Steelclaw

I don't create silly-named characters but I thought this one up earlier today... Anyone who wants it can have it.

The Cookie Mobster

I picture a blue-furred creature wearing a lavander suit and sporting a fedora. Too bad they don't have googly eyes as a costume choice.

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Hmmm this could be fun

Blood Spectre = Water Ghost Buster
Coiling Cobra = Lounging Mongoose
Doctor Online = Nurse Offdot
Project Dragonfly = Homework Knightspider
Scissor Man = Paper Woman
Nemean = Heracles

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Okay folks... quiet please... we're taking bets on the outcomes of the Praetorian vs Standard battles... Do I have any takers for the Scissor Man vs Paper Woman fight? Any takers at all? Oh come on! Surely someone is going to bet Paper Woman!

Ah, there we are... one bet for Paper Woman from Rock Boy.

Rock Boy: "Hey, I fought Scissor Man and beat him easy. But I've been covered by Paper Woman so many times that I just give up the moment I see her."

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Okay Ill play,
Renzer:Abaedon
Amartasu:Amardesu
Incidri:Froi
Froi:Incedri
Dr.Fields: Veterinarian Mountains
....hmm...
Ensiform Mistress:Blunt Man

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Fix'd that for ya

Okay, to pass the time while the servers are down..

If the Praetorian version of a person is supposed to be the exact opposite of the standard version; what might the Praetorian version of your forum persona and your characters be?

For example.. My character conversions:

Flexible Physics : Rigid Chemistry
Passive Aggression : Excited Calm
Assisted Afterlife : Do-It-Yourself Birth
Surgeon's Canvas : Dentist's Clay
Re-Stitched : UnStapled
Lore Master : Ignorance Slave
Urban Tactics : Country Chaos
Chylde Prodigy : Geriatric Ignoramous
Blood Priestess : Flesh Agnostic
Shackled Eternity : Freed Brevity
Phantasmal Fantasy : Real Reality
Core Combustion : Fringe Freeze
Shadow's Secret : Light's Broadcast
Blood and Honor : Flesh and Shame
Evolution Upgrade : Creationism Download

This has been brought to you by my Praetorian self...

Tin Toenail

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While I appreciate your time, effort, and obvious creativity.. I must ask.. what's the point?

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You'll understand if I find this an odd question coming from someone with the links in their signature that you possess. I take it you felt compelled to create those videos and wallpapers either for artistic reasons, just because you wanted or possibly because you felt others might enjoy them.

I imagine you likely put the effort into them for the same reason I put my efforts into my silly little jokes, lists and songs.

But then again, perhaps I'm wrong.

Before we start this I would like to say this is all Oddballica's fault. He made a joke in another thread that was also a song parody, although he only parodied the chorus.

I'm only human folks. How can you expect me to resist that kind of temptation? I... I couldn't help but write out the entire song. So.. so the credit for the first song goes entirely to Oddballica who was my muse in this case.

The... er... The other songs after that...? Well.. yeah, that's my fault. I couldn't stop with just one...

So these songs are dedicated to Going Rogue and the near future of City of Heroes. I may think of others later but right now I'm too danged tired to write anymore.

Enjoy....

(to the tune of “Material Girl” by Madonna)

Some worlds Blue me, Some worlds Red me…
I think they’re okay..
But they don’t give me flip-flop options
I need more leeway.

They don’t know what I just need
I can’t choose dark or light; that’s right!
‘Cause the need to change my status
Is my fought for right!

‘Cause we are
Living in the Praetorian world
And I am a Praetorian girl
You know that we are living in the Praetorian world
And I am a Praetorian girl

I choose heroes; no villain zeroes
Blue side destiny!
But it can’t keep my interest so it’s
Red side I must be!

