Dalghryn

Thank you for the review and the comments, Bubbawheat (And MCM ). I'm flattered and very pleased that the arc accomplished what I'd set out for it to accomplish. As I mentioned in my reply to your feedback tell, I've fixed the Vanguard escort dialogue. I tried to fix the space issue in the mission #2 accept text, however the MA has 2 hidden characters there that it won't delete. I'll keep trying.

As far as the traitor is concerned. In order to create the retro-Vanguard group, I had to retrofit another existing NPC group. I simply didn't have the memory available to make a custom group with the variety that was necessary for my needs. That said, I needed an EB/AV for the traitor, both because I felt that someone with those connections and clandestine skills needed to be top notch and because I needed the challenge for that mission on a game-play level. The only Longbow NPC suitable was the Ballista. Unfortunately, at least right now, we can't modify their powers - so I'm stuck.

Comments regarding that character run 50/50, with half saying he's overpowered and half saying he presents a good challenge - especially for the story. I'll keep looking at other options.

In any case, thanks again for the kind words and input!

I know we lost all e-mail notifications from threads we'd favorited in the old forum, but now I'm having a devil of a time getting e-mail notification to work for the new forum. I've subscribed and selected instant e-mail notification to a half dozen threads. Some of them worked once, then nothing. Others never worked. I unsubscribed and resubscribed, re-selecting instant e-mail notification *again* just to make sure. Still, nada.

Am I the only one having this problem? Did I miss where it's been discussed? Am I the only one that's even noticed?

Is it just me, or is anyone else not getting e-mails on subscribed threads when you've checked the "instant e-mails" option? I double checked and I'm subscribed to several threads with that option. I've also doubled checked to make sure I've got the right e-mail on file. Nada... bumpkis... even though the threads are active (if what we're seeing on the forums now, compared to before, can be considered active).

I'm not trying to hijack the thread, Venture. This is just the biggest of the threads I'm *trying* to get e-mail from.

Edit: OK, I checked "advanced" for this post and found that "no e-mail" was selected though I know I said instant notification... twice. One way or another, am I the only one having borked forum thread issues?

Since I haven't been able to figure out how to subscribe to a thread without doing an advanced quick reply to it, consider this my thread subscription notice. If there is a way, and I'm just senile, hopefully someone will let me know before I type out 20 or 30 of these...

OK, I'm officially starting to become irritated with the new forums. I'm sure that, once I've had time, I'll learn to love them, but right now... Grrr... Anyway, since I can't figure out how to subscribe to a thread without responding to it, consider this my thread subscription notice. I still have a review pending, you see...

OK, having done my best to figure out these new forums, I finally managed to find my own thread, anyway. I still have no idea how to make it a favorite (let alone any of the other dozen or so that *used* to be favorites), but one day...

Anyway, Part 1 - Version 6.0 is up and running. Here are the changes:

1. Mission #3 - added clues to both Rebecca Brinell and the Computer that give more insight as to the story behind the jammer file and the translator components, both of which will play into the second arc (and both of which will likely draw criticism from the next reviewer because those sub-plots don't resolve in this arc. So be it...)

2. Mission # 4 - Major re-do! Penthouse is gone. She never caught on and so was most expendable. Her disappearance gave me memory for othe things. Commissioner G has been promoted to SOLUS Mentor (training officer), with new dialogue and a new role that will hopefully make players more empathetic toward him.

The mission itself is now a "Rescue the Rookies" mission. All the rookie rescuing takes place here, which allows the mission to be better distinguished from the next mission. Nigel and T.G. are both here (with new clues), as well as the dead rookies. I've also added a civilian rescue and re-arraned ambushes and such. Intro dialogue, mission entry, exit, etc. has been modified to suit.

3. Mission #5 - This is the battle. No rookies to distract. Commissioner G stays with the player character from mission #4. More bosses. More ambushes. Dead veterans are now optional. Mission intro and entry has been modified to suit.

I'll hit Part 2 when I get time. Penthouse will be pulled from it as well in order to allow for more detail and some changes.

Please, since this has only been play-tested, any feedback would be wonderful. Thanks.

Since the new forums have killed our settings re. subscribed threads, how do you subscribe to a thread (re-subscribe to it, actually) without having to post to it? I have a couple dozen saved threads and I'd really rather not have to make some stupid post to each just to subscribe to them. I'm sure I'm missing something obvious.

You know, I've always wished for a reviewer to start his review with the words, "Wow... just... WOW!" but...

