Steelclaw

Dear Santa Dev,

We, the CoH Players, have been very good this year and would like to cash in all those Good Player Reward Merits for the following things for Next Year's Winter Event.

1) Those of us running Crab Soldiers would like to hang various things from the tips of our crab arms. The short list to include: Christmas Tree Ornaments, Gingerbread Men, Tinsel (draped from arm to arm) and Mistletoe... DEFINITELY the mistletoe!

2) Masterminds would like the ability to dress our minions up as reindeer.. either with just the antler head band or with a full-body transformation. Also the most powerful minion should get the glow-in-the-dark red Rudolph nose. If reindeer are too difficult then we believe Santa's Elves would be an acceptable substitute.

3) Necromancy Master Minds would like the Winter Event option of summoning the cast from Nightmare Before Christmas.

4) Robotic Master Minds would enjoy access to minions looking like they just arrived from the Island for Misfit Toys.

5) The Ho-Ho-Ho Belly Grabbing Laugh emote please.

6) New Teleport power animation where you touch the side of your nose before zipping up a chimney.

7) Visions of Sugar Plums temp power - PBAoE Sleep doing no damage. While standing there snoozing those affected will have little thought clouds with dancing plums in them.

Before you shake your heads and dismiss this as yet another silly Steelclaw list. I would like to make one last suggestion. Make this a Holiday Booster Pack and release it next year. Take most of the proceeds from sales and donate them to Toys for Tots or some other national charity that gives presents to under-priveleged children.

I'll buy one. Promise.

Merry-Happy-Joyous Holidays,

Steelclaw

Brilliant... positively brilliant!

You win the internet... now where did I put that thing? Hmmm... nope.. not in here... nothin' but a bunch of tubes...

Ahem...

We three Kins of this Pug group are...
Boosting speed; that's all 'least so far...
Allies shouting
Tempers mounting
Stone tanker's got the star...

OooOOh...
Tanker's running in slow mo'...
Sprint is on but he won't go...
I'm aborting..
Try teleporting..
Hours 'til we reach mission goal...

Crush (Single/AOE)

* I think you're sweet... kinda cute... awww.. gosh... I got a crush on you..
* That orange taste in your mouth? Marketing's fault...
* Okay everyone... pool bet on how many bone pops we hear when I amp this up!
* The neckbone's connected to the.. kneebone... the kneebone's connected to the finger bone... or at least they soon will be...
* Okay... the Pinata's up... who brought the sticks?

Gravity Distortion (Single/AOE)

* Everybody Jump! Jump! Criss-Cross gonna Jump! Jump!
* What? I thought you gang-types LIKED hanging around together?
* Let the spirit of Gawd into yeeew and soon-ah you will feel-ah a lightening of your very soul-ah! HALLELUGHA!
* Now, don't panic... you'll come back down in a bit.. that whole incident with DJ Zero was a once-in-a-life-time accident...

Propel

* Place your bets!
* I'm sorry... but a freakin' CAR should do more damage than a sink!
* Now where did I put those keys... nope... not in this pocket dimension..
* Here... hold this for me for a just minute... 'kay?
* So THAT'S where I put that!
* Love this power... but SO want an animation that looks like I'm blowing these things outta my a**..
* Okay so that's ONE birthday I missed down... let's see... how old are you again?

Wormhole

* Welcome to the Witless Relocation Program!
* I need a volunteer from the audience for this trick...
* Oh, if you guys see a worm in there... don't pet it.
* Tell Hoffa I said "hi"...
* Unscheduled off-world activation!

Singularity

* Don't embarass me this time.. Statesman will never forgive me for what you did to his leg.
* Meet my leetle friend... I call him Meester Huggy!
* Singularity! I choose you!
* Come on out... don't be shy... I know the mean scientist called you theoretical but what does he know?

Heal Other

* Floating number summoning jutsu!
* Are you Other? I can't give this to you unless you're Other.
* Why exactly do I have to suffer for your crappy build?!
* Yeah, y'know... things like fire... lightning... the occasional bullet? Let's try to avoid those next time, hmm?
* Great! It's all fun and games until someone loses a neck!