Some yell foul and some they howl
Don’t care ‘bout what they say
Only a bunch of fast side-swappers
Make my team today

‘Cause we are
Living in the Praetorian World
And I am a Praetorian girl
You know that we are living in the Praetorian world
And I am a Praetorian girl

Sides may come and sides may go
And that’s all right by me
‘Cause now I am the only one
To face myself in PvP

‘Cause everyone is
Living in the Praetorian World
And I am a Praetorian girl
You know that we are living in the Praetorian world
And I am a Praetorian girl


(to the tune of “Goin’ Crazy” by David Lee Roth)

Well, here I’m cruisin’
‘Round here on Mercy Island
Been in the Red too long
I’m a Blood Widow
But I think I’ll take a firm stand
I think I’ll switch sides
An’ hit the blue side town

I wanna save some folks
I’m gonna help some banks
I’ll tell Recluse to go to hell
I ain’t betrayin’
I’ll take a blue side second shot
I know you’re laughin’
‘Cause it’s easy to tell..

I’m Goin’ Rogue, yeah!
Goin’ Rogue, yeah!
With my VEAT!

Remember training those Arachnos’ nights
In prep for a bunch o’ Longbow slaughter
My old buddies won’t be laughin’
Won’t be feelin’ high
When I do my trainin’ with State’s grand-daughter!
Oh no!

Don’t tell me give it up
Don’t preach me villain-side
I learned my lessons well
I’ll just be goin’
And then I’ll never stop
I see you smilin’
‘Cause it’s easy to tell

I’m Goin’ Rogue, yeah!
Goin’ Rogue, yeah!
With my VEAT!


(to the tune of “Get Back” by the Beatles)

Jojo was a brute who thought he was a scrapper
But he had an evil past
Jojo ran a brute but thought it was a crapper
His interest it just wouldn’t last

Go Rogue, Go Rogue
Go Rogue and let your claws grow long
Go Rouge, Go Rogue
Go Rogue and sing a scrapper song

Sweet ol’ Mister Martin thought he was a woman
But he was another man
Into gender-bending; his pain was never-ending
Until he heard that NC ad..

Sci-Pack, Sci-Pack
Sci-Pack and you can do no wrong…
Sci-Pack, Sci-Pack
Now trade your boxers in for thongs

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Evil mirror twin in the corner
who watches over you
Put a creepy Praetorian in your soul

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Not to put too fine a point on it..
But say that I'm the bee in your bonnet..
Put a creepy Praetorian in your soul
And while you're at it..
Keep the night light on inside the Preatorian in your soul..

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How else are we going to craft the new Praetorian recipes that only work in Praetorian world?

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Makes sense. We will be living in a Praetorian world, and we are Praetorian girls!

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Are you trying to tempt me into making a full-version parody of that?

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That number there.. the next one.. yeah, the one after the last one.. there ya go) Watch as your thread goes violently out of control.. Find yourself in a place of sight and sound... realize you have entered... The Twilight Thread.

And the next one) Upon realizing you are in the Twilight Thread.. look around for sparkling vampires.

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I misread that at first as spanking vampires and got a strange but sexy mental image.

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It's only effective if your spanking hand has been blessed by a Priest.

Be careful they don't Bite the hand that spanks them.

"I'm a naughty undead... I'm a NAUGHTY undead!"

"I don't mind doing this for you, but do you HAVE to call me 'Drac-Daddy' while I do?"

"Honey.. When I said we needed to spice up things in our bedroom I was thinking more along the lines of rose petals and candles."

"Stake through the heart... Blisters on your ***... whatever works."

"Why Doctor VanHelsing.. if I'd known THIS is what you wanted to do to me all these years I would have let you catch me sooner."

Yeah, this is called Buckshot Humor.. my specialty.. send enough s**t downrange and hope at least one of 'em hits the target.

That number there.. the next one.. yeah, the one after the last one.. there ya go) Watch as your thread goes violently out of control.. Find yourself in a place of sight and sound... realize you have entered... The Twilight Thread.

And the next one) Upon realizing you are in the Twilight Thread.. look around for sparkling vampires.

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Snape breathed restlessly into Ron's ear...

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Actually it was Harry and Malfoy... They weren't enemies in this version... not by a looooooong shot.

EDIT: Pun intended.

Q-1.2) Do something to REALLY confuse the count of the list.

