Dalghryn

@Djinniman has three, all of which are good, but two that I really enjoyed:

The Love Talker: A City of Heroes Faerie Tale #30242, and
The Heart of Talos: A Warriors Task Force #175660

Both are very well written and superbly researched, fleshing out CoH canon the way it should have been done.

My third recommendation for today is @Paula's MA tutorial:

15+ Minute Tutorial - Knowledge is Power: Architect Entertainment #28470. It's the tutorial that NCSoft *should* have written.

Genres A-L

AE System
---
5th Anniversary Flashback Smackdown (126896) -- Neutral
Bare Knuckles of Rage (9304)
'Captain Dynamic, the Great, Faces the Great Face' - Tryouts (190069) -- Heroic
Death for Dollars! -- Neutral
Mission Architect Playable Tutorial (28470)
Signal to Noise (67277) -- Neutral
Welcome to Architect Entertainment -- Neutral

Allegory
---
Who is Kidnapping the World's Great Philosophers? (86347) -- Neutral

Character/Supergroup Origins
---
A Hero is made, Not Born (20863) -- Heroic
A Mother's Nightmare (6955) -- Heroic
A Rose's Thorns (113224) -- Heroic
Birth of a Fossil -- Heroic
Jumping in Feet First (1345) -- Heroic
Midnight Bells Toll -- Villainous
New Flame Rising (161066) -- Heroic
Noah Reborn (2370) -- Heroic
Polar Emergence Neutral Government User Interface Network (PENGUIN) (29205) -- Heroic
Secret Origins(Tech) The Snake Women of Epsilon V (42221) -- Heroic
The Amazing Rat Race (1144) -- Heroic

Classic Super-Hero/Super-Villain
---
A Crusher Crimewave #1 : Crisis at The Citadel (50271)
A Crusher Crimewave #2 : Escape from The Zig! (83458)
A Crusher Crimewave #3 : The Fall of Mocker (123613)
A Show to Die For! (30645) -- Heroic
Check... and Mate (15095) -- Heroic
Deadly Sins! (99366)
In The Shadow of Statesman (1160) -- Neutral
Marketing Opportunity (83747) -- Villainous
Paradox Paradox (69221) -- Heroic
Sidekicks Can Be A Pain In The Cape (28430)
Teen Phalanx Forever! (67335) -- Heroic
THE BOMBER (16607) -- Heroic
This Life Immortal (5756) -- Heroic
To Save A Single World (83744) -- Heroic
'Tis Nobler in the Mind -- Heroic

Comedy
---
The String Thief (15726) -- Neutral
Mean People (16690) -- Neutral
The Extadine Lab (2595) -- Heroic
MacGuffin Delivery Service (1567) -- Villainous
ParaCon (1684) -- Heroic
The new and improved Lord Recluse Strike Force -- Villainous
The Fire Bunnies - Neutral
You Say It's Your Birthday! (3630) -- Neutral
Trademark Infringement (2220) -- Heroic
Hail to the King (34640) -- Neutral
Walk On the Wild Side (3580) -- Neutral
Shirley You Jest (25474) -- Neutral
The Invasion of the Bikini Clad Samurai Vampiresses from Outer Space! (61013) -- Heroic
Gnomish Madness (30204) -- Heroic
Doctor Nadir and the Hellion Heist (49661) -- Heroic
Laugh? I Thought I'd DIE! -- Heroic
The P.U.G. Strike force (35585) -- Villianous
A Translator is the Wind or the Thunder in Turns (2936) -- Heroic
What's in a Name? -- Villainous
None More Black, Dude! (86312) -- Neutral
Rise of the Drakule -- Neutral
Return of the Revenge of the Son of Drakule Part 2: First Blood -- Neutral
Martian Chimpanzees and the Cyborg Cheerleaders of DOOM! (69947) -- Heroic
Daytime Divas (94504)
Death to Disco! (84420) -- Neutral
Too Many Bunnygirls! (101165) -- Neutral
Invasion on Earth BX1132! (98943) -- Neutral (poster version B)
Ee=Ai-Ee-Ai-Oh! (3662) -- Neutral
The foul-mouthed Handyman! (1076) -- Neutral
City of Norms (132994) -- Neutral
Killing The Meow Farm (141625) -- Neutral
Shortbow - (143566) -- Heroic
Jerk Hackers! (162482) --Heroic