Resurrect

* Glad I could help you with that debt badge thing.
* Okay, but if you die again before my Rezz recharges I'm sending you to the hospital without dinner.
* Faceplant... well I guess we know who's not a team player in THIS group!
* Before I do this you have to promise me you won't try to start a whole religion around yourself first... deal?
* Will the real Nemesis plot initiator please rise up!

Grant Invisibility

* Whoa! Seriously... I need a break from your face.
* Okay, but you have to promise no wedgies, swirlies or peeking at me while I'm in the bathroom...
* If you get caught in the (opposite gender of target)'s showers you NEVER HEARD OF ME!

Invisibility

* What do you mean this One Ring has a warning label?
* Mental Note: Swan is psychic... she doesn't have to see me to know I'm there.
* Yeah, it's a cool power but my room mate's girlfriend says my heavy breathing always gives me away.
* Have you seen Hollow Man? Great flick... Why? No reason.

Recall Friend

* I remember Roy... (rimshot)
* For the love of... I am NOT your personal TRAVEL POWER!
* Thank you for flying "Tired of Waiting For Your Slow A**" Airlines...
* Tick me off and I'll make sure you NEVER reach that mission door.

Fireball

* Goodness gracious Great Balls of Fire!
* Anyone ELSE need their coffee reheated?!
* Wait... that's not Healing Aura!
* And now the speciality de la maison! Villains A La Flambe!
* What the heck this has to do with gravity...? I got nothin'...

Rise of the Phoenix

* OOOOOOH! That TINGLES!
* What a RUSH!
* ACK! Hot-hot-hot-hot-hot-hot-hot!
* Yes, the flames a fair indication that I did NOT in fact come back from heaven.
* If I see one... JUST ONE... marshmallow on a stick... I'll reverse propel you into a junkyard!

Good Evening and welcome to Pixel 8, Paragon's Premier television channel for news and entertainment. Home of the Pixel 8'ed News Team.

As you all know Christmas and the Holidays are a little different here in Paragon City and so we here at Pixel 8 would like to remind our non-super powered viewers of a few safety guidelines to help get you through the season.

First, if you have little ones, please remind them that not everyone in a red suit is Santa Claus. While our red-suited heroes will likely give the curious tot a pat on the head and a kind word, there are those Vigilantes and Rogues who may take the opportunity for a little Alignment shifting.

Likewise everyone should remember that opening random presents lying around the streets of Paragon is BAD. While your toddler might think the flying confetti is pretty, that won't be Frosty leaping out of the box. For those parents who don't wish to disillusion their children out of believing in Frosty the Snowman, simply inform them that it was the magic hat that gave Frosty his powers and kind heart. If they don't see a hat on Mr Snowman, they should run.

Just remember kids: No Hat Gets You Squished Flat.

In related news DJ Zero has once again opened his ski slopes and the winter chalet and once more he has refused admittance to the general public. We have been informed of an official protest group forming to contest this Heroes-Only policy. If you are interested in joining this group or would like more information on the possible 5th Column political leanings of DJ Zero, please go to the website on your screen now.

Have you seen this child? A concerned Father has reported his baby missing this holiday season. Upon presenting a picture of the child to the police the man was at first accused of having lost a small baby gorilla. Indeed, the police were considering pressing charges for animal cruelty as they suspected the man had shaved the poor animal down and let it loose in the winter snow. It was later determined that, despite photographic evidence, the child was indeed human. If you have any information regarding this missing child, please call the number at the bottom of the screen.

On a positive note, if you find yourself short of cash this holiday season, the Paragon City Council has announced a way for common citizens to earn some extra money! Today the Mayor described the details of the new "Clean Up Our Town" campaign which will go through mid January. As we can all remember from last year, Winter here in Paragon inexplicably brings with it some five to six inches of fallen confetti in nearly all parts of the city. The Mayor has declared a bounty on such detrius and the city will pay any citizen a flat rate per pound of confetti they bring in to the appropriate collection points. All received confetti will be recycled through the "Hollows Landfill" project.

And now, here's Phil with the weather! Say, Phil, can we expect a white Christmas?

(Phil) It's not looking good for that right now, Dave, except for this one part of Croatoa which seems to be blanketed in the stuff!

* Samuel Tow had a missile named after him... his posts and observations are pretty representative of its accuracy.

* Bass Ackwards had it right the first time.

