Steelclaw

Personally I would like a line of code added that reads your character's Veteran status. If you have a certain level of months logged-in the system can just assume you know all about the PvP zones, the AE Corps walk-through, the Faultline arc, etc and never mention them at all.

I was thinking about PvP in City of Heroes and decided that the system just doesn’t work as-is because of the RPG aspects of the game. PvP should be more dynamic, more action-packed OR more strategy based like a chess game.

So, keeping these thoughts in mind, I would like to see the PvP zones be made into a completely different game entirely. Why try to cram the existing City of Heroes framework into a player vs player format? Instead, let’s borrow from those fun competitive games already out there and make CoH PvP an entirely NEW creature!

Here are a few possibilities:

City of Street Fighting: One on one two dimensional fighting at its best! Now at last Combat Jumping can live up to its name as you wall jump to get a better vector on your opponent. Your powers can be accessed by specific joystick and button combinations! Let your Fire Blaster scream “Hadoken!” as they throw a fireball! Listen to the mighty “ShoRyuKen!” from your Super Strength Brute as he executes a flawless Knockout Blow. Or, take a beating for a few minutes to build up your Super Meter until you can unleash your ninth tier power! Win the match and strike a cheesy pose as you accept the accolades of your PvP brethren!

Mortal City of Kombat: Very similar to City of Street Fighting except once you defeat your opponent you get the opportunity to type in a series of mismatched letters and numbers to initiate your finishing move. Unfortunately for you, the game is rated Teen and so a large CENSORED box will appear over the gruesome images accompanied by grisly sound effects only to disappear and reveal you alone, as your dead opponent has been teleported to the hospital.

City of Card Collecting: While fighting environmental opponents in PvP zones you will soon discover a new salvage drop; Playing Cards! These cards drop randomly and include defensive (tanks, defenders, etc), offensive (blasters, brutes, scrappers,etc) and effect (controllers, dominators,etc) cards. Learn the strategy of the cards to build the ultimate and unstoppable deck! Once you have enough cards to meet the deck minimum you can challenge other players to long, drawn-out and overly dramatic “battles.” One piece of advice… if you find yourself facing a kid with truly funky purple and blonde hair, be careful… rumor has it he cheats.

City of Obsessive-Compulsive Animal Detainment: The PvP zones have been over-run by a horde of strange and almost sickingly cute animals… or aliens… or whatever the heck these things are! These creatures are obviously brain damaged because if you can beat the tar out of them well enough they’ll fall in love with you and want to do whatever you tell them. Obviously masochistic in nature, the little beasts like nothing better than to fight each other for your entertainment even though they apparently live in absolute peace when you’re not around. Although we’re not entirely certain, we have reason to believe they were created by Dr Aeon as a birthday present for Silver Mantis.

City of Pyric Reptile Sphere Omega: This one on one battle system will be the first ever true test of your endurance. No, not that blue bar on your character screen, I said YOUR endurance. That’s right, computer-chair cowboy, this time it’s up to you to win the fight. This is how it works… You and your PvP opponent square off across a large battle field. You fight for a while according to the usual City of Heroes PvP rules but then, when one of your health bars drop to 10% hit point total, you both enter the “final phase.” At this point you both begin to charge your most powerful attack. Charging consists of tapping one key on your keyboard over and over again as fast as you can. The auto-key-strike feature is disabled; you HAVE to tap it at least 4 times per second without stopping or faltering. The two opponents remain locked like this until one of them miss-taps at which point the attack from the other unleashes and obliterates the loser. Oh, and if the tap-battle goes on for longer than twenty minutes the one with the better taps-per-second average gets a funky new hair-style and color.

City of Giant Robots: Have a ton of influence just laying around? Don’t spend it on silly purple sets; build a giant robot! This one has nothing to do with your character level, nothing to do with what IO sets you’ve built or even what powers you’ve chosen. It’s all about the influence baby! You can spend scads of cash and make yourself the most powerful PvPer around! Build yourself a giant robot with more gadgets than an Alpha-Nerds Christmas list! Spend billions on building the perfect weapon of mass destruction; a robot so powerful that Blue Steel himself would think twice before facing it! Then, when you realize that repairs to said monolith of destruction would likely cost twice as much as the original construction, you can drag it out on Sundays to polish it rather than risk putting a scratch on it in actual battle.

City of Team Giant Robots: Pretty much exactly like City of Giant Robots except this is the team version. The main difference is each robot can transform into a piece of a much larger robot. Typically there are five such members on the team; including two arms, two legs and the torso/head region. For some strange reason, the rule system requires each robot to be a different color in their individual forms. Just imagine the hours of fun you’ll have trying to coordinate with your team mates exactly when to move your part of the giant robot! We recommend that the two people operating the legs not live within driving distance of each other; a “cool down” driving distance of at least 10 hours should be strictly maintained. Also, the person who has the torso/head position MUST say “and I’ll form the head” at the end of each joining animation and know the origin of the quote.

City of Dozens: Forget the huge sprawling city-scapes and immense zones in which to play hide and seek with your enemies. City of Dozens is not about hiding; it’s about fronting! Your character stands face to face with their opponent but doesn’t hurl bullets, punches, lightning or fire. No, this time your hero or villain hurls…. Insults. Anything goes, from Yo’ Momma jabs to “I could slap your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies” haymakers. Those watching rate the power of your insult and the average is done to your opponent as damage! There’s a time limit on responses so your typing skills had better be as fast as your wit! If they ever enacted this one it would likely be the only PvP game Steelclaw would ever eagerly participate in.

Even though there are no child NPCs in the game there are a few younger super heroes or villains. My own version is Chylde Prodigy, a 14 year old Mind Control/Radiation Emission Controller.

I was playing her the other day and my mind began to wander... as it always does... into thoughts about the specific challenges/difficulties of our younger meta-human set.

* You're a Shield Defense Tank and your father is getting really ticked off about the state of his trash can lids.

* You're a Thugs Mastermind but, while the schoolyard bullies minions really intimidate the other kids during recess, they're not much use in knocking over a bank.

* Your arch-nemesis hit you with a Fear attack once and now won't let you live down your "I want my MOMMEEE!!" reaction.

* As a Sonic Blaster your loose baby teeth give you an automatic chance for Lethal Damage if they fly free.

* As a kid with electrical or flying powers "you're grounded" takes on a whole new meaning.

* Stalker powers sound neat and all... but what you saw when you walked into your parents bedroom late one night will be burned into your retinas forever.

* Mind Control Domination means never being without a prom date.

* Super Speed may be a cruel superpower to give a toddler but it's funny as hell to watch.

* The lonely heroic Mind Controller has too much integrity to force someone to be their companion... that's why they're praying Going Rogue comes out before Prom.

* On second thought maybe using your Fire Blaster powers in Home Ec was a BAD idea.

* The idea that all schoolyard bullies are Brutes is untrue. Actually, every kid with diagnosed ADHD is a Brute and sugar is their red inspirations.

* At one time or another EVERY parent has believed their child is a sonic blaster. The ones without a single intact pane of glass in their house are likely right.

* The phrase "Bouncing baby boy" was originated by the doctor attending the birth of the first known infant with Super Jump.

* Anyone who has ever changed a baby's diaper is convinced the child possessed the Poison secondary.

* You can tell the Kinetics Defender at the school because he goes to every sporting event and his team mates pester him constantly with yells of "Speed Boost please!!"... so... yeah... he's like every other Kinetics Defender.

* Today in the news the Secret Identity High School sports program was called into question. Accusations from other schools that the athletes of SIHS possess superpowers are being considered by the Sports Commission. "They got one kid that slam dunks a basketball... from the half-court line!!" said one angry coach. When asked, the Principal of SIHS responded "I stand by my students right to play these games... Go check out their records for yourselves... every single one of them is of Natural Origin."

* As an Illusion Controller you can date the most beautiful person in the world... in public... and still no one will believe you.

* As a second generation super hero "Take your child to work day" is even better than Christmas.

* Your six month old son is a superstrength tank and while that presents certain challenges in his upbringing you take solace in the fact that there's at least one Hellion who has a completely different view of the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby."

Vanguard is an existing organization that accepts both heroes and villains into its membership in order to repel Rikti invasion.

Just create a new Vanguard Reserve Unit. Bases accessible through all existing base portals but when you leave you can only enter alignment-appropriate areas. It's the perfect in-game answer to the problem since it already has all the necessary history and structure in place.

Then give the base builders Vanguard-style decorations and base items to play with.

Dechs Kaison asked me to make a list both in the thread and through the Rep system... so blame him... I wasn't going to do it... honest.... ... really..

Anyway... Heroes have one major weapon when it comes to their powers potential lethality.... Rationalization.

So... Rationalizations heroes may use:

* Fire Blaster - "He looked like he'd taken a chill."

* Radiation Defender - "Did you know that 1 in 20 people have some form of cancer? It may sound like long odds but research has proven that quick radiation therapy can eliminate cancerous cells."

* Dual Blades Scrapper - "Look... how can I expect my customers to buy a set of my steak knives without demonstrating them first?!"

* Battle Axe Tank - "He was dressed in a tree costume when I got here... really..." OR "The Devouring Earth have secret agents EVERYWHERE."

* Fire Controller - "Hey, I warned him that my powers weren't as good as a self-tanning bed but he just HAD to look good for his date with a Hellion's Girlfriend tonight."

* Spines Scrapper - "I'm not used to having foot long spikes bursting out of my body yet and he startled me... several times... in rapid succession."

* Broadsword Scrapper - "Oh! You mean I should hit them with the FLAT of the blade! Okay, I'll try that next time."

* Sonic Blaster - "Don't you try to change the subject on me... Does or does not the Constitution protect my Freedom of Speech?!"

* Claws Scrapper - "I'm a frikkin claws Scrapper... screw your rationalizations... I like to kill things."

* Plant Controller - "Have you seen the prices on good quality fertilizer these days?"

* Assault Rifle Blaster - "The claws Scrapper made me do it."

* Archery Blaster - "I keep missing the NON-vital organs."

* You've kept your team-only build Defender on line for hours but don't get a single team invite... until 10 minutes before you have to leave for work.

* You've fought your way through the huge map of enemies and are just about to deal the final blow to the boss... and that is the moment your system crashes.

* You're running a Stalker and apparently every Advanced Drone on the map has Hide too.

* The Task Force you've been dying to run through finally has a team looking for a Tank to join them... but you're running your Blaster... and your Tank on that server is 3 levels too low.

* Out of Respites and options you'll run like heck through the mission map with enemies in hot-pursuit.. you'll reach the elevator and escape to safety... and the elevator door will open behind you letting through the only bad guys in Paragon City who know how to push a button.

* Running a powerset that does damage over time you fight valiantly against a group of Malta with a Sapper hidden among them you didn't notice... as you try to run without benefit of endurance you finally fall under their attacks... only to have your DoT attack kill an enemy who drops a blue skittle.

Pisces

Strengths: Compassionate, Adaptable, Accepting, Devoted, Imaginative
Weaknesses: Oversensitive, Indecisive, Self-Pitying, Lazy, Escapist

Playstyle: Aaahhh… The Pisces Player, affectionately known as “Mat” to the rest of the playing community; as in “wipe your feet on the Mat before you enter the mission.” The main weakness of the Pisces Player is their desire to please combined with laziness and a bone-deep surety that whatever independent action they take will have a hidden flaw in it somewhere leads the Pisces Player to let everyone else make their decisions for them. You will next to never see a Pisces Player running solo and if they do they will often spend several minutes prior to such efforts Broadcasting a series of questions about how best to handle any eventualities. While on teams the Pisces most frequent chat comment is “Whatever you guys want is fine with me.”

Pisces Blaster: Once they’ve posted the “Which powersets should I run?” thread on the Blaster Forums the Pisces will still be hesitant to put themselves forth on teams. If not directed to pull they simply won’t. An undirected Pisces waits on the outskirts of the battle shooting at enemies randomly. They are the bane of most Empathy Defenders because of their tendency to linger just outside of Healing Aura range. In real life a Pisces Blaster could never play a Sonic primary because they’d be too afraid to raise their voice.

Pisces Brute: When one considers their retiring nature the term Pisces Brute actually seems contradictory. But while it appears to be an oxymoron it actually works out rather well. No one needs to tell a Brute what to do in any given situation. Take all the suggestions you’ve ever made to a Brute… tactical suggestions rather than ones telling them various orifices in which to stick things… and they all boil down to one basic concept: “Go Kill Things Until There Are No More Things Left To Kill.” When the options are this limited the Pisces feels no anxiety whatsoever. Running a Brute is a liberating experience for a Pisces… at least until they decide to Go Kill before the rest of the team is ready for it. After getting yelled at… or even being politely requested not to do it again… the Pisces Brute will once again hover at the back of the party and wait until they are sure the attack is on before venturing into it. The scientific term for these creatures is a “part-time Brute.”

