NekoAli

*wanders in and sits down by the computers*

I want to get Going Rogue so I can do the dual pistols thing too...

But their website is down for maintenance.

How sad, i want to give them more money, and they won't let me.

So instead, I made you all some cookies! Enjoy!

*directs tux over to the complimentary refreshment bar and slips a shot of Irish whiskey into his coffee*

Here you go. this should perk you up.

*hugs Wyld again*

Sadly, a real cure is not usually available in cases like this. If you have some sort of trauma, or a phobia or something of that nature, these are things that can sometimes be worked out in therapy.

Things like bipolar disorder though, or anxiety attacks are generally caused by a chemical imbalance. Which means the only way to treat them right now is through regular does of medication. A therapist can help, sure... But it's something that won't ever go away most likely. Not with the medicine we have today.

Still, it's better than it was not all that long ago. Back when medical treatment consisted of being locked up and a lobotomy... Or drilling a hole in the skull to let the bad spirits out.

*walks over and wraps Wyld up in a tight hug and gives comforting*

I know hon... I know... We get through as best we can though.

You really don't want to use a bacon teleporter around here night. The last person that tried that... Well let's just say we never did find all of the pieces. And I don't think we ever will.

Awwww, Fedor looks so cute tucked in like that. Let's not wake him.

And I would exactly trust Basement Cat to 'save the day'. I bet he's just fleeing from the sun.

Yay, a Rooky sighting!

*purrs and headbutts the Rook gently, rubbing against her, then sends one of the bots to clean all the dirty clothes and another to bring a couple of cups of cocoa*

You have been missed dear. And oh boy I can understand the busy. I know I wouldn't be the spamalot poster I am if I wasn't chained to my desk all day long. As for me? I'm doing well. I'm feeling more... centered right now. And having got a positive outlook again. Some venting to friends Sunday and Monday (yes, that included the Rookzerians and their wonderful kindness and support) has allowed me to clear out some of the nasty ickiness that's been building in my head again, allowing me to appreciate life once more.

So yeah.. People of the Rookery. you rock!

*gets into the serious business of enjoying scritchings and cocoa*

Gasp! How could you, Fedor? I am so shocked!

*hugs* Thank you, Wyld.

Well, I'm 40. But if you are as old as you feel, then it varies between about 13 and 80...

*lays around and watches the glomping and tussling with a smile*

Well, today certainly isn't mundane.

Take care Demoncaller. I'm hoping to get new glasses soon myself.

Aww, thanks Pogo and Becky.

I have such good friends here. Group hug with you all!

Well, thank you night. I do try to be the best person I can. Sometimes that does bite me on the butt as I put other's needs or desires before mine. But I can't and don't want to change that part of me. Honestly, had I been a bit smarter I would have waited until spring time to start seeing a therapist and start hormones... A large part of it was getting hit at the same time with increased bills in winter, plus paying the doctor's fees, and the prescription, which led me to become overdue on some credit cards, which increase my bills more, etc... But having waited 40 years to finally be in a position where I could start I went full ahead without thinking hard enough about finances. Of course, the doctor's visit was a lot more than I was expecting and was told, so that didn't help.

And yes, it is pretty easy to be taken as a girl online. Something that's very seductive to people like me. And a trap I've fallen into before. It is easy to pretend to be something you are not... or in my case, it's easy to let the real me show through this gross physical mask I'm forced to wear all the time.

I also had wondered what happened with the group. I wanted to join in with a steampunk themed character myself. My main trouble though is finding time to meet up with anyone in my schedule.

Well, my therapist does charge me a sliding fee. However, right now 'free' is all that I can afford, and he's not likely to accept that.

And I know why people 'sir' me. I know what I look like, even if I hate it. And friends do say once they are around me they see the real me. It's just the initial reaction people have. And it's not like I am going out dressed that much yet, the best I can maybe work towards is being slightly androgynous in appearance. I know all the reasons why. And not one of those reasons makes it hurt any less when a stranger sees me as a guy...

I do thank you all for your kindness and support though. It means a lot to me.

Estradiol, yes. I am on those, and in pill form. My reactions and emotional mood swings are normal for this sort of treatment. Which isn't surprising, since I'm basically shaking up my whole hormonal balance from what it's used to. I have only been on them for two months now, and in another four I go back in to the doctor for a check up to see how I'm doing on them. I have no idea how I'll pay for that though at this point. At least the higher than normal winter bills will be over.

And we have our chefbots to make us whatever foods we like, whenever we like them.

*hugs VexXxa* Thanks hon.

Estrada Cap? The only Estrada I know is Erik... And good to see you again, it has been a while.

Thank you, Demoncaller. I don't know if you ever saw my confessional before, but I am transsexual. So yes, there is something very wrong physically. I was born with a boy's body. I'm on hormones now, so I'm basically going through a second puberty, which is why my emotions are all out of sorts.

I would like to make an appointment to see my therapist... but refer to my earlier comment about not having any money. With all my extra expenses, I'm really having a hard time just keeping my bills and such paid off, without adding more on besides. I am making it, just. But it is stressful, and more so because there are so many other things I need to do that I just can't do without money. Hair removal, new clothes, seeing doctors...

And I'm feeling cut off from my support groups lately. Either they are to busy with their lives, they don't want to deal with TG issues at this time. Or they are to busy with the upside. And I feel like I don't want to intrude with my problems. And every time I'm out in public and get 'sir'ed, or see HIM in my mirror, a little more inside me dies and it hurts so much.

All I want is to be normal, or at least be comfortable in my own skin. But I have to fight, and claw, and pay so much emotionally, physically and financially just to have the most basics of what other girls are given for free. And even then, people don't want to accept it. It's just... so hard, so painful that even though I know in my mind I can get through it. Other people have and have gone on to live happy lives, and ever TG person goes through this. My mind knows this, and it's what keeps me going and keeps me from stepping in front of a bus. But my heart hurts so much from it.

Do you want the short list or the long list?

The short list is I'm horribly depressed, feeling near suicidal again. My life feels like a cruel joke and it hurt so hard every day. Money being so tight certainly doesn't help either, and so often I feel like I'm drowning alone. The hormones playing yo yo with my emotions doesn't help either.

*crawls in and collapses*

Hi. Kill me now, please.

*opens up the Mach 5 trunk*

Pogo-pogo! What are you doing in there again?

*tosses a robe to Black Arachnid*

Sheesh, some people's kids...

No sorry night. I never touch the stuff.

*gives Detra a hug and a coffee*

Good morning everyone.

*flies down and stuffs Pogo in the chimp suit*

Hiya!