* Steelclaw had this tendency to repeat himself.

* Dark Respite's "private" video collection is MUCH more interesting than her public one.

* Techbot Alpha is already 1/6th through the Rikti-fication process.

* Casual Player loves playing the game and has come to the conclusion that sleep was overrated anyway.

* Steelclaw has this tendency to repeat himself.

* Every night before settling in to sleep, Dumpleberry stares at the ceiling while grumbling "to hell with Toby, I wish you'd come and take ME away right now!"

* Golden Girl is in a strictly monogamous relationship.... with herself.

* Steelclaw has short term memory issues and often asks himself "hey wait... have I done this sort of list before?"

As a brief aside, I would REALLY like to take the song One Week by Barenaked Ladies and re-write/record it for all you crazy folks at the forums. Something like "It's been... one week since the last issue... and Samuel Tow's got questions.."

That sort of thing... The only problem I run into is how freakin' FAST that song goes! I'd get a sprained tongue before the second verse.

The first character into Praetoria is BlackSwirl LeFay, a magic Demon Summoning/Poison Mastermind. She is pursuing the Warden Resistance track.

The fates actually aligned to allow me to introduce TWO new characters this round (on different servers) so tomorrow I'll be starting Prodigy X, my Science Mind Control/Psionic Assault Dominator. Prodigy X will be going for the Crusader Resistance path.

I let the character's personality and bio determine which path they follow.

Uranus has passed into the constellation of Steelclaw Major and Venus is full and exposed in my telescope..

Umm... scratch that...

Some of you are aware of the complicated system of rules which I force upon myself while playing our beloved game. For those who aren't simply apply your search fu; lord knows I've discussed and described it enough by now.

In any case, many of the rules I have regard dictate how and when a new character may be created and introduced to my little tournament. Things such as other character's level, turns and round of play are taken into consideration.

So it is, after nearly FOUR MONTHS of having access and after more than EIGHT months since pre-ordering Going Rogue in the first place, I have finally created a Praetorian character and dared set foot into that golden realm.

For all those who believe me crazy and those who have fervently believed me insane all the time I've been posting here... ummm.... well...

Yeah, this pretty much confirms it. Gratz.

Wow.. the characters all looked almost exactly like their Power Ranger counter-parts...

The only problem I have with it is the total lack of a plot... it's just a disconnected series of fight scenes...

...

wait a second!

It IS just like the original Power Rangers!! GENIUS!

Okay, I wasn't going to say anything because ranting really isn't my thing but... this particular story arc gets on my nerves for a one big reason...

Ahem... Spoilers ahead (sort of) so stop reading if you haven't played it yet...

Freak-A-Lympics Arc: 2 Scheduled Bosses (boss level only/separate missions) + Last Mission Clear Final Room + mostly minion/lt enemies throughout + 8 mission arc = 34 REWARD MERITS

Roy Cooling's Arc: 2 Elite Bosses (Back to back/same mission) + Last Mission multi-tiered stacked objectives + mix of minion/lt/boss enemies throughout + 7 mission arc = 5 REWARD MERITS

You have GOT to be freaking kidding me! Roy's arc was at least twice as hard as the Freak's arc and it only scored a smidge more than 1/7th the merits?! I'm of the mind that difficulty and time spent should be the determining factor for reward merits awarded but it seems that FIVE is the magic number the Devs give to anything new that hasn't been play-tested or data-mined yet...

Okay... I'm glad I got that off my chest... now back to your regularly scheduled Steelclaw...

* A birthday is sort of like a level ding except the Big Developer in the Sky, while allowing you to pass the 50 cap, penalizes your physical attributes steadily for doing so...

* That's not a level-ding rush you're feeling... it's the beginning stages of oxygen deprivation... blow out your cake candles before you doom us all!

* We rented out Pocket D for your birthday party! Some joker suggested the Arena but we ignored him... (they charge too much.)

* We've convinced Dark Respite to make a birthday video for you of Sister Psyche, Ghost Widow and Swan all jumping out of a birthday cake and dancing while singing Happy Birthday! She's added it to her back-log list which means you should be getting your December birthday video sometime around April.... .... 2023....


Anyway... all joking aside... Happy Birthday!

