Steelclaw

I'm not entirely sure I'm an altoholic or not...

I have multiple characters.... but when I delete the old ones... I just recreate the same ones again at first level... so I'm not really creating completely new characters all the time... just recycling the old ones...

Maybe I'm a reincarnatoholic?

A few ideas of what the heroes and villains of CoH have to look forward to as they age...

* After hearing that canning can preserve the life of certain fruits and vegetables, Positron rethinks his "getting out of the armor" policy.

* Captain Mako, after losing all his teeth, decides to get a full set of dentures. Despite his direst threats the Gillette company refuses to provide the replacements.

* As her aging body can no longer sustain the damage it used to, Silver Mantis instead satisfies her masochistic needs by calling the Social Security Administration and asking what her current benefits look like.

* At the age of 85 Synapse is nearly as fast as when he was a younger man, however the sound of his walker at that speed has people hearing jackhammers all over the city.

* Although Ghost Widow herself does not age as time goes by, she still feels time's pinch. Most memorable was her desperate pleas to the Depends company for something in a steel-belted model for an aging Wretch.

* When going in for his annual medical check up, Back Alley Brawler turned to the doctor and held up his massive metal gloves, extending two fingers on one. "If you get to check my prostate, then I get to check yours."

* Foreshadow is still able to see future events, but with his short term memory can't remember what the heck he saw. "It had something to do with trees... or was it dogs? Barking was involved somehow..."

* At the general request of the populace, Miss Liberty discontinued wearing mini-skirts.

* After an unfortunate "Swan Dive" comment by a hapless thug; Swan began to use her telekinetic powers as "support" to reverse the effects gravity had wreaked upon her body.

* After years of subtle torment and torture of the general Rogue Isles' populace, Westin Phipps is reduced to yelling at kids to get the hell outta his front yard.

* Lord Nemesis decides his next plot should be in a cemetary.

* Blue Steel has to start using both hands to bench press the planet.

* Decades later the Croatoan War Witch finally meets her Pocket D counterpart. Things degenerate quickly as the ghostly WW takes one look at her living version and says "Thank the gods I died early."

* After thousands of years of constant battle between the two immortals, after generations of mortals have gone by while their hatred boiled, Lord Recluse finally decides to apologize and try to make peace. "Look, I'm sorry for what I said about your half-helmet..."

* After years of fruitless effort, the staff of Paragon Home for the Elderly finally decide it's just easier to give Doc Quantum a private corner of the facility and a constant supply of gerbils upon which to conduct his "Morality Tests."

* People learn to avoid Scirocco when he starts talking about his "mystical wind powers" and NO ONE falls for the "pull my finger" line anymore.

* Vanity finally gets the better of Sister Psyche and, rather than allow her real body to age, she begins hooking rides on beautiful, very young women. Manticore's nickname officially changed to "that lucky ba**ard."

* People constantly having to reassure Black Scorpion that his new turbo-assault-wheelchair is "way cooler" than Professor X's.

* Freakshow overheard saying "why in my day we didn't have your fancy fusion core generators... we had to shove six AA batteries up our a**es... and we were HAPPY to do it!"

* Although he still kidnapped Baby New Year, Snaptooth's complaints changed from "Stop that rhyming!" to "Who keeps turning up the thermostat in these caves?! Do you rascals think I'm MADE of money?!"

* After years of refusing to take the risk, Citadel finally decides that Microsoft has learned enough from the mistakes of the past to finally come out with a completely stable and safe operating system. Moments after downloading and installing Windows Infinity he realizes that some things never change.

And....

Fusionette: Where are you going?

Temblor: I'm goin' down to the town office to fill out the paperwork for my social security.

Fusionette: But Jim how are you going to prove your age? You know you lost all your birth records and paperwork years ago...

Temblor: Don't worry about it woman...

(time passes and Jim returns home)

Fusionette: How did it go?

Temblor: No problem at all... I'll get my first check next Thursday.

Fusionette: But how did you prove your age?

Temblor: I just opened up my shirt and showed them all the gray hairs on my chest.

Fusionette: Well, if it was that easy.. why didn't you drop your drawers and get a disability check too?

This time we'll familiarize you with some of the Greek gods. I did not include the Titans or the heroes in this list because I am not sure that they would be able to give aspects of the Well in any case. (And because I was too lazy to include them.)

So anyway... here goes nothing... less than nothing probably...

Aether: God of the upper air and light. He would come down to the lower air to help his Incarnates out more personally but… you know… allergies.

