Steelclaw

I'd like to add my heartfelt thanks for the update. Even when it's not the best news I would rather know what's going on than guess and wonder.

Absolutely amazing!

I'm actually glad you've decided to move away from the Trailers and into "purer" creations that are more completely your own. You have an amazing talent that I believe will be better showcased if not tied down to showcasing a list of issue features.

Once again, I bow in your August Presence.

* In a city where Hellions and Skulls like blowing cars up despite the sure knowledge it will kill them... yeah, let's just say Insurance premiums are a bit steep.

* Every car you DO see driving around is actually being driven by a Clockwork taking it to a warehouse to be disassembled into parts.

* Despite repeated failures he hasn't given up on his dream of becoming a Freaktaur... Cartaur... whatever...

* The speed limits in Paragon are so outrageously low it's almost faster to walk... especially if seeing a villain can goose you into running in the right direction.

* Considering how people drive in Paragon City I wouldn't be surprised to find out 90% of the driving population have had their licenses revoked.

* Kinda silly to drive a car when (apparently) every civillian in the city has Super Jump as an inherent.

* Under continuous and aggressive lobbying by the Devouring Earth, the Paragon City council has enacted an overwhelming amount of "Going Green" legistlation.

* Have you ever seen a Volvo hit a Super Speedster head on? Not a pretty sight.

* It's embarassing to watch a pedestrian who just got spooked by a Hellion pass you.

(BAD PUN ALERT!! If you have any Pun Allergies you should immediately cease reading and go about your business. BAD PUN ALERT!! You have been warned.)

* Ever since the introduction of side switching in Going Rogue all the cars in Paragon have been Out of Alignment.

What is Zombie Man? A comprehensive list...

1) He is a zombie.

2) He is a man.

3...

Yes! There's more!

3) He is a Pulse-Challenged American

4) He's a People Person... preferably with ketchup.

5) He's Someone Who Likes Getting Inside People's Heads.

6) He's a Lover of Finger Foods... as a side note; bracing your hand against a zombie's face to stop him from biting you... bad idea.

7) He's Thoughtful... especially after a meal. (though they prolly ain't thinkin' after that)

8) He's a CoH Guide Master... which is a helluva lot more impressive than a WOW Guild Master.

9) Well, can't tell ya, but if you defeat him 100 times you'll get a badge for it. Only 75 times if you say 'trick or treat' before whacking him.

10) Not sure, but if you're a Necromancer MasterMind he'll do whatever you tell him to... you sick ba**ard...

As far as me being one of the "Legendary" Forumites around here... well.. I watch Naruto... and I've seen what happens to Legendary anythings... they get KILLED that's what happens to 'em!!

And while we're on the subject of Naruto... can someone explain to me why, in a world where the substitution jutsu exists... why does anyone EVER get hurt at all?

Oh no! I stubbed my toe! Substitution jutsu! Cut yourself shaving? No you didn't... the log did!

Okay, I'm done... I'm back now... sorry for the derailment..

C'mon people... use your heads... OF COURSE Issue 19 is going Live today...

Just not entirely sure WHICH today that's all...

Today's "Lessons on the subjective/perspective nature of Time" has been brought to you by the letter K...

...


.....

Damn you, K....

I would have started playing the game at release instead of waiting all that time to pick it up.

Dear lord, I can only imagine how complex my spreadsheets would be now if I'd had that kind of head-start.

Well, see... my parents met and fell in love... then they decided to express that love in a physical way...

Oh.

I see... I guess I should read more than the thread title.

Er... a friend of mine offered me a free trial to give it a shot... the rest was history... and so was I...

Okay, so Praetoria is going to invade Primal Earth....

Ummm... Why?

I mean, they just came through a war... their city is pretty much one of the few unscorched parcels of land on their whole planet... wouldn't it make more sense for them to expand out and retake their own territory before trying their hand in taking ours? Not to mention that we likely have them outnumbered 10,000 to 1 or so...

But as I continued thinking about it I came up with a few possible reasons why Praetoria is planning to invade us for Issue 19...

* "Seriously, Emperor Cole, they have a living Hamidon. You know... there ARE a few not-so-loyal citizens who said your first solo victory over him was just a fluke... there IS a way you could shut them up you know..."

* Emperor Cole: "Do you have the reports on Primal Earth back yet?" Aide:"Yes, my lord! They outnumber us heavily and their heroes are able to achieve 50th level compared to our meager 20th." Emperor Cole:"Yes, yes.. I know all that.. but what about the OTHER bit of information?" Aide:"Er... yeah... It would seem that Primal Earth's McDonalds HAS in fact brought back the McRib sandwich for a limited time." Emperor Cole:"We attack at dawn!!"