Comedy/Drama
---
Kidnapping an Idol (136188) -- Neutral
Fashion Apocalypse (14840) -- Neutral
The Running of the Bulls (29973) -- Heroic
A Super Team is Born -- Heroic
Cause of How Some Silly Stealed My Wings (1481) -- Neutral
How to Survive a Robot Uprising (12669) --
Dr. Duplicate's Dastardly Dare -- Neutral
It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding (9059) -- Neutral
TURG FICTION: Ghost in the Machine, Act I -- Heroic
Rum Runners of Bloody Bay (3691) -- Heroic
Have a Blap, Blap, Blappy Day Kids! (2019)
The Toypocalypse! (49280) -- Heroic
Fishing for Fame with Red Herring (66861) -- Heroic
Putting Out Fires: A Corporate Satire (20100) -- Villainous
The Rise and Refall of Pets'n'Things.com (1061) -- Heroic
The Cat's in the Cradle (8776) -- Villainous
Females for Hire (110723) -- Neutral
The Cathedral of Mild Discomfort (153712) -- Heroic
Freaks, Geeks and Men in Black (161629) -- Heroic

Crime/Gangs
---
Bricked Electronics (2180) -- Heroic
The Bravuran Jobs (16809) -- Villainous
The Black Flag Is On The Rise (Pirates!) -- Villainous
Win the 2009 Freak-Lympics (2150) -- Villainous
Ninja Crimewave! (2142) -- Heroic
Whitehawks (Arc 49364) -- Heroic
The Internet is for Crime (53385) -- Villainous
Plastic Pistol Peril (1135) -- Heroic
Friends in Need (Of Body Parts) (31005) -- Villainous
A Little RnR (17523) -- Heroic click for Promotional Poster
Mechanical Mayhem (76712) - -Villainous
Females for Hire (110723) -- Neutral
Battlin' Tom's Murder Extravaganza! (99803) -- Villainous
Meet the Demon Spawn (151099) -- Heroic
Slash DeMento and the Stolen Weapons (100045) -- Heroic
[ZQ] Power Play (187269) -- Villainous
Fatale Attraction - Part 1 of 3 (181264) -- Heroic
Fatale Deception - Part 2 of 3 (227466) -- Heroic
Fatale Corruption - Part 3 of 3 (232783) -- Heroic

Drama
---
A Flame the Burns Bright (112548)
Clonus, Parts 1 & 2 (21499) -- Heroic
Digital Love (3571) -- Neutral
Matchstick Women (3369) -- Heroic
Of Mentors and Legacy (1589) -- Heroic
The Conciliators: Simone (4010) -- Heroic
The Fan Club -- Heroic

Global Domination
---
Axis and Allies (1379) -- Villainous

Global Destruction
---
The Twilight of this Blue Orb (98529) -- Villainous

Heist
---
Celebrity Kidnapping (1388) -- Villainous
Easy Money (31490) -- Villainous
The Great Diamond Heist (96169) -- Villainous

Historical (Realistic)
---
Wrinkle in Time (68920) -- Heroic

Historical (CoH Lore)
---
Origins - Volume 1 (57077) -- Heroic
The Consequences of War (227331 and 241496)
The War on Superadine (7959) -- Heroic
[ZQ] The Once and Future King (71601) -- Heroic

Holiday
---
City of Ho Ho Ho (18775) -- Heroic
Hectic Holidays (36999) -- Heroic
Santa's Missing List (34961)
Santa's Workshop of Misfit Toys (134140) -- Heroic

Horror
---
Astoria in D Minor (41565) -- Heroic
Creepy Crawlers (82553)
Dark Dreams (3615)
D!E COUNT DADDY MACULA D!E! (10119) -- Heroic
Duality (84105) -- Heroic
Don't Play With The Dead (31813) -- Neutral
Hunting the Hunters (93362) -- Villainous
I Will Dance On Your Grave (92630)
Lights, Camera, Scream! (68627)
Movie Monster Madness.. (102058)
Project: Perilous - Into the Chthonian Pit (#3586) -- Neutral
Small Fears -- Heroic
Something Comes to Yarmouth (58812) -- Heroic
The Amulet of J'gara (1709) -- Heroic
The Children of Astoria (217499) (masearch link)
The Zombie Apocalypse Task Force: Something wicked this way comes.