Ananke: Goddess of inevitability, compulsion and necessity. She will only accept your application for Incarnate if you have all your debt badges.

Aphrodite: Goddess of love, lust, beauty, seduction and pleasure. Although married to Hephaestus she had many lovers. Perfect Incarnate for those so into adult RP they have two accounts for the sole purpose of dual boxing in Pocket D on Virtue.

Apollo: God of music, healing, plague, prophecies, poetry and archery. Associated with light, truth and the sun. Basically the god of mood swings. He’ll put an arrow in your back and infect you with plague. Then he’ll become overwhelmed with guilt, heal the plague he gave you, write a flowery poem of apology which he’ll sing to you. If you don’t accept his apology he’ll look into the future and promise to grant you your fondest wish… on the day after you’re destined to die.

Ares: God of war, bloodlust, violence, manly courage and civil order. Yeah, he coulda been the perfect Brute Incarnate right up until the “Civil Order” bit.

Artemis: Virgin goddess of the hunt, wilderness, wild animals, childbirth and plague. In later times she was associated with the moon. As the virgin goddess of childbirth she was a decidedly unsympathetic midwife. “Oh, come on! It can’t hurt THAT much!”

Athena: Goddess of wisdom, warfare, strategy, heroic endeavor, handicrafts and reason. Not quite as popular among warriors as Ares; this may be due to her handicrafts aspect… which led her to direct her worshippers to construct macaroni art depicting their victories in battle.

Chronos: The Keeper of Time. Apparently worshipped by every person in Paragon or the Rogue Isles whose name begins with “E”.

Demeter: Goddess of fertility, agriculture, horticulture, grain and harvest. She is the sister of Zeus and together they bore Persephone. Okay, seriously, I know you’re the goddess of fertility, but your own brother? I think you take your duties a bit too far.

Dionysus: God of wine, parties and festivals, madness, drunkenness and pleasure. If you’re not from Pinnacle he’s not accepting your Incarnate application. Come to think of it, if the application is legible he’s not accepting it either.

Erebos: God of darkness and shadow. Also god of bumping into things and cursing vehemently.

Eros: God of love, sexual intercourse, cupids, desire and pleasure. Son of Aphrodite and Ares. He was often shown with wings and arrows. Taking him as your incarnate immediately violates the Teen rating and will get you banned. Good thing he didn’t follow Demeter’s example and mate with a relative since he and his mother’s kid might have been named Aphros.

Gaia: Goddess of the earth (mother earth); mother of the Titans. There are so many possible dirty jokes here involving her and the Devouring Earth that I really need to just step away from this one.

Hades: King of the Underworld and god of death, the dead and the hidden wealth of the earth. Initially he was none too happy about ending up with the whole “king of the dead” gig but he eventually acclimated. Now spends his days holed up with his dead-head friends and his gal Persephone listening to Linkin Park albums.

Hephaestus: Crippled god of fire, metalworking, stone masonry, sculpture and volcanism. He is married to Aphrodite. Considering how adulterous Aphrodite was, he probably spent more time beating his head against the anvil than he did his hammer. I’ll leave it up to you as to whether or not that was a double entendre.

Hera: Queen of marriage, women, childbirth, heirs, kings and empires. Originally she was JUST the goddess of marriage. However, every time her husband Zeus wanted to cheat on her he’d give her another responsibility so she’d be distracted from his activities. By the time the Greeks started putting aside the old gods she was so exhausted she was ready to throw in with the Christians herself just for the rest.

Hermes: God of travel, messengers, trade, thievery, cunning wiles, language, writing, diplomacy, athletics and animal husbandry. He is the messenger of the gods and the one who leads the souls of the dead to the Underworld. Is it any surprise to anyone that the god of thievery, language and cunning wiles is also the god of diplomacy?

Hestia: Virgin goddess of hearth, home and cooking. You can take her as your Incarnate if you want to, but be prepared for frequent chat messages from her like “log out, it’s almost time for dinner” and “don’t you think you should be spending some time with your family, dear?”

Poindexter: Minor god of technology, graphic novels and pseudo-culture. Depicted as living in his parent’s basement, he is the guardian and holder of comic lore, having every comic book in the history of mankind, mint condition, never read… straight into the storage bag. Speaker of fluent Klingon and Drow. Possessor of his legendary Enchanted Dice which always roll exactly what he wants them to…. Oh wait… I’m sorry… wrong section… Poindexter is a Geek God, not a Greek God.

