Hello darkness my old friend.
For one brief moment I saw my new doctor step back with a look of expectation before pain exploded in my eyeballs. I could feel blood running down my cheeks like tears and so I swiftly hooked out the mechanical eyes with my fingers. It hurt like hell but I didnt care as long as it didnt do more damage than Portal Corps had already done.
I think we can rule that option out now Ms Stevens, The Doctors voice seemed hollow as lights danced in my head.
I could have told you it wouldnt work
We did need to try it. In fact your arm works fine so there was no reason not to try the same with your eyes
Indeed just a hint of bitterness touched my voice as I felt for the wet cloth the doctor held out for me. I was in no condition to focus enough to do any seeing and so I groped. Just remember my eyes are Brown next time will you? I cant see why you cant colour match to my photos
not that Im letting you do that to me again
I could tell the doctor had a shocked expression on his face at my words, he hadnt told my the fake eyes were blue ones, he looked down at his papers and shuffled them carefully
Ms Stevens, Im afraid our resources here are limited, the bases primary function is not a medical one. We offered to help as a formality
And I assumed you could help me
Since you offered and all I felt angry at him, if theyd just listened this stupid situation wouldnt have happened. Doctors could be so stubborn; I know this because I am one.
The doctor smiled sheepishly at me Assume makes an [censored] out of you and me
I glared with my bleeding and empty eye sockets at him, looking deep into his own hazel eyes and into his mind Do not patronize me I could feel electricity sparking along my arms and between my fingers.
His expression froze Well... urm... Well try in the morning to match up some organic organs and see if we can save some of the rest of you
I grit my teeth ever so slowly as he flashed me an idiotic grin and I wondered how he ever managed to become a doctor for a government organization, my mind swam with blood loss and anger at this stupid man sat behind his desk.. I knew he could feel the stream of anger as he was hiding my file. I stood up unsteadily and turned on my heel towards the door. He started to say something before a pain spread across my chest and down my arms with a loud cracking sound.
I took a deep breath and sighed heavily, the anger cleared instantly and I felt better. Without looking back I left the room to seek out my brother.
I've come to talk with you again.
I stared at the opposite wall, watching the moonlight reflected off water outside swirl and dance around the room, rushing forward with the breeze just to retreat from the darkness again. I could feel Nigels dreams behind me; his slow even breathing ticked the back of my neck keeping me awake. The mechanical arm didnt really help either, it was sore and red raw at the shoulder, it was making it difficult to lie on my side in a way that was comfortable
I turned over huffily to face Nigel and almost instantly felt peaceful again as I drew off some calm for myself. For a moment his dreams flickered before descending further into sleep. I tried to find his new, deeper dream in his mind but drew out pretty quickly not wanting to intrude upon him if I could help it. He muttered something in a language I didnt understand and rolled over to face away from me. A few minutes later I sighed softly and got up out of bed. A walk would help.
Wrapping a dressing gown Id borrowed from his daughter around me and pulling on my boots I separated myself from the world again. Left to my own devices I felt my self feel nothing once more. Even machines had more emotions that I did by myself; it always came as a shock to me to remember having been completely empty like this. Worse was that I never even thought about it while I was like that.
I pushed open the patio doors as quietly as possible and stepped out into the moonlight of Founders Falls. The moon had an orange light to it tonight that shone beautifully down on the old fashioned houses and lit up the river brighter than Id ever seen it. The water features in the water garden were off and were oddly still, Id never seen them anything but in full flow. Despite all the beauty of the night and the sad loneliness I never felt a thing as I padded across the grass to sit by one of the granite angels.
Because a vision softly creeping
It was hot but I wasnt allowed to be uncomfortable. I had to keep going; I couldnt stop for to hesitate now would be to embarrass myself in front of all those staring, watching faces. I was terrified; I could see my friends from my boarding school in the front row and my brother further back almost under the balcony.
Hope, fears, boredom, excitement, a million little failures emanated from those expectant faces, hard to see from under the lights but there nonetheless. The confidence from the woman in the wings drove me on towards the Baby Grand on the far side of the stage from which Id entered. Despite the growing fear failure I felt empowered to do the thing Id been driving towards all my life since I first got forced to take lessons by my parents. Music was my escape and almost like a lover to me. It was the ultimate release from everything that had ever hurt of stressed me. I owed it to myself to play this hall here in New York because I was good at it, not only my playing ability but the performance itself. My renown came from my ability to make everyone have the same images from the music. This performance was the result of people discussing these feelings with each other and discovering that everyone else felt the same.
Not this time, this time the music would have to speak for itself and so I cut myself off from them all
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
Absently I ran my hand over the cold granite foot of an angel. I looked up to see that her right wing was raised to the heavens triumphantly while the left was swept round in front of her protectively. Her left hand was also raised, holding a katana up like a symbol while her right held a tanto out from herself and down to towards the ground. Her stance was one of a warrior and her face was set in a grim determination. For a minute I wondered if the Japanese had angels among the many spirits they respected and blessed every day.
I moved myself to sit inside the protective wing and yawned, Chopin played me a merry waltz in my mind and eventually I slipped back into the depths of a light sleep, vaguely aware of the sun rise over the war walls.
I dreamt of my Son, Joshua, who was holding out a hand and asking me to come see him