Pisces Controller: The Pisces Controller will use their Primary powers pretty freely although they will stick with holds and immobilizations for the most part. They are a bit more tentative about using sleeps because they feel they would need to inform their team not to attack or AoE in order to max out effectiveness. They simply aren’t comfortable doing that. Also, due to the reduction of earned XP the Pisces Controller would rather cut off their own arm than use Confuse without direct orders. Indeed, many Pisces skip the power entirely just to save themselves on stress medication. A Pisces Controller will use their secondaries if it is requested and it will be a well-stocked secondary since making people happy is what Pisces live for. Ultimately a Pisces Controller is at their best when on a team with a leader who knows what they want and gives frequent orders. In such a situation the Pisces becomes what we call a “Remote Controller.”

Pisces Corruptor: The Pisces Corruptor is a confused individual; never knowing for sure whether their team wants them to support or to blast. If given no instruction at all they will waver back and forth, lending support against one spawn only to blast away at the next but never really mixing the two in any one conflict. Because of this most Pisces won’t create a Corruptor in the first place; simply to save themselves the agony. The worst possible nightmare for a Pisces would be running their Corruptor with half their team screaming “buffs! Give us buffs!” while the other half chants “to heck with buffs! Blast the enemies!” I do not, in any way-shape-or-form, support this sort of behavior. >snrkt< Pisces should be treated with dignity… heh… and re… ha-ha… respect. Mentally torturing these poor… poor souls with such underhanded tactics… ah-haa-haaa… would be inhumane…. And… and… hee-hee-heeee… cruel. Almost…. Villainous. Bwa-ha-ha-haaaaaa…

Pisces Defenders: Their need to serve others and ability to accept guidance and fulfill requests make Pisces some of the best Defenders around. Where other people will start grinding their teeth and feel their fingertips itch with the need to type in scathing replies after the 50th “SB pleez!!” the Pisces Defender hears such requests as pure poetry. The Pisces Defender is able to act almost autonomously since they KNOW what their job is on the team. Healing, buffing and debuffing are done automatically and precisely. Often so smoothly the team isn’t aware at just how well off they are until the Defender has to leave for some reason. The Pisces Defender is a purist and will often not even take a secondary power beyond the 1st level requirement. You can always tell the Pisces Defender; they’re the ones who only laugh and roll their eyes when you kill their anchor instead of hitting the CAPS LOCK button for the next five minutes.

Pisces Dominators: The thought of the meek Pisces dominating much of anything is nearly laughable. These are the guys who, when awarded costume contest wins, say “Oh, but I thought Captain Flabtastic was much better… I’ll give the infamy to him.” Any Pisces running a Dominator should have the word “Dominated” floating out of their victims’ heads be replaced with “Politely Insisted.” The Pisces Player will always feel a little guilty while running a Dominator; privately expecting they are violating some obscure Identity Theft laws.

Pisces Masterminds: The Pets of the Pisces Mastermind are among the most confused individuals in the game. First off, they’re never quite sure what they’re supposed to do. The person who is supposedly “in charge” of them never gives them any orders and when they ask the answer is always “I dunno… whatever you guys want is fine with me.” They’re always teaming and when they do the Pets can expect never to see a single buff come their way. Sure, the boss will buff the living bejeebies out of the other team mates, but not his own Minions. After a time this leads to depression and, quite often, counseling. Some Pets, notably Thugs, go the opposite direction and begin to bully their Mastermind. Any Mastermind summoning Gang War is well advised to be well out of reach when they do so in case the Thugs decide to grab them and throw their “boss” to the wolves.

Pisces Scrapper: The only Scrapper who is completely immune to Scrapper-Lock. The Pisces Scrapper would never even think of engaging another enemy much less aggroing another spawn until someone else had attacked them first. While Pisces do play Scrappers very well they are much better when teamed with an aggressive Tank or another Scrapper. Particularly passive Pisces Scrappers have been put on ignore by their team mates during missions. When asked why the other players explained “It’s nothing personal; it’s just your constant apologies to the bad guys you’re stabbing really wrecks my immersion.”

Pisces Stalker: The Stalker might seem like a natural fit for the Pisces Player when taking into account their natural desire to be invisible. Indeed, the average Pisces loves being able to fade into the background. The problem they encounter is they much prefer remaining invisible to using their Assassin’s Strike. The Pisces Stalker is worried that they will upset a team mate by “taking their kill.” And no Pisces Stalker would ever start a battle by AS’ing the toughest bad guy unless directly ordered to do so. So, generally the Pisces Stalker will follow the team, hover around the outside of the battle while trying desperately to find an opponent everyone else on the team seems to be ignoring. By the end of the first or second mission most of the others on the team will have completely forgotten the Pisces Stalker is there at all. When asked who that 8th person on the team list is, the Star Holder will generally just shrug and say “Filler.”

Pisces Tank: In dual-Tank or more teams the Pisces Tank is just fine; they perform all their duties without flaw as they rush second into every conflict. A Pisces who is the only Tank on the team will do so with all the grace of a three legged Yak… a PREGNANT three legged Yak… on a freshly waxed floor… wearing roller skates. There is nothing quite so pitiful as a Pisces Tank asking permission to herd. They will give the polite “Ready?” request and refuse to budge until every other team mate has replied in the affirmative. Then, they will take five minutes to explain “I’m herding to Here… right here… not over there… or back 50 yards at the last place I herded to… but right here… is everyone clear on where I’m herding to? I can email you a diagram if need be.” Save yourselves the aggravation. If you find yourself on a team where the only Tank is a Pisces; assign someone else to be co-Tank… even if it’s the Blaster.

Pisces Peacebringer/Warshade: The ultimate prize for any Pisces Player. This is the perfect AT for the eager-to-please Pisces. It allows them to fill practically any role the other players on the team may need. The fact that they get personal buffs for being on teams is just icing on the cake for the Pisces. The AT practically begs the Pisces to ask “Do you want me to blast or to tank?” Note: Before you answer that fatal question please read the paragraph on Pisces Tanks. The wrong answer at the wrong time could be hazardous to your mental health.

Pisces Soldier of Arachnos: One of the funnier things you may come across is the new Pisces SoA on a team of relatively new players. The Pisces is not yet familiar enough with their AT to realize what it can offer. The team members have never run their own SoA to know either. The Pisces will not do anything without their team mates asking them to do so. The team mates have no idea what to ask them to do. Situations like this have degenerated into hours long discussions about the weather. Experienced Pisces will still be reluctant to put themselves forward but at least they can ask leading questions like “Do you think my AoE Cone attack would be the right one in this situation?” It is said that Lord Recluse gets a case of the hives every time a Pisces SoA advances a level.

Aquarius

Strengths: Witty, Clever, Humanitarian, Inventive, Original
Weaknesses: Stubborn, Unemotional, Sarcastic, Rebellious, Aloof

Playstyle: Aquarius Players would be more fun to be around if it weren’t for the rivers of sarcasm you have to ford. While their sarcastic retorts and comments are almost always funny they begin to seem significantly less so when you’re the target. Actually, you are safe playing with an Aquarius so long as you 1) don’t say anything stupid to make yourself a target and 2) don’t DO anything stupid to make yourself a target. Easy right? Perhaps because of their attitude, Aquarius Players are normally rather skilled and dependable. You would love to have one on your team… even if you did have to put them on ignore after the first 20 minutes.

Aquarius Blaster: Masters of the Sniper attack are the Aquarius Blasters. They will lie in wait for however long it takes… taking the measure of their target… searching for weaknesses in the armor… when all looks to be in readiness… they strike… snipe attack piercing to the heart… leaving their victim a quiver mass of flesh on the floor as a result of their usually unprovoked Chat comment. Oh, and they run Blasters pretty well too.

Aquarius Brute: Although there are some (their victims) who claim that all Aquarius Players are Brutes no matter what AT they run, the truth is the Brute is actually one of their less viable ATs. It’s not that they don’t like the Brute and not even because they don’t understand the dynamics of the AT. No, the reason Aquarius have a problem playing Brutes is because of the Fury Bar. They are chronically incapable of keeping the Fury bar loaded to the maximum. An Aquarius Brute simply can not bring themselves not to make sarcastic comments about enemies, team members or the game in general when such thoughts occur to them. Since these thoughts occur on average around one per 12.4 seconds, you can begin to see why they can’t maintain the Fury Bar at maximum.

Aquarius Controller: Controllers are some of the most fun the Aquarius can ever have. They just have to apply the hold and then type in their commentary at leisure. If they’re on a team it’s even better since they can lay the mezz and critique their team mates at how they utilize the advantage. Never EVER get into a Dozens Fight with an Aquarius Controller! They will wait until battle starts and decimate you while you’re battling and they can type practically uninterrupted. Recent surveys have determined that fully 35.3% of all people on Ignore lists were playing Aquarius Controllers at the time they were listed.

Aquarius Corruptor: Aquarius Corruptors are one of the more enjoyable sets for others to play with. The reason for this is the dual blast/support sets keep the Aquarius so busy they don’t have time for rude comments. At least not during battle. Because of this, experienced teams will rush from spawn to spawn as quickly as they can, never allowing the Aquarius Corruptor to build up sarcasm momentum. If you are an Aquarius Corruptor planning on teaming you may want to consider setting up your favorite witticisms on a bind prior to entering your first mission. It will eventually seem repetitive to your team mates, but they shouldn’t expect first class art on a rush job anyway.

Aquarius Defender: The Aquarius Defender is excellent at their job. Rarely will you find yourself without proper buffs, unhealed or facing an un-debuffed enemy with an Aquarius Defender on your team. The only problem is dealing with one is that you are likely to be buffed and debuffed at the same time. Or rather, your character will be buffed while the Aquarius is debuffing you personally.

Aquarius Dominator: The Aquarius likes the Dominator AT for two reasons. First they love being able to hold their opponents while in team situations because it gives them time to type out their on-going commentary. If they’re low on subject material they can throw out a blast or two to wile away the time. The second reason they love the Dominator is well… the Dominator AT itself. The Dominator just gives so many things for the Aquarius to be sarcastic about. An astute Aquarius can make caustic remarks about the choice of powers, the Domination inherent, the recent changes made to the AT in general. Other players enjoy teaming with the Aquarius Dominator because the ridicule directed at the AT means they’re off the hook.

Aquarius Mastermind: “Did I SAY attack?! No, I believe I did NOT! Who is the Mastermind and who is the Pet here?!” “What are you going over to attack THAT spawn for? Finish what’s on your plate before you go on to dessert!” “We’ve gone through 20 levels of experience and you STILL can’t walk down a set of stairs without spinning in place six times?” “Arsonist! AR-SO-NIST! Not pugilist… Arsonist!!” “Protectorbot my shiny redness! Resetting the shields in the middle of a pitched battle instead of attacking… more like DefectiveBot!” Teaming with an Aquarius Mastermind means never having to say you’re sorry.

Aquarius Scrapper: Aquarius Scrappers tend to save their verbal abuse for their opponents rather than their team mates. They heap an unending stream of insults and sarcasm upon the victim’s head even as they chop them into little pieces. Teaming with an Aquarius Scrapper is always worth the time if only for the sheer violent beauty of their interwoven forms of abuse. The Aquarius Scrapper doesn’t just add insult to injury; they interbreed the two and come up with a hybrid species that’s twice as deadly.

Aquarius Stalker: What’s better than insulting your opponent face-to-face? Being invisible when you do it. Aquarius Stalkers could really care less about assassin’s strike. They don’t give a darn about the strategy of setting up a group of enemies using AS and Placate. No, what the Aquarius loves about Stalkers is the invisibility. And if you think I mean PvE then you are mistaken. Aquarius Stalkers are the bane of PvP zones everywhere. They don’t just sneak up and Assassin’s Strike their opponents; they mess with their minds first. An Aquarius Stalker will spend hours taunting their prey until the poor person is ready to drag a thermo-nuclear device into the zone and destroy it all just to get the mosquito that keeps buzzing in their ear. The ultimate victory for an Aquarius Stalker is not to kill their opponent. The ultimate victory is to drive them from the zone in a fit of pure, unadulterated rage-filled frustration.

Aquarius Tank: An Aquarius running a Tank is perhaps the most redundant thing imaginable. Both seek to aggro as many opponents as they can. Both can absorb come-backs and retribution with a shrug and a smile. Both have Taunt as an inherent. You can always tell the Aquarius Tank because they will be the one who have 10 binds set up prior to play. All ten binds will enact the Taunt power but each one will have a different insult to go with it.

Aquarius Peacebringer/Warshade: The Aquarius isn’t all too fond of the PB/WS combination. Or, at least, not the Nova form of said sets. The Aquarius is a wily insulter. They did NOT just struggle through 50 levels on another AT just to buy into a power that is going to open them up to pay-back from all the people they insulted on their way up. The floating sushi special is simply too tempting and too large a target for the Aquarius to willingly use it. At least publicly as solo Aquarius will use the form without a seconds hesitation… and will always be very careful to shift to human form just before leaving their mission.

