FloatingFatMan

Huh?

My main has had many failures over the years; she's fallen, risen, fallen and risen again and is considered by some as a Mary Sue (actually, that's quite deliberate too )

Her biggest failure though, the one thing she's never ever been able to fix and the one thing that haunts her is a completely human thing; small to anyone else but massive to her.

When she became a Peacebringer she lost her father. He considers her a filthy alien bodysnatcher who murdered his little girl and stole her body.

She has friends, she has loves, but what she's lost is the one thing that can't be replaced; the love of her father.

Harsh.

((And now the conclusion. Afraid it was too large to easily post, so here it is as a PDF.))

http://cid-615b61e35780ffff.office.l...0in%20Time.pdf

((Having finally completed the larger piece of follow up fiction, I'm reposting the earlier piece (with a few alterations to help the story). Feel free to critique it, but I'm not going to enter in to ANY conversation that criticises my using specific NPC's or NPC organisations.

I have provided it in its own thread, so people can critique if they wish without disrupting the IC Story thread.

Disclaimer: Certain people are unlikely to enjoy the larger story or this modified prelude. If you're the type that takes exception to people making use of canon NPC organisations or specific NPC characters, I suggest you don't read it for the sake of your blood pressure. I will not enter in to any arguments on this topic, but I'm happy to discuss them as long as said discussion remains objective. ))

************************************************** ****

Prelude

Ouroboros - Sunday, 6th June 2010

As Ellie stepped through the portal, the golden white tower of Ouroboros loomed above her, sending the usual shiver down her spine and making the hairs on her tail stand up. A low wind moaned across the temple plaza and, here and there, people could be seen speaking to the various Menders.

The one Ellie needed to see though, lay further inside.

Steeling herself, Ellie started to walked around the central water feature, up the steps and through the entrance. Inside, the gigantic crystal, the Pillar of Ice and Fire which had the power to send people to the
past, dominated the chamber, and to one side the glowing form of Twilight's Son beckoned to Ellie.

Hesitating to glance upwards towards where Silos usually stood, she walked over towards the last of the Kheldians.

"Welcome sister, in your time of need. We knew you would come to us this day."

Ellie blinked, surprised. "You... you knew? How? who told you?"

The kheldian chuckled softly. "Come sister, All that has been, is known to us in this place. Your worries have been known to us for a long time, as have the answers to your current problem."

Ellie looked at him, a worried frown on her face, and a hint of hope crept in to her voice. "You'll... help me then? You'll let me go back to put things right?"

"Normally, we would not. Our concerns cannot be with the minutae of history but with the key events which shape history. However, he who is chief among us has prepared the way for you."

"S... Silos? Really?" She glanced upwards again, gratitude in her eyes. "I... I don't know how to thank you.. him..."

"This too, has already been prepared, sister. We will grant you a single chance to go back and mend that which is broken, but afterwards, when your mind is again focused and free of this great weight, there will be a price afforded."

Ellie swallowed, then nodded, accepting the terms. "I'll do it... Whatever it is you...he wants in exchange... I'll pay the price."

Twilight Son's energy field crackled softly around his glowing form. "Then prepare yourself, sister, and place your hand upon the Aspect of the Pillar of Ice and Flame."

Ellie nodded and stepped towards the Aspect. Looking up at it , there was a flash of energy around her body as she issued the mental command to activate her armour. Then, clad in the familiar white and gold, she
touched it.

************************************************** *******

The staccato rattle of a Tommygun reached her eyes, as the world faded in to view around her. Colours, dulled to grey by the transit, slowly faded back in to view as she slid completely in to her earlier self. A moment later, 2 mobsters ran around the corner further down the corridor and Ellie snapped herself out of her reverie and in to action.

The fight was brief, exactly as she remembered, and only a few short seconds later, both goons lay out cold on the floor. A moment later, she turned on her heel and vanished back where she'd come from.

Lifting herself lightly from the floor, Ellie drifted forwards, heading for the spot where she knew the discovery that caused last nights dreadful events lay. Once there, she unzipped the bag and verified its contents before moving in to the darkness to wait for the other two to arrive.

She didn't have long to wait. Two figures entered the multi-level hall and went to the left in pursuit of a group of Family mobsters. Sounds of combat reached Ellie's ears, and she knew the moment had come.

Stepping from the shadows, she raised her shields and, running in to the room occupied by Chichester and Fanservice, entered the battle.

************************************************** *******

An eternity away, in the place known as Ouroboros, a tall figure with dark spikey hair, watched Ellie's progress within the Pillar, and nodded in satisfaction as the time stream reordered itself. Twilight's Son, away from his usual spot for once, hovered behind him.

"Are you sure she is the right one, Silos?"

Silos half smiled, and his deep voice resonated within the quiet chamber. "Quite sure. Her gratitude and inate selfishness will ensure that she completes the task I have for her; where others would surely refuse once they realised."

"But still... The consequences once she realises. For her they will be far worse than those we have allowed her to alter."

Silos completed his smile, a somewhat unnerving sight. "It will be a valuable lesson for her, one that will help forge what she is becoming. But come, we should return to our places." He passed his hand in front of the
Pillar, and the images from the past faded from view. "She will be returning soon. I will give her a few days respite, allow her time to let these events settle down."

Twilight's Son started to float slowly back to his accostomed place, but paused just before doing so. "What about the individual we allowed her to save?"

Silos smiled again. "That's the interesting part. History shows that he died two weeks after these events, in a gun battle with the Paragon City harbour patrol. His earlier death at Ellie's hands was an abberation in the
timeline anyway, one which we would have had to repair eventually."

