Steelclaw

As an aside... Rico-X was named after Rico from the Penguins of Madagascar. Any penguin that coughs up sticks of dynamite to use in various situations definitely has a Scrapper's soul.

These are the things that wander through my mind when I play sometimes...

This one just happened to get out... my apologies.

The Players:

StoneDTanker: Stone/Stone Tank
Rico-X: Claws/Super Reflexes Scrapper
Shh Im Hidin’: Ninja Blade/Ninjutsu Stalker
CurrentFad: Demon Summoner/Dark Miasma Mastermind
LeerlessFeeder: Fire/Radiation Emission Controller
733t H347OrZZ: Empathy/Energy Blast Defender
MyCharacter123: Super Strength/Invulnerability Brute
Pyro-Rouge666: Fire/Devices Blaster

The Play:

LeerlessFeeder: Okay, everyone ready?
StoneDTanker: Ready
CurrentFad: ready!
733t H347OrZZ: Crimson Epsilon!
Rico-X: Kill!!
LeerlessFeeder: Okay.. setting the mission
Shh Im Hidin’: Crimson Epsilon?
733t H347Orzz: Yeah… Crimson=Red… Epsilon=E… Red-E… Ready!
MyCharacter123: Hey! Why did something just appear in my compass at the top of the screen?
LeerlessFeeder: huh? Umm… are you new to the game My?
Rico-X: KILL!!
MyCharacter123: Yeah… first time playing today! 
LeerlessFeeder: But you’re level 43….?
MyCharacter123: Yeah… I played with this killer group in AE earlier who told me to just wait by the door while they cleared the map.
Rico-X: KILL KILL KILL!!!
733t H347OrZZ: Weak sauce… I stopped power leveling when I hit 30…
StoneDTanker: power leveling is morally wrong.. it should be against TOS
733t H347OrZZ: Why? Just because YOU don’t play that way?
StoneDTanker: of course
Pyro-Rouge666: can we get this started? Rico’s sharpening of his claws is beginning to get on my nerves
Rico-X: Kill!
LeerlessFeeder: We’ll go as soon as My gets in the mission..
LeerlessFeeder: Shh… I said wait for My…
Shh Im Hidin’: Wait for your what?
CurrentFad: lol
StoneDTanker: rofl
733t H347OrZZ: lol
Rico-X: Kill!
LeerlessFeeder: sigh… wait until everyone gets in the mission
Shh Im Hidin’: I’m just gonna scout ahead
StoneDTanker: It’s a Defeat-All mission… why the heck do you need to scout that?
LeerlessFeeder: My… are you almost at the door?
MyCharacter123: what door?
LeerlessFeeder: The door to the mission…
MyCharacter123: which one is it? I see all kinds of doors in all the buildings around here.
(long pause)
LeerlessFeeder: Rico… if you please…?
Rico-X: KILL!
LeerlessFeeder: thank you
Pyro-Rouge666: geez Fad is there anyway you can get that <bleep> demon of yours to shut the <bleep> up?!
LeerlessFeeder: My, you see that compass at the top of your screen? Turn until the little red star thing is dead center… you should see some numbers in front of you now.. go toward them.. when the number is zero… you’re there…
MyCharacter123: Ok
CurrentFad: he’s hungry is all… speaking of which.. it’s time for lunch… ima put Fad on follow to the tank… brb
MyCharacter123: Leerless
LeerlessFeeder: yeah?
MyCharacter123: there’s a building right in front of me but the number isn’t zero yet
Rico-X: KILL!
LeerlessFeeder: Oh for the love of… go around the building My… where you want to go is beyond it..
(time passes)
MyCharacter123: I think I found the door… now what?
LeerlessFeeder: click on it
LeerlessFeeder: Okay… we’re all in… Shh c’mon back… we’re about to start
Shh Im Hidin’: still scouting
LeerlessFeeder: Fine… okay… let’s move forward to the first spawn people
(team moves forward… Stalker is still “scouting ahead”)
StoneDTanker: Leerless SB me!
LeerlessFeeder: I’m not a kin…. I’m a rad…
StoneDTanker: But… you’re a Fire Controller…
LeerlessFeeder: Yeeeeeaahhh….
StoneDTanker: So SB meh!
LeerlessFeeder: I’m a Rad… oh never mind… just de-toggle your stone armor and then re-toggle it when we reach the bad guys.
StoneDTanker: NO! I’m no squishy! I’m deh leet Tankah!
Pyro-Rouge666: Yeah, the “leet tanka” that moves at 2 mph
733t H347OrZZ: I keep hearing six million dollar man music… anyone else?
Rico-X: Kill!
LeerlessFeeder: Why didn’t you take teleportation as a travel power?
