chokin’ and gaspin’ after getting’ hit with that stuff,” said a Hellion member who wished to remain anonymous. “You can just imagine the smell it gets up to after buildin’ up a sweat fightin’ all day.”

Although the PPD police chief refused comment, we here at the Scallion have received word that they are in heavy talks with both the Ban Roll-On and Right Guard companies regarding possible counter-measures from the villains of the mutant community.

Love it.

Now here's my two cents...

Ahem... An Open-Ended Letter to the CoH Community:

U

That is all.

1) There used to be busses running in Paragon until they were all commissioned as Blue Steel's rolling lunch boxes.

2) Blue Steel's travel power? The improbability drive.

3) Blue Steel was once married to Red Sonja... they ended up divorced though.. apparently things got pretty violet between them.

4) Blue Steel once had a Robin-like partner named Black Iron.. but they broke up after getting tired of the bad headlines: "Villains Black and Blued Again!"

5) Blue Steel is the reason Statesman only wears HALF a helmet.

6) Clockwork King once cried for three months straight because Penelope Yin told him she thought Blue Steel was "kinda cute."

7) Blue Steel once took his helmet off in public; it caused the great Paragon City baby-boom of 1969.

8) Blue Steel once visited the Rogue Isles although when he first got there it was still just one island.

9) Every member of the Knives of Artemis is actually a cult of Blue Steel worshippers who have sworn an oath of chastity until he chooses one of them as his bride. This also explains all the latent hostility.

10) Blue Steel and Synapse once had a race halfway around the world. Synapse ran around the the world. Steel walked through it.

11) Mynx is actually Blue Steel's house cat Muffin; the transformation came after she saw him step out of the shower still wet.

12) Lord Recluse once punched Blue Steel in the jaw. Soon after he had his scientists build him his first crab backpack so he could feed himself again.

13) Those giant mutating meteors in Bloody Bay? Blue Steel's toilet backed up one afternoon and blew.

14) What if Blue Steel goes Rogue in the upcoming expansion?
a) His new villain name will be Blue Steel.
b) Every Named hero in the game will also switch sides to keep from having to face him.
c) The Clockwork will all become a hero group.
d) The Rikti will find new success in their lost transformation program by advertising trips to the Rikti homeworld for any human joining up.
e) The sun will stop shining out of self-preservation.
f) Lord Recluse will qualify for unemployment compensation.
g) Every evil henchmen in the world will start re-working their resumes.
h) Every newly created villain, regardless of archetype, will have the option to take Shield Defense.
i) The moon base, also introduced with Going Rogue, will become the new home for everyone who decided en masse to just give Blue Steel the Earth.

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Page from the Malleus Mundi: Yeah, you’re a few pages short of a book there Skippy. Despite your absent minded insanity, which is kind of endearing actually, you are a dervish in a fight. If your team doesn’t show up at the mission door on time they’ll find out you’ve already cleared the mission instead of waiting. Note: If your forum name is Steelclaw you will immediately try to come up with new lyrics for the Bangles’ song “Manic Monday.” It’s just another Malleus Mundi… ooh oh.. Lookin’ like it’s dooms day… A ‘send ‘em to their tombs’ day… just another Malleus Mundi.


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When can we expect the full lyrics to this song

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Soon...

No, wait.. Soon is trademarked by the developers.. and I REFUSE to pay them a useage charge for copyright.. hmm.. need something other than "Soon"... Hey! I know... I'll go with..

Now...

(To the tune of "Manic Monday" by the Bangles)

Level six already
I was just in the middle of a team
I was beatin’ on some Circle
In the blue cavern 5-layer scheme
Then I got a drop
That soon sent me down a brand new trail
To destroy the world
And then over the ashes prevail

I’ve got another Malleus Mundi
I’ll have ‘em all someday
And that’ll be a fun day
My blottin’ out the sun day!
I found another Malleus Mundi

Have to find another one
Can’t destroy the world with just nine
But when I find the tenth one
You know then I’ll be feelin’ just fine
But it takes me so long
‘Cuz I want them but I just don’t know where
But I’ll keep the faith
And soon I’ll plunge the world in despair

I’ve got another Malleus Mundi
I’ll have ‘em all someday
And that’ll be a fun day
My blottin’ out the sun day!
I found another Malleus Mundi

Then just last night
Why did the Longbow have to pick last night
For their raid?
Defenses don’t matter
One strike and now I’m shattered
In a downward fade
It’s lookin’ like I’ve got no choice
Farmin’ time, let’s round up the boys
Time it goes so slow
Here we go again…

I’ve found my first Malleus Mundi!
I’ll have ‘em all someday
And that’ll be a fun day
My blottin’ out the sun day!
Got back my first Malleus Mundi

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Darn, got a Black Blood of the Earth and see nothing I have no fortune.