So tonight I was playing my Tank Mistress Monolith... she's one of those tanks specifically geared heavy Primary and mostly ignored secondary to make them as immune to attacks as possible...

While I play most of my characters I have an on-going dialog/role play in my head of what they're saying... Monolith is no different, however I think the stuff she says to her poor opponents could probably be used by tank with a strong defensive build...

For example...

* You behind me... the one with the sledgehammer... a little to the left... I have an itch I can't reach that's been bugging me all day..

* Oh phooey... I have a call on my cell I have to take... no no... you guys dont have to stop... this'll only take a minute...

* That was a great effort! Really.. I'm seeing definite improvement since the start of the fight... Hmmm? Oh, I just didn't want you to feel insecure about your fighting skills... that's all...

* Listen, this just isn't working out... I'm here trying to get my first Debt Badge... no... no don't be like that... listen... it's not you... it's me...

* Dang it... is there any way I can set the difficulty to x10/+6 or something? Darned minions...

* You know, if you want to take a break you can... I imagine by now your arms must be exhausted from all that swinging...

* Sure, we can take five while you check to make sure you're gun's not loaded with blanks..

* Hey it moved that time! I swear, you made my health bar actually move! No, wait.. sorry... it was just a loose eyelash obscuring my vision...

* Darn it you broke my nail!

* Hey... Mister Demolitionist... yeah you with the jackhammer... a little lower and to the right if you please...

* Huh, they said they were going to go get their Psychic Squad to take advantage of my one weakness... boy are they gonna be mad when they learn I got the Elusive Mind accolade during that last invasion...

* Alright... all you perverts just turn around! It's not my fault that my costume isn't as impervious as I am...

* He refers to himself in the third person and everyone who does that is an egomaniac... egomaniacs should never be allowed power of any kind.

* A Spines player gets hit with knockback/down? Sticks to the floor.

* An Ouroboros arc where you go back in time to discover DJ Zero financed his club by a major multi-dimensional crime spree... I mean, come ON... he can open worm holes ANYWHERE and decides to use his powers to make a disco?!

* Destructible zones would be a priority... however after you wreck a wall, etc, a group of angry unionized construction guys run out and immediately start repairing it while swearing at you in Italian.

* The buses run... just never on time.

* Taxi cabs can take you immediately to your mission door at a cost in influence/infamy/information/influenza... however there is a percentage chance the cab driver doesn't speak english... has no idea what you're asking them to do.. and drops you off in the Shadow Shard.

* We're invading D.O.A. and stealing... er... "borrowing" their physics engine!

* Ragdoll physics to be replaced by "death scene melodrama" physics... the higher the level/power of the enemy... the longer their death-throe monologue.

* Sonic Blasters/Defenders/Corruptors can now choose the Electric Guitar/Power Axe power customization.

* Atlas Statue now holds aloft: Big Red Ball.

* New Zone Event in Dark Astoria! Every so often a giant Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Man will rampage through the zone. Only affected by fire attacks and long sticks.

* Street villains who are 4 levels or more lower than your hero no longer completely ignore you... instead they run away screaming like the civillians do to them.

* Every time your character levels up... for just a moment... they get a big upside-down-bunch-of-glowing-yellow-bananas hairstyle.

* Placate's animation will change from the "these aren't the droids you're looking for" hand-wave to the "Hey look over there! Is that Elvis?!" point and run.

* Non-Badge history plaque at the entrance to Boomtown. "It was in this spot that Lou Danello, construction contractor and owner of Lou's We-Fix-Anything-Or-Else-We'll-Replace-It-Free advertised guarantee took one look at the city project he'd just won the bid for and promptly shot himself."

* A one-in-one thousand chance that any given Office Building mission that has office workers running around it will have said workers all be direct-port characters from the Dilbert comic strip.

* Speaking of which... from now on... if a Civilian... ANY Civilian... runs into a hero or villain... the CIVILIAN falls down!

* Posted at the entrance of any hazard zone will be one of those "You must be THIS high to ride this ride" signs.

* A new microphone peripheral will be added... as well as a new Power Pool that takes advantage of it. Now your swearing and screaming at your keyboard can actually help your character in the game! The final tier power would be a rezz for when your character falls in battle... however this requires a thirty second sustained blue streak of profanity at approximately the same decibel level as a 747 at idle.