Aquarius Soldier of Arachnos: The SoA set makes the Aquarius happy. Yes, it has all kinds of very cool powers. Yes, it has a variety of paths with which to keep each new Alt fresh and delightful. Yes, it has cool costume pieces to which no one else has access. Are these the reasons why the Aquarius loves this set? No. Justification. Justification is the reason the Aquarius loves the SoA AT. Until this point the Aquarius can make sardonic witticisms about a 10th level character’s actions but… well… they’re running a 10th level character too so it lacks weight. It lacks the power of the argument. It lacks Justification. The Aquarius SoA can deliver the exact same commentary but with it goes the understood subtext: “Yes, we may both be 10th level but I’M running an epic archetype and that means I have at least one character up to 50th level. So while you can point out I’m not a high level we both know the truth, don’t we?” The fact that the SoA doesn’t have a flying calamari form is just a bonus.

Capricorn

Strengths: Responsible, Patient, Ambitious, Resourceful, Loyal
Weaknesses: Dictatorial, Inhibited, Conceited, Distrusting, Unimaginative

Playstyle: The Capricorn Player believes there is one way to do things. And that’s it. Generally as flexible as your average chunk of marble, the Capricorn will fix on one idea and stay with it no matter what other players might have to say about it. The Capricorn would be perfectly happy with a Guide from the Forums that told them exactly what to do level to level including which powers to select, how to slot them and what battle strategy to use in any situation. The Capricorn views upcoming Issues with deep suspicion because they “just know” it’s going to mess with their system. Capricorns are the most resistant sign to Alt-itis; feeling dreadfully uncomfortable with switching between characters of the same AT much less different ones. A Capricorn would make a sudden switch between running a Tank and running a Blaster with the same amount of grace as a duck making a landing on ice in a windstorm.

Capricorn Blaster: The Capricorn Blaster will use the same attack strategy for each and every spawn they come across with very little variation. Generally, they stick with a Sniper from afar, ranged as the enemy closes, backing up to safe areas while firing and using secondary or close-range/melee if cornered strategy. There are variations of this depending on how much research the Capricorn did prior to starting their Blaster. A Capricorn Blaster on a team is generally of the “stand back and shoot” variety who targets their enemies from most powerful to least. Capricorn Blasters will almost always be named after their powers in some way or another. “Captain Flame”, “Energy Blastaar” or “Ice Ice Baby” are good examples.

Capricorn Brute: The “run up and kill enemy, run up to next enemy… kill enemy” strategy that is the Brute’s forte fits very well with the Capricorn preferred play method. They excel at this simple format and practice it assiduously. The Capricorn Brute is the epitome of “the killing machine.” Teaming or running solo will not alter its basic strategy in the least bit. They should invent a new day job of “Butcher” for the Capricorn, as their Brute is shown into a warehouse full of hanging sides of beef, given a meat cleaver (two if a dual blade primary) and told to “enjoy themselves.”

Capricorn Controller: The Capricorn Controller is usually a specialist in their Primary; all but ignoring the fact that they have a secondary. The Capricorn Player likes things simple and direct. They don’t have the time or energy to worry about buffing or debuffing; all they want to do is hold/sleep/immobilize/confuse/fear or what-have-you their enemies. The primaries are confusing enough without tossing in a support role as well. Occasionally the Capricorn Controller will bend enough to bring in an enemy debuff or AoE buff just to enhance their solo capabilities but these are rare occurrences. The Capricorn believes that if they had intended the Controller to be anything BUT a Controller they would have called it the Multi-Tasker.

Capricorn Corruptor: The Capricorn faces an immediate dilemma when creating a Corruptor. Namely, do they want to run a blaster or a defender? This may upset many of those who believe the Corruptor is the perfect union of those separate ATs, but the Capricorn doesn’t WANT to be able to blast and support at the same time. So, invariably the Capricorn Corruptor will agonize for hours about which would be the best direction to lead their villain. They will spend time in Mids working out every possible way to select powers and then slot them in a way to create a Corruptor with a straight-forward purpose and clear vision. Then, after long hours of nearly tearing their hair out in frustration, the Capricorn will scrap it and run a Blaster or Defender.

Capricorn Defender: As far as the Capricorn is concerned the mandatory slot dedicated to their secondary is a wasted one at first level. Capricorn Defenders are dedicated Defenders. This is among one of the most comfortable ATs for the Capricorn to play. They will watch the Team Menu with piercing gaze, ready to activate any buffs that run out or heal anyone who gets below a specific point on their health line. Healing Aura is set on Spam. No one EVER has to ask for Speed Boost. Shields don’t fall and debuffs are always reactivated the moment the anchor dies. The efficiency with which a Capricorn Defender plays has led more than one team mate to wonder if someone’s computer somehow managed to learn to play the game itself.

Capricorn Dominator: Unlike the other ATs the Dominator’s primary vs secondary doesn’t pose a problem at all for the Capricorn. Mezz then blast. They never tire of using this same strategy over and over again. Indeed, bees gathering pollen from the same patch of flowers over and over again hold Capricorn Dominators in the highest regard; considering them the closest thing humans have to Drones.

Capricorn Mastermind: The policy of most Capricorn Masterminds is one of strict non-involvement. They prefer not to get their hands dirty, instead being satisfied with letting their minions do the fighting while they buff their pets or debuff their enemies. Very rarely will a Capricorn Mastermind ever get a Primary attack power. This method often confuses the enemies of the Mastermind who invariably think that the pets are the ones leading the team and the Mastermind is just following along like the younger brother tagging along after a group of older kids.

Capricorn Scrapper: See Capricorn Brute. No… wait… I do them a disservice. The Capricorn Player must play the Scrapper differently from the way they play their Brutes. The differences are just likely a bit too subtle for me to describe adequately in this listing. For example, they … er… Well, one thing they do differently is… umm… Ah heck with it. See Capricorn Brute.

Capricorn Stalker: The Capricorn Stalker in a nutshell: 1) Scramble to get Assassin’s Strike. 2) Use Assassin’s Strike on strongest enemy, fight remaining normally. 3) All slots go to AS. 4) Get Build Up. 5) Use Build Up whenever AS vs Lt or higher. 6) Once AS is six slotted; add slots only to Build Up. 7) Get Placate. 8) Build Up to six slots divided between Recharge Reduction and To Hit Buff. 9) Three slot Placate with Recharge Reduction. Strategy once all three powers are possessed: AS strongest, if more than one remaining fight until one remaining, placate, AS. Build Up as necessary. Let’s face it folks, when it comes to Capricorn Stalkers this is as close to Lather-Rinse-Repeat as you can get.

Capricorn Tank: Running a Tank is perhaps the best way a Capricorn can hide the fact that they are a Capricorn. Sticking to a single game plan can be troublesome when you’re running a different AT but for the Tank it’s practically expected. The Capricorn will happily herd enemies to a particular spot over and over again without becoming bored or ever suggesting “hey, let’s try something different.” The only problem a Capricorn Tank is likely to run into is finding themselves on a team with a Capricorn Blaster who wants to pull every Spawn a little at a time. Such disputes have degenerated into PvP challenges. These are never satisfactorily resolved however since the Tank will try to herd the Blaster while the Blaster attempts to pull the Tank; neither one realizing that you can’t fight hero vs hero.

Capricorn Peacebringer/Warshade: Flatly stated; the Capricorn does not much care for the PB/WS power sets. The AT requires they once again make that agonizing decision of which function do they want their character to fill: blaster or tank? Asking a Capricorn Player to run a tri-form PB/WS is on par with asking an elephant to tap dance. While it is technically possible to accomplish the results are likely to be clunky, awkward and difficult to find shoes that fit. The only thing worse would be asking a Capricorn to play a human-form only PB/WS. At that point they will start wondering exactly what their function is, realize that they don’t have a specific job or task while on a team, start drawing comparisons to their real life and slowly drift away into chronic existential depression.

Capricorn Soldier of Arachnos: Capricorns positively adore the SoA sets and wish the PB/WS could have been more like them. The reason the Capricorns love the SoA are not because of the powers (though those are nice) or the obvious focus (which is hazy but forgivably so)… No, the Capricorn Player loves their SoA because of the planning. A Capricorn SoA will gleefully spend DAYS in their favorite planning software figuring out exactly the best possible manner to move up through the ranks. Indeed, the SoA offer so many potential pathways there have been Capricorns who never got around to actually running their new character simply because the planning itself was so enjoyable.

Sagittarius

Strengths: Independent, Cheerful, Spontaneous, Idealistic
Weaknesses: Thoughtless, Naïve, Stubborn

Playstyle: Sagittarius Players have been described as “knowing what they want” or “aware of when to leave a bad situation before it gets worse.” Other, less charitable, souls have described them as “ticking time bombs” and “elitist diva snobs.” Neither is really entirely true although both sides have points in their favor as well. Sagittarius Players are simply independent and well capable of playing any AT solo. Being idealists they also know exactly what they want out of a gaming experience. They don’t join teams to deal with drama or someone else’s problems. They came to play and have fun. Because they also have a tendency to be thoughtless and see no point in wasting time explaining themselves to the people who ticked them off in the first place, Sagittarius Players are quite likely to simply quit a team with no warning, often in the middle of missions.

Sagittarius Blaster: Sagittarius Blasters have a great time hovering on the outside of the team and taking potshots into the chaotic melee. What they DON’T enjoy are teams lacking control or an experienced Tank. There’s nothing a Sagittarius Blaster likes less than to discover that every enemy in the spawn is coming straight for them after they use their AoE. Such events, or constant badgering by team mates that “pulling is for wimps… we can take ‘em… let’s just rush in!” are likely to result in spontaneous team quitting. Solo Blasters don’t mind the aggro so much and are likely to laugh like loons as they blast the heck out the spawn then back away picking off the ones stupid enough to pursue. A happy solo Sagittarius Blaster sounds a great deal like Daffy Duck.

Sagittarius Brute: The Brute is a fun set for the Sagittarius who occasionally just wants to get their smack on. The Sagittarius Player is all about fun so when they play their Brute you can pretty much rest assured that the playbook is being thrown out the window. They don’t want to strategize, they want to brutalize! Despite their rush from mob to mob the Sagittarius Brute actually cares very little about the Fury Bar; they just want to keep their own personal adrenaline high going. It is very rare for a Sagittarius Brute to quit a team… this is not because they have a higher tolerance for team jerks than other Sagittarius ATs, but rather because they’re too focused on mayhem to bother reading the chat window.

Sagittarius Controller: Sagittarius Controllers are one of the better combinations at playing up both the control and support aspects of the AT. This is because the Sagittarius plays their Controller when they want to team. They don’t really consider this a good solo AT because slow and challenging does not equal fun for the average Sagittarius. The Sagittarius Player wants to be giggling like mad as they play the game and with the Controller set this is only really possible while teaming. With this in mind, the Sagittarius Player (regardless of AT) is advised against ever donning the live-chat headset while playing as their team mates will likely think them rabid chipmunks after the first really good battle.

Sagittarius Corruptor: This is perhaps one of the favorite Villain sets for the Sagittarius because it allows them to team and solo with equal facility. Indeed, tracking a Sagittarius Corruptor’s status for an evening of game play would strongly resemble a Playah in the Playboy Mansion as they hook up, discard, trade up, trade out, observe, hunt and shun their way through game play. If you team with a Sagittarius Corruptor don’t expect commitment because you, my friend, are a one-mission stand.

Sagittarius Defender: Another one of the ATs the Sagittarius Player would rather team than solo. If you bring a Sagittarius Defender on the team be very, very careful how you treat them. Constant whining for “speed boosts” or “when is RA going to be up?!” are likely to find you high and dry without any buffs at all or a Defender for that matter. Killing a Sagittarius Defender’s anchors is another excellent way to find yourself adrift. Keep in mind that the Sagittarius Player feels absolutely no compunction about dropping a team with whom they are not having fun. So if all of a sudden your new Defender partner just vanishes after the fifth time the Face-Plant victim screamed “Rezz me nah-ow!” then yes… you can assume you know generally when to send their birthday present.

Sagittarius Dominator: Holding their opponent in place and then blasting them like a piñata at a kids’ party is just short of hilarious to the Sagittarius Player. The problem with Sagittarius Dominators and teaming is not so much ignorant team mates as other players want to steal all the candy that falls out. Not literally. It’s just that the Sagittarius feels that they were the ones who went to all the trouble to hang the piñata from the tree in the first place, they should get the pleasure out of beating the sweet treats out of them. When on a team they are denied this pleasure as every kid seems to have a stick and don’t even bother to put the blindfold on first. Because of this, you usually find Sagittarius Dominators running solo and suffering from extreme cavity problems.