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Black Blood of the Earth is a mid-level salvage drop; you shouldn't start seeing it until much later levels. I created this list for the very first drop you got.

Even I don't enough time on my hands to make a list for every salvage at every level.... well.. maybe I could.. NO! Bad imagination.. no cookie for you!

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omg I have to print this out, it's like a new drinking game

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"Heh-hey.... I jush got a Shimple Chemical... what one ish that?"

"Beer... I got Comp... Compli... I got Difficult Chemical Formula... Whuzzat one get me?"

"Absynthe."

"Aw, s**t..."

So I was thinking again… despite the fact that my thoughts have taken a restraining order out against my brain… about the new tell fortune power in the magic set. It’s very cool and all, but I was wondering what would be a better way for your heroes or villains to know what their future held for them.

So I introduce to you the City of Heroes/Villains Horoscope! Now, we can’t very well base our horoscope on the stars since the ones in Paragon and Rogue Isles never change. So, your CoX horoscope sign is dependent entirely on the very first piece of salvage you receive when first running the character. Like the astrological horoscopes of our world, they combine a list of personality traits and possible future omens based on the characteristics of what you find.

And, in response to the comments I am sure I am about to get: Yes, as a matter of fact I DO have far too much time on my hands.

Alien Blood Sample: This rare drop is probably best left rare. You are out there in left field, unable to connect well with other players in teams. You feel vaguely guilty during Rikti Invasions and Vanguard billboards upset you.

Ancient Artifact: You have much better luck against “ancient enemies” like Circle of Thorns. Those “new-fangled” Malta and Freakshow are best avoided. You spend most of your time complaining about how “in my day there weren’t any fancy travel powers, not only didn’t we have Sprint we didn’t even have Boots as a costume choice!”

Architect Ticket: You are disconnected from reality and see things that really aren’t there. You have a tendency to want to live in the fast lane and get impatient when the level ding isn’t sounding at least once every ten minutes or so. Direct sunlight scares you.

Base Salvage: You are living in the past; it’s time to move forward with the times. On the plus side, you have just received the Entrusted With The Secret Badge!

Boresight: You are exceptionally far sighted. You plan out your character’s slotting and power selection before you even create them. Your character’s accuracy is going to be exceptional as they continue onwards. Let’s just say if you’re running a katana scrapper you can make a day job out of neutering flies… while they’re still in the air.

Brass: Loud and obnoxious are two words that describe you perfectly, at least two POLITE words that do so. You tend to use the broadcast channel even when speaking to your team mates who are in a different zone. On the plus side, you get Taunt without having to purchase it through sheer enemy irritation.

Chemical Formula: Drugs are bad, m’kay? Your Sprint should be changed to Stumble. You see the world as though through a swirling force field haze even when you haven’t seen a bubbler all day. You are perfectly content hanging out under Atlas and begging people for munchies. Note: This is the best possible salvage drop for an Illusion Controller.

Clockwork Gear: Your character is so organized and precise they make Howard Hughes seem slipshod. You don’t care about graphics since you can’t see them through all the information windows crammed on your screen. You simply can’t live without knowing the exact buff statistics when some wandering kinetics defender zaps you with speed boost on the fly. Mids screams when it sees you log on.

Clockwork Winder: You always start out strong in any situation but before long you begin to run out of gas. It’s as if your energy level slowly deteriorates over time the longer you stay at something. Like a draining battery. No, more like a rolling ball slowing due to friction. Nah… Hmm.. I’ll come up with a better metaphor later.

Complex Chemical Formula: Same as Chemical Formula but with an extra helping of paranoia just for fun! Don’t bother making a team because they’re all out to get you anyway. Unlike Chemical Formula people you CAN’T hang out anywhere for long because if a civilian walks by and mentions you by name you are immediately sure that he’s one of THEM and THEY know where you are now! What really ticks you off, though, is the lack of a Tin Foil Hat option in helmets.