Wow... just... WOW!

MCM, I feel kind of like Sally Fields did the first time she won an Oscar. "He gets it. He really GETS it." And the *way* you get it, with this narrative, has brought tears to my eyes. (Well, some of the tears are also because I lost a star on the second arc because of two AM bugs that were out of my control, but I'll get to that.)

First, stand by for a PM. I need your permission for something.

Second, I'm in the process of printing this out so I can start dilligently highlighting suggestions.

Third, did I mention the tears?

Anyway, about those bugs. I have dumped the timed mission... twice, actually.. but apparently both times I forgot about the MA bug that requires you to reset the interface before making more changes to the same arc. Result - Timer's still set, and I'm borked.

I've never been the victim of the second bug before now (that I'm aware of) but I've run into it playing. Apparently, you can free a rescue or escort and, once he/she has turned a corner, he/she can be killed - thus causing a mission fail. I almost blew a gasket the other day playing an arc under the exact circumstances. Fortunately, the architect was on and we figured out what was going on. I need to find out if he fixed it, or just rewrote the escort. Now that I'm on the receiving end, it's danged frustrating.

Edit - I just learned it's a bug that auto-fails any rescue that's in *timed missions* as soon as they hit the door. So, two bugs teamed up against me. Both are fixed now.

I've already gone back and tweaked some of the NPCs to hang around a little more. You're right, I have listened to the people that complained that the NPCs spoiled their heroics, and it's simply come to me making one of my trademarked Editorial Conflict Decisions (ECD). Decision made.

As you know, I'm in the process of making some changes to the last two missions of the first arc. Changes that'll tighten some loose issues, eliminate one of the weaker NPCs so I can strengthen the second, and provide more separation between those two mission goals. Once I'm done, most of the problems you pointed out in those two missions will be eliminated.

Anyway, I'm letting my wife read your review right now, and I'm about to start highlighting. Thank you, VERY much. And watch for that PM.

[ QUOTE ]
I was taking so many notes during this quick one that I decided to turn it into a mini-critical review, on the house.

Arc ID: 227331
Arc Title: The Consequences of War: Part I
Author: @Dalghryn
Morality: Neutral
Length: 5 Missions
Description: On May 23, 2002, the Rikti invaded Earth. During the war that followed, tens of thousands of civilians, soldiers, and heroes sacrificed their lives to save Earth. Over 200 heroes made their ultimate sacrifice on the same day. This is their story.

Rating: *****

The Verdict:
Pretty good romp that was, though it has some issues that need addressing. Nothing really major, mostly little nitpicks and a few annoyances. 5-stars overall.

[/ QUOTE ]
Thank you, very much for the 5 stars and the "on the house" critical review, Lazarus. I've already printed the review and highlighted suggestions that I'll be working on. Looks like I'll be making about five small changes as a result of your suggestions. It just keeps getting better, thanks to folks like you.

[ QUOTE ]
The Consequences of War – Part 1 #227331
By @Dalghryn

Description: On May 23, 2002, the Rikti invaded Earth. During the war that followed, tens of thousands of civilians, soldiers, and heroes sacrificed their lives to save Earth. Over 200 heroes made the ultimate sacrifice on the same day. This is their story...

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh... my... I'm not even certain what to say except for, "Thanks!" I'm very flattered.

You're the second person that's mentioned the Mission Accept text thing, so nit or not, I'll change that soon. I only hope that the second arc meets any expectations you might have.

After having read your last post, I'm hesitant to ask, but I'm in the process of making some changes to the first arc on my local copy that address some things others have mentioned. I was wondering if you'd mind if I PM you with a quick summary of what I'm doing in order to get your opinion on whether to actually publish the changes or not.

In any case, thank you, again. Regardless of the praise, it's very nice to see pleasant demeanor reign in a thread. I hope, for the sake of everyone else that wants constructive critique, that your "leave of absense," as it were, is a brief one.

This is a very noble venture, MCM (no play on words intended). If I had the time, I'd probably try the same thing. As I told you in PMs, though, your reviews to date have been quite fair, helpful and personable. You've already been setting an example that contradicts others set in this forum, so I'm not sure I understand why you're starting another thread.

The fact is, not all arcs *are* 4 or 5 star arcs, no matter how often you play them or how many characters you use. It's not the star rating that makes a review bad, it's the approach and demeanor. You have both an entertaining approach and a friendly demeanor. Forcing yourself to give only 4s and 5s may be doing a writer more injustice than justice, particularly if said writer is looking for an honest critique of his work.