Sagittarius Mastermind: While Sagittarius Players will hold firm on the concept that they don’t care what powerset they’re playing so long as it is fun; the Thugs Mastermind is a secret delight to them. The reason for this can be summed up in two words: Gang War. If your average Sagittarius sounds like a Warner Bros Cartoon character when they’re having fun then when they click Gang War in a heated battle they sound like that same character on speed… at 76 RPMs… sucking helium. I’m not saying they enjoy Gang War more than sex, but if you’re teaming with a Sagittarius who just used Gang War it is considered polite to give them a minute or two of private time directly after use… and maybe a cigarette.

Sagittarius Scrapper: Contrary to popular belief you CAN team with a Sagittarius Scrapper successfully. You just need to be able to keep up. When a Sagittarius plays their Scrapper it is a message to the other players that they are looking for an adrenaline rush on par with jumping out of an airplane… with or without a parachute. They don’t mind playing on a team and will even restrain themselves… marginally… from aggroing the entire map as soon as they enter the mission. However, they will not tolerate a lot of endurance rests or lollygagging. In the case of the Sagittarius Scrapper even if they DO quit the team in the middle of a mission; they may very well clear the map on their own first before leaving the mission.

Sagittarius Stalker: The Sagittarius out looking for a more strategic challenge for fun may select the Stalker for their attempt. In general though, the Sagittarius would rather run a faster AT or at least one that functions well in teaming. The Stalker AT actually feels a certain amount of contempt for the average Sagittarius because of how that sign plays them. The Sagittarius is looking for a laugh so their Stalkers inevitably do emotes next to the map boss or decide to get every exploration and history badge in the Isles at first level. The Stalker is left feeling underappreciated and complains endlessly to their therapist about their player as they sit on the shelf waiting for the next “I wanna do something invisible” silly mood grips them.

Sagittarius Tank: Now, the Tank is the Sagittarius’s idea of teaming fun! They can lead the team by jumping directly into the center of the enemy group and start swinging; how hard is that? The Sagittarius Tank’s idea of Tanking is to “lead by example” as they charge into each battle with barely a thought for (or awareness of) their team. This is not to say that they are not capable of drawing aggro from their squishier team mates; it’s just that such actions tend to be accidental rather than purposeful. A Sagittarius Tank is, in their own mind at least, running solo… the others are just along for the ride.

Sagittarius Peacebringer/Warshade: There is just something about playing a flying squid that brings out the child in every Sagittarius. They get just as much fun out of flying around in that form as they do fighting their enemies. Because of the personal buffs they get from teaming the PB/WS actually gives the Sagittarius Player a buff to their Idiot Resistance score. When playing a PB/WS the Sagittarius will be a little more willing to deal with team mates interfering with their fun. You can count on a Sagittarius PB/WS to have a mental (possibly written) list of their favorite squid jokes that team mates have told them. It is almost physically impossible for a Sagittarius to run a human-form-only PB/WS. Attempting to do so will cause abdominal distress and necessitate frequent “Bio Break… brb…” messages.

Sagittarius Soldier of Arachnos: The multitude of choices and the rather cool power options of the SoA AT will lure a Sagittarius like a moth to the flame. You can count on Sagittarius Players with Alt-itis to have at least four of them in their character slots upon reaching 50th level with a villain. Most Sagittarius will set up their SoA’s 10th level costume slot as a “casual day at work” appearance. For some reason it tickles the Sagittarius pink to switch from an awe-inspiring hulk of armor and weaponry to a person in jeans and a tee-shirt reading “I drink on weekends to help forget Monday.”

Scorpio

Strengths: Loyal, Passionate, Resourceful, Observant, Dynamic
Weaknesses: Jealous, Obsessive, Suspicious, Manipulative, Unyielding

Playstyle: Ah yes, the Scorpio Player; my sign. Even though I admit to being tempted to write an overly “I’m so wonderful” joke list about the unending virtues of Scorpio Players… I think I’ll be a bit more realistic. Scorpio Players are INTENSE. And yes, that had to be spelled in all caps. Obsessive compulsive and full of enthusiastic energy, the Scorpio Player will almost always be a good addition to a team… at least as long as their team mates can tolerate them. Playing with a Scorpio Player tends to be a bit on the overwhelming side if they are feeling talkative. If they are in a brooding mood then you’ll wonder if perhaps a program is running their character. Even a Scorpio Player’s silence is intense. Since their suspicious and obsessive nature make them natural paranoids the average Scorpio Player is probably better off playing solo… Playing on teams only makes them long for the Conspiracy Theorist badge.

Scorpio Blaster: The Scorpio Blaster will drive their team mates crazy with their insistence on pulling each and every spawn they come across. If they specialize in AoE attacks then you can bet they’ll be drawing so much aggro the team Tank will start to feel under appreciated. Scorpio Blasters love embracing the residual effects of their power sets; so if you’re unlucky enough to play with an Energy/Energy Scorpio Blaster you can rest assured that the enemies will be airborne more often than they’ll have their feet on the ground. Solo Scorpio Blasters are likely to alienate their family with their maniacal laughter once they finally receive their Nuke power.

Scorpio Brutes: Scorpios and Brutes are a near-perfect fit because most Scorpios have Fury Bars too. Scorpios label their bar “enthusiasm” because it’s much more socially acceptable than “Fury” but both function by pretty much the same rules. The more intense the battle gets… the more intense the Scorpio gets. The necessity of keeping the Fury Bar full is, to the Scorpio Brute, much like an open flame is to a moth; incredibly tempting and moderately unhealthy. A Scorpio Brute is subject to Terminal Tunnel Vision where their eyes are so focused on the Fury Bar they forget the Endurance Bar exists at all… the results are typically Terminal. On the plus side; Scorpio Brutes who can maintain their Fury Bar indefinitely and have Stamina can potentially burn up to 1000 Calories per hour without ever leaving their computer chair.

Scorpio Controller: Generally the Scorpio views Controllers as being a bit too lethargic for their tastes. However, the Scorpio who does play a Controller is likely to find other means by which to “work in” their personal intensity. To this end, the Controller is one of the ATs the Scorpio actually loves to play on teams. The Scorpio Controller is one of the few signs who will actively play both the primary and secondary sets simultaneously during battle. This is not because they are masters of the Controller AT but more because they get bored if they just play the Primary. Unfortunately, SOME Scorpio Controllers will take advantage of the slow set to “grace” their team mates with unending conversation and bad jokes. WARNING: Never… and I mean NEH-VER… play on a team with a Scorpio Controller running a Gravity Primary. I guarantee you they have made a bad pun out of every possible item that can result from Propel. “Here, Villain, let me help you see the light!” “I’ve thrown everything else at you, so here’s the kitchen sink!” “You look tired… have a seat!” Don’t try to explain to them that the program doesn’t show the same item to every player… it’s not that they won’t believe you… they just don’t WANT to believe you.

Scorpio Corruptor: Scorpios enjoy the challenge of playing the Corruptor AT and balancing out the blasting vs the support in order to find the best possible mix. Unfortunately both the primary and secondary of this set are very active, not allowing the leisure of the control-style sets. Because of this any Scorpio Corruptor who endeavors to join a team should have Stamina for their character and plenty of cold Gatorade for themselves. Contrary to popular belief Scorpios do NOT need energy drinks; they have more than enough energy on their own. Giving a Scorpio Red Bull is about as useful as fitting an F-16 with a Nitro kit.

Scorpio Defender: Scorpio Defenders enjoy teaming though such teams should be warned to check out the Scorpio’s Primary before allowing them to join. If they are running a more active set such as Trick Arrow, Empathy or Storm Summoning then you can safely allow them to join the team and rest assured that, in addition to doing an excellent job, your sanity will remain intact. Scorpio’s are all about intensity so an Empathy Scorpio will likely never take their eyes off the Team health window during battle. On the other hand if they are running a “hit it and relax” set like Force Fields or Radiation Emission then you may want to check the mental health sub-section on your health insurance policy before letting them join your team. A Scorpio Defender will always fill in the lulls with conversation and/or jokes. You have been warned.

Scorpio Dominator: The Dominator is a well balanced AT for the Scorpio. The slow pace of the controller primary has been off-set with the speed of the blaster secondary. A Scorpio Dominator will not get bored playing their AT and will, inevitably, be looking for ways to perma-dominate. On teams the Scorpio will likely lean more heavily on the blasting side of things than the control which the rest of the team will thank them for since it keeps them busy and not talking.

Scorpio Mastermind: Scorpio Mastermind’s consider themselves Tankenders or Danks depending on who you’re talking too. They want to rush right into battle and will always fight along side their pets. At the same time they enjoy the mixing in the secondary and running support at the same time. Most Masterminds are happy not to be as dependent on Endurance; the Scorpio MM is not quite so lucky. Teaming with a Scorpio Mastermind can be amusing as they have set up binds to divide the bad joke telling duties up among their minions. You can be sure that a higher level Scorpio Mastermind will have list upon list of jokes relating to their minions, set type, and minion names. Once again… you have been warned.

Scorpio Scrapper: Although no one will ever be entirely sure who invented Scrapper-Lock; it is pure grade-A fact that the Scorpio Scrapper perfected it. Aggroing an entire map is not an error but rather a challenge for the Scorpio Scrapper. Many a Scorpio Scrapper has been interrupted during game play by knocking on their door by the police responding to neighbor’s reports of domestic dispute from their screaming and howling at the screen. A Scorpio Player in full Scrapper-Lock has a brain chemistry closely approximating that of a psychotic serial killer during a bad acid trip who just spent the last three hours pounding Red Bulls and caffeine pills.

Scorpio Stalker: The sudden strike of an assassination attack, the massive damage in one attack, there’s a lot there to endear this AT to the Scorpio if it weren’t for the nerve-damaging slowness of it all. Scorpio’s want pulse-pounding, heart-spurring excitement and the Stalker just takes too long for their best attacks to be ready. If ED had never been enacted the Scorpio Stalker would slot Assassin’s Strike with all Damage and Placate with nothing but Recharge Reductions. If a Scorpio Stalker ends up on a team they inevitably become discouraged as they end up playing them as Scrappers and die. The Scorpio player of any AT takes death very personally so this is not destined to put them in a good mood. Note: Those sharing a residence with Scorpios who also happen to be roleplayers should NOT allow them to play Stalkers. ‘Nuff said.

Scorpio Tank: Scorpios are, simply put, much better at playing Tanks on teams than playing them solo. Alone, Tanks are slow to do damage but easily able to withstand it. The fun in standing in a crowd while they beat uselessly on them quickly wears off for the Scorpio Player. Note, however, that the Scorpio Tank may actually be a little TOO good at their craft. If you are on a team with a Scorpio Tank who disappears around a corner and doesn’t come back within 10 to 15 seconds then you may want to politely tell the team you need to go get the belt sander to give your mom her weekly pedicure and quit. Because I can practically guarantee the Scorpio Tank will be back in the next few minutes with half the map following them.

Scorpio Peacebringer/Warshade: Scorpio PB/WS do moderately well when playing solo; having a great deal of fun leaping from Nova to Dwarf forms and back. Scorpio Players tend to all but ignore their human forms, much preferring the specializations of their other shapes. No one is really sure how Scorpio PB/WS do on teams. This is a direct result of the fact that, once they have the Nova form, the Scorpio will unleash a seemingly unending string of Calamari and Squid jokes and puns on their unsuspecting team mates. Most players quit after only one mission. Those who are brave and/or foolish enough to try to stick it out with the Scorpio Player will need to be rushed to the hospital due to high toxicity levels in their blood. Such victims are never able to quite remember what happened during their ordeal; all they know is they now have an overwhelming phobia of seafood restaurants.

Scorpio Soldier of Arachnos: Scorpios are instantly attracted to the unique look and powers of the SoA. They love the power of the set and the heavier hitting attacks make them require drool cups or at least bibs during play. On teams Scorpio SoA are fine up until they reach level 24; at this point you may want to consider whether or not to continue playing with them. Jokes about “I gave the team Crabs!” and “I just read your mind and joo got some splainin’ to do!” (depending on which specialization is chosen) will quickly test team mate’s resistance vs. mental torture. The worst of these is the Crab Soldier branch; I can personally guarantee I have more jokes about what can be done with or what attachments can be joined to those crab pack arms than you have brain cells to be killed by said jokes.

Libra

Strengths: Diplomatic, Graceful, Peaceful, Idealistic, Hospitable
Weaknesses: Superficial, Vain, Indecisive, Unreliable

Playstyle: Libra Players grew up with one Barbie doll and 3,000 outfits (not including accessories). Libras in City of Heroes may well have characters that they spent 3 hours on in the costume creator but have never made it past Atlas Park. The Libra Player is most likely to have the “designated Costume Contest” character. For these players it’s a world of form and fashion where it is definitely better to look good than to BE good. Not that Libra Players are bad at the game; perish the thought! Libra Players are just as interested in beating up enemies and leveling their characters as the next guy! How else are they going to get those extra costume slots?