Poseidon: God of the sea, rivers, floods, droughts, earthquakes and horses. While I’m not altogether sure why the god of all that water should also be the god of horses, that doesn’t matter much in Paragon. What might bother you, however, is his tendency to scream “Unleash the Kraken” every time you enter Perez Park. That’s not bad, really… what IS bad is the fact he holds one nostril closed with a finger while blowing out violently through the other to “unleash” it.

Zeus: The King of the gods, the ruler of Mount Olympus and the god of the sky, weather, thunder, law, order and fate. He was depicted as a regal man, mature with sturdy figure in art. Before considering taking him as your Incarnate you may want to consider that he has seduced mortal women in the forms of a swan, a shower of gold and a bull. Yeah, I know… shower of gold… but it’s only a one in three shot folks.

Top Ten Acts of Dev-iousness.

In no particular disorder:

1) Freem.

2) Ouroboros: A time travelling system that now allows your character, who began their career as a villain but is now a hero, to somehow travel back in time to enjoy those golden days of early herodom they never had.

3) Power Proliferaaaaasshhhuuuuuuunn..nnn...nn....<sputter. .. die> Off to a great start, faltered in turn three.

4) Loot Proliferation: Merits and Tickets and Drops, oh my!

5) Badges: Batches? We don' need no steenking batches! Wait... what am I saying?! More badges! Give me badges for going AFK! Give me badges for playing in a battle with one hand while using the other to separate my fighting cats! Anything! Just give me more badges!

6) Invention System: For the great Invention and Set Enhancements, yes... but also for the great fun of getting a Human Blood Sample drop from a Clockwork and a Chemical Formula from a Troll. (It was probably an ingredient list copied off a soda can.)

7) The Level Cap: Or, more specifically, sticking to their guns about not raising the level cap past 50. I will assume they do this because of a deep sense of integrity and belief in a decision correctly made. As opposed to a deep sense of laziness about not wanting to write all new content, powers, animations, zones, etc that a higher cap would entail.

8) Side Switching: Because some days even Spiderman looks at that empty wall in his living room and thinks "ya know... I want a big screen plasma and JJ doesn't pay ****"

9) The Issues: Well, that one Dev has a serious issue about bathing regularly... no wait.. not those kind of issues. I greatly appreciate all the regular free content we get from the Developers. While some might say it doesn't happen often enough and others may claim it ain't free if we're paying a monthly fee... my response is and always will be "They really didn't HAVE to do it this way in the first place."

10) The Forums: This kudo goes out to the Moderators as well. The CoH Forums are clean, fun and more of a community than the "vent-your-spleen" cesspool of other forum sites I've perused. In addition to this, the Devs actually READ them! Highest commendations all around for this.

Retired at the ripe ol' age of 41... Life is hard.

The worst build I ever saw was a team mate during a PUG.

She was a "dedicated healorz" who had all the Empathy primaries and only one from her Secondaries. Now, I can live with that. I have made a dedicated team healer myself on occasion.

However, my Empath never took anything from the Medicine Power Pool... much less ALL the powers from that pool.

She also took all four travel powers.

The others in the team ragged her about her build so long she ended up quitting the team, as I recall.

Since I am not as familiar with the Japanese Pantheon I took a slightly different approach. I visited a web site listing the Japanese gods with short descriptions. I wrote down verbatim the ones that struck me as having potential (ie-the ones I immediately thought up something snarky about) and added a wise-acre follow up.

Consider this an informal (very) introduction to some members of the Japanese pantheon.

Aizen-Myoo: God of love, worshipped by prostitutes, landlords, singers and musicians. Aizen is the god for you if… wait… landlords? What the… hold on… I think this explains that apartment building I lived in that had “security” cameras INSIDE the apartments.

Aji-Suki-Taka-Hi-Kone: God of thunder. Taking him as your Incarnate will enable you to summon a lightning bolt for PBAoE damage at will. All you have to do is say his name 10 times really, really fast.

Ama-No-Minaka-Nushi: God of the Pole Star. And now dancing on the center stage…

Amaterasu: Shinto goddess of the sun and leader of the Shinto pantheon. In CoH she has suffered a demotion as she only puts in a 10 minute appearance every day.

Amatsu Mikaboshi: God of Evil. His name means “August Star of Heaven.” Obviously his parents weren’t gods of prophecy when they named him.

Ama-Tsu-Mara: Shinto god of smiths. He is pictured as a Cyclops. Because nothing says good smithing like a complete lack of depth perception.