That said, I commend you for your leadership in this forum. Taking a stand isn't always the easy or popular thing to do, but it is frequently the *right* and mature thing to do. Bravo!

I am about as embarassed as a person can be with what I'm about to say, but here goes...

CR, I have my notes sitting here in front of me from when I ran "The Horsemen Chronicles (Part 1)" twelve days ago. Because of a series of other activities, both in-game and otherwise, I didn't get the opportunity to write it up as quickly as I usually do. Now, looking at my notes, I'm... well... not entirely sure what they all mean.

I have an excuse. I'm over 50. It's called senility. Add a five month old baby to the mix and you get a kind of idiocy not often found. That said, what I'm going to go ahead and do is transcribe my notes here, verbatim, as kind of a stream of consciousness thing. Hopefully they'll help, but if they don't, I encourage you not to run my arcs until I've had time to re-run yours. It's only fair that you get a quality product in exchange for giving a quality product.

I ran the arc with Captain Huh? (The question mark is part of the name. Long story.) He's a level 13 Claws/SR Scrapper, and he was set on Heroic. So, here are my notes, with new comments in italics...
-----

#1

Very good at keeping my interest and curiosity. Sticks close to canon, which is a good thing.

I believe I quoted Alpha here - "So, I'm sending you instead..." <With the unspoken meaning... "Because you're just not as important...>

Good map - Small Oranbega (or however you spell it), which most people don't have a clue how to use.

#2 (I think)

Part 2 Intro went from "why he's here" to "I've located him" in the same breath (as it were). I'd suggest rewording it a touch to give him some way of learning this. If I remember correctly, I think I was referring to something having to do with Alpha not knowing something, then suddenly knowing it in the next paragraph without any explanation of how he suddenly knew it.

"Since the location of Oranbega is such a closely guarded secret..." Um, yeah, kinda the same way as how stuff stays safe in Azuria's vault? I know Oranbega's supposed to be a closely guarded secret, but... I know I was being tongue-in-cheek here, but it is kinda chuckleworthy, though I know it wasn't intended that way.

Tarsis' clue... How do we know this?

#3 (Actually, I remember doing a WTF after I was done trying to figure out which of my notes went with which mission, even twelve days ago. Somewhere along the lines I wrote a mission number down wrong. That happens when I'm trying to enjoy the mission at the same time as I'm reviewing it. It's SO much easier for me to review missions that I think suck.)

I found it odd that Alpha didn't seem to mind if Omega wasn't captured. You'd think an alternate universe nutcase running around town woul be a higher priority, despite everything else that needs to be done.

It was nice actually getting the artifact before Omega did. In hindsight, I did get kinda frustrated at the recurring theme of "Nothing you do will make a difference." It's hard to stay excited once you figure out you're not going to win any of them.

Exit pop-up... "You, however, know it won't stop Omega..." But... but... you said it would. Why the sudden change of heart?

Well, it's good to see we aren't believers in "The good of the many outweigh the good of the one" theory... Take the red pole stone, huh? PLEASE tell me you know what I was talking about here, because it sure *seems* like I was interested. I've got to re-run this. My notes are driving me buggy. I hate senility, really I do.

Alpha's pretty sure of himself re. finding the other two artifacts considering just how well we've done with the first three.

#4

Losing the stone was pretty predictable given the success rate so far.

How did Alpha know the badge was the 4th artifact?

# 5

How did he suspect the clockwork?

OK, I was distracted while the piece was taken off my body, I gave away the rock like a doof, and I've lost everything else. I think, maybe, it's time to retire from heroing and simply throw myself off a cliff... if I can get that right. I am just too stupid to live. Okay, I actually remember thinking this. Some of it's coming back to me. Not enough to count, mind you, but this does. I know I enjoyed the arc, and was intrigued enough with the concept to look forward to playing it through, but by this point it was fairly obvious that heroing just wasn't my character's gig. When I first published my arcs, a common complaint was that I didn't let the player characters feel heroic enough. I've fixed that, and it took some work. If I'm remembering right, this arc suffers from the same problem for a different reason.

Omega's description - scrutiny is misspelled.

The surprise that Omega was Alpha's alternate self stopped being a surprise somewhere in the first mission. Yeah, I remember thinking about this, too. Alpha's too smart for tis one to escape his notice, especially with a villain named "Omega." Maybe a name change for one of them, or a fix that let's Alpha at least think of the possibility?
-----

That wraps it up. My notes in a nutshell. I've added your arc # back to my list because, dang it, this is a major downer having a memory of mush. I hope these help some, until I can do it up right.