Computer Virus: I’m not going to bother telling you your future since your computer won’t be able to run City for much longer anyway.

Daemon Program: “A hidden, resident computer program.” The hidden program serves as a little entity that follows you around. If you receive this on an odd level of experience then the entity is a poltergeist who just revels in tripping you up, making sure you miss directly after popping a yellow inspiration, waiting until you are in an epic battle to send you into map server disconnect, etc. If you get it on an even level then you get an angel named Murray. Murray doesn’t do much for you except keep the poltergeists at bay. You can always tell Murray’s around by the faint smell of garlic in the air.

Enriched Plutonium: Provided you can avoid the authorities who would like to “talk” to you about where you got this stuff, you have a very bright future to look forward to. Bright as in “glow in the dark”. You really should have checked the seal on that container before you picked it up. Note: This is a good omen for those with radiation emission, radiation blast or those who always wished they never had to shave again.

Heads Up Display: You always know what’s best to do in any situation. This is great when you are soloing but not so good on teams. It’s not that you don’t know what to do while on teams; it’s that no one ever listens. You will spend most of your days writing posts in the forums complaining about how stupid the people you played with last night are.

Heavy Water: Your future will include a great many chat messages of “brb bio.”

Human Blood Sample: If you received this from Skulls, Lost, Hellions, etc then you will be a dervish in battle! You will PWN your enemies through glorious combat and the civilians around you shall call out your name in praises of awe at your incredible pugilistic skills! If you got this from a Clockwork you will be confused. Very, very confused.

Inanimate Carbon Rod: It just sits there. No matter how long you stare at it, it just isn’t animate. Let’s face it; you’re not the brightest light on the Christmas tree. It’s a CARBON ROD! Why do you expect it to animate? How in the heck did you manage to find an enemy to get this from in the first place? How did you even manage to load the game? Oh, I’m sorry. I really should apologize… I wasn’t thinking. Here… let… me… talk… slower… does… that… help?

Lament Box: You complain. A lot. You’re leveling too slowly. Your team mates are idiots. Anyone who uses MA to farm is wrong and ruining the game. Well CRUD, they just nerfed MA farming. What’s next?! Are they gonna nerf Brawl?! On the other hand, you have an excellent career as a forumite ahead of you.

Luck Charm: Everything you touch turns golden. You have it made in the shade. No, seriously, at this point you could be a soloing defender with brawl six slotted with nothing but recharge reduction and still run the Statesman Task Force without a hitch.

Mutant Blood Sample: Your name is WolfReen, Wulvarine, WolverTeen or Hugh Jackman. You’re not aware that there ARE other options beyond Claws/Regen Scrapper. You’ve been generic’d more times than a WalMart shopping list. You’d be playing right now but you’re on the way to see the Origins movie for the third time this week.

Page from the Malleus Mundi: Yeah, you’re a few pages short of a book there Skippy. Despite your absent minded insanity, which is kind of endearing actually, you are a dervish in a fight. If your team doesn’t show up at the mission door on time they’ll find out you’ve already cleared the mission instead of waiting. Note: If your forum name is Steelclaw you will immediately try to come up with new lyrics for the Bangles’ song “Manic Monday.” It’s just another Malleus Mundi… ooh oh.. Lookin’ like it’s dooms day… A ‘send ‘em to their tombs’ day… just another Malleus Mundi.

Plasma Capacitor: You’re just a little on the short tempered side. Those dents on your walls are from various computer components thrown at high velocity. You wish there was a universal PvP not because you want to fight other players so much as you desperately want to beat the tar out of your team mates for being so stupid.

Polycarbon: You are destined never to win a single costume contest. People laugh as you walk by while pointing at what you’re wearing. You need to avoid open flames at all costs. Your endurance takes a serious hit when you run due to your skin’s inability to breathe… wait… oh… PolyCARBON… I thought it said polyester, my bad.

Psionic Ectoplasm: You are a deep thinker and of a philosophical bent. On teams this gets in the way because you would prefer to stand around discussing tactics before every new mob. Your team has been known to abandon you after faceplants since you invariably begin to discuss the nature of death and mortality. You have a great career ahead of you if you prefer to solo because you will always be able to out think and out maneuver your enemies. You will also take 2 years to get to 20th level as you plot and plan every battle out on graph paper ahead of time.