Libra Blasters: The advent of Issue 16 has seen a sharp decline in the numbers of Libra Blasters out on the streets. This is because most of them are in Icon tailoring their power schemes. Blasters are the favorite AT of most Libras not because of their offensive power but because they’re power sets are the ultimate fashion accessory to their outfits!

Libra Brutes: Libras are divided when it comes to the Brute AT. While some simply can not deal with the concept of something called a Brute being graceful and fashionable; others take it as an out-and-out challenge. After a Libra gets done with them their Brute will be ready for the red carpet! Of course, the carpet will be red because it’s soaked in the blood of their victims, but hey… beggars can’t be choosers.

Libra Controller: Libras are very particular when selecting the power sets of their Controllers. The reason for this is because now they aren’t just designing fashion for themselves, but for their enemies too! I wouldn’t say that a Libra controller will refuse to encase an enemy in sea foam green ice if it clashes with their look… but it will break their heart just a little bit every time they have to do so.

Libra Corruptor: Much like Blasters the Libra just love the color possibilities of customizing the blaster set that is the Corruptor Primary. The added bonus of being able to decorate their allies or coat their enemies in pretty colors is pure excitement to the Libra Player. Although most Libras wouldn’t admit it; whenever the “Scourge!” pops up above their enemies’ heads the Libra privately defines it as a curse damning them to the “Worst Dressed” list.

Libra Defender: A Blaster Secondary and the power to color their allies or enemies to their own tastes sounds like paradise for the Libra Player but more often than not the Defender AT leads to serious inner conflict. This is because they generally have no idea what their allies will be wearing and thus can’t adequately prepare their power color scheme to best accentuate their best features. As a Corruptor they could get away with saying “I’m an evil Villain.. of COURSE I don’t care if I make my team mates look worse.” But as a hero they’re supposed to be above such petty emotions. The best possible solution to this is either to be a debuffer so that only their enemies potentially clash or to form a permanent team of other Libra Players so everything matches. Such attempts have turned bloody however and harsh words have been exchanged. “I can’t believe you want me to wear bright green flames Randolph! You KNOW I’m a winter!”

Libra Dominator: The Dominator allows the Libra’s inner villain to truly emerge. They will still spend hours making their own costume look marvelous but will then deliberately select the most garish and visually distressing color combinations for their powers. The reason for this is the Libra Dominator is out to make the rest of the world clash… horribly.

Libra Mastermind: The true Libra will not run Masterminds until they can control the appearance of their pets too. Some Libras who simply can’t resist this AT’s game play allure will attempt to make their character fit the appearance of the pets. Ultimately, however, the Libra simply can’t accept having a team of minions who look anything short of fabulous.

Libra Scrapper: Every Libra privately believes they are the world’s best fashion critic. This is what leads them to start Costume Contests; it’s almost an uncontrollable urge. With the Libra Scrapper they are able to take this concept one step further. The AT should actually be called “Fashion Police” in the hands of a Libra because not only are they judging who looks good and who doesn’t; they’re going to beat the tar-feathers out of the ones who don’t measure up. A team mate of a Libra Scrapper once asked “You killed everyone in the mission but didn’t help us with the boss… why?” To which the Libra replied quite calmly “He didn’t look half bad.”

Libra Stalker: If the Libra Scrapper should be called “Fashion Police” then the Libra Stalker would best be termed as “Paparazzi.” The Stalker allows the Libra to get up close to their enemies and do a thorough run-through and critique of their look. The Stalker is the AT the Libra feels most comfortable taking into PvP zones. Not to kill so much as to check out the looks of various Heroes there. Assassin’s Strike is an amazingly direct way to deliver a thumbs down review of an opponent’s look. If the Hero is dressed well and meets the Libra’s approval then a screen shot will be taken and added to their annual “Best Dressed” gallery on their web site.

Libra Tank: Libras love to run Tanks but suffer from a form of delusion while doing so. To everyone else the Libra is a Master of Herding; running out into the room to collect enraged enemies and lead them to the slaughter point. In the Libra Tank’s mind, however, they are running out in the open… being spotted by their many adoring fans and members of the paparazzi… then racing back to where their hired celebrity-bodyguards can help quell the fan-atic’s zeal.

Libra Peacebringer/Warshade: No reward could have been less appetizing to the Libra Player than the PB/WS combination. The main point of contention they have with the ATs are the limitation of power. Libra Players simply can not abide the Nova or Dwarf forms. Oh goody! The opportunity to look like everyone else! Most Libra Players feel that the PB/WS are a direct result of Zodiac Sign Prejudice on the part of the Devs.

Libra Soldier of Arachnos: If the PB/WS epic AT didn’t convince the Libra Player that the Devs hate them; the SoA really drive the nail home. Only someone who truly despised Libras could devise of a set that forces everyone to look nearly the same for the first 10 levels. The requirement of walking around with the Crab pack on their backs whether it clashes or not is yet another slap in the face. It’s a good thing that the Libra’s severe alt-ism results in rarely getting a character to level 50; because the rewards for such an achievement certainly aren’t that tempting.

Virgo

Strengths: Analytical, Observant, Helpful, Reliable, Precise
Weaknesses: Skeptical, Fussy, Inflexible, Cold, Interfering

Playstyle: The Perfectionist Personified is the Virgo Player. Although lucky for the rest of us; the Virgo will prefer to play solo over teaming with others. This is not due to any particular dislike of other people but has more to do with the constant gritting of teeth as words of disdain bounce off the back of them. Simply put, the Virgo Player is such a perfectionist that they can not stand it when their team mates mess up. On the other hand, being the perfect team mate means not nit-picking others over honest mistakes. The conflict between needing their team mates to perform perfectly and resisting the urge to correct them is intense and nerve-grinding to the Virgo. In the end it is cheaper to play solo than it is to purchase prescription medication.

Virgo Blaster: Virgos love the Blaster AT for one simple reason: The Sniper Attack. A Virgo adores the lovely simplicity of the move and its ability to pull a single opponent at a time if used properly. The Virgo will quickly analyze the particulars of this attack and realize that the single-pull works best at around maximum range. The methodical and exacting Virgo will spend hours working out a system by which they can tell exactly where that sweet distance is. They will take up minutes of in-game time making sure they are in precisely the correct spot to use this powerful attack. If you want to hear new and inventive swearing from a Virgo Blaster you only have to whisper “Nerf Snipes” in their general vicinity.

Virgo Brute: Virgos generally dislike Brutes and hold a deep disdain of them; at least publicly. Part of the reason for this is the very name of the AT; Brute. The concept of running an ill-refined and inelegant character makes the precise and particular Virgo cringe. The defining strategy of the Brute is two stage: 1) Kill and 2) Kill more. The Virgo Brute is the antithesis of this concept; they will strategize and develop tactics. The Virgo Brute would honestly rather eliminate the Fury bar altogether as it tempts them towards mayhem which is completely against their instincts.

Virgo Controller: The Controller is right down the Virgo’s alley because it has the word “Control” right in it and Virgos love Control. The solo Virgo Controller considers making it from 1 to 50 a challenge and will gladly strategize which powers are best and how they should be used. The patience and thought each battle takes is pure bliss for the Virgo Controller. The fact that it takes so bloody long for even a single battle to play itself out merely means they can “relax while they play.”

Virgo Corruptor: Aesthetically the Corruptor appeals to the Virgo Player; it has Blasting as its primary with a strong support secondary. The one problem Virgo Corruptors have is the small selection available to them in the secondary. True, TECHNICALLY they have as many choices as any other player, but the Virgo is steadfast in their avoidance of other people’s errors. The best way to avoid such karma-destroying things is to avoid teams. This is where the lack of choices comes in. The Virgo Corruptor will either choose a set heavy with debuffs or self-buffs; avoiding ally-buffs as much as possible. The Virgo Player often wishes the art of cloning would hurry up and be perfected so they could finally be on the perfect team.

Virgo Defender: Ah yes, the Virgo’s ultimate temptation and guilty pleasure. Even more luring than the mayhem and chaos temptation of the Brute is the siren’s call of the Defender. Its elegant team buffs and tactics-based debuffs require logic and planning as well as the ability to operate under battle conditions. What better way for the perfectionist Virgo to undergo trial by fire to find out just how good they really are? But such a romance is always doomed to failure for the Virgo Player who will love the thrill of the set, the excitement of the last second team save… only to have their mistake-ridden team mates drive them crazy with their unplanned rushes into battle and insta-targeting of the debuff anchor. And so… inevitably… the Virgo and Defender will part ways… leaving the Virgo Player to realize yet again that a relationship can not survive if based on passion alone.

Virgo Dominator: Virgos rather enjoy Dominators because they can both control their opponent and then chastise them for allowing themselves to be controlled. Any set that has controls in it is a good one for the Virgo but adding in the Blaster secondary was, in the Virgo's opinion, pure malevolent genius. The only problem the Virgo has with the Dominator set is the inherent "Domination." Not that they dislike it so much as they don't feel it goes far enough. The Virgo Dominator would prefer Domination to be a PBAoE attack that immediately froze everyone within its area and made them 100% hittable for the duration of its effects... Including other players of either Heroic or Villainous alignment. If this were ever enacted the Dominator would be the one AT EVERY Virgo would play on a team.

Virgo Mastermind: One might think that the lack of direct controls and the habit to attack whatever target pleases them at the time would make the Virgo dislike the Mastermind’s pets almost as much as their fellow players. This could not be further from the truth. Virgos love the Mastermind AT because they can finally tell their team mates what to do and they actually listen… to a point. The Virgo views the AI programming as an inherent weakness in the power. It is up to them to maximize the potential of their tools while keeping those weaknesses firmly in mind. This is an exercise in analysis and logic that no Virgo can resist. This is not to say that they won’t occasionally shelve their Mastermind character in the best interests of mental health but at least they can’t blame it on Free Will this time.

Virgo Scrapper: The union of the Virgo and the Scrapper is a marriage made in heaven. If, by marriage, you mean two individuals being together who would rather be solo and not involved with anything resembling another person. Virgos ignore the Scrapper’s reputation for wanton mayhem and guide them firmly in the directions of precision attacks and scalpel like excising of flesh. The Virgo Scrapper never loses their self-control and has the inherent ability of Scrapper-Lock resistance. Indeed, most people witnessing the Virgo Scrapper in action for the first time will insist that the Devs snuck past a new archetype on them.

Virgo Stalker: The Stalker is by far the most perfectly suited archetype for the Virgo Player. Setting up each kill like a move in a chess game; the Virgo Stalker holds their breath in anticipation of each of what they consider the Unholy Trinity: Assassin’s Strike, Build Up and Placate. Once they possess all three powers every enemy in the game may as well surrender then and there. The Virgo Stalker adores the planning and execution of their plans with this stealthy warrior. The only problem occurs when a Virgo Stalker loves it all TOO much. If you live with a Virgo Stalker and enter the computer room to find them hunched over and whispering softly to the screen “you can’t see me… you can’t hear me… but oh so very soon.. you’ll feel my presence… I’ll hold you my love… kiss your tears away as I gently lay you down to the darkness…” you may seriously want to consider moving. I don’t suggest leaving a filling out the forwarding address paperwork.

Virgo Tank: Other than the Defender the Tank is the AT that most tempts the Virgo to attempt teaming again. Running the Tank solo tends to leave the Virgo bored and unfulfilled as they slowly hack away at their enemies while absorbing damage. The mental stimulation is entirely lacking. On the other hand, the team environment involves leadership, herding and other tanking skills that the Virgo can really sink their teeth into. Unfortunately, this experiment will lead the Virgo Player to realize that while their Tank has high defense and resistance; the same can not be said about Virgos vs. their fellow players.

Virgo Peacebringer/Warshade: The PB/WS works rather nicely with the Virgo’s perception of the world. Each of the AT’s forms has a different specialty which allows the Virgo to assign tasks easily and smoothly. While the Virgo is dissatisfied with the loss of the buffs they only receive when on a team; they believe that this is more than justified by the savings on therapy for their children after hearing their mommy/daddy screaming obscenities at the computer screen in reaction to the mistakes of their team mates.

Virgo Soldier of Arachnos: Virgos enjoy the SoA AT with its variety of options and ability to run solo. The only problem Virgos have with the AT is the respec at 24th level. The problem is that they love the concept a bit too much. The Virgo SoA will spend literally hours happily plotting out which powers to take and which to keep as well as the slotting of these powers. If you approach an Arbiter and see him completely surrounded by level 24 SoA you may want to just go to the next Island Zone… they’re probably Virgos.