Thanks for putting up with my senioritis.

I'll just point to my signature. Both arcs are scaled to 40 - 54. Nothing comedic about them. In fact, think "Saving Private Ryan" for the CoH crowd. It's a definite challenge (currently with one EB and one AV) since I've tried to make it a realistic war story, and it has no Circle of Thorns or ships.

Yeah, that's what I thought. I've done both options before, and they're both PITAs. They really need an "Overwrite Published Arc" option for locally stored arcs so you can make all the changes at once and publish it without losing all your hard-earned plays and ratings.

Well, I guess it's "Work in Progress" time, since there's no way I'm doing the cut and paste route again.

Thanks.

The subject line says it all. As a result of some constructive conversations with my wife and several reviewers, I'm about to make some major changes to my arcs. These changes will take some time, and will be very difficult to do in one sitting. Therefore, I really don't want to do them on the published arc.

Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to overwrite a published arc with a locally-stored version of the same arc. So, my only choices as I see them are:

1. Change the status of my published arcs to "Work in Progress" and live with the fact they'll be a little off until I'm done, or...

2. Make all my changes locally, unpublish the published arc and re-publish the new version - thus losing all my ratings and plays.

I've already done that once, losing a 4.something star rating and 23 plays in the process, so that's not a happy option for me.

Are those my only two options, or am I missing something?

Thanks...

I'm hunting for opinions. After several discussions with my lovely wife, who is far smarter than I about such things, regarding a series of reviewer's comments about the number of NPC's I have, I am considering dropping two of the NPCs.

I'm considering this for two reasons. First, I need more memory space in order to better clarify some things that a couple reviewers have noted as being a little weak. Second, reviewers both friendly and not so much have suggested that I'm spreading the wealth too thin, and I need to sharpen the focus on fewer characters.

In 2004, I wrote "The Fall." It was the story of the final moments of six heroes known as The SOLUS Collective and the rebirth of one of them. It was my motivation for starting these arcs. I started out married to many parts of that story. Thanks to continued input from my wife and many of you, I have slowly divorced myself from some of those things that made that story strong, but made the arcs weaker.

The one idea I've been married to the longest is the need to have Captain Superior, Energy Blastion, Empathy, Billy Bad Boy, Commissioner G and Penthouse all continue to be part of that story. It may be time to divorce that idea, too.

In short, I'm thinking about taking Penthouse and Commissioner G (or perhaps one of them and Billy) out of the story as active NPCs so I can tighten the focus on the others, have less clutter for the player characters, and free up space for more important story-telling things.

To those of you that have followed the arcs, I ask... What do you think?

[ QUOTE ]
Been a long couple of days, yeah. Cleaning up after a sendoff for an RL friend leaving the country.

So let's go long: The Consequences of War pt 2 (241496). Verdict - ***. Review on MA Forums Thread.

[/ QUOTE ]
I've replied to the review you posted in my thread in my The Consequences of War Thread. Thanks for your time.

Warning! Terribly verbose response ahead. Continue at your own risk!

[ QUOTE ]
Oh, that guy.

Man, "as you know" is kind of a weird thing to say in a briefing. If I already know why bother telling me? (you can probably say "ever since the start of the Rikti invasion")

[/ QUOTE ]
The title of the arc is “The Consequences of War – Part 2,” and while I’ve written the two arcs to be playable independently, it might be commonly assumed that they’re played in tandem, or at least by the same character. That said, and if I’m correct, the character does know what Captain Superior is telling him. In fact, the character knows all the NPCs in the arc, at least that’s the plan. At one time I actually had it written in the intro text, but I had several people tell me it wasn’t necessary.

Edit -- Even at that, I left it there just for this circumstance. Here's what it says (cut and paste directly from the MA text): "*It's assumed you've run the first arc of this series, during which your character took part in the events that led to this arc. If that is a problem, please PM @dalghryn."

I guess I should assume it was a problem?

And therein lies the reason I’ve decided to clutter this arc with a lengthier reply than usual. It comes down to having to decide between conflicting desires and expectations among players, and which of these conflicting items best fits what I’ve envisioned for the story. In this case, should I use valuable memory explaining that it’s assumed the character participated in the first arc, or should I use the space in other ways and assume the player either has run that character in Part 1 or will give me and the arc the benefit of the doubt. Either way, someone is happy and someone else isn’t. I chose the second, since it is, obviously, a two part arc.