Large-Scale Crisis
---
A Warrior's Friend -- Heroic
Alpha and Omega (60015) -- Heroic
Bleed the Freak (6919) -- Heroic
Flight of the Valkyries - Precursor (20272) -- Neutral
Is it Live or is it Memory-X (70210) -- Heroic
The All-Seeing Eye (57352) -- Heroic
The Clockwork War (18672) -- Heroic
This Is War, Part I - the Revenge of Hro'Dtohz -- Neutral
War of the Worlds - The Anakim Invasion - Part 1 (15006) -- Neutral
War of the Worlds - The Anakim Invasion - Part 2, The Terran Revolt (46711) -- Neutral
Win the Past, Own the Future -- Heroic

I have upgraded both arcs for I15 and have made changes based on Airhead's comments and others. Among the changes...

I dropped the defeat all in Part 2, Mission #3, though I still think it made sense for the story. I changed the first mission's location so that I could actually have a desk with a computer. I also changed the overall technical aspects of that mission as well as modified the text and dialogue to compensate. I added beginning clues to the first missions of each arc in order to provide background, and added contact descriptions. Three of the four baddies have been customized. Let's see... I'm sure there's more, but senility runs rampant.

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You know, you may not *agree* with what he says, but you *did* voluntarilly submit your arc to his thread knowing full well how he rated and reviewed -- that is, unless you were just blanketing review threads with requests without checking them out.

[/ QUOTE ]

If this is to me, I didn't.

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One, I really did work hard to make sure that every mission and every word contributed to a strong, coherent story.

[/ QUOTE ]

Which isn't what JABOSTH means a lack of in this case, FYI.

[/ QUOTE ]

Actually, it wasn't to you, it was to a one liner that may or may not have actually submitted an arc for review. If he or she hasn't even done that, than that makes him or her nothing more than a troll anyway.

Point taken on your definition of JABOTH. In fact, I appreciated it when you wrote it, after my comments. You''ll notice that I edited my previous post to take your comment in consideration. It doesn't change my point, however.

OK... I guess I'm the only one with enough sleep deprivation to have the stones to ask... Um... Are you just randomly reviewing stuff and posting it here (which would make sense, given the title of the thread), or are you considering requests?

Curious people want to know.

You know, you may not *agree* with what he says, but you *did* voluntarilly submit your arc to his thread knowing full well how he rated and reviewed -- that is, unless you were just blanketing review threads with requests without checking them out.

If you knew what you were getting into, then you're being hypocritical for complaining. There is a difference between complaining and conversing, by the way.

If you didn't know what you were getting into because you didn't bother doing your homwework and were just looking for another free review, then you've no room to complain (even if you would have otherwise).

I haven't had my arc reviewed, yet. Yeah, like most everyone I'm hoping for a "Wow! Just... Wow!" review with five stars. Given Venture's history, I know the likelihood of that happening isn't great, though. Do I expect to see JABOSTH in regard to my arc? No, not really, for two reasons. One, I really did work hard to make sure that every mission and every word contributed to a strong, coherent story with a moral - that no matter how you slice it, war sucks. Two, I know that Venture is huge on calling people out for that and have worked to make sure that he has no room to do so. Point being, I did my homework.

The people with class that submit their arcs to reviewers understand all this, and they show grace when the reviewer gives them constructive criticism. There are a lot of them out there. Unfortunately, some people just whine.

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. I feel better about leaving it the way it is, then... though now I need to make sure to run it through with a level 30 to see how it acts. I guess the test will be when Venture, who was kind enough to comment here, runs it himself, huh?

Thanks again.

I was hoping for some thoughts, mostly from the story-preferring crowd, about level scalability versus believablility in an arc.

A quick explanation: My arcs are set toward the end of the Rikti War during the heat of battle at the time the hero bases are attacked. A primary premise is the veteran heroes are exhausted and the less experienced heroes are simply not up to the task. You - as a veteran yourself - are stepping in to help support the tiring experienced heroes. One mission addressed that issue very specifically, with younger heroes falling to the might of the far superior Rikti. You'd just have to run the arc to get the exact context, but suffice it to say - you really have to be playing an experienced character.

With that in mind, I've scaled it to run levels 30 - 54. Prior to the addition of the scaling feature, critter levels had it at 35 - 54 with the AV missions running 40 - 54. Now, I understand that I can scale it from 1 - 54 if I wish, and I know there are a lot of people clamoring for more content for lower-level characters. So, my question is twofold.