Leo

Strengths: Confident, Ambitious, Generous, Loyal, Encouraging
Weaknesses: Pretentious, Domineering, Melodramatic, Stubborn, Vain

Playstyle: Leo Players don’t join teams; they create them. A Leo Player without a star next to their name will either do one of two things; try to take over the team and lead it despite not having star or they will quit and play solo. A Leo Player will run solo perhaps 60 to 70% of the time simply because it’s easier on their nerves (on other people’s too for that matter). The Leo Player is expert in whatever AT they lay their hands on whether they’re any good at it or not. Always ready to give advice (even when it’s not solicited) and correct other’s bad behavior (even if they just did the exact same thing), the Leo Player will always be the first let everyone know just how da**ed good they really are. Leo Players do not have “favored” power sets… they insist they’re good at ALL of them.

Leo Blaster: Leo Blasters feel they put the Blast in Blaster. They are also pretty much guaranteed to get their debt badges faster than almost any other player in the game. The Leo Blaster doesn’t mind pulling, but prefers to use cone AoE’s to do it. Loud and proud the Leo Blaster doesn’t seem to fully realize what the word “Squishy” means… or, more likely, believes it applies to his enemies and not himself. Like all Leo Players the Blaster is only too happy to help others with instructions on how to play their characters. The problem is that if a Leo Blaster is on a team with a Tank who they don’t believe is up to par they will smile and say “There’s a better way to herd the room… here… let me show you.”

Leo Brute: Leo Brutes enjoy their job. Nothing displays the Leo Players’ obvious skills better than mob after mob falling before their awesomeness. The only thing Leos don’t like about the Brute AT is the requirement to keep the Fury bar full interferes with typing instructions to the other players on the team. Because of this, the Leo Brute will most often run solo. Unfortunately, solo Leo Brutes run afoul of their own ambition more often than not. The Leo Brute is susceptible to a disease known as “Difficulty Creep”; where they can not resist tweaking the difficulty settings upwards just a little bit… between each mission. If a Leo Brute starts playing solo early in the morning it is practically guaranteed they will be at count as 8 players, +3 levels, Bosses and Arch-Villains activated by lunch time.

Leo Controller: Leo Players thrive while running Controllers. Mostly this is because they are able to lay down the holds then direct the team on how best to capitalize on their awesome Mezz. Leo Controllers will almost never be found running solo because just sitting there watching orange numbers (small ones) slowly rise out of their enemies’ heads always makes the Leo’s fingertips itch towards instruction. The die-hard solo Leo in such cases will likely typing criticisms of his opponent’s tactics and techniques into local…. Just to stay in practice.

Leo Corruptor: Leo Players love the opportunities that Corruptors give them. Specifically they love the opportunity to show other players the right way they should be played. A Leo Corruptor will gleefully handle both blasting and team support without once considering doing one without the other. They will steadfastly maintain that constantly being out of endurance is merely “a sign they are doing their job properly.”

Leo Defender: The Leo Player loves running a Defender because of the team-directing position it allows them to be in. Other players, however, aren’t quite so fond of this particular combination. The Leo Defender would prefer to play a low-involvement Defender such as a Force Field because it allows them to buff and then spend the recharge time directing and/or critiquing their team’s performance. The rest of the team would much prefer the Leo play a more active set such as Sonic or Empathy because the Leo’s insistence on doing everything perfectly (or at least their insistence that they DO everything perfectly regardless of reality) will keep them busy. Note of Warning to All Players: Under NO circumstances should you EVER play with a Leo Radiation Defender if you can absolutely avoid it!! If you do play with one either accidentally or because you hate yourself in some obscure way; do NOT be the one to kill their debuff anchor. If you kill a Leo Rad Defender’s anchor then you may as well sign off right then and there because you will never… hear… the… end… of… it. At least, not until you set them on ignore.

Leo Dominator: Although a Leo will insist that they play all archetypes equally well.. that is perfectly… they have a special fondness and ability with the Dominator AT. The reason for this is that the Dominator fits into every fantasy the Leo has ever had. The ability to get a captive audience and then blast them over and over until their prey… er… listeners fall over unconscious pretty much sums up their conversation and play style to begin with. Leo Dominators are relentless demons of destruction who won’t stop until everything around them is dazed or dead. And when they have finished with their enemies they can start in on their team mates: “Did you SEE how great I was against that last spawn?! I held the whole group then totally wasted ‘em with my fire blasts! I bet killed ¾ of them all by myself! You guys need to pick up the pace!” Leos are the only Dominators who get an AoE debuff… against their fellow players.

Leo Mastermind: Despite ardent claims otherwise, your average Leo would rather stick their hand in a nest of fire ants than play a Mastermind. It’s not that they can’t play this AT with skill... It’s not that they dislike the power sets or concept of the AT. It’s that the go*****ed Minions won’t do what they’re TOLD! The general control scheme of the Mastermind’s Pets is very loose, allowing the Pets to adapt and react to new situations. The Leo doesn’t want his Pets to have free will; he wants a control scheme where he can program the exact reaction to any infinite number of situations. He doesn’t want “follow in defense”, he wants “assume wedge formation with Moe taking point, Larry at left flank and Curly at right. Schemp takes rear right flank and Curly Joe rear left flank, centered on me. If enemy contact is made Moe and Larry rush to melee while the others lay cover fire.” If a Leo Mastermind dies in combat it isn’t their fault… it’s the Dev’s.

Leo Scrapper: The Leo Scrapper has all the advantages of the Brute without that pesky Fury bar to worry about. Leos love the mass slaughter potential of the AT while their team dutifully follows them around ooh-ing and aah-ing in appreciation and awe. A warning to those playing with the Leo Scrapper: Ooh-ing and Aah-ing is NOT a good idea. There is a base 5% chance adjusted by +2% per ooh and +2.2% per aah that a Leo Scrapper will enter a berserker like state at the adulation and aggro everything on the mission map in a glorious screaming charge. This is checked every 5 minutes. The main problem is that the Leo Scrapper wants an audience so if his team doesn’t follow he’s more than happy to bring the show back to them. Solo Leo Scrappers are also susceptible to the disease “Difficulty Creep” mentioned in the Leo Brute section.

Leo Stalker: Leos run Stalkers rather well; especially when running solo. The Stalker is a “skill” AT that requires a bit of thought and planning rather than rampant slaughter so the Leo feels playing one well allows them “intellectual” bragging rights. Leo Stalkers playing on a team fall into one of two categories: Scrapkers and Stalkers. If you are playing with a Leo Scrapker then there’s nothing to worry about; they will Assassin’s Strike the most powerful enemy then gleefully start swinging at anyone left standing. If they wish to play a pure Stalker then you are in for a rough evening. The purist Leo Stalker will happily spend hours telling you how to set up each spawn so as to maximize their own abilities. They will email you scans of graph paper maps and diagrams that show you your own character’s role (admittedly co-star status at best) in the upcoming fracas. Purist Leo Stalkers should be tranquilized, tagged and released back into the wild. Mark them plainly and obviously so as to warn the rest of us.

Leo Tank: There are mixed feelings among other players about the Leo Tank. Traditionalists will hold that the Tank should be the team leader who communicates intentions and tells the party what to do. More liberal players just want to attack the next spawn and to heck with all the planning. The Leo Tank is a traditionalist to their very core. They will gladly tell everyone what to do before, during and after a battle. This is not a bad thing so long as the Leo has some skills in that direction, however never believe a Leo who says they are a great Tank… Leos ALL believe they are great at EVERY archetype. The worst thing any team can experience is having two Leo Tanks on it at the same time. They are called Leos for a reason folks; two Leo Tanks will share a team the way two male Lions will share a pride of females.

Leo Peacebringer/Warshade: The main reason for running a Peacebringer or Warshade for the Leo is the instant Vet-Cred it gives them. The battle cry of every Leo PB/WS should be “You should listen to me because I’ve got a 50!” Lord help you if you are on a team with a Leo who just got their PB/WS because it’s a good guess they’ll want to spend the next several hours lovingly recounting their 50th level character’s rise to glory. In detail. With screenshots of the good parts.

Leo Soldier of Arachnos: Much like the Peacebringer and Warshade, the SoA gives the Leo Player that burst of credibility that makes them want to tap dance. The only problem Leos have with this AT is the fact that it divides into the four sub-categories. The Leo must be good at everything and with the SoA they have to get to level 24 first just to reach the “good parts.” The Leo Soldier is likely to be very grumpy while playing any Soldier under the level of 24 since they are not fully capable of claiming their perfection for fear of getting caught misquoting what a particular power does.

Cancer

Strengths: Loyalty, Dependable, Caring, Adaptable, Responsive
Weaknesses: Moody, Clingy, Self-Pitying, Over Sensitive, Self-Absorbed

Playstyle: Cancer Players are only completely comfortable when playing on a team. If you see the same person spamming “LFT” requests over and over again in chat then chances are it’s a Cancer. Unfortunately, their sensitivity and tendency to feel sorry for themselves means the longer they are not invited to team the more whiny and plaintive their requests will be. If a Cancer Player eventually logs off because of a lack of team availability you can be pretty sure they’re going to start a thread somewhere in the forums about how “No One Teams Anymore.” As a general rule Cancer players should only create characters on the Freedom server. They should be outlawed from Virtue entirely as the Cancer Role Player is a maudlin and often depressing person to play with.

Cancer Blaster: Blasters are perhaps not the best set for a beginning Cancer Player to try right out of the gate. Actually, Blasters should be avoided entirely by the Cancer Player because of their general squishiness. A Cancer Blaster is simply not emotionally suited to die over and over again in rapid succession. Of all the Blaster sets the Archery/Trick Archery is perhaps the best suited to the Cancer Player. This is mostly because of the inherent accuracy bonus it comes bundled with. Cancer Blasters get angry enough when they die; preceding the death with three or four straight misses while being pounded upon by their enemies is likely to end with the Cancer Blaster throwing their computer through the nearest window.

Cancer Brute: Cancer Brutes are not that steady at low levels but get more comfortable with their characters as they advance. This is mostly because the Cancer Player feels a need to have a very definite role in any team and the Brute always confuses them between going the Tank role or DPS specialist. Once they make the adjustment they perform admirably. DPS Cancer Brutes will generally go with Electrical Melee/Armor while the Tanks will feel more comfortable with one of the Weapon sets and Stone Armor. Cancer Brutes are, however, adaptable to situations so don’t be surprised if they have a dual build… one offensive and one for defense.

Cancer Controller: The Cancer Controller is more interested in team support than in running things; so the Fire/Kin mix doesn’t hold much appeal. Since they play teams they prefer larger scale immobilizations and holds of the Fire or Stone Control sets. Their Secondary is all about supporting their allies and will likely either be Force Fields or Empathy. A Cancer Controller is a VERY reliable member of the team but the other players should make sure they frequently say such things as “good holds” or “great crowd management!” every so often lest the Cancer become sulky and start asking leading questions such as “Are the holds good or should I switch to my Immobs?”

Cancer Corrupter: The Cancer Player enjoys the Corruptor AT because to them it’s a Blaster who can also team support which clears up most of their arguments against Blasters right out of the gate. The Cancer Corruptor is much more likely to play their character as a support than as a blow ‘em up bang-bang type. Cancer Corruptors fear Going Rogue because, as teaming purists, they feel they will finally have to shelve their character in favor of Villainous Defenders. Until that day, however, the Cancer Corruptor tends to lean towards primaries with debuffing side effects such as Electrical, Dark, Ice, Radiation or Sonic so as to aid their allies even when attacking. Preferred secondaries include Kinetics, Pain Domination and Thermal Radiation.

Cancer Defender: This is the Cancer Players’ favorite of favorites; the one AT that was practically MADE for them. A Cancer Defender is in their element so long as they play a power set that has Obvious Benefits. Because of this they do not like sets with enemy debuffs since it’s just too hard to notice those in the heat of battle. They want their allies to thank them (often) for their efforts. The favorite primaries for Cancer Defenders are Empathy and Kinetics. Nothing is as obviously helpful as green numbers sprouting out of your head. And when the entire party is screaming “Speed Boost! Speed Boost!” it just makes a Cancer Defender’s heart sing. Recognition of their efforts is the name of the game for the Cancer Player.

Cancer Dominator: Cancer Players are, if nothing else, well-read. They don’t dive into an AT generally without doing research into it and figuring out the angles. Unfortunately the Dominator’s role in teams has had some bad press over the years and the Cancer Player has taken this to heart. A Cancer Dominator is likely to be an awkward creature at first and even later in levels is more likely to play up the control primary with less emphasis on the blaster secondary. Cancer Dominators do relatively well in the Plant, Fire and Stone primaries. They generally don’t have a preference with their secondaries except to lean towards those with residual debuffs. Rest assured, however, that the moment press is released about the Dominators having a strong teaming role… the Cancer Player will be on the band wagon; tuba in hand.