StoneDTanker: Not taking anything that uses that much endurance. I took Super Jump.
LeerlessFeeder: That has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
Pyro-Rouge666: As dumb as the fact that H347OrZZ took the Medicine power pool even though she has empathy?
LeerlessFeeder: Ok… 2nd dumbest
Rico-X: KIIIIIILLLL!!!
LeerlessFeeder: Yes, Rico … I see them… okay folks.. first spawn.. and it looks like our tank is going to take another 10 minutes to get here..
733t H347OrZZ: Fad too since she’s on Follow to him until she gets back from lunch
LeerlessFeeder: Sheesh… well.. I don’t want to wait.. so Pyro, why don’t you pull?
Pyro-Rouge666: gotcha… here goes
LeerlessFeeder: WTF?!?!? Who the heck PULLS with FIREBALL!?!
733t H347OrZZ: Incoming!!
Rico-X: killkillkillkillkillkillkill
Pyro-Rouge666: I am the uber-aoe mastah!!
Malta Tactical Operative has defeated Pyro-Rouge666
Pyro-Rouge666: what the heck?! Why did they only attack me?!
LeerlessFeeder: Setting people on fire has a tendency to piss them off.
StoneDTanker: On my way! One more corner to go!
733t H347OrZZ: wow… I’ve never seen someone’s health bar go down so fast…
Pyro-Rouge666: Well, can you rezz me?
733t H347OrZZ: sorry, I spent that slot on Aid Other from the Medicine power pool
Pyro-Rouge666: Oh man, screw this action…
Pyro-Rouge666 has quit the team.
Shh Im Hidin: Loser
LeerlessFeeder: Shh… are you coming back any time soon?
Shh Im Hidin: Still scoutin’
Shh Im Hidin has been kicked from the team.
733t H347OrZZ: Loser
Rico-X: KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
LeerlessFeeder: Rico! Come back and regroup before you… aw crud… NO! Don’t Bring Them Back HERE!
733t H347OrZZ: Incoming!
Malta Operation Engineer has defeated MyCharacter123
StoneDTanker: I’m here! Hey… these are Malta… I HATE Malta!
LeerlessFeeder: Shut up and draw agro!
StoneDTanker: I’m not drawing agro until you kill all the Sappers!
MyCharacter123: Hey… I died!
LeerlessFeeder: Yeah, it happens… wait until the battle is over then pop a wakie
MyCharacter123: But… I NEVER die!
733t H347OrZZ: Can’t say that anymore
StoneDTanker: Seriously… I’m not taking one more step until you kill every sapper in the next few spawns… I am NOT de-toggling my armor
MyCharacter123: I never died with the AE teams I was playing with!
LeerlessFeeder: That’s because you never walked more than ten steps from the door!
MyCharacter123: You guys got my character killed… you guys suck!
MyCharacter123 has quit the team.
StoneDTanker: Ack! Get that <bleep!> Sapper away from me!
733t H347OrZZ: well… that’s ONE way to get him out of his stone armor
StoneDTanker: Run Away!
LeerlessFeeder: A stone tanker trying to “run away” from an enemy without dropping their stone armor… aaaaand there’s the 3rd dumbest
StoneDTanker: my toggles!
Malta GunSlinger has defeated StoneDTanker
Rico-X: KILL!
StoneDTanker: Screw you Rico!
Rico-X: K… Kill?
LeerlessFeeder: Don’t take it personally Rico, Stone’s just upset
StoneDTanker: Darn straight I’m upset… I ask you to do one thing.. just kill the Sappers… I HATE bottoming out on endurance
733t H347OrZZ: so carry a bunch of blues..
StoneDTanker: Leet Tankorzz don’t carry blues… they carry purples and oranges! So they can fight ANYTHING and not get hurt!
LeerlessFeeder: Anything but Sappers that is
Rico-X: Kill!
StoneDTanker: My was right… you guys suck…
StoneDTanker has quit the team
LeerlessFeeder: Oh for the love of… great… now there’s only four of us on a mission set for eight
733t H347OrZZ: three actually… Fad is AFK and was on follow to Stone
CurrentFad has been kicked from the team.
LeerlessFeeder: You know what? This is hopeless. I’m going to go do something easier… like have my Trick Arrow Defender solo an AV or something
LeerlessFeeder has quit the team
733t H347OrZZ is now team leader
733t H347OrZZ: Oh no… I HATE having star
733t H347OrZZ has quit the team
Rico-X: Kill?
Rico-X: kill?
Rico-X: ……
Rico-X: Was it something I said?