18) Sit back and watch something that resembles a civil war re-enactment as performed by people with severe ADD.

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actually no...it's bright and sunny...I've spent the last few hours reading a book and playing Mario Kart Wii...

Just saying to those moaning that this is inconviencing them, when the majority on the US servers aren't inconvienced by it should try being on the EU servers...where the majority is inconvienced by it...but we start making puns in our maintenance threads, or we go outside and do other things, just nipped back into check if the servers had been updated and Issue 15 was live.

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how does one nip back in?

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I believe it involves chewing through the outer layers to get back to where you started. I may be wrong though.

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11) Read a thread about what to do while waiting for the servers to come up, while waiting for the servers to come up.

12) Reply to the thread about what to do while waiting for the servers to come up, after reading the thread about what to do while waiting for the servers to come up, while waiting for the servers to come up.

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13) start a quote pyramid after reading a reply to a post about what to do while waiting.

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14) Get upset about people expanding what was supposed to be a top TEN list... now I have to put it to a top 13 list.... D'OH! 14... ARGH!

Teen Rating...

I have a teen age daughter who I recently caught reading Harry Potter yaoi fan fiction on her lap top computer.

I'm pretty sure a little gender bending/transformation on a hero video game is well within a teen ager's scope of acceptance.

I.. on the other hand.. am scarred for life.

Things to do while waiting for the servers to come up...

1) Start a thread about how this HAS to be Issue 15... no wait! It has to be Going Rogue... or better still! It's Going Rogue, Issue 15, The Science Pack.. and.. and... it's a sneak preview of Issues 16 through 22 too!

2) Start a thread on how now matter what this delay means.. it can only mean one thing... DOOOOOOOOOM!

3) Trim your toenails.

4) Start a thread on how you don't care what the bloody blood blood the delay is all about.. it's a danged DELAY and you're NOT happy about it!

5) Start a thread on how lame you think the future of the game is and that unless they give you everything you want on your wish list the delay will still no doubt end in Epic Fail.

6) Trim someone else's toenails.

7) Start a thread on what to do while you wait on the servers to come back up.

8) Get accused by Steelclaw for being a copycat when you start up a thread on what to do while you wait for the servers to come back up.

9) Sit and imagine the pure awesome unadulterated WIN of what you're about to experience. Deliberately not read any downer-posts so they don't cloud your vision of excellence. Then, because the game in your head is so purely awesome, never play the game again because of your fear of being let down.

10) Get back to work because your boss is yelling at you.

Well, I can't accept this...

I say we all start calling them at home until they posting on the weekends as a preferable alternative.

Hydra: They say that Aphrodite sprang fully formed from Zeus's head... I guess you guys came from his nose, huh?

Arachnoid: Yeah... I was going to generic you for copying Spiderman.. but umm... Peter Parker you ain't... Peter Putrid maybe..

Wolf Spiders: Those little red lights on your helmet.. if they turn green does that mean you're "done"?

Crab Spider Longfang: Whoa, dude... I liked the Ginsu commercials on TV too.. but don't you think this is a bit much?

Follow Up: Wait a second! Let me find a tin can and a tomato!

Crab Spider Webmaster: Hey! I'm glad to see you! We wanted to really party down tonight.. We have the music but were wondering if you'd stand in the corner and use Suppression for the light show.

Bane Spider Scout: Yeah, those lilac-colored shoulder pads... really intimidating.. seriously.

Night Widow: I can see why you're a widow... judging by the outfit I'd say your husband committed suicide in reaction to what you spend on hats.

Fortunata Seer: I never got why they call you "Seers". As near as I can tell there are no eye-holes in that thing. Shouldn't they call you "Fortunata Stumblers"?

Tarantula Mistress: Whoa! Okay, I agree that a little bondage and restraint can be kinky.. but DANG woman!

Toxic Tarantula: Hey, you know what would be hilarious? If I took the life support tube and swapped it with the toxin tube!

Mu Striker: Mu Striker.. nah.. doesn't flow.. I'll just call ya Cow Puncher.

Mu (general): Hey, at Arachnos Company picnics do they tie small strings around your feet and let the kids carry you around as balloons?