Cancer Mastermind: On the Villain-side of the tracks the Mastermind is far and away their favorite AT. It still trails the Defender by quite a bit, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Cancer Mastermind is NOT fooled by their minions into thinking they are on a team! Despite appearances the minions do not give compliments or kudos for good performance beyond simply remaining alive and not abandoning their boss. The Cancer Mastermind will forgo solo work in favor of teaming every time. Unfortunately for the Pets the Cancer Mastermind’s need for affirmation leaves them out in the rain when it comes to buffs and heals too. Given the choice between buffing his own Pets or buffing his team mates the Cancer Mastermind will choose the team mates every time. This has less to do with strategy and more to do with the ever-present need for a pat on the back. One day an especially clever Cancer Mastermind will develop a program/bind to have his Pets compliment him randomly during play and will never need to team again.

Cancer Scrapper: While not their favorite AT, Cancer Players make surprisingly good Scrappers. Other players will quickly recognize that the new Scrapper on the team is one of the most well-disciplined they’ve ever encountered. Cancer Scrappers are completely immune to Scrapper-lock and will generally stick close to the Tank during play, doing damage without drawing significant aggro. If there is no Tank the Cancer Scrapper steps into the role willingly and even happily. The Cancer Scrapper realizes their primary team role is that of DPS and will cleverly craft their character around that knowledge. Broadsword is their favorite primary while Shield Defense with its ally-boosting capabilities is the best secondary.

Cancer Stalker: One of the rarest of beasts is the Cancer Stalker. The main problem that Cancer Players have playing a Stalker is not with the AT itself so much as the other people they play with. A Cancer Stalker knows the best possible role on a team is for them to target the most powerful enemy and Assassin’s Strike while the team draws aggro, then retreat and repeat. Unfortunately most teams they encounter have a “rush in and kill everything” mentality which generally reduces the Cancer Stalker’s role to that of “gimped Scrapper.” After enough fruitless experiences the Cancer Player will regretfully shelve their Stalker in favor of other, less aggravating, archetypes. Although few Cancer Players would admit it; their constant need to be noticed combined with an invisible character really isn’t the best possible fit either.

Cancer Tank: Conscientious and dependable is the Cancer Tank. Indeed, the Tank would be the Cancer Player’s favorite AT except for one small traditional flaw. The Tank is typically the leader of the group and the Cancer Player has little interest in leading. A Cancer Tank is most comfortable under a strong leader or playing as “second string Tank” in a group with more than one. In teams where they are expected to lead a Cancer Tank’s inherent self-absorption tends to make them either second guess themselves or ask the party’s permission before initiating any action. They are smart enough to realize this makes them look silly and so become doubly self-conscious. Many players have been shocked at the difference in a Cancer Tank’s performance level when someone joins the team who is a strong leader. Indeed, there have been occasional accusations of a new player having taken over the keyboard.

Cancer Peacebringer/Warshade: Cancer Players feel that the PB/WS ATs are suitable rewards for their journey to 50. The obvious team leaning of the ATs endear themselves to Cancer players instantly. A Cancer PB/WS will NEVER run a human form only. When they get the chance they will travel EVERYWHERE in their Nova or Dwarf forms simply to let everyone know they not only are running one but that they have a 50th level character somewhere else. To a Cancer Player, running a PB/WS is a constant pat on the back.

Cancer Soldier of Arachnos: Much like the PB/WS the Cancer Player loves running Soldiers of Arachnos because it is obvious proof of their accomplishments villain-side with their other characters. A Cancer SoA does not have a preference among the four divisions of career paths, but they WILL wear their Arachnos armor practically everywhere they go. A Cancer SoA wants you to know what they are without targeting them first and taking a peek. Regardless of which career path they take, the Cancer SoA will always opt for team support or buff powers above all others.

Gemini

Strengths: Energetic, Clever, Imaginative, Witty, Adaptable
Weaknesses: Superficial, Impulsive, Restless, Devious, Indecisive

Playstyle: The best possible way to describe a Gemini’s playstyle is to do it in their own words: “Oh hey! I’m a Gemini and I just love playing City of Heroes! And Villains too! I love villains.. and heroes… I can never decide which one to play next… maybe both! I could dual box a hero and a villain… I want to play my Scrapper… or maybe my Tank… no no! My Blaster! Wait! I have a great idea for a new character entirely! Oh look! A bunny!” The Gemini Player absolutely adores the game… they just want to experience every aspect of it… all at once. Mayflies have a longer attention span. The Going Rogue expansion will be like crack-cocaine to most Gemini Players who will flip-flop alignment so fast Saint Peter will need a corps of IRS auditors when they arrive at the Pearly Gates.

Gemini Blaster: Gemini Players, as a rule, don’t settle on one power set no matter what the AT. They will happily sample ALL of them. If you can get a Gemini Player to settle on a Blaster long enough you will notice they seem to spend an inordinate amount of time at the tailor. If a Gemini Blaster were allowed credit cards that accumulated frequent flyer mileage then they would never need to get a travel power from the amount they spend at Icon changing the colors of their various blasting powers. That is the lure of the Blaster set for the Gemini… all the pretty colors now available from Issue 16.

Gemini Brute: The Brute is a strong choice for a Gemini player. The main reason is the Fury bar. Not that the Gemini Player is obsessed with keeping the bar high… But the existence of the Fury bar is an excuse they can use for constantly running to the next spawn when the team is screaming “end rest” and “regroup!” The Gemini Brute needs constant stimulation or they grow bored and start considering swapping over to their Scrapper or Tank. If you team with a Gemini Brute get used to hearing “Sorry guys… but my Fury bar was maxed and I reeeeeeally wanted to take advantage of that… umm… anyone got a spare wakie?”

Gemini Controller: While Gemini’s are genetically incapable of NOT running any given AT or power set the Controller is one they’ll likely only pull out of mothballs if they’re feeling depressed or ill. To the Attention Deficit Disordered Gemini the Controller AT is like living death. A web cam shot of the Gemini Controller shows them glassy eyed and drooling as they watch small orange numbers float gently out of their unmoving victim’s head. More experienced Gemini Controllers will have several windows open to YouTube, web comics, news feeds and various Twitter sites that they can alt-tab to after setting in their holds. Professional Gemini will have CoH in window mode and the other sites in the screen margin.

Gemini Defenders: Gemini’s love Defenders because of the various color combinations their powers can incorporate but also because when the team gets deep in the stuff the Defender’s life gets very interesting. Teams, on the other hand, have a love-hate relationship with Gemini Defenders. On the love-side is the fact that Gemini Defenders are engaging and humorous conversationalists who make the teaming experience fun and pleasurable. On the hate-side… well… after the tenth time your character has died because your Gemini-Empath got distracted by a Twitter alert or something that was playing on the television they have next to the computer or because they spotted a bunny… you start to weigh just how valuable conversation really is.

Gemini Dominators: Dominators are another good choice for Gemini because it’s almost like running two ATs at once. The problem Gemini have with Controllers and how slow they are is relieved somewhat by the blaster secondary; not to mention all the powers and colors that can be tweaked. Don’t be surprised if you team with a Gemini Dominator only to discover they have taken advantage of the dual-build system to make a Control heavy set and a Blast-heavy set… and try to be patient when they have to run to the Trainer every other mission to switch builds because they are “bored” with the one they’re running… at least they aren’t logging and switching over to their Controller or Blaster alt.

Gemini MasterMind: While no Gemini will settle with a single power set in any AT; the Thugs Mastermind comes closest to winning them over. It’s not the look or the Mastermind AT itself that really draws them… it’s the pure, unadulterated chaos. The average attention span of a Gemini is pretty small to begin with but nothing will draw their attention to the screen like Gang War. They will hoot and holler as they “root for the home team” from first whistle to the time when the last thug leaves the screen. Just the anticipation of one day playing with Gang War is enough to have them sit at their computer grinding away with their low-level Thugs Mastermind for hours… before finally succumbing to their nature and rolling up a new character entirely.

Gemini Scrapper: Mayhem personified is the Gemini Scrapper. I can practically guarantee you that the term “Scrapper-Lock” was originally created to describe one of these creatures. Teaming with a Gemini Scrapper is team suicide; pure and simple. While your team settles in to fight the first spawn in any large room the Gemini Scrapper is introducing themselves to all the others. By the time the Gemini Scrapper remembers they have team mates at all they will have a rather large crowd of “admirers” more than eager to introduce themselves. Strangely enough Gemini play with Scrappers better than with other ATs because the chaos they create keeps them interested longer.

Gemini Stalker: The Gemini will play Stalkers with as much fun as they do any other AT. The primary difficulty they have with the Stalker is that they don’t have the patience to properly utilize the Assassin’s Strike and Placate abilities to full effect. On the other hand, Gemini’s are endlessly entertained by doing invisible emotes directly in front of their enemies while chanting “you can’t see me!” at the screen. The more Gemini-like Gemini will run into a further problem while running Stalkers… at NO TIME should a Gemini Stalker select the “no FX” option on their secondary! In such cases the Gemini is likely to get distracted by something in their computer room and then, once they look back at the monitor, wonder where their character went…

Gemini Tank: Tanks are where the Gemini’s lack of focus actually comes in handy for their team. The Gemini Tank is the ultimate herder. You don’t have to tell them to aggro the entire room since they pretty much do that no matter what AT they’re running. A Gemini Tank also never seems able to attack the same opponent twice in a row so they’re excellent at keeping aggro once the battle begins. Indeed, the only real problem one may encounter teaming with a Gemini Tank is their habit of saying “Oh! Wait a second! I’m gonna go get my Blaster! Be right back!”

Gemini Peacebringer/Warshade: Now THIS is the ultimate Gemini AT!! Their absolute favorite of favorites is the PB/WS. Three forms (not including costume slots) in the same character! They can blast, they can defend, they can tank and switch on the fly among the options without ticking off their team mates! Truly when the Devs created this set they did so with the Gemini in mind… if one or more of them wasn’t a Gemini to begin with. The only real problem the average Gemini has with the PB/WS is the requirement to get a level 50 hero first as their alt-ism is usually so bad they rarely get out of the mid 20s.

Gemini Soldier of Arachnos: This set is totally wasted on the Gemini Player. Not only do they somehow have to manage to maintain attention on an individual Villain for 50 whole levels to get access to it… but once they CAN play the set they have to wait until 24th level to get the really cool stuff. For a Player who generally can’t focus on a single character long enough to reach 20th level these are unfair and unjust demands. The Gemini were considering starting a class action lawsuit against the Developers but most were distracted by the Lawyer’s really cool office furniture and the deal fell apart.

Taurus

Strengths: Dependable, Persistent, Loyal, Patient, Generous
Weaknesses: Stubborn, Lazy, Possessive, Materialistic, Self-Indulgent

Playstyle: Always a good choice for a team mate is the Taurus; though you may want to reconsider joining the team if the Taurus has the star. Taurus Players are much better in support roles than in leadership ones since their self-interest has a tendency to get in the way. The Taurus may not ask it directly; but they are always tempted to demand a cut of every team members’ loot pile after every mission. This is why so many Taurus Players will waver back and forth between running solo and teaming; they love playing with others but that greedy little part of them constantly screaming “Mine! Mine! Mine!” can get distracting after awhile.

Taurus Blasters: Fire Blast/Devices is the best way for the Taurus Blaster to satisfy their materialistic impulses. Nothing makes a Taurus Player happier than to hear a steady and repetitive Ding-Ding-Ding of the game announcing a Salvage, Recipe or Inspiration drop. The area of effect mastery of the Fire/Devices Blaster manages this quite well. It also appeals to the laziness of the Taurus Player, who will lovingly spend several minutes laying Trip Mines and a layer of caltrops before sniper-pulling a group into devastation; perhaps Rain of Fire and a Fire Ball or two as garnish… then just sit back and dance to the ding-ding-ding.

Taurus Brute: Brutes are a bit too labor-intensive for Taurus Players to really enjoy. The requirement of maintaining their Fury bar distracts the Taurus Player from constant checking of their Salvage and Recipe lists for new drops. Still, when a Taurus Brute does rear its head it is best suited to the Battle Axe, War Mace or Stone Melee primaries. Stone Armor or Shield Defense are acceptable secondaries. A Taurus Brute wants to get to the drops and so will aim for higher damage single attacks that don’t rely quite so heavily on Fury.

Taurus Controller: Controllers are a favorite of the more team-oriented Taurus Players. The ability to lay down a hold every minute or so to support the team gives them ample opportunity to better monitor incoming drops. Because of this they favor sets that rely more on mass-holds/effects rather than single-target efforts. Surprisingly, the set best suited to the Taurus Controller is Illusion Control/Trick Arrow. Illusion Control has several things that makes a Taurus Controller drool: Illusory Henchmen and Deceive free the Illusion Controller from having to directly involve themselves in the battle at all. If that weren’t good enough, Superior Invisibility practically guarantees the player the ability to examine a particularly juicy recipe any time they like!