First, in your opinion (and I am open to every opinion here, folks) - should I leave it as I have it, or scale it down?

Second - I've not scaled critters that are typically reserved for the higher levels down before and have never created MA arcs beyond the two Rikti arcs I've mentioned - would scaling Rikti to level one even work correctly?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I'm always looking for ways to make my stuff better.

I'd be quite honored if you'd take a look at the first arc in my signature. I hope you think it's good enough to rate a look at the second half, as well, but since it *is* about the Rikti War, and you *did* make a small mention of your feelings about the Rikti, I won't push my luck.

In any case, thanks for your time and effort - regardless of whether "The Consequences of War" gets reviewed or not. You reviewers are very underrated and underpaid.

Whenever you can get to it (or them if you're really feeling generous), I'd be honored if you'd take a look at "The Consequences of War" as noted in my signature.

Even if you can't get to it, thanks very much for your time and work. I really doubt the MA would have nearly the quality story's it has if it weren't for the number of people willing to review.

"The Consequences of War" - Arcs #227331 and 241496

Keywords: Challenging, CoH Canon, Drama

Length: Very Long

Morality: Heroic

Enemy Group: Rikti

Description: Re-live a series of pivotal events that took place six months after the Rikti War began. Details events described and narrated in CoH's Paragon City: Alien Invasion. Described by some as the "Saving Private Ryan" of CoH. Very dramatic and evocative.

Personally, I don't think the balloon's made of lead. I think it's a perfectly fair expectation. Of course, I have a thread of my own already.

There is a lot of reference to an arc's rating being part of the factor in awards and recognition, however I haven't found a way of determining what the exact rating is. For example, it shows four stars, but it's really 4.25. How do we find that out.

Yes, I'm sure this has been discussed already, but my search fu came up blank.

Quoting from my PM reply to Airhead:

"Actually, I've made quite a few notes based on your suggestions and will be making the changes soon.

I'll be using the new "Mission Entry Clues" to flesh out what's going on in both of the #1 missions, and will definitely use the new contact descriptions to fill in some blanks on the contacts and on the SOLUS Collective.

I already have modified dialogue and text written to explain the dead heroes at city hall versus the dead heroes beneath the hospital debris that I think will work once I put it in.

I'll definitely be changing the look of the three recurring bad guys -- who will stay recurring. They die after the second arc, but having them all escape the first time makes the whole Rikti thing more sinister, and helps players build a sense of, "I really want to kill these S.O.B.s!"

I also have text written to play up the sense of hope in "the big plan" at the end.

In short, as before, your review was very helpful and much appreciated."

Since I didn't have time to test I15's MA changes out on test, and their patch notes were vague at best, I'm still figuring out what they've added and changed. Thanks to Airhead and a couple others, I'm getting there and will update for I15 ASAP.

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Issue 15 has done more to slow review progress than the recent ranting. I like doing reviews and I consider reviewing to be a service to the MA community as it promotes both the arcs themselves and the improvement of standards. Polishing my stuff for the upcoming changes to the system does tend to come first though. I had hoped to write some more arcs on Test thanks to the increased slot availability but with i15 "on deadline" it's probably best at this point to wait for it to go live.

Edit: which wasn't much of a wait, was it.... I was expecting another week, frankly. Had hoped to check characters for freespec use today...drat.

I don't mind people defending their work (I just did in MCM's thread but that was because he posted a personal attack described as a review). By my count I owe three people replies, which I hope to get to today. But there is a limit to how much time I am going to spend on one person's work, especially with so many waiting for reviews, and that limit will be hit quickly if I feel people are just retreading the same points or taking comments on their work personally. In such cases I'm just not going to reply.

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Not to add to your plate, Venture (especially since I'm waiting for a review, too) but I'm wondering if you could give a run down of what's changed we need to concern ourselves about. I know, I could have done the test thing, but my time is extremely limited (full time job, new baby, yada yada) so I opted to spend what little time I could working on my arcs. Alternately, maybe someone could point to a thread I've missed that discussed the MA changes.

I got on for about 30 minutes around noon and took a look, but nothing jumped out at me. Trying again now...