Mu (general): Your arms and legs are bound up so how do you get undressed to go to the bathroom? Is that why you guys are always floating around hunched over?

Cabal(any): Okay... I loved "Bewitched" as much as anyone... but there's such a thing as taking it too far.

Gremlin: Anyone got a bucket of water?!

Cimeroran Legionarii: Wow... nice skirt.

Cimeroran Engineer: ACK! I preferred the skirt!!

Minotaur: Whoa, you looked ticked. Yeah, I heard that Mad Cow Disease is a b**ch.

Cyclops: Hey, Mister Depth Perception... I'm right in front of you! No, I'm not 20 feet away.. I'm right there. Oops! Missed me!

Coralax(any): Hey, I just said that Aquaman was a stupid concept for a superhero.. there's no need to take it personally!

Devouring Earth(most of them): Yeah, yeah... I know you're all dangerous and stuff.. but I have a hard time being scared of something that looks like the villain from a Scooby Doo cartoon.

Marcone (any): Okay, seriously guys, the 20's were EIGHTY FREAKIN' YEARS AGO... get over it!

Firbolg(any): Technology is amazing... The world's first ambulatory, self-baking pumpkin pie.

Freakshow(any): It took six million dollars to build Steve Austin as the bionic man... I'm thinking you guys spent.... hmm... $29.95?

Juicer Chief: Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's accident.. but you really should have asked if she had metal fillings before you kissed her.

Meat Doctor: Yeah, I'll take a half pound of honey baked ham aaaaand.. make it a full pound of the roast beef.

Freakshow Tank: Sorry, you may have been cool back in the 50's or 60's .. but if you can't transform into a car or jet or toaster oven or something.. you just can't hold my interest.

Goldbricker (any): Wait a sec... your BOSS calls you Goldbrickers? He does know what that means, doesn't he?

Boomer: Let me guess... they named you that because your the first one to find out that your rocket pack DOES ignite your um... "natural methane emissions"... right?

Infected: See? If you'd listened to me and drank Pepsi instead of Coke you wouldn't be having this problem.


Come people.. surely you make fun of the on screen baddies while playing? What are YOUR taunts?

(The one with the fish flakes for the War Hulk was hilarious, by the way.)

I think it's a bit of a let-down that the game has Taunting as a power but all we get for a sound effect is something that sounds like a cow suffering from constipation.

So, I would like to suggest a few lines that could be used specifically against certain bad guys.

Please feel free to add your own.

Damned - “Attack me? Well, in your case I guess you’re You if you do and you’re You if you don’t.”

Bone Daddy – “So… Bone Daddy… is that what you had to do to get that rank in the first place?”

Clockwork (general) – “Your momma was a toaster oven!”

Assembler Prince – “So you have all those Gears running around inside you, huh? Is that like the clockwork version of fleas or is it more a ‘marital aid’ kinda thing?”

Strange Clockwork Activity in King’s Row (singing)- “I’ve been beatin’ on Paladin… All the live-long day… I’ve been beatin’ on Paladin.. So please send a badge my way…”

Embalmed Cadaver – “So.. you drew the short straw, huh?”

Cadaver or Abomination – “Stumbling walk… vomiting green stuff everywhere… unintelligible speech… most of your clothes missing… is it Saint Patrick’s day already?

Mortificator – “Seriously.. You know Doc Vahz… he dresses some of them in tight black leather shorts and the ‘better’ ones in full black leather body suits with hundreds of buckles on it.. he’s not a scientist.. he’s a fetishist isn’t he?”

Any Eidolon – “Wow.. Allllll those buckles.. must be a pain to get out of that suit.. and yet here you are in the sewers all day.. listening to the water.. all that water.. rolling and flowing.. dripping and sloshing…”

Circle of Thorns Archer – “You know that’s a crossbow right? You also know archer’s use bows, right?”

Hordeling Lasher – “Nice tongue… At least now I understand why all the Circle wear robes.”

Soul Mage – “Hey, I have a question.. was John Belushi as <censored> up as everyone said he was?”