The Kheldian quietly returned to his spot. "Then all is as it should be."

Y'know... Once upon a time it was acceptable, even welcome, to post critique to people's fiction. Both good and bad critique, as long as it wasn't offensive it was welcomed.

I could have analysed the OP's story, taken it apart bit by bit and gone through every single sentence, but instead all I did was POLITELY suggest he use a spell checker.

But I guess that now the politically correct brigade have turned up, that's not allowed any more. I guess that now, no matter how good or bad the writing may be, the only thing we're allowed to do is say "It's great, keep up the good work."

Well, you know what? I don't hold to that idiotic viewpoint. Critique is intended to help the writer realise what mistakes they've made and hopefully improve on their skills. But you PC folks clearly don't WANT people to see their mistakes, and thusly never improve. Political correctness is probably the WORST thing that ever happened to civilised society and I flat out refuse to ascribe to its moronic standards. When something is bad, I will say its bad, simple.

If people post fiction to these forums, then that fiction is explicitly open to critique from anyone able to post in the forums. As long as the critique isn't offensive, there is NO rule that says I cannot call it good OR bad. Since when has "Dude, PLEASE use a spellchecker" been offensive? Unless someone changed the meaning of the word 'please' when I wasn't looking.

So then I get called a troll (which is a direct insult) by the OP because he took offense at my words. Well, sorry bud; but if you don't want to take criticism for your fiction, you shouldn't post it in a public place. I've taken far far worse critique (such as Pious's insults above) than my simple few words, and I use that to improve my writing. I suggest you do the same.

Dude, please use a spellchecker.

Since ultra mode had been released, one thing that has become a hell of an eyesore is the incredibly rapid day/night cycle within CoH. If you stay in any one place for more than a few minutes, shadows cast by various buildings will whip around you at impressive, and VERY distracting, speeds.

So, I think the devs should look at changing the day/night cycle. IMO, it's always been way too fast anyway and I'd MUCH rather they implement a more realistic cycle, right down to the shortening/lengthening of the days as per the natural seasonal cycles.

OK, that would mean that some people would never get to see the city during the day as they only play at night, but there are other MMO's out there, including WoW, that implement a realistic day/night cycle, and it's completely a non-issue for them so why would it be an issue for us?

I'd also like weather conditions adding to the game, again to follow the actual weather at the time in the real Rhode Island. But I know the chances of that are pretty much zero.

1. First person view sucks and I never use it.
2. When Ellie's in full steam, my concious mind has little to do with what she says or does. I let some other part of me take over the keyboard so what she says is what SHE says, not me. Hell, I find some of the things she says somewhat of an anathaema to me personally! Plus, she's a coffee addict and I've gone right off the stuff. She loves her iPhone too, and I... don't.

Gotta love stream of conciousness stuff. There's some dark dark things in there.

Terrible idea. Sorry, but with that many cosmic levels chars in one place, the chances of any plot turning into an ePeen waving contest increase exponentially.

Firstly, you seem to assume I have something against Pious. I don't. I merely used his character as an example of the sort of thing I was referring to, mainly because he's the best example of a special snowflake character I could think of. There have been plenty of others in the 5 years I've been RPing in CoH, and without exception, they've ALL been "bad" characters.

As to what Pious may or may not have done in RP; there's plenty of posts in the forums (some now deleted), try reading them. I'm not saying anything as people will just assume it's a personal attack.

^ Heh, my main, Ellie, treats characters like that as kooks and has even once called social services to see if they're missing someone.

Well, I guess I'll post my 50p worth as well, seeing as I also have one of these "cosmic level" characters (literally, thanks to game canon ).

Lots of people actually make claims of Ellie's capablities which go beyond what she has ever actually claimed herself. Myself though, apart from a few isolated incidents (more on this in a bit), I've never claimed power beyond that listed on her wiki page.

She has several fudge powers, all logically designed as they're a consequence of her feline attributes; but there are also other abilities which set her aside from most Peacebringers. Powers I've never really explained the origin of, and as a consequence, a few other Khelds have copied them (her biomorphing ability is the main one there). She ALSO has quite a few weaknesses; each one designed to balance the extra ability... Anyone discovering those ICly can take her down with little problem, IF she's not in her armour.

Y'see, Ellie is, and always HAS been, a type of Incarnate. But she doesn't KNOW she's an incarnate, and she may never know. She was always built to be one, from the first day I planned her out and LONG before it was ever hinted that we might get Incarnates as playable characters, and there's always been a really big clue for people if they'd only google it. Her Kheldian's name... Mikoshi.

Go google it now, I'll wait. Should be the first hit.






Read it? Good.. So now you know, and you know more than Ellie does.


It's this dormant part of her that is responsible for her unusual extra abilities, and it's also responsible for the occasional blasts of power way beyond what she can conciously do. Eventually, it might even be the end of her.


But anyway, back to OOC stuff. OOCly, Ellie is a very well built tri-form, and she's VERY powerful. There's little below an AV or GM that can take her, and she's managed to solo Paladin and Babbage in the past. She's STRONG.

So, because of that, and because of the other thing, I try HARD to keep her well away from plots, as she could oh so very easily break them, which isn't nice. I prefer she stick to social RP (which is more fun for me), and so I get irritated when there's plot in my face; yes, even plot from friends (I usually end up helping a little there,but I still try to keep to the fringe of it though).

Originally, I wasn't ever going to explain all this to anyone bar the few that already know (most of) it. But now, of course, we're getting Incarnate ability in the game, so all bets are off! I might keep it purely OOC, I might not, we'll see.