For the sake of the rest of this reply, let’s call this an Editorial Conflict Decision -- I have two options based on player preferences, either of which would work for some and not for others, forcing me to choose one over the other.

[ QUOTE ]
Well, all I can say is it's a good thing I have an immobilize.

...aw. I thought that intro clue was gonna be the false datafile.

Hmm. Boss objective should probably be just the boss. His escort can spawn in the back room behind a couple walls.

[/ QUOTE ]
So, you’re saying I should make the objective just taking out the boss, but not necessarily his minions? If so, I’ll consider it, but it isn’t like the map is huge and makes it hard to actually find and deal with said minions.

[ QUOTE ]
Good thing he doesn't run, otherwise he could throw down detention field...

The Rikti communicators have apparently come a very long way in sophistication of message. Unless they were actually trying to call out for pizza and Traitor McBackstab here just has a big imagination.

[/ QUOTE ]
I’m not certain what you’re getting at with the last two statements. Are these bad things? Not trying to be deliberately obtuse, but before I can claim ECD with an explanation, I ‘d prefer to make sure I understand.

[ QUOTE ]
Also these guys are recolored Longbow and I just fought a Ballista, didn't I.

[/ QUOTE ]
Yep, they are. Previous reviewers noted that Vanguard as it exists in 2009 is completely different than Vanguard as it existed during the Rikti War, and rightly so. Since creating a real custom Retro Vanguard would have cost me an arc’s worth of memory, I opted to take advantage of I15’s new innovation and customize an existing group to act as the Retro Vanguard group. As for “Traitor McBackstab,” yeah, he’s a re-tooled Ballista. They were supposed to be superpowered, after all, and someone intelligent enough to pull this type of traitorhood off wouldn’t be a slouch when it comes to self-protection, either. Generally, both Retro-V and McBackstab have been well received, despite the difficulty of a successful mission.

[ QUOTE ]
Hmm. Accept text doesn't even need to be in "my voice" if you're using it to restate mission objectives.

[/ QUOTE ]
No, it doesn’t, but it certainly can be. I’ll call ECD on this tiny little nit, if you don’t mind.

[ QUOTE ]
Lots of repetitive character mash in here, both from Rikti patrols and from the Vanguard battles. Still, good to see the Garibaldi twins doing something with their lives.

[/ QUOTE ]
I guess I might need to re-write the text and eliminate the nods to two of my favorite sci-fi television characters thanks to the limitations of MA that keep me from being able to provide multiple dialogues for multiple battle spawn. This is the first time it’s been brought up, but technically you’re absolutely right. I guess this can be considered an ECD, since some people have no trouble suspending disbelieve for this kind of limitation, while others do, but I’ll be taking your comment under advisement.

[ QUOTE ]
The lack of exit points on this map makes the rescues kind of hilarious. They just stand there with a vengeance.

[/ QUOTE ]
I hope you’re not holding thisMA limitation against me. One would think they’d have a “NPC really and truly leaves” option, but unfortunately they don’t.

[ QUOTE ]
Man. Seems like every other spawn's got a dang boss in it. Freakin' diff 2. And this map is huge and the stuff is hard to pick out in general.

I would really rather have somebody's help here.

[/ QUOTE ]
And I quote, “Running on a spine/regen scrapper, high 40s, diff 2 for real boss fights.” (italics mine). The new bright orange arc description warnings that came with I15 that say all that really scary stuff about mondo lieutenants and bosses and elite bosses and AVs was supposed to eliminate the need for us to waste valuable description space writing such things as, “Warning, Will Robinson! Danger! Danger! You might want to run this on heroic, otherwise, be ready for a lot of scary NPCs that may be able to kick your rear and make life difficult!” Maybe the new I15 addition has become too easy to ignore.

As far as help is concerned, I’m going to scream ECD! at the top of my lungs. For every player that wants the help, I have two others that hate it. And for every player that wants it to be easier to get past this kind of map, I have two others that love it. Either way, I get gigged. All I can say is, it is a war, and one of my objectives has to be to make it realistic simply because of the story I’m trying to tell. Realistic war requires realistic troop numbers, ambushes, and really ahiry battles that make you wonder if your character’s going to get out alive. Such is the nature of the beast.

[ QUOTE ]
Oh boy, it's the asylum map. The only-one-of-its-kind, terrib le-ally-pathing asylum map.