Succubus – “Oops.. you gotta little something.. there.. right at the corner of your mouth.”

Lost w/ TV Helmet – “Oh great! They’re televising the World’s Ugliest Dog competition!”

Lost w/ Stop Sign Armor – “Okay.. I’ll sing and you do the dance… here we go.. STOP! In the name of looooove.. before you break my heart!”

Anathema – “Seriously dude.. next time you visit the tanning booth.. wear sun screen..”

Any Lost – “Okay, we have a two step process for your re-entry into normal society.. first step: The Lost Cure… second step: Soap.”

Outcast Charger – “So your powers are electricity-based, huh? Water and you don’t mix then… explains the smell.”

Outcast Cooler – “Before we fight could you hold my beer? It’s gone all warm again.”

Outcast Match – “Can you make just your head light up? And then stand really straight with your arms tight to your sides… Why? No reason.”

Any Trollkin – “Trollkin? TROLLKIN? Isn’t that what they called those little hair dolls back in the 70’s?”

Ogre – “Okay, so which Shrek jokes HAVEN’T you heard yet?”

Any Troll (singing) – “It’s not easy.. being green..”

War Wolves – “What did I tell you about licking yourself when I have company over? Bad doggy!!”

Vampyri – “Wait a sec.. I have something for you.. Now where did I put that coupon for one free session at Tan-O-Rama?”

Yellow Ink Man – “Yeah… ‘Ink’… right…”

Any Tsoo – “So, are you Crouching Tiger or Hidden Doofus?”

Sorcerer – “Nice hat.. You know if you could see better you wouldn’t teleport into walls as often as you do.”

Tsoo Boss: Lost Son – “And I’m sure your Father appreciates it.”

Tsoo Boss: Sky Fall – “You should train this small chicken to announce you whenever you enter a room.. it would be a riot!”

Any Shaman – “No no! Don’t jump up! Don’t bend over! I can see why they freakin’ banished you in the first place!”

Avalanche Shaman – “Ack! I said I DIDN’T want to see why they call you an Avalanche Shaman… and no I don’t have any toilet paper.”

Spirit of Desire – “Okay.. seriously? The 60s are over… deal with it.”

Spirit of Sorrow – “Oh lord… Now I’ve seen it all.. An Emo Tikki.”

Sapper – “I’d make fun of you but quite frankly you guys are usually dead before I could get half the words out anyw… ah crud.”

Hercules Class Titan – “Come one… Come all.. Come and see the world’s only Co-Dependent Robot!”

Any Female Crey Field Agent – “Yeah, baby.. I’m locked and loaded and slotted with Knockback.. no one kicks in mid-air like you do.”

Crey Cryo Tank – “All that refrigeration hardware and they didn’t put in a beer tap? And you people call yourselves scientists.”

Paragon Protector (singing) – “I think I’m a clone now… there’s always two of me just a hangin’ around… I think I’m a clone now… yeah I can stay at home while I’m outta town…”

Any Harlequin/Attendant – “Hey… wouldya lookit that… where did that pole come from? And who turned on that music?”

Any Strongman – “No, really bucket-head… I’m sure they love you for your mind.”


Illusionist – “Yeah.. I understand… I mean your surrounded by scantily clad women all day.. Petticoats are a great way to hide the fact that you’re a little hippy.”

Ring Mistress – “One Dame to lead them all, One Dame to mind them, One Dame to bring them all and in the x-frames bind them.”

Ahem...

The level at which you can no longer do missions alone is...

The Level of Incompetence...

Thank you.

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That's what happens when you let a destroyed city zone conduct an interview. Honestly, I'm impressed it was able to ask any questions!

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Let's see... I'll give 3 points for the tone.. Another 3 points for saying what you had to say and getting out... Aaaaaand 3.6 points for humor...

All in all you get 9.6 out of 10 points... Sorry, no rounding off...

Let's see.. my fave-of-faves...