Th’End

So, as always there are those who complain that PvP in CoH is either broken or practically non-existent. When I read these posts I laugh to myself while bemusedly shaking my head and sipping my refreshing beverage. Nothing could be further from the truth! There is a Player Vs Player system in City of Heroes which is alive and well...

It's called a PUG.

You don't think I'm serious? Just another silly Steelclaw thread...? Hmph. The Tank refuses to lead the charge because he's made an all-secondary offensive themed character. The Empathy Defender goes afk but not after setting Healing Aura to spam and setting Follow... to the Controller. The Brute is screaming at the AoE Fire Blaster for stealing all his Fury. The Stalker attacks the Boss once with his AS then goes to pick daisies or his nose until the end of the battle.

Come on, folks, I'm not even trying.

These people are out to get you killed. It's not that far a remove from just trying to kill you outright. Every other "team" member in your PUG is secretly running a Mastermind and counts every MOB on the map as one of their pets.

Still don't believe me?

How many times have you been on a team that got wiped.... except for that ONE character who JUST HAPPENED to get out alive? Chances are it's the same character whose actions got you wiped in the first place.... Say that /regen Scrapper who aggroed the whole map and then brought them back to the team to play.

Every instanced map on a PUG mission is a PvP zone. Heck, the Devs may as well put in place a special Drop Table for the last surviving player of Team Wipes.

ScrapperLocke: Hey guys, sorry about leading the mission map back to you like that! But at least I got this great Gladiator's Armor recipe! That'll complete my set!

There are even special versions of PvP in PUGS! Like Capture the Flag in First Person Shooters, these games can make a normal PvP Pug more interesting and fun (at least for the ones who win).

There's the ever popular "Team Within A Team" PUG. (Do NOT use the acronym for this in-game or else you'll get yelled at.) This is where the eight man team spits up into either two or even three mini-teams that just go where ever the heck they want to on the mission map; as long as it ISN'T where the other teams go. The mini-team that lives the longest wins.

Then again some strange individuals love to play the "Suicide Pact" version of PUG PvP. That's where one player does something abysmally stupid which gets himself killed. This starts a chain reaction of players dying as a result of the first death. Scoring is based on how many of your team mates die as a result of your own attempted moron-icide. A couple of strong players can make a Defeat All mission as fun as a trip to The Bamboo Splinters Nail Salon.

So, the next time you feel like complaining that PvP is dead in the City, just get together a PUG in Atlas Park or Cap Au Diable. Don't set level restrictions. Don't ask for specific ATs. Just make it first-come, first-serve.

Then get ready to fight for your life.

Dear Klatteja (which is OBVIOUSLY an anagram of Ajettalk),

First to your questions...

1) Yes, ALL the characters I run are part of my tournament. I have tried running non-tourney characters in the past (specifically to partner with my son's characters) but I have consistently felt like I was "Wasting my time" with them. This was later reinforced by my son's comment that I "waste too much time slotting and planning out strategies against enemies... I jus' wanna kill stuff!" He now is the PUG-Master and teams with me only if I beg him for very specific purposes.