Psionic Manifestation: “A remnant of a psychic manifestation.” Okay, make up your mind, are you a Psionic Manifestation or a REMNANT of a Psionic Manifestation? You are confused and confusing to those around you. You often contradict yourself, sometimes in the same sentence. You are the one who creates a scrapper and invests only in the Medicine pool because you really wanted to run a healer.

Psionically Charged Brass: Similar to Brass, but much more cunning about it. In most Psychological Profiling Manuals your picture is located firmly in the section on passive aggressive behavior. You prefer running Defenders so you can withhold buffs and/or healing from the team mates who upset you. A MasterMind with this salvage omen will feel in their element but run the risk of their pets seeking employment opportunities elsewhere.

Runebound Armor: It’s all about the costume, baby. It’s better to look good than to feel good in your opinion. You will gladly spend all day in the costume creator to get the look just right, you only wish they had a button in the creator to change the light quality to match those found in-game. Any costume contest you don’t win is obviously fixed. They may as well just give you the Icon day job badge as soon as you enter the tutorial.

Scope: You’re focused on future plans, sometimes to detriment of what’s going on right in front of you. You already have your Soldier of Arachnos’s slotting planned to 35th level and the highest villain you have in your account is 5th.

Simple Chemical: Yeah, see, drinking this was probably a bad idea. Now your brain cells are dying faster than a hellion in Peregrine Island. I’d tell you what your future is going to be like but you’re going to be distracted by the pretty colors soon anyway.

Soulbound Armor: “A piece of armor with an unwilling soul bound into it.” You are conflicted. You created a scrapper but now you really think a defender would have been the better choice. Or maybe you should just skip the hero thing and go create a villain instead. You really can’t wait until “Going Rogue” is live… on the other hand… you’ve heard some good things about WoW.

Source Code: You like this character but what you’re really looking forward to is the power set coming out in three or four issues. That and the costume pieces, not to mention that awesome new Accolade badge that’s down the road a bit. Too bad they’re going to cancel your account for violating the PIGG file restrictions for the 10th time in a row.

Spell Scroll: Ur karaktar Rouge Angle iz gr8t! U totolee PWNZ teh 733t sawse in CoX! U hayt pepl who do’nt no teh diffrenz tween LFT & LFG. WTF?! U dont unnerstand Y pepl dont wana chat with U.

(On a side note; that last one just made my spell checker commit suicide.)

Spiritual Essence: You are always willing to help out other people with their troubles. Newb players absolutely adore you because you hand out free influence as generously as you do advice. The only downside is you will never in your gaming career succeed in a timed mission because you are wracked by guilt if you try to run past a mugging scene on the street without helping.

Strand of Fate: You have an uncanny ability to manipulate the destinies of those around you. With delicate fingers you lead team mates to the mission you prefer while getting them to give you preferred drops. You look forward to Going Rogue so you can see how many heroes you can turn to the darkness and how many villains you can lead to the light. When you see a Fake Nemesis, you never fight it, you simply pat it on the shoulder and wink.

Symbiotic Armor: You are always more comfortable in a team. The extra experience is nice, not to mention the exciting battles, but ultimately it’s the camaraderie that wins you over every time. In fact, you tend to feel antsy when not on a team. It’s not like you’re co-dependent or anything. You could solo if you really wanted to. Sure you could. In fact, just last week you soloed just fine! Although that was your level pacted character. And you DID have a printed screen shot of your pact partner taped to your monitor. And you kept typing in team chat even though you were alone. But it was either that or hyperventilate, so it’s really completely understandable.

Temporal Sands: You have a hard time playing the game because of time constraints. So when you do, you have to be doing something at all times when logged in. You always lead your own teams so there will be no debate in setting missions. Regardless of their chosen travel power every one of your characters has Recall Friend. If you get to the mission door first you start teleporting in your team mates whether they ask for it or not. Those who have their accept TP turned off are automatically booted.

Unearthed Relic: You have a severe case of alt-itis. Indeed, the character you’re running now is one you can’t remember making in the first place. The counter on the character select screen that tells how many days it’s been since last played had its numbers replaced with a row of X’s. When you signed it on it took several minutes for all your veteran badge earned messages to finish popping up. You’re pretty sure it was created pre-diversification since you have everything six slotted with damage enhancements.