Baku: A good spirit. Known as the “eater of dreams.” You know, I’m beginning to think the Japanese grasp of good and evil is a wee bit shaky.

Benten: Goddess of love, the arts, wisdom, poetry, good fortune and water. Benten; goddess of everything none of the other gods wanted to deal with.

Bimbogami: God of poverty. Rituals are performed to get rid of him. I was torn about what to say about this one. Either Bimbogami; the art of bimbo folding… or … Bimbogami: he tried to improve his image but couldn’t afford the PR man.

Binzuru-Sonja: God of curing illness and good vision. Because lord knows good vision needs a cure.

Bishamon: God of war, justice and protector of law. He is one of the Shichi Fukujin. Wait, he’s one of the what? Nope. Not touching this one. I’m barely avoiding a forum ban as it is.

Bosatsu: Manifestation of the Buddha in the past, present or future. Okay… so when exactly would we just call him Buddha?

Chimata-No-Kami: God of crossroads, highways and footpaths. He was originally a phallic god. I’m pretty sure the move was considered a promotion… pretty sure… ‘bout 83%.

Chup-Kumui: Sun goddess of the Ainu. She was originally the moon goddess. She had to put in her dues with the company and get seniority before getting a gig on the day shift.

Daikoku: God of wealth, the soil and patron of farmers. See, we can tell here these are definitely NOT American gods because they mention wealth and farmers in the same sentence.

Dosojin: God of roads. Unlike his buddy Chimata-No-Kami, ol’ Dosojin didn’t have to undergo a career in the pron industry to get his road gig.

Ebisu: God of the wealth of the sea, he is the patron god of fishermen and fishing. Wealth of the sea… this might explain why he hangs around the hot spring bath fences so much. (Bonus Points if you get the obscure reference.)

Ekibiogami: God of plagues and epidemics. Oooooor… Art of folding “icky-biology.”

Emma-O: Japanese Buddhist god of the underworld. He is the judge of the dead. Also creator of Emma-O’s; the most popular breakfast cereal in the underworld.

Fudo: God of fire and wisdom… ‘cause people learn much more quickly with the proper application of flames.

Fujin: Shinto god of the wind. Seen as a terrifying dark demon in a leopard skin. Yeah… I think I saw that hentai… er… I mean anime…

Fukurokuju: Shinto god of wisdom, luck and prosperity. Wait… you did WHAT to Kujo?

Gama: God of longevity. You gotta love the subtle sense of humor of the Japanese… all these gods with huge names and the shortest name of all they give to the god of longevity.

Gekka-O: God of marriage. He binds the feet of lovers with red silken cord. Later on, after the lovers get married, he replaces the silk with tempered steel.

Hachiman: God of war and agriculture. Because there isn’t always a war going on and every god should have a hobby.

Haniyasu-Hiko and Haniyasu-Hime: God and goddess of the earth respectively. Male and female earth gods… I think I’m beginning to form a theory about how earthquakes happen.

Haya-Ji: God of the whirlwind. Yeah, I make that sound too when I spin too fast for too long.

Hoso-No-Kami: God of smallpox. And his parents said he’d never amount to anything.

Hotei: God of happiness, laughter and the wisdom of being content. Wisdom of being content… obviously he is nowhere to be found in any Forums anywhere.

Ida-Ten: Buddhist god of the law and of monasteries. A handsome young man. His younger brother was rather average looking though; his name was Ida-Five.

Iki-Ryo: The spirit of anger and envy which harms. As opposed to that beneficial envy.

Inari: Both a male and female deity, god/goddess of rice and agriculture. Only available as an Incarnate with the purchase of the Science Booster Pack.

Izanagi: Primordial god of the sky and the creator of everything good and right. Also employer of the best PR firm in immortality.

Jurojin: Shinto god of longevity and a happy old age. It is strongly believed Jurojin was killed by the Social Security Administration.

Kaminari: Goddess of thunder, the Thunder Queen and the Heavenly Noise. Goddess of the Heavenly Noise? I think I met her once down in New Orleans.

Kanayama-Hiko and Kanayama-Hima: God and goddess of metal respectively. Clang-clang-clang went his trolley… Ring-ring-ring went her bell… … … sorry.

Kishi-Bojin: Goddess of children and childbirth. She is apparently incapable of entering Paragon or the Rogue Isles.

Kishijoten: Goddess of luck and beauty. Yeah, she believed all those guys buying her drinks and paying for her meals meant she was “lucky.” Probably because they kept saying “so… am I getting lucky tonight?” No one said she was the goddess of intelligence.