2) I have never really felt the oppressive "Why Bother?" emotion even when I know I'll be dropping the axe in the next week or so. Couple reasons for this... First I LOVE playing the game, the tournament is just my way of amping up the fun. Second, since I recycle my characters I enjoy seeing if I can beat old records with them. So playing a doomed... oops... pardon... playing a DOOOOOOOMED character still gives me the chance to see how far I can take them and then see if I can beat that mark during the next iteration of the tournament.

All that being said.... I have no plans for deleting ANY characters for Issue 19...

The main change for I19 is the introduction of the Incarnate system which will only affect (for the most part) level 50 characters. Sheesh, I re-start my tournament so often I barely ever see 40 much less 50. I will incorporate the Incarnate system into my existing tournament when (or rather, if) one of my competitors reaches 50th level.

As far as the Fitness pool being made Inherent, that really doesn't bother me at all. That's more of a respec issue and I can do that without any major ripples.

So... Issue 19 will not result in a delete and reboot... Issue 20 however.... Issue 20 has me nervous.

Signed,

Steelclaw (which is not an anagram but MAY be an idio-gram depending on your opinion of me)

After defeating the bank robbers and saving the day in Atlas Park's safeguard only to walk two steps out the door to find three embalmed vahzilok already in squatters mode waiting for me:

"Oh, yeah.... like that is REALLY FRICKIN' FAIR!!!"

... or more specifically things you have screamed at your character, the enemies they are fighting, your so-called team mates, etc.

Here are a few things I've said out loud to my computer screen at one time or another:

* "You SAW the word MISS float out of the top of your head before you even DREW the da**ed blackwand... why did you bother to fire it?!"

* "That's right... I wanted you to jump your squishy self into the middle of a spawn that big and fire off your single target attack... I don't CARE what I accidently pushed... you should KNOW I wanted the PBAOE!"

* "Why did they have to buff hover speed? Now I don't have time to go get a drink... ah, just stay where you are... see if you can spot your house from there."

* "No fair! I call foul! You should have announced you were a Bone Daddy instead of standing there pretending to be a Skull Lt."

* "That's right... Level 20 and back in Atlas Park... you go ahead and pretend you don't see me standing right next to you... go on... do your 'whistle innocently' emote... I dare ya..."

* "You want your kids to grow up just like me? You want your son to wear spandex so tight you can tell what religion he is?"

* "How in the heck do you expect me to be able to heal you fools if you all run split up into different rooms?! And what the he** do you mean by 'our healorz sux'!?! That's it... you're on the list."

* "Oh, she's heard of me.... 'Oh the list guy'... what the heck does THAT mean?"

My favorites...

SupaDupaOompahLoompah - not sure if it was spelled like this to fit it all in.. but the guy had orange skin, green hair and white coveralls... doin' it up Old School...

FollowedByNinjas- Ninja Mastermind... the funniest part was his bio which read he was actually just a pizza delivery guy who was being followed by Ninjas... he didn't command them... didn't even know who they were or why they were following him... they just showed up and helped out whenever he was in trouble..

And around 1,000 more that I just can't remember right now.

This is a test... this is only a test...

Seriously.

This is the first time they have offered an emotes only booster, so they are testing the waters to see if such a beast will sell. If no one at all buys this they will not come out with further emote-only's. If some people buy but not many... they will continue the test by coming out with the next booster at a reduced price. If it sells like hot cakes and emote-dancing people line the roads everywhere you look, then they will continue crunching out these sorts of packs with grins on their faces and money in their fists.

I'll try to be funny later... sorry to disappoint.

Some famous and historical Trash Talking:

These here slopebacks, so's we can scope a top-rank posse, set up strong arm law, keep da peace for da peeps, give a glock to all da flock, pimp out da common man, put a lock on that Liberty for us now and our carpet crawlers later, do demand and smack down this here long-a** Constitution for the You A** of "A".



On a side note... one must be careful how one types in the URL address... I was looking up the Preamble in Wikipedia so I didn't have to sing that School House Rock song in my head over and over again... but I mistakenly typed a P for the K...

Yeah... big difference between WiPipedia and Wikipedia... BIG... You naughty naughty Brits... ::blushing::

I think we should look back... not only at the accomplishments of Paragon Studios... but at things in their history that have made this great advance in the game possible...