* "You don't understand... Stefan is still alive over in that world... I've always felt a little guilty for killing him here in this dimension... Once we've established a foothold I'll send some flowers... maybe a little Vanilla Fudge... he loves that stuff... you know... get off on the right foot."

* "I wouldn't HAVE to go over there if this world had a Praetorian version of Ghost Widow... or even Silver Mantis... why should Primal have all the really sexy, freaky chicks?"

* "Why shouldn't we invade Primal Earth? I mean, our version of Utopian Society was accepted so well HERE...."

* "Well, okay Marauder... I'll tell you about it ONE more time... but then you really need to go inspect the troops... Over in Primal Earth there's this magical kingdom... where everyone is your friend and the highest duty is to have fun and laugh the day away... this magical kingdom has Princes and Princesses... magic and joy... and it is ruled by six foot tall talking mouse..."

(Which of course leads naturally to the joke.... "Hey Tyrant! You've just conquered Primal Earth! What are you going to do now?")

I'm driving and my son (6 years old at the time) is in the back seat.

All of a sudden he says in an excited voice "Daddy! I saw a live squirrel jump from that tree onto the roof!"

Me, being the typical Daddy-wise-acre says "Yeah, cause dead squirrels don't jump do they?"

My son one-ups me: "No, they fall."

So there I was standing in Sharkhead and getting ready for the incoming Rikti Invasion with my Thugs/Thermal MasterMind La Bella Mafia...

... pets all summoned?

Check.

... upgrades in place on all my thugs?

Check.

... resistance buffs on all thugs and team mates?

Check.

Oh, oh... the Rikti are 'porting in! Have I forgotten anything? Oh yeah! My Self-Buffs!

Click Secondary Mutation...

Devolution.

Yes, I spent the first minute of the Rikti invasion as a Rikti Monkey. My team mates complained that they couldn't target me.

Why do I stay?

Jeez... I've barely just begun!

Re-begun...

Whatever...

See... Now me... I'm looking for Au Natural costume pieces.... That's where the only thing you wear are the blurry bits you see on Sims characters...

Wow.... Thanks a lot everyone... That means a lot to me... also makes me wish I had signed in earlier today to see this...

But I had birthday stuff... like buying my own presents so I got the right ones.

Heh.

Anyone besides me notice the sudden "surprise" downtime for maintenance they announced for tomorrow?

Eh? Eh?

I'd get an iron and press my birthday suit now ... but last time I did that it hurt like hell.

So, November 2nd is my birthday.... (I was born the day Richard Nixon was elected to office... not a stellar start...)

Therefor, I am presenting this list to the Developers...

1) IOU For April Fool's Events: I want to plan and coordinate actual events for 2011 April Fools Day. Nothing extravagant... the Throw Up emote for the Atlas Statue, DJ Zero acting like he's caught in Ghost Widow's hold... that sort of thing.

2) Hybrid Power Pool: We keep talking about how Primary and Secondary power sets go well together or not, well, I want a power pool per combination. So an Invulnerability/Battle Axe Tank would have access to 4 powers that combine those philosophies while an Ice Armor/Fire Melee Tank would have a completely different set of options. Nothing fancy, doesn't even have to be customizable yet. That shouldn't be too much work, should it? After all, it's just 4 powers per primary/secondary

3) Train Missions: You board the train and suddenly find yourself on an actual Train Map. The train is being abducted by bad guys... fight your way to the front car and defeat the boss to save the day! Or maybe they're going to blow it up and you have to disarm bombs... I'm not picky.

4) Cup cakes. I know the cake is a lie... but these are just little lies... and I can forgive that.

5) Pony Travel Power.... And as long as you're creating something with an animal skeleton I want droves of those Fainting Goats running around everywhere. I don't want them to fight, but if something explodes around them they all fall over stunned.

6) New Archetype: Insane Jester. I'd be more than willing to help with the animations/power concepts for this AT. I'll just send over my home movies as source material.

So, if you could get these done for me by 6pm on my b-day that would be great. I'll be waiting with breathless anticipation!

Actually, I think I can sum up ALL my characters' reactions pretty simply...

::Looking over the rules to the Steelclaw Tournament::

"Holy Jeez.... I've seen Federal Tax forms that were less complicated than this! Can we go back to being ignorant of your existence.... please?"