Kojin: Ancient tree deity and goddess of the kitchen. She lives in an enoki tree. Which… umm… apparently has a kitchen in it… wait, what?

Mawaya-No-Kami: Deity of the toilet. No, I am not making this up. Now at last you know who you were praying to when you were kneeling at the porcelain altar.

Miro: Japanese name for Maitreya. Because, you know, they sound so much alike.

Miyazu-Hime: Goddess of royalty. Not many worshipers, but it pays well.

Naka-Yama-Tsu-Mi: God of mountain slopes. Not the top, not the base… just the slopes. Very popular among Extreme Skiers.

Nominosukune: God of wrestling. Never really gained popularity in the WWE since the crowd could never manage to chant his name.

Okuni-Nushi: God of magic and medicine. Ruler of the unseen things. At least, he SAID he was the ruler of the unseen things. We could never contact them for confirmation.

Raiden: God of thunder and lightning. Performer of Flawless Victories and Fatalities. Performer of ill-advised acts of naughtiness.

Shaka: The silent sage, the wisest and first appearance of Buddha on earth. Proof positive that the wisest thing to say is nothing at all. Original creator of the “smile and nod” defense.

Shoki: God of the afterlife and exorcism. He used to be just the god of the afterlife, but years of lax security led to the necessity of being the god of exorcism too.

Sukuna-Biko: Dwarf god of healing. He will gladly heal any illness or injury you have… from the waist down.

Susanowa: God of the winds, storms, ocean and snakes. After one memorable drunken evening he promised to keep the wind storms and snakes completely separate from then on.

Tenjin: God of learning, language and calligraphy. He taught humans to write. He has publicly stated he takes no responsibility for anything on the internet.

Toyouke-Omikami: Goddess of grain. Not to be confused with To-Pukey-Omi-Headi; god of grain alcohol.

Uba: Spirit of the pine tree. Means “old woman” or “wet nurse.” Because nothing says Wet Nurse to me like old women and pine sap.

I would like to make a public apology to everyone in the Forums. I was not aware that the nature of my prefered method of playing the game would cause confusion or upset so many people.

I know my methodology for playing this game is different and self-constraining. My reason for making the original post was an effort towards self-satire. I was poking fun at myself for being the way I am and inviting my fellow Forumites in to get a chuckle as well.

Apparently my attempt at humor has engendered the exact opposite response from some people and for that I am truly sorry. In the future I shall keep my humorist posts limited to the broader game and avoid my personal gaming preferences.

Thank you all and once more, sorry to those I have offended.

Case in point I would have to agree with GG on this one, although not for the reasons she presented.

Let's face it... given the general climate conditions in the areas who worshipped the Norse gods, any priest or priestess of Freya who covered only 20% of their body was likely going to die of frost bite or hypothermia between religious observances.

The Steelclaw Guide to Preparing for Future Content:

1) Revamp Spreadsheets.

2) Delete Characters.

So I was pondering which gods would best fit which characters of mine as Incarnates and, as it so often does, my mind began to wander.

When it came back, having run up my credit card again with lunch in Rio, I was hit with the idea of making a list of the gods and my take on how they would be as an Incarnate focus in City of Heroes. Since there are so many pantheons out there, I decided to start with one of my favorites... The Norse Pantheon!

If you guys got a kick out of this list let me know and I'll move on to other pantheons as well. If you don't like it or there isn't a lot of response, I'll forgo further torture to the Forums and go hide in my Misery Box for a few days.

Since the Norse apparently believed in a LOT of gods, what follows is an abridged list from the plethora of those available.

Andhrimnir: Cook for the gods. While picking him as your Incarnate might not give you too many extra powers, at least you’ll get that Day Job badge for short order cook sewed up quickly.

Audhumla: The primeval cow, formed from the melting ice. Yeah, not kidding. A cow. Strengths: calcium means strong bones and teeth. Pitfalls: unending target of obvious and hideous cow puns.

Balder: Fairest of the gods. Despite being a little light in the loafers, Balder was actually a keen warrior and possessed of near invulnerability. Unfortunately he was killed in action by a blind archer. So…. Invulnerability good… Luck… not so much.

Borghild: Goddess of the evening mist or moon, she slays the sun each evening. She would make a very powerful incarnate under normal circumstances, but in the CoH universe she’s so exhausted after killing the danged sun every 20 minutes that she doesn’t have a lot of strength left for her followers.