This will be to the tune of "It's a Small World After All"...

Please all hail the greatness that's Going Rogue
I guess now side-switching will be in vogue
As it soars towards the sky
We can ask ourselves why?
It's not Cryptic any-more

It's not Cryptic any-more
They jumped ship
And swam for shore
Those remaining
Knew the score!
'Cause they weren't Cryptic any-more!

They were mistaken that they'd be fine
Then they turned out garbage like Champs On-Line
It was the leaders they lack
'Cause they didn't know Jack!
We're not Cryptic any-more!

We're not Cryptic any-more
Lost the dead-weight
Turned hard-core!
Gave 'em three strikes
Went for four!
Oh, We're Not Cryptic Any-Mooooooooooore!

Coming this fall! What happens when a Rogue Isles disaster bankrupts Arachnos? Five of the strangest roommates in one Paragon City apartment, that's what! Tune in Tuesday nights to see Lord Recluse, Ghost Widow, Black Scorpion, Captain Mako and Scirocco as roomies!

Sneak Peaks:

* Lord Recluse and Ghost Widow in the living room. Widow is standing on top a chair and pointing towards the floor screaming at the top of her lungs.

"EEEEEK! Spider!! Squish-it-squish-it-squish-it-squish-it!"

* Captain Mako standing in the kitchen with a mound of dented and mauled tuna cans about his feet.

"Awright... who stole the freakin' can opener?!"

* Living room is in a shambles. Ghost Widow is looking ticked off. Black Scorpion is spinning around in circles in the air, knocking over lamps, tables and what all with his feet and head.

"Jeez... fer the last time... I'll put the frackin' seat up... now lemme down!"

* Lord Recluse spots Captain Mako and Black Scorpion peering through a cracked door into the living room. He wanders over to investigate.

LR: "Widow forget to bring her towel to shower again?"

CM: "Nah, no such luck... but she did invite Wretch over to visit."

LR: "Oh Lord, what did you two do to him this time?"

BS: "We told 'im that that dead plant on the mantle is a rare Peruvian Peek-a-boo plant."

CM: "Yeah.... then we told 'im that it only blooms when the person watching it blinks... he's been staring at it for 23 minutes now..."

* Widow: "The Landlord is here for the rent guys! Fork it up!"

The others gather, hand the Landlord (who has his back to the camera.. all we see is a fedora and a trench coat) the cash and then disperse, leaving only Widow and Recluse.

GW: "Is it me or does our Landlord look vaguely familiar?"

LR: "Never really thought of it... but now that you mention it... he DOES sort of remind me of someone..."

Shot changes to show the Landlord walking down the hall... it is Nemesis robot wearing a trench coat, fedora and paste-on fake mustache.

* GW: "Darn it Scirocco will you turn that stupid Emo Music down?!"

BS: "I'll take care of it, Widow..."

(he disappears off screen for a moment then suddenly Death Metal is blasting out twice as loud as the Emo Music)

BS: "There... much better."

* Scirocco: (to himself) "I've been in love with Widow for years... and now we're living together.. if I was ever going to have a chance with her... it's now... I need to talk to another woman... someone who can give me the female perspective on how to best approach her.."

Silver Mantis(walking in): "Hey Scirocco... have you seen Scorpion?"

Scirocco: "Mantis! You're an answer to my prayers... tell me... do you know any women I can talk to?"

* LR: "Listen ... I don't care how it happened... but the damage to the kitchen is coming out of your share of the security deposit.."

BS: "Hey... it's not my fault... Mantis came over and she was feeling frisky..."

LR: "Don't want to hear it..."

BS: "The table just wasn't strong enough to..."

LR: "I said I don't want to HEAR IT!"

BS: "I'm sure a little plaster'll fix that ceiling right up... she wanted to try a new position..."

LR: "SHUT UP!!"

BS: "Okay.. okay.. fine... sheesh.. um... just one thing though... I really would advise you don't eat the pudding in the fridge... just sayin'.."

* GW: "Mako... it's your week to do housework..."

CM: "Awww, man... why can't you get Scirocco to do it?"