I was thoroughly excited about the game when I first heard about it. The first opportunity I had I ran to my local game store and, with breathless anticipation, approached the man behind the counter.

"Excuse me, sir," I said with gleaming eyes. "But this game City of Heroes, can it be played on its own without other players or do you HAVE to go online and deal with actual people instead of only NPCs?"

The clerk gives me the ol' gimlet gaze and snorts at my ignorance. "Nah, it's an MMORPG... you gotta play with others."

Oh.

So, my heart broken, I ignored the game when it first came out. Back then I was a loner and not at all interested in playing with others. No one had bothered to explain to me that CoH was just about the ONLY MMORPG out there where you could solo almost as well as you could team. I would occassionally gaze wistfully at the game box on the shelves, wishing hopelessly for a new off-line version, but that was all.

Then, around Issue 10, one of my friends tried it and insisted I at least give it a shot. She had a free trial membership code I could use.

I tried it.... grudgingly... and the first efforts in the tutorial were not particularly glorious. I was used to console games and using the keyboard and mouse seemed awkward. But then....

But then...

The game is like a friendly fungus... it grows on you. Now, of course, I'm addicted. And, ironically enough, the game that I originally refused to play because of the enforced-community aspects has one of the best on-line communities out there. I've gone from not wanting to play with others to participating (perhaps a bit TOO much) in the game's forums.

I suspect subliminal in-game hypnotism.

What might your character's reaction be if they were aware that you existed and you were responsible for creating them and keeping them alive? Worse yet, they knew you were the reason behind their horribly tragic origin story, every time they ported to the hospital, etc...

D'Shan Steelclaw:

"So, let me get this straight... I was comfortable on my homeworld, surrounded by delightful female feline companionship and well respected in my community... then this... human... decides I should be pinned with a murder I didn't commit and exiled to a world primarily populated with ape-descended naked mole rats where I get to live in a city with a never-ending criminal population who all share the same fondest wish of killing me? And he's done all this because he wanted to play a 'game'...

"Breathe... breathe... happy place... I'm in my happy place... Okay... I can accept this. At least tell me my (cringe) Master is a fine, upstanding citizen... well-respected in his community, with dignity and honor..."

...

....

.....

"Your silence is not encouraging."

In the beginning order was created from chaos. The rolling nothingness of the Void was stilled and then shaped, imbued with color and light. Life began to flourish at the touch of the All-Mighty and soon expanded, filling the small places of Creation.

And when these things were done, the Father-of-All returned to his throne in the heavens, weary from his efforts. Turning he surveyed once more that which he had wrought, well satisfied. Then, he lowered himself to his throne that he may rest.

Puhfffffffffrrrrrrrrrbbbbbbttt.

Craning his neck around the Eternal One lifted one blessed cheek to see a small rubber diaphram now flattened and bereft of air upon his throne of glory.

"STEEEEEELCLAAAAAAAAWWWW!!!!"

Things I have either said or thought during the Halloween Event so far.

* "Graphics upgrades not-withstanding... I'd say Jack In Irons' loin cloth is an excellent argument against ever giving cape physics to all costume pieces."

* "Libris Vermis... Librum Vermin... Book Worm? Oh for the love of..."

* "Okay... I want to know which Dev included the action dialog 'you begin futzing with the device'... I want to give them a hug."

* "Can you drop the freakin' Tip already?! This Harlequin costume is giving me major wedgie chafing!!"

* "Hmmm... Major Wedgie Chafing... good name... but what AT to make him?"

* "Okay everyone! While the Zombie Apocalypse is going I want everyone who bought the Party Pack to start doing the Michael Jackson dance... I'll demo-record and put it on You Tube with Thriller as the background music..."

* "It's just SO polite of those Praetorian Clockwork to tell me exactly when their ambush is going to be... I really should do something nice for them..."

* "What the heck?! Okay, check me on this.... The Circle of Thorns don't know how to follow me through this glowing magical portal but the Praetorian Clockwork DO?!!?"

* "Hey... is this Bruce's Banner? I'm not attacking it if it is.... it would make him angry.... you wouldn't like him when he's angry..."

* "Well, here I am at the blue banner... huh... this is just like being married to my ex-wife again..."

* (and.... to be fair....) My Ex Wife: "There he is now! Okay, ladies, just like we planned... put down a recliner and a television playing a New England Patriots game and it's just like an irresistable mezz!"

* (Banner Event.... Skyway City.... playing a character with Super Speed...) "Hello... OnStar?"