Bragi: God of poets and patron of all poets in Norse culture. Oh yeah, and we ALL know how popular and respected poets were among the Vikings. The plus side though is all those who take Bragi as their Incarnate get a bonus to dodging thrown objects.

Eir: Goddess of healing and shamanic healers. While most healing goddesses prefer only Defenders in their ranks, Eir is not one of them. This is likely because she has a typically Viking approach to healing… as in “here drink this keg of ale before I cut off your injured arm with a dull saw.” Scrappers and Brutes are welcome to share in her power so long as they don’t whine too much.

Elli: Goddess of old age. What? Really? Old age. Yeah right, like any Viking ever made it to old age.

Freya: Goddess of love, beauty and sensuality. Archetype doesn’t matter. Alignment doesn’t matter. Freya’s only requirement is that your character have costume covering at most 20% of your body.

Freyr: God of fertility, sun and rain. Freyr is the twin brother of Freya and mixing them up is a baaaaaad idea. He takes being mistaken for his sister personally. Add to that the fact that there are no kids and no weather in CoH and you begin to learn why the Paragon version of Freyr is a surly individual.

Frigg: Wife to Odin and the goddess of marriage. Hmmm… goddess of marriage huh? No wonder her name became a semi-swear word.

Heimdall: God of light and protection. Oh, and he was responsible for guarding the Rainbow Bridge. Guess he must have been asleep at the switch the day Dorothy made it over.

Hel: The goddess of death and ruler of the realm of the dead. Yes, it IS spelled with one less “L” which means you can name you Incarnate in chat and not get censored. BONUS!

Hermod: Messenger of the gods. He is currently unable to be an Incarnate due to legal difficulties. He has been hit with a cease and desist order by the lawyers representing the greek god Hermes until the copyright issues have been hammered out.

Idun: Goddess of the spring, eternal youth and keeper of the golden apples. A word of warning those choosing Idun as their Incarnate; be VERY careful about suggestive innuendos regarding her “golden apples.”

Jord: Goddess of primitive and unpopulated earth. Leave it to the Norse to come up with a goddess of an unpopulated world.

Loki: Trickster god and lord of thieves, magic and fire. In game terms god of griefers, PVP Stalkers and that jerk MasterMind who parks all his robot henchmen in the middle of the toboggan run during the winter event.

Miming: Minor forest god. He is only god over minor forests; so if you see a small grove with only two or three oaks or a lonely pine on a hill… Miming’s in the hood.

Norns: Three goddesses of fate and destiny. So if you got all your debt badges before reaching 20th level, you know who to blame.

Odin: The chief god of the Aesir and most important of the Norse deities. Let’s be straight here, Odin was against this whole Incarnate business in the first place. Lord knows he has enough problems with his OWN kids much less a bunch of adopted super beings running around Midgard. You can pick him if you want to, but be prepared to have a grumpy Incarnate who is heavy into punishment and sending you to bed without supper.

Ran: Goddess of storms and the drowned dead. Ummm… sounds like a conflict of interests if you ask me.

Sif: Wife of Thor and possibly an ancient fertility goddess. Wait… ANCIENT fertility goddess? Wow… those Norse gods aged well, didn’t they?

Sleipner: The eight-legged horse of Odin. Don’t even think about it. The Devs won’t even consider a normal animal skeleton model in CoH, much less an eight legged one.

Sol: Goddess of the sun, who guides the sun chariot through the sky. Ummm… if she guides the sun chariot then wouldn’t she actually be the one in harness to it? Er, if you choose her you don’t necessarily have to tell her I said that.

Syn: Goddess of watchfulness and truth. Wait… the goddess of truth’s name is Syn? Really man.. you just gotta LOVE those Vikings.

Thor: Thunder-god and protector of men and gods. This is your basic warrior-god; not to bright… loves a good fight… would rather be up to his ears in combat than practically anything else… definitely your fight first ask questions later sort of god. That’s right folks, he’s the Scrapper of Asgard.

Ull: God of justice and dueling, archery and skiing. Not a bad choice for a heroic Archery defender, corruptor or blaster. Choosing him gives you Super Jump and Super Speed as inherents, but only on the ski slopes during the winter event. Also, rumor has it Ull is the yodeler you’ll here while there.

Valkyries: The battle-maidens, who choose the best warriors from among the fallen on the battle field to take to the afterlife in Valhalla. In the CoH universe the Valkyries have retired from the battle-maiden bizz; they took the proceeds from their endorsement of the Valkyrie Pack and retired to South Beach.