GW: "Because it was Scirocco's turn last week... Why do you always complain so much? You don't hear Recluse complaining about his turn to clean, do you?"

CM: "Well, duh.. he's got six hands and can summon hordes of Arachnos soldiers to do his bidding whenever he wants... gee... I wonder why he doesn't mind?"

Scir: "That's okay Widow, I'll take Mako's turn for him this week."

CM: "Really? Gee, thanks Scirocco... I take back half the nasty things I've ever said about you..." (He walks off with a grin)

GW: "Why did you do that Scirocco? You know it only encourages him to be lazy."

Scir: "I can live with that... Besides... every thing he washes ends up smelling like fish... and I have to eat off those dishes..."

Tune In and watch every episode!

At first I didn't much care for the little red exclamation marks at the side of my screen but as time has passed I find I not only don't mind them any longer, but believe their role should be expanded in the game.

* Messages that currently are set to occur when you reach a "First" such as your first invention salvage drop or your first reward merit should be moved out of the center of the screen with the ol' windowed okay button and into a pop up. These can be distracting and potentially hazardous if they occur in the middle of a battle. (Especially the Invention Salvage one.)

* New contacts that appear upon reaching a specific level. Ol' Midnight Monty and the AE Manager come to mind.

* Speaking of contacts, instead of having my poor, foot-weary hero run through two zones and a train ride requiring him to sit next to the homeless guy with the drooling problem, can we just have a pop up informing the PLAYER that PvP zones are now an option for them? Or any other zone for that matter. All the "run across town just to find out you can go somewhere new" missions would be much better handled by a simple pop up.

I actually created several games that were entirely spreadsheet based; including a Civilization-esque game and a Combat Sim. Now, this sounds like the ultimate in nerd-dom until you realize that when your employer is checking out your computer for illicit games at work... they generally ignore the Excel spreadsheet titled "Statistical Data Analysis"...

Since some small number of forumites in the darker and more cobwebbed corners of our lovely community have expressed an interest, I have uploaded my Tournament folder to a site and am making it available to anyone who has an interest.

The link:
http://www.filefactory.com/file/b31a...Tournament.zip

A few notes:

* The file size of the Zipped folder is around 21 MB. The unzipped folder is 108 MB.

* These spreadsheets were created using Excel; you will need the same to open them.

* This is the Tournament as it stands right now. One of the 11 characters has not yet but run (only created) so his character sheet is still not completed.

* For the Excel beginners among us; the view you get upon opening a page is not always the entire story. You may notice that letters along the top or numbers along the side are missing. This indicates I have hidden code on that page. If you want to see the code, just click the little square in the upper left corner above the 1 and to the left of the A. Doing so will high light the entire sheet. Right click anywhere in the high-lighted field and select Unhide from the list that appears. That will reveal all the code on that page.

* Not all my rules and regulations are actually written down; most of them are in my head and just adhered as a matter of course. This is why the Rules and Regs spreadsheet is kinda skimpy.

If you have any questions feel free to ask them in this thread. Accusations of my obvious madness and heart-felt suggestions that I "get help" are also expected... er... I mean accepted.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I am unsure whether or not the links between different spreadsheets will work. Actually, I'm pretty sure they won't because the pathway names will be incorrect due to different save locations of the folder itself. I strongly suggest that when you get the "Should I update the links" question when first accessing certain spreadsheets that you answer "No, don't update." There's really no reason to anyway since you likely won't be adding any new data anyway.

Any-hoo... if you're interested ... enjoy.

Lifted... er... received from the offices of the Paragon Police Department; the official Job Title and Duty Descriptions of various positions within the PPD.

~ Financial District Emergency Response Member

Description: Officer is responsible for responding to incursions by criminal forces against the fiduciary establishments of Paragon City. Such response to include visual guard positions in a staggered pattern about the bank in question. Officer is expected to stop incursion with any reasonable force necessary.

Translation: Sap needed to provide experience and badge ticks to incoming Mayhem villains. On the Rogue Isles these cops are sometimes referred to as "Speed Bumps" or "Half-Minute Men."