Happy Thanisgiving (what's left of it).

As an amusing aside, the area of Maine I live in is fairly filled with wildlife... this morning when I woke up it was to the sight of 50 (yes, I counted them) wild turkeys strutting around my backyard.

Brave suckers... cheeky too.

HEY!

What happens in the Reactor Core STAYS in the Reactor Core!

See, this is why the Devs should put me in charge of official in-game practical jokes...

Since the moon is so large and its surface so visible I would have a small black smudge be placed on it at the beginning of one month... I would then increase the size of the smudge on a weekly basis and have it become less a smudge and more defined... looking strangely like the distant outlines of a great city perhaps...

I would then sit back and wait... then laugh my nether-glutes off when speculation of Issue XX: MOON BASE!!!" swept the forums.

Yes... my powers can also be used for evil.

What I'm thinking of specifically here is the ability we have in-game to right click on another hero/villain/alignment-confused character and select Info. How cool would it be if you could do that in real life? See their "badges" and "powers" and the like?

Hmmm... well... maybe it wouldn't be ENTIRELY cool..

* "Why am I dating him? He's got Stamina, Quick Recovery AND Rise to the Challenge... why WOULDN'T I date him?!"

* "Bob... we're here for your intervention... seriously dude... the only Day Job badge you have is Tony's Bar..."

* "You got into another fight at school today, didn't you Billy? Don't bother lying either buster... I'll just look at your PvP stats and learn the truth."

* "You didn't know I had them put an exploration badge at the entrance of Wild Willy's Woo-Hoo Strip Club, did you? You are SO busted!"

* "No, Miss Reynolds we won't be hiring you for the position. Yes, your resume is very impressive... strange how you list all these office skills on it yet your powers menu only lists the Gossiping Primary with the Blame Co-Workers defensive secondary..."

* "Ron I really think you're taking this badge-hunting thing a little too seriously... yes, I KNOW they've instituted an 8 badge per city zone base line but really... do you have to get them from EVERY CITY?!"

* "No, I don't think Harold will ever ask me to marry him... he has a problem with commitment... he's earned the Come Full Circle badge three times over..."

* "No, Bob, I don't think 'conquests of the female variety' should count towards a Defeat badge... No, I don't think there should be a Gigilo Day Job badge, either..."

* "How do I know Margaret doesn't know about my affair with Wendy? Because every time I go home I sneak up and look in a window... click on Marge... as long as she hasn't earned the 'Hell Hath No Fury' badge... I go inside..."

* "Yeah, I think Marcie and I are through... she just respecced into the 'Terminal Headache' tier 8 defense power..."

* "I noticed I'm not mentioned in your Description... Well, gee... I don't now why that would upset me... I mean... we've only been married for 15 years!!"

Shortest Incarnate Role Play Session Evah...

War Gawd: You have proven yourself worthy! I shall imbue you with my eldritch divine power!

Zero Hero: Wait... so it won't really be ME who is supreme... it will be me with you giving me extra power?

War Gawd: Well.. more or less... if you want to be technical...

Zero Hero: Wait a second here! So you're telling me it's just like the Patron Powers from City of Villains?

(Long moment of silence followed by a cataclysmic blast)

War Gawd (Sweeping away the ash remains of Zero Hero): NEXT!

The only ambush mechanic I absolutely, positively, irrevocably can NOT stand is the one that has the ambushers able to track you regardless of anything you do.

I'm sorry, but my Stalker is INVISIBLE. At the very least they should run to the place where he WAS and start looking around for him. Not chase him unerringly through the entire map as though someone had crammed a tracking beacon up his nether-regions the moment the ambush spawned.

I'm PRETTY sure he would have noticed that...

Okay... I'll give 'er a go...

Ahem, If Roleplayers Controlled Incarnates you would first have to determine what KIND of roleplayer we're talking about here...

The Script-Addict:
"Okay, so before we start RPing the scene I want to make sure we have everything locked down about what we're trying to accomplish here. Now, YOU want Incarnate powers, got that... Me? I'll play the god of fire, or should it be a goddess? And WHICH god of fire? Hey, how about Hephaestus? That way we could throw in armor references and perhaps a little weaponry to boot! .... .... (Four hours later).... Okay, I think we've got enough of the details hammered out to start. Oh darn! I've got to jet! I've got another RP I'm supposed to be discussing with a friend... I'll be playing Lord Nemesis!"