Vanir: A group of fertility and nature gods. Don’t even bother taking these guys… as a GROUP of fertility gods they are MUCH too busy to be answering any requests for powers or the like.

Var: Goddess of contracts and marriage agreements. You can take her if you like, but please be aware that word on the street has it Manticore has a contract out on her.

Vidar: Son of Odin and the god of silence and vengeance. Yeah… you read that right… the Norse have a god of sulking.

Getting every Spring Fling badge on every character I have... again... I long for the days my tournament finally stabilizes to the point where I can build on event badges I already won LAST event... instead of realizing "crud... deleted 'em all again..."

I have my son this weekend and since he plays CoH too we get to argue the whole weekend about who gets to play. I have two accounts but I dual box to get the spring badges more quickly. And he doesn't badge so could care less about the spring event. It's Family Feud the Home Game!!

On a side-note if any of you see a character named "Deletion Fodder", "2b Deleted" or "Deletion Destiny" who looks like they were created with the random button hanging around Pocket D... it's probably me.

I've posted my rules before but since it's been a while I'll give the general outline... in list form since that's my language of choice...

* Every character has its own spreadsheet... the tournament has a spreadsheet... the rules have a spreadsheet... my traderbots have a spreadsheet... currently I have exactly 53 spreadsheets all having to do with my CoH tournament.

* Each server is a team consisting of all heroes or all villains. Each server has a Super Group so those teams can share resources. My traderbots each donated 1 billion influence apiece to transfer to 2,000,000 prestige per server to get the bases up and running. All further improvements to the bases are up to the individual teams.

* Teams start with one captain each. New characters can not be added to the team until all existing members are at least 30th level.

* All team members are funded by my traderbots. I basically play the market with one TB until they have maxed out the 2 billion influence cap and then create another one. Currently my TBs have around 11 or so billion collectively.

* There are extensive rules regarding enhancements (IO's only 15th level and up), recipes (can not buy set enhancements can only use drops of 30th level or higher) and many other things.

* Each player goes one at a time with a guaranteed one hour play time which can be increased through a special "bonus spin" when their turn begins. I also have bonus spins for enhancement bonuses and other things you can buy via influence.

* All Events (winter, halloween, etc) have their own special rules and regulations.

* Slotting, missions run, defeats, level, badges and the like are all forced into a series of equations to come up with three measureables: Reputation, Power and Team Work. These are measured against one another on a separate spreadsheet to determine who is the "best" in each category.

I could actually keep going until I've more than doubled the number of bullet points I've listed above, but you get the general idea. I lose interest in simple systems rather quickly, so I have created a means by which I can over-complicate practically any game to an extreme and maintain the fun in playing it.

As far as an issues to restarts ratio... well... I started playing around Issue 10. So as of Issue 20 I will have restarted my tournament and all my characters around 4 times. So about every 2 and a half issues seems to be my average.

Yeah... I'm never getting a character to 50.

Dear Devs,

I would like to dearly thank you for creating content in Issue 20 that will not in any way force me to restart my tournament, thus deleting all my characters and starting over at first level. I greatly appreaciate this.

Yes, thank you for creating so much content for 50th level characters. I don't have a 50th level character yet, since I keep deleting them all and starting over at first level when you introduce new content and perks that disrupt my current tournament rules. However, when I finally DO have a 50th level character I look forward to playing this awesome new Incarnate content.

Of course, I know that after a short period of time one of you wonderful Dev will say "hey... we've paid so much attention to end-game content we've been neglecting those playing from 1st to 49th!" You will then create marvelous new things in the early game which I will adore and love with all my heart.

.... aaaand then I will realize that wonderful new early content has disrupted my tournament and... even though some of my characters have reached the high 40's in level... I will delete them all and start over.

So... Thank you Devs for adding in this end-game content I will never get a chance to play. Your unending efforts and outrageous successes in tormenting me have not gone unnoticed.

Sincerely,

Steelclaw

1) Charge Rubberlad $0.25 for making a list without first observing exclusivity and copyright laws.

2) Sit back and relax with a frosty beverage and let the tension of working all day ease from my body.

3) Realize that I'm retired and don't work... I'm ALREADY home... and wonder if I've been sleep walking again during my afternoon nap.

Spreadsheet.

DJ Zero: All right everyone, step right up! Spring Fling is here and we're ready to pass out badges! I need a villain and a hero to form a team and we can get this party started!

Zero Divide: Ummm... I'd like to get those badges...

DJ Zero: Great! Hero or villain?