~ Incarceration and Detention Management Personnel

Description: Maintain order and proper security at the Ziggursky Penitentiary. Guards are responsible for establishing a secure and orderly environment for the prisoners while ensuring the safety of Paragon Citizens by securing said prisoners within the facility. Alertness and attention to detail are key for this position.

Translation: Guards are expected to provide a "Stress-Relief" function for escaping prisoners. These prisoners are very high strung and will likely take out their frustrations on helpless citizens when the outer walls are breached if they are unable to vent their spleen on prison guards prior to exit. In the event of stuck or impassible doors, the guard is expected aid prisoners by assuming the role of battering ram.

~ Plain Clothes Detective and Undercover Agent

Description: Officer is expected to forgo active and/or visible support of the Department in favor of appearing unassociated with the Police Force. These undercover officers are then expected to infiltrate criminal organizations or witness criminal activities without arousing suspicion as to his/her real identity.

Translation: "Plain Clothes" is to be defined as "Loudest shirt humanly possible." While performing his Undercover duties, officer is expected to blithely ignore the fact that the words "PPD Undercover Cop" are constantly hovering over his head. Pray for illiterate bad guys.

~ Hard Shell Support and Maintenance Crew

Description: The officers in this detail shall be charged with the cleaning, care and upkeep of the Hardshell Uniforms while their officer/operator is off-duty. Such care and cleaning includes re-fueling, polishing, battery upkeep/replacement and emptying of Full-Duty-Enabling Resevoirs.

Translation: Sounds great until you realize that "Full-Duty-Enabling Resevoirs" are the waste disposal tanks that enable the officers to work an entire shift without having to take off their armor to visit the "little hardshell's room."

~ Hero and Police Force Communication Liason

Description: Officer is in charge of alerting Heroes to the appropriate contact within the PPD they should report to in case of emergency or for current criminal activities within the city zone. This position requires the officer to be pro-active; keeping up with any new hero to their assigned city zone. Letting such heroes know who they should contact is of top priority.

Translation: This is the little punk who clears out your contact, mission or whatever else you had in your nav bar when you enter a zone for the first time. So, yeah, if you've ever been half way across a zone before you realized you were headed to some detective you didn't want to see rather than the mission you wanted... this is the guy to blame.

~ Police Band Monitoring and Reporting Communications Specialist

Description: Receive incoming reports of crimes being committed within the assigned city zone and relay them over the police band so appropriate units can respond to them. Officer must have a clear speaking voice and observe radio etiquette and obey FCC guidelines at all times. Secondary responsibilities include the inventory and disbursement of police radios to officers as well as extra units being made available to interested heroes.

Translation: The unsung heroes of the PPD. Because of these guys no cop has had to respond to a real crime in over 5 years.

~ Hazard Zone Detainment and Security Force Specialist

Description: Officer will provide a constant presence and security at the entrances of various high-risk areas such as Boomtown, Crey's Folly or Dark Astoria. Officers shall prevent any hero or civillian of inappropriate security clearance from entering the assigned gate. This is an important task of high responsibility in keeping our citizens safe and healthy.

Translation: Basically... don't fall asleep on the job.. and considering how often heroes enter these hazard zones... this task is more difficult than it sounds.

~ Ziggursky Penitentiary Warden and General Manager

Description: Overall management and administration of the Ziggursky Penal Colony is this position's primary responsibility. Warden shall set duty rosters, approve inventory and supply and supervise guarding and potential disobedience response over the prisoners. Warden is required to sign an affidavit assuming all responsibility for the welfare and secure imprisonment of all those incarcerated within the Ziggursky walls. Warden is the primary figurehead for all public relations regarding the Ziggursky prison.

Translation: Scapegoat.

Ahem...

When is it going up?

* 'Cause if it Ain't going up we're drawin' serious wife-aggro here!

* About four seconds after something else goes down...

* Not for much longer... the Devs put a power suppression field around the blimp.

* I think that comes right after the "...and away!" part.

* At sixth level but slowly.... much faster at 14th.

* Actually, the Devs must have ordered one of those Enhancement emails because after Issue 18 it goes up MUCH faster.

* The flight buff... get your mind out of the gutter... sicko.

* Midnight... New Years eve... you can stop staring at it Carl... you got time yet.