It's been awhile since this thread's been bumped, so I'll take advantage of the opportunity. Not only is the revised "The Consequences of War" -- Part 1 #227331 being met with very positive reviews, I've re-published Part 2 #241496 with sweeping changes that, I believe, make it Part 1's equal in every way.

Looks like LJ is on an I15 sabbatical, so for anyone else that might be interested, I'd be honored if you check it out. Fair warning, it isn't for the squeamish. There's a reason it was called "The Rikti War" instead of "The Rikti Fist Fight."

OK, both arcs are published under numbers 227331 and 241496. You'll find that Part 1 has been tweaked to make it even stronger, and Part 2 has been completely overhauled. In my opinion it's now as good, if not better, than Part 1 -- but I'll leave that to everyone out there to decide.

Fair warning, these aren't easy arcs, even on Heroic. It was called "The Rikti War," as opposed to "The Rikti Fist Fight," for a reason. Think "Saving Private Ryan" for the CoH crowd.

[ QUOTE ]
Originally posted in I'll try yours if you'll try mine
The Consequences of War (Parts 1 and 2)
Author: Dalghryn
Arc ID: 212069 and 212073 <Poster's note: Now 227331 and 241496>

I rated part one of this arc* * * * *
I rated part two of this arc* * *


[/ QUOTE ]

OK, I've updated the first arc a bit, but the big news is I've re-published the second arc, which is now #241496. It's been almost completely revised, and I think it competes very well with the first arc, if not better. I'll leave it to everyone out there to decide.

[ QUOTE ]
True, but in a way that has been mocked since a 50's soldier talked about the farm he would buy when this war was over. The family picture and the "I'll hang it up when its all over" is basically them saying "You should care about me, as I'm about to die - but I don't know it." which invariably makes you not care because people (well me) don't like being dragged into feeling something. The mission pop-up in Arc 1, mission 2 does it well. As does their info text and her rescue clue from the same mission. Having Blastion try to convince Empathy to take the child and hide (or vice versa) would do a much better job here (and there are innumerable other ways too). It would also add to the whole "we are really screwed" motif the (first) arc does so well.

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Hm... OK, point taken. Since I'm overhauling the entire arc, it won't hurt to keep what you've said in mind. I'll need to introduce the photo regardless, but I'll check the dialogue. Thanks again.

OK, I'll toss mine into the ring. Arc #227331 - "The Consequences of War." Though, in the interest of being fair, though LJ was a bit tough with me, he pointed out some things that ended up making me change the story for the better. The occasional evisceration *can* be helpful, I guess.

Ok, I've just unpublished the second arc. I'll let the first stand on its own merits until I get the second revamped to match it.

Now, a couple more comments in defense of the few negatives (which makes me an overprotective whiner, I know, especially considering how kind the majority of the review is)...

"Empathy and Energy Blaster (sorry Blastion), other than their incredibly unimaginative names, are really well written..."

These two characters were actually created for the SOLUS Foundation backstory in 2004. The reason I chose such simple (and cheesy if you insist) names is that, when they became heroes, times were simpler - and cheesier. Also, unlike today's Paragon City that houses about 4,000,000,000 heroes, there weren't *nearly* as many, so "Empathy," for an empath, was probably a reasonable choice.

As far as the "cheese" is concerned, while it will probably see some changes in the revamp, the goal was to make the player (and his/her character) get to know the NPC as a person - not just a hero - before the final mission. Family photographs in a lull in the battle show just how important that family is to the character, kind of like the family pictures on the fighter pilot's dash.

In any case, if I've learned anything since writing the first arc and reading its critiques, it's never to discount anything someone willing to take the time to offer comment says. It certainly made Arc 1 into a winner.

Ok, I unpublished the second arc until it's been re-vamped. Good things to come.

Thanks very much for the review, and the praise for the first arc. Unfortunately, both of them were posted simultaneously when I originally did them, so the second has had to langish with it's flaws while I worked on the first. Now that the first is all but done, I'll be turning my attention to the second.

I've already removed all the villain collaborators. Originally they were fighting against the Rikti as well, in their own special way - which cause problems the heroes had to clean up. I changed that at the suggestion of someone that has otherwise been a *huge* contributor to the improvement of the first arc. I should have done my homework - My bad.

Anyway, stay tuned for a better part two, too.