AbsoluteAcceleration - Martial Arts/Super Reflexes Scrapper (cheetah in appearance)

Sphere Factor - Force Field/Energy Blast Defender

Shackled Eternity - Dark/Dark Stalker

La Bella Mafia - Thugs/Pain Dom Mastermind

Assisted Afterlife - Dual Blades/Willpower Brute

Passive Aggression - Empathy/Psy Defender

Thorn of the Fire Rose - Spines/Fire Scrapper

Sid and the Deep Six - Punk Rock Mastermind with Undead bandmates named Lead Guitar, Bass Guitar, Drummer and 3 Roadies.

Flexible Physics - Grav/Kinetics Controller

Hell's Harvest - Plant/Thorns Dominator

Emcee Boombox - Sonic/Sonic Defender

Poisoned Lotus - Ninja Blade/Ninjutsu Stalker

Yeah, I have alt-itis...

Okay, so today I played my Ninja/Storm Summoning MasterMind on Triumph. I figured it would only be fair to do a villain side perspective in the same manner.

You can probably tell by all the Luddite references that I was playing her in Cap. Oh, and No this won't be a regular thing... Two days in a row should be enough.. no need to run this joke into the ground any more than I already have..


21) So if the Super Science pack will allow me to transform my male villain into a female villain, will it let my Robotic Mastermind change his pets from a robot into a Ferrari?

22) Brokers use the paper as a means of putting out various jobs. There are thousands of villains who use their services. So…. Other than advertisements is there a single legitimate news story in the paper… ever?

23) Shouldn’t the badge for destroying all the cars in Mayhem missions be called “Insurance Premium Multiplier”? Or perhaps, from the Insurance company’s perspective… “Act of God”?

24) Do you think Atlas privately wishes he was carrying the atom sphere from Cap Au Diable?

25) How do you think Atlas’s widow feels about all those people standing between her husband’s legs every day and arguing about who’s prettiest?

26) Exactly how does Steamy Mist make people unaware of your presence when you’re in buildings? Do they think a water main broke directly above a heating element?

27) Does Foreshadow’s shadow ever appear behind him?

28) If the Luddites despise and reject all technology why did they agree to appear in a video game?

29) Considering the ratio of parked cars to cars actually driven in Atlas Park and King’s Row, could destroying them during Mayhem missions be considered “Community Service”?

30) Did the Luddites have anything to do with the fact that there isn’t a single driven car anywhere in the Rogue Isles? Or did Lord Recluse take the “Going Green” campaign too far?

31) If someone born and raised in the Rogue Isles sees a car summoned by a Grav Dominator’s Propel power… do they think it’s alien technology?

32) Considering their anti-computer/technology stance.. shouldn’t the Luddite with the axe be called something other than a Hacker?

33) Longbow DOES realize the Rogue Isles aren’t under American jurisdiction, right?

34) Should we just assume that every civilian we see in Nerva is actually an off-duty Longbow or Wyvern agent?

35) If your own pets kill your Debuff Anchor first; is it a sign of job dissatisfaction? Should you bring it up at their next performance review?

36) If the dev’s ever nerf Gale would that mean they had “broken wind”?

37) Who in the heck thought the Hellions were so bad-[censored] that they felt compelled to create a Rogue Isles chapter?

38) Those Clockwork in that one Marshal Brass mission… how are they getting the metal they steal back to Paragon?

39) Why are there “tarts” in Port Oakes but not St Martial?

40) Do you think that Barracuda would love to see Saliva do an updated re-mix of the old Heart song?

41) Does anyone besides me get a huge kick out of the fact that the Placate animation is the Jedi mind trick hand wave?

42) Do you get the feeling that contacts who send you to Security Chiefs, PVP Zone Officials or Hero Corps Reps are just trying to get rid of you?

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Yeah, great post, but it leaves me wondering...

Do you write these down as you think of them, or are you amazingly able to recall them all when you entered the post?

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This time around I wrote them as I was playing.. I had a Word Document up and just typed 'em in when they flitted into my brain...

I actually had an idea once to do something similar while reviewing people's MA stories. It didn't work out so well though since it really disrupted my game play and you people are WAAAY to fond of the triggered ambush.