The Prose Master:
"Harken unto my words, mortal, for thou hath attracted the gaze of mine eye and the full attention of mine thoughts. Thou hath proven thyself worthy of the accolades of thine fellow mortals and yea, those very cheers and adulations hath rung deep within the echoing halls of the Immortals. Tales of thine adventures and heroism hath warmed many a long, endless night from the vaulted chambers of Valhalla to the dizzying heights and homes of Mount Olympus. Thus it is that I have descended from upon high to grant thee my favor for thine courage in the face of insurmountable odds. Kneel, therefor, before thine god and receive that which thine actions have so richly wrought."

Non-RPing Hero: "Uhhhh... could you repeat that? In English?"

The Cyber-Nookie Fiend:
"Oh, hey there hero, welcome to the Arrysium Pleasure Domes. I'm Eros and I'll be your... attendant... today. Now, the process for gaining your Incarnate powers is long... and hard... I'll be... infusing you... with my power several times over the next week or so. There'll be an "energy" exchange between us... I'll give you some... you'll give some to me... The ritual requires several positions of... ummm... "meditation"... so I hope you're on the limber side... we'll start with you worshiping at my altar... Oh, one last thing before we start... clothes hamper the energy exchange... no really... yes, even spandex."

A.D.H.D. (Action Description/Horrendous Dialog):
::The clouds roll dark and murderous overhead, in the distance the sky grumbles angrily. They roll and gather in ominous undulating waves as though battling among themselves or engaged in passionate vapor lovemaking rituals. Flashes of electrical brilliance appear, at first muted and deep within the clouds dark mass, then skittering across flexing surface like maddened fireflies in a windswept field. All at once the heavens are torn assunder as a lightning bolt the breadth of a mighty redwood tree, heavy in its years, joins war torn sky to peaceful land for a breathless instant. The world is silent in that eternity of suspended time as all shadows are anhialated in a white light as pure as justice. The thunder shatters the poised moment, rips the stillness to quivering shreds, flattening the grass at your feet outwards with the power of its oration. There, standing in the spot to which the lightning had lain claim stands the mighty Thor, hammer held tight in one battle-scarred fist. He looks at you with eyes at once hard and savagely joyful, youthful yet eternal. He speaks.::

"Howdy, dude! I'm like, totally ready to be your god and stuff."

Grammar Is For Noobs:
"Im Ra and im be your god sun god we bury you in pyramid maybe sphinx animal head maybe bird like me you fly? superspeed maybe jackal head? okay im Set and im be your god night god you come here to city of the dead wait your fire blaster cant be night Set evil your hero maybe osiris? okay im osiris and im be your god what? Isis? no i dont play chicks"

My God's Name is Sloth, What's Yours?:
"Okay, you have been teleported to the temple of the almighty war-god Ares. Umm, if you want a description go to my character's web page, I put in some links to some fantasy art websites there. Anyway, Ares appears before you... poof. Me mighty Ares, you little pissant mortal, me give you power, you accept gladly... yadda yadda yadda... we shake hands, seal soul pact, schmooz and ka-noodle.. bingo-bongo you've got god powers. See you later.. gonna log... my hands are killing me.. haven't typed this much in ages."

* He already HAS the Grey Poupon.

* Blue Steel was modeled after him, not Chuck Norris.

* The Devs don't leak information to him... they ask permission to make game changes.

* The percentage the market takes from every transaction? ZM gets it.

* The Devs were considering adding Zombie-O's to the game as an enhancement but they thought the Incarnate slots would be a good stepping stone to them to get people used to the power first.

* He has a 100th level Necromancy MasterMind... whose tier 20 power raises all the dead to serve him... ALL of them... At once.

* The Zigg's open door policy started the day ZM decided to start playing City of Villains.

* One day ZM had a picnic inside Eden... Hamidon hasn't dared leave the Hive since.

* ZM does, in fact, have his name in all seven slots of the 7 Legendary Forumites list... he just sublets six of them to lesser beings.

* ZM is not pleased with the use of his initials instead of his full name and will punish those who dare afront him with misplaced familiarity...

....


........


Uh-oh.