Taurus Corruptor: Now this is the AT that Taurus Players love the most! The Corruptor allows them to satisfy both their solo and team needs equally in one convenient package. Of all the sets available, the Taurus Corruptor works best with Fire Blast/Dark Miasma with its excellent AoE mastery and powerful team heal and enemy debuffs it is sure to keep the loot pouring in quickly even in team situations. The combination makes teaming SO lucrative that the Taurus Player may even be able to convince certain gullible team mates to share their wealth in appreciation.

Taurus Defender: While the Taurus does enjoy playing on teams, they are not overly fond of the Defender set. In part, this is due to its higher challenge when played solo. A Taurus Defender CAN play solo, but the drop rate from its enemies becomes so slow the player may well require anti-depressants just to make it through a single play session. The other draw-back to the Defender is that most of the primary power sets require a high level of attention and upkeep. The Taurus Defender wants to watch what they’re getting for loot, not check every split second to see whose health is dropping too fast or to watch their debuff anchor in case someone kills them off and it needs to be reapplied. If a Taurus does play a defender the best set for them is the Force Field primary. Apply the shields once and then ignore everything except their drop rates until the next application.

Taurus Dominator: Once again it’s about the Ding-ding-ding dance between a Taurus and their Dominator. Stone Domination and Fire Assault is the best combination for the Taurus Dominator. The many AoE holds, immobilizes and disorients of the stone set combined with the mass damage of the fire set make for fast minion drops even when soloing. The fact that Issue 16 can have your stone attacks now resemble various jewels is just sort of a bonus.

Taurus MasterMind: Another excellent choice for the Taurus Player; the Mastermind not only allows the Taurus to play teams or solo with equal ability but also lets them ignore actual battling in favor of loot inventory. The only draw back to running a Mastermind is the constant attention demanded by the minions. At least human-operated players can pop their own heals and buffs every so often. The constant lure of a quick recipe-list peek means a steady death rate for ignored minions. The best set for the Taurus Mastermind is Robots/Force Fields since, once you get to certain levels, the robots not only heal each other… they buff each other too!

Taurus Scrapper: While the Taurus loves the quick kills of the Scrapper AT they’re not overly fond of the whole “effort” thing involved in running one. Taurus Players would rather check their inventory lists WHILE fighting rather than have to do so between battles. While not ideal, the favorite Taurus set is Claws/Regeneration. The speed of claws makes for shorter battles while Regeneration at higher levels lets them just sit in the middle of a crowd of angry enemies and absorb/heal damage while the Taurus does a loot sweep. The bonus to this method is it also helps earn those damage badges!

Taurus Stalker: Taurus Players love instant gratification so one would think the Stalker would be well-suited to them. Unfortunately, they like rapid-fire instant gratification and this is where the Stalker AT just falls short of glory. The only thing that makes the Stalker set tolerable to a Taurus Player is slotting Assassin’s Strike, Placate and Build Up with three recharge reductions each. A Taurus Stalker is one of the more vocal opponents of Enhancement Diversification. If they can somehow manage their drop-withdrawal symptoms, a Taurus Stalker is best served playing Ninja Blade/Super Reflexes.

Taurus Tank: Any team would be proud to have a Taurus Tank on their team. The Taurus’s dependability and loyalty to their allies make them an excellent addition… so long as the team understands that sometimes the Taurus Tank isn’t “drawing aggro”, he’s actually just letting the enemies hit him while he screams at the Chat Window to “drop something g***ammit!” The best way to insure that a Taurus Tank pays attention enough to pull enemies off your back is to bribe them. It can get into quite a bidding war too since the Taurus’s loyalty goes specifically to the one offering the most/best quality loot. Taurus’ don’t care for Tanks in solo situations due to the slow-as-death drop rates. When they do create a Tank the Ice Armor/Ice Melee is the best choice because it slows everyone else around them…. Giving more time to negotiate “Protection” contracts.

Taurus Peacebringer/Warshades: An excellent choice for the Taurus Player who manages to get a hero to 50. The flexibility of the PB/WS allows for either solo or team play and the AoE attacks and later Tanking skills make them versatile indeed. A solo Taurus PB/WS can go Nova and lay down some serious smackdown then go Dwarf and let them beat on him while he checks out what the first wave of casualties dropped.

Taurus Soldier of Arachnos: Crab Soldiers are the reward for all those hours Taurus players spent leveling their Corruptors. While the Taurus does enjoy the other types of Soldiers and Widows, it is with the Crab Soldier that they really begin to enjoy themselves. Mass destruction, good teaming, and a totally bad-*** look combine to finally give the Taurus Player the courage to demand tribute from their teammates up-front and without embarrassment.

Aries

Strengths: Independent, Generous, Optimist, Enthusiastic, Courageous
Weaknesses: Moody, Short-Tempered, Self-Involved, Impulsive, Impatient

Play Style: Aries players would rather solo. They really wouldn’t mind playing on teams if it weren’t for the other people involved. Their ability to get along with their fellow players can be measured in the way the scream at kill-stealer’s in Broadcast for five minutes after the event occurs. On the other hand, Aries players never let a little thing like defeat get them down; their attitude is along the lines of “Debt is just another way of saying Try Harder!” When an Aries Player is completely surrounded by enemies and hitting buttons almost at random to survive… they have found their own personal level of Nirvana.

Aries Blasters: Pulling is secondary to laying waste. A sudden burst of energy followed by flying bodies. Aries Blasters love the smell of napalm in the morning, just a dab behind each ear and they’re set for the day! Because nothing tells people how you really feel about them like destroying them from a safe distance.

Aries Brutes: NOW WE’RE TALKING! Aries Brutes don’t want to wait… for anything! They don’t want slow attacks that do a lot of damage, they want to slice and dice and dance the night away! Oh, and while we’re at it, we’re slotting everything with recharge reduction!

Aries Controllers: Yawn. Just…. Yawn. Controllers are generally just too slow and methodical to really grab an Aries’ attention for very long. Only the Fire-Kin has even a slight chance of getting them interested… so long as someone will power-level them to 50th level for them first.

Aries Corruptors: Energy Blast/Kinetics. Oh baby! Energy blast on Speed! This combination is almost crack-cocaine to the Aries player. Just think about it! You can make your enemies bounce with knockback and make your allies bounce with Inertial Reduction. Life just doesn’t get much better than this.

Aries Defenders: The Aries player really prefers running solo and is self-absorbed enough to really dislike having to invest in powers that won’t work on themselves. If threatened with bodily harm the Aries Player MAY willingly play a defender but you can bet they won’t waste power slots on abilities that only affect allies. They’re complete strangers! What have they done for me lately?!

Aries Dominators: Aries have mixed emotions about the Dominator AT. On one hand they DO have a blasting set and the idea of holding someone in place while zapping their helpless little body with attacks is very appealing. However, it’s still not up-close and personal enough to really snare the Aries’ imagination. Maybe if the Domination inherent actually put the victim on a bondage apparatus… hmm… nah… even that wouldn’t grab the Aries… at least… not without violating the Teen Rating.

Aries MasterMinds: Now THIS is a team the Aries player can get into! Of course, despite the fact that they control them, this will not stop the Aries MasterMind from screaming themselves purple at minions who die in the first 10 seconds of a battle.

Aries Scrappers: Up close and personal, fast and furious with just a touch of homicidal rage…. Aaaahhh… The Scrapper (other than perhaps the Brute) is the Aries player’s best friend. A warning to other players: if you allow an Aries Scrapper on your team then you deserve whatever you get. And what you are likely to get is an entire map aggroed within five minutes of starting the mission.

Aries Stalkers: Aries and the Stalker AT do not mix very well. Only the most well-disciplined or heavily medicated Aries player has the patience to run a Stalker properly. The main problem is that the Aries player always wants to play their Stalker as a Scrapper. After the initial Assassin’s Strike the Aries Player will simply attack-attack-attack until either they or their enemies are dead. Some Aries players don’t even bother taking Placate, although they WILL six-slot Build Up every time.

Aries Tanks: Aries adore Tanks because they’re like Scrappers who survive longer… at least at lower levels. There aren’t too many 50th level Aries Tanks because they just don’t have the patience with the lower damage output. Combine this with their unwillingness to team and you begin to see why Tanks lose their allure for the Aries Player.

Aries Peacebringer/Warshade: Aries’ impatience will interfere with them getting a character to 50 in the first place, but when they do (invariably with a Scrapper), they will inevitably be disappointed with the PB/WS. The obvious team-leanings of the AT will discourage them although the damage potential will at first be exciting. An Aries player will typically shelve their PB/WS after around the 10th calamari joke they hear.

Aries Soldiers of Arachnos: Now this is definitely worth getting the ol’ Brute up to 50! The violence potential of the SoA will attract an Aries Player immediately. They will likely avoid the Fortunata and Banes in favor of the Crab and Blood Widow training. They will wear their Crab Pack with honor and would show up at the Developer’s homes with protest signs if it was ever suggested the pack be removed.

I once did a post regarding the City of Heroes’ astrology based totally on which piece of invention salvage was the first one you received with any given character. This was well received by a number of Forumites and several of you even requested I go further in-depth with the charting.

Unfortunately the advent of AE has rendered my original postulation of prophetic guess-work moot. Now that you can choose (to some extent) which salvage is your first through the spending of tickets we must toss out the old and consider new alternatives to horoscopes in Paragon and the Rogue Isles.

What follows is the result of exhaustive research into the personality traits of various Zodiac Signs (ie- I visited one web site and jotted down keyword traits) combined with thorough consideration of all possible connotations and permutations a person with such signs may have when playing certain archetypes in-game (also known as writing whatever the heck popped into my head at the time).

Disclaimer: Those who have read my prior threads and have at least passing knowledge of my methodology will understand the reason behind this thread. If you are new to a Steelclaw post, I heartily advise you to take whatever medications prescribed to you by your doctor prior to reading. I also suggest that anyone who reads this and takes it seriously in any way, shape or form, should immediately visit their doctor and be prescribed medications.

With the current color customization you can run a fire blaster... color the fire green or blue or something along those lines... and just claim it isn't fire. Perhaps some kind of energy-leeching force or gaseous entities that attack once before fading back to their original forms...

Possible answers to this vexing question...

* The Chinese Restaurant Ironblade ordered dinner from thought he said "Beef with Shrooms" rather than "Beef with Mushrooms"

* The Granite Tank wandered too close to the Annual Catapult Target Shooting Competition.

* It was actually a Peacebringer in Nova form with a bad case of Venutian Mumps.

* The Granite Tank, talking about Ms. Liberty, said "I'd tap that" in front of Statesman. Statesman, in return, showed him a different way to get his rocks off.

* The Tank couldn't afford the Deluxe Granite Costume; so he had to go with papermache and gray paint.

* Ironblade's computer has developed its own Artificial Intelligence and has become self-aware. Fortunately for us it has not developed the personality of Sky-Net. Unfortunately for Ironblade it HAS developed the personality of Ashton Kutcher.

* "This is HeroMan... the position of sidekick has been filled so if you are calling about... Wait! LemmingLad! Don't go near that obvious trap!! Oh dear. Ummm... As I was saying... HeroMan is currently seeking a young, beginner hero interested in sidekicking... please leave your name and number here and fax your resume to..."

* "This is Doctor Robotnik... please leave your message with my machine... or rather with THIS machine.. which shall relay it to one of my other machines... who will broadcast it to one of my personal defense machines who will relay it to me. No wait... I forgot a machine... let's see... there's the answering machine... then the message sorting machine... hmm.. I'd better figure this out before the outgoing runs out of spa<click>"

* "You have reached the line of Slaughter McHomicide; genocidal nightmare, harbringer of the Apocalypse, yadda-yadda-yadda... Leave your message after the beep... oh... and when you leave that message include detailed information about how you got this number in the first place... where you live... and the names and addresses of your closest next of kin... have a nice day!"

* "Hello! If you're calling for Bob Smith you have the wrong number! Ha-ha. The number you want to call is 555-5532... Hang up now and try THAT number instead... Hmm-hmm-hmmm da-dee-dah... Still there? Okay.. If you're calling for Stupendous Man I apologize for the misleading message intro. Far too many super villains are trying to discover my secret identity so I had to outwit them. Leave your message after the beep."

* "I'm not at home right now... Leave your message after the FREEM!"

* "You have reached the machine of Super Spy Assassin. I am not available right now to take your message. If you are an ally of mine you have already entered the secret access code by this time. If you have reached this number by accident I strongly suggest you hang up the phone now as my security system is about to send a 10 million gigajoule electrical jolt through your phone and into your brain. If you are an enemy of mine please stay on the line and an operator will be right with you."

* "You have reached the number of Mister Mercenary. If you are in danger and in need of rescue please have your credit card ready and press one now. We no longer accept Diner's Club."