Volume of the Obsidian Librum: You are never without someone to play with because you are the master of social networking. Your global friends list resembles a New York City phone directory. You have filled out ratings and comments on people you stood next to in a costume contest. RFT spammers would LOVE to have your mailing list. In your case Volume of the Obsidian Librum = Little Black Book.

You asked for it...

I wish I had a pocket dimension all my own where I could shape energy and matter as I so pleased. There I would make a planet sized computer and create pin-head sized wormholes that I would link to my own brand of computers here on earth. I would advertise my system as the first true world wide ethernet where all your personal files normally stored on your hard drive are instead stored on the "universal system." Download times are a thing of the past since the computing power of this mega-computer can access all data instantaneously. I offer the computers for free and simply charge a nominal monthly fee for access and file storage size. I also create an intuitive A.I. within my computer to make customer service completely internal. You will literally be able to tell the computer what you want and it will create it for you. I will then approach the devs and demand they make City of Heroes 2 on my system.

I wish I had the skills to match my imagination when it comes to creating the videos I see of CoH characters in my head as I listen to the radio. Especially the ones for Black Hole Sun (the final scene where War Witch and Ghost Widow kiss the guy while simultaneously reaching their immaterial hands into his chest and stopping his heart is AWESOME!) and I Feel Like A Woman (picture the ladies of City of going out for a night on the town...)

I wish I could create my own amusement park on the scale of Disney World and have an entire "kingdom" dedicated to City of Heroes complete with Dev input.

I wish I will still be alive to experience the first truly successful Super Hero MMORPG Virtual Reality game.

I wish I had another Pepsi right now.

I wish a radioactive/magical comet/meteor would pass by the earth showering it in radiation/fairy dust and every person playing City of Heroes or Villains at the time would immediately be infused with the actual powers of their logged character.

I wish I hadn't just drank my last Pepsi.

I wish my twisted sense of humor had an off button sometimes; seriously.. the first time I saw Swan I thought of a new position called the "Swan Dive."

I wish the stuffed animal on my computer tower would stop looking at me like that.

I wish Positron would stop calling that green stuff "radiation" when we all know it's body funk from not taking his armor off for so long.

I wish there was a 24 hour store in this backwoods town so I could buy a *%&$(! Pepsi.

I wish all the nations of the world would start a dialog that could end in the recognition of peace as value that should be held by all.

I wish Beauty Show Contestants would stop saying s**t like that.

I wish the gears of science would slowly grind to a halt and reverse so magic became the dominant force on the planet... again.

I wish I had Pheonix Immortality.. so when I reached the day of my death I burst into flames and was born as a child from the ashes.

I wish I could be closest to the people I dislike on the day of my death.

I wish Pepsi delivered.

I wish everyone in this crazy on line community to have a great week and .. when it finally comes out.. to universally adore every feature in Going Rogue.

[ QUOTE ]
Steel, I just want to hug you.

[/ QUOTE ]
Sorry... I've fallen for that before... "Accidental Heimlech Manuever" my rosy redness...

Oh, what the heck...

1) "Okay, I'm confused... is it necrophelia if we're BOTH dead?"

2) "I was wrong... swinging this way isn't exciting at all.. you're more of a dead fish than my husband."

3) "We should have been to the hospital by now don't you think?" "Yeah... but our users are both teen age boys." "What does that have to do with anyth.... EEWWW!!"

4) Rad Defender standing just off screen: "So what do you think they would turn into at this point if I used Mutation on both at once? I'm not sure but I bet it violates the Teen rating."

5) Council Officer: "Okay.. move it along troops.. nothing to see heeeeeooooly crud!"

6) Waaaaaaay off camera in the Council base security room: "Bernie, for the last time, if you pan that camera so much as an inch I'm going to kill you."

7) "I've tried keying the Hospital teleport six times already but the icon keeps moving away from my mouse. I tried calling a GM about the problem but they keep calling it a 'known issue.' "

8) "Could you give me your character's secret identity? I need to change my bio."

9) "Oh GAWD how I love PUGs!!"

10) "So, you had Mexican before the mission, hm?"