As for your comments about the first arc. Actually, the typos (rime instead of time, compass text issues, etc.) had been caught and corrected, but for some reason they didn't stick. In truth, I spent two hours making changes yesterday that were lost when the MA decided not to accept an update for some reason. I think I was all but brain dead by the time I finished going back through it again.

As far as the website reference, I'll see about changing the wording a bit, but I'm up to 99.78 percent memory use, which equates to about three short words of text left. Trying to give the player enough information about the SOLUS Collective (which became the SOLUS Foundation after the war) was a fine balance that ended up getting cut.

Regarding Lazon (and other heroes) stalling when they're supposed to be leaving. I can't do anything about that. It's a crappy MA problem. One of those things you just have to ignore, because he's vital to the story, and CoH still has some bugs even they just live with.

Same goes for New York Gentry's outfit (as well as the other SOLUS heroes). There's a tattered cape option, but no real option for dirtying uniforms or making heroes look war-torn without catering to very limited resources. I'll take another look at uniform options because I'm not satisfied either, but I really think it'll end up being a "live with it" kind of problem.

There is an AV warning. It's in bright red unless I messed it up somehow. I'll double check that, but it should be there. You were probably just burned out on information overload.

I'll double check the escort problem. You may have caught the mission between corrections since I ran it last night with no such issue. In any case, thank you again - very much - for the kind words, and stay tuned for arc 2.

Thanks very much for the kind words re. "The Consequences of War" Part 1. I've worked my tail off on it and taken many different people's words to heart in making changes to it.

Re. Part II. It suffers from neglect. As you can tell from the difference in Arc #, it has not had the benefit of revision. It's next on my list of things to do. Honestly, I simply didn't do my homework on the collaborators. To my credit, they were originally villains that were fighting the Rikti in their own way, but not being very descriminating - thus, causing problems the Collective had to clean up. I changed it when someone who has otherwise been invaluable to the betterment of the first arc suggested I do so. Still, absolutely my bad.

Arc two revisions are underway. I have big plans that should put it in line with arc one. I've already eliminated the established villain group collaborators as a temporary fix so people won't stone me.

Hopefully it will be as enjoyable (in its war story depressing way) as the first fairly soon.

Okay, the lovely wife and I finally got time to play through Rise of Drakule and, in the interest of QPQ, I thought I'd give a quick review. I'll start by saying LJ and I balanced each other out because I gave it...

3 Stars

Now, rather than do mission by mission briefs (with a whole two missions), I'll just cut to the chase.

My bottom line ended up being, "Why do I care?"

But, let's start with the good stuff. The NPCs were nice to look at, and their power sets were quite appropriate for the creatures they were. The NPC bios were... typed well, spelled appropriately, grammatically correct, and... um... "historically accurate" I guess would be the best phrase. As was the storyline.

Which translates to: derivative.

It just felt as if it was ripped straight out of any number of Dracula-themed generic books, movies, or video games. There just wasn't anything we haven't seen a gazillion times. What's worse, there just wasn't any heart. There wasn't anyone to give a flip about, and there was no real reason to mess with these creatures besides the fact that they could be potential threats.

The villains were... meh... They really didn't inspire fear or concern. True, in a technical sense they were worthy, perhaps overly so in the case of 8000 points a spell regen Drakule himself, but storywise - not so much.

The Arc description said it was supposed to be a comedy. I actually couldn't tell. True, there were attempts at comedy in a sterotypical sort of way, but I never chuckled. Heck, I just got a scathing review of *my* arc that made me laugh more.

It was coherent, with a beginning, middle, and end, and it was technically well done, kind of like a supercomputer spitting out a story. It might be perfect in ways, but it lacks - as I said - heart.

If it's a drama, give me a reason to care. If it's a comedy, make me laugh. Right now, it can't decide which it is, so it ends up being neither.

Oh, and we finally decided to heck with Drakule himself. We're pretty good at taking out AVs. We've managed several that other people said were unmanageable. Maybe it was because, buy the time we got to them, we *wanted* to kick their tail. Drakule wasn't worth putting up with his ungodly regen (no pun intended) to stick with.

LJ, I've read a gazillion of your posts. While I haven't always agreed with what you've written, it's always been laced with intelligence and a sort of wit. Find a way of writing "Rise" the way you write some of your posts, put the same kind of heart into it, and it could be excellent.

As it stands, it's a well constructed, technically correct, two mission something to do.