Zero Divide: Vigilante.

DJ Zero: Say what now?

Zero Divide: I'm not a hero or a villain; I'm a vigilante.

DJ Zero: You'll have to excuse me but I've been bobbing up and down for so long it must have loosened by brainstem... what the hell is a vigilante?

Zero Divide: A vigilante is a hero who has started behaving sorta naughty so they're slowly making their way towards villain. Kinda like Hero-Lite or something like that.

DJ Zero: Hero-Lite... Sure... Why not? Ummm... well hell, I don't know. I guess a vigilante would make half a hero.. so if you and another vigilante could team up with a villain that would work.

Zero Divide: There aren't any villains around right now, but there is a hero and a rogue.

DJ Zero: Rogues? Lemme guess...

Zero Divide: Diet Villain.

DJ Zero: Thank you... I was afraid you were going to make another soft drink/Zero pun and call them Villain Zero or something like that... Uh, well.. let's see... half a villain and a hero and half a hero... hmmm... carry the one... that gives us 1 1/2 heroes and half a villain... nope... not good enough.

Zero Divide: Yeah, but I'm not JUST half a hero... I'm also at least partly villain because I'm working towards that ultimate end.

DJ Zero: Oh for the love of... okay... let's say 1/2 hero and 1/4 villain for you and 1/2 villain and 1/4 hero for the rouge...

Zero Divide: Rogue.

DJ Zero: No, around here it's more likely rouge than rogue.. trust me... Okay so we have Vigilante at half hero quarter villain and Rogue and quarter hero and half villain and a full hero... argh... I HATE fractions... anyone got a freakin' calculator?

Zero Divide: Hey, wait a second.. you said I was half hero and quarter villain... that's only three-quarters... what's the other 25% of me?

DJ Zero: Do you REALLY want me to answer that question?

Zero Divide: Hmmm... probably not... I withdraw it.

DJ Zero: Wise man. Listen, to heck with it... you have three different alignments and that more than satisfies the spirit of the intent of this whole mixed mission thing... just make your team and go on in...

Zero Divide: Hey! Thanks!

DJ Zero: I swear... spend a little time doing mushrooms from that Zarcon-3 dimension and the Devs sneak one past you every time. Ah! More customers! Welcome to Spring Fling! I see you have a two man team, are you villains, heroes, vigilantes or rouges?

Zeronian: I thought they were rogues.

DJ Zero: Just answer the freaking question.

Zeronian: None of 'em... We're from Praetoria so we don't really HAVE alignments. We can be Loyalists or Resistance members but we're all basically neutral... we don't actually get an alignment until we hit 20th level.

DJ Zero: Of course you don't! Perfect.... FINE! That's it... I'm checking out for a while... can I interest either of you fine gentleman in some mushrooms from Zarcon-3?

* Lord Recluse was sent to the Principal's office for putting spiders in the girls' hair.

* Ghost Widow was a Grateful Dead groupie.

* Lord Nemesis was the nerdy kid who always asked if he could exceed the 5 page limit on his book report plot summary.

* Positron would always wear the same set of clothes until his mother threatened to burn them if he didn't change.

* Westin Phipps was the kid who would talk politely to your face then try to sell your kidneys to local gangs when you were elsewhere.

* Blue Steel used to protect Chuck Norris from bullies on the schoolyard.

* Citadel was a Commodore 64.

* Fusionette had a deep affection for candy and vans.

* Foreshadow was that kid nobody liked because he acted like he knew everything.

* Synapse had Attention Deficit Dis... oh look! A bunny!

* Captain Mako's mother had rather extreme methods of punishment... the most memorable one being what she did to him for not eating his fish sticks.

* Willie Wheeler ran for class president every year... and every year he only got one vote. (They wouldn't accept the write-in vote from his mother.)

* Montague Castanella never could get that "pick a card... any card" trick right.

* Scirocco was a whiny little kid with a "why me" attitude who moped around when he wasn't getting beaten up by the bigger kids. He has since changed... he is no longer a little kid.

* Silver Mantis forged her parents' signatures on the school permission slip allowing the Principal to spank students as a means of punishment.

* Back Alley Brawler? Mutton Chops. Big, Hairy Mutton Chops.

* Lanaru the Mad's parents thought he was "just going through a phase."

* Captain Castillo suffered from terminal shyness and bad self-esteem.

* Infernal had trouble making friends.

* Emperor Cole was an okay kid until the Principal let him have a turn as Hall Monitor... the power went right to his head and the rest is history.