I don't like this one much, if you can't tell.

[/ QUOTE ]
ECD

[ QUOTE ]
Hmm. I think you got the escort/find text for the Vanguard guy reversed.

[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks, I’ll look into that. Sometimes my mind goes numb when I try to implement suggestions and make changes to make the arc stronger.

[ QUOTE ]
Oh, this is another one of those "this map is the first half of a building" things. Okay. Okay. Still throws me a bit to hear people worried about something in the "next mission".

[/ QUOTE ]
I find that all the better player-created arcs find ways of doing more than what’s been done by the devs. Realistically, characters will know that they have a future, and that there will be paths and consequences and decisions and… well, stuff that happens beyond this mission. I’m kind of proud of this type of text, myself.

[ QUOTE ]
Thanks for sticking around and helping me fight, guy who completed the mission when I rescued him! Kind of bleakly hilarious this is the first guy to do so.

[/ QUOTE ]
Again, ECD. Like it. Hate it. Have them help. Get them the heck out of the way. Gaaah!

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, it's the burning office again!

[/ QUOTE ]
Wait, earlier you said “…as you know…” was a bad thing, insinuating that “you don’t know,” but here you’re remembering that the burning office was used in the first arc. Either you know or you don’t. Besides, it’s one of only two burning maps, and the other one is just sucktastic. Yet another ECD moment. Some people like it and have no problem suspending disbelief, others not so much.

[ QUOTE ]
The assault suit parks his fat behind in a doorway right into the second floor, so I can't really slip past to find anyone, and the doctor who is apparently supposed to help me just tags along and never heals me or attacks anything.

[/ QUOTE ]
I had to come up with a way of building the Retro-Vanguard you dislike, so Dr. Lexis the hero became Dr. Lexis the plain ole human so I could reclaim some memory. ECD forced me to decide if more players want help (and the ticket sacrifice that comes with it) than didn’t. I made that call. I may sharpen the dialogue to make the player understand Lexis is just hanging as a consultant or something.

[ QUOTE ]
And what became of the vanguard soldier I may never know, as the bugged intersection of captives (Empathy) and timed objectives boots me out o f the mission.

[/ QUOTE ]
Effin’ A! I really hate the MA-don’t-save-the-mission-two-times-in-succession-or-you’re-screwed bug! I dropped the timer off that mission already. I’ll go back in and fix it. Otherwise, I’m looking at some changes to the first arc that might eliminate Dro’Vidt and cut the number of NPCs, leaving me more comfortable with making them more active in both arcs.

[ QUOTE ]
Sigh. Red Atlas.

I know, I know, but... Red Atlas.

Can't find anything in Red Atlas.

It's got a minimap now, but everything hides behind broken down walls and nothing will follow you more than 25 feet without having to detour around a chunk of rubble or wall or...

Huh.

Well, looks like I actually don't have to find much. One of the patrols wanders into the big boss and I follow the dialogue bubbles, and a quick loop around city hall gives me the bittersweet relief of not having to hunt anything down at all.

Looks like I have to break the big man down all on my own, and so I do.

Storyline - **. Yeah, it seems unreasonable, I know. But I'm just thinking about the plan as presented. This whole thing was supposed to be a feint to draw this one group out, but judging from the aftermath they just got mowed down in the same sort of general street fig hting and dropship lasering that wiped out so many other heroes. And as the one person who actually followed the feint all the way through, I... miss the dropship pass completely and jab spines into the fleshy bits of the guy who masterminded the whole thing? I mean, I realize everybody's got to die at the end (THE SHIP SINKS!) but I showed up too late to catch it, just like I showed up too late for everything else.

[/ QUOTE ]
I’ve likened this to “Saving Private Ryan” several times. “Titanic” is also a good analogy. In the first, you save Ryan, which is your objective, but in the grand scale of the war it wasn’t much, and you lost a lot of friends in the process. In the second, Rose has some great memories and you get to see a neat sketch of Kate Winslet nude, but ultimately the ship sinks and everyone dies. It’s a CoH story that hasn’t been told, so I decided to tell it. The idea is for the player and their character to see the consequences of war from that perspective. It works for a whole lot of people, but it won’t work for everyone. With every review (like this one,) I find ways of making it work for a few more people. I guess time will tell.

[ QUOTE ]
Design - ***. The last map's got all the game trappings of a climactic final boss fight, but the real action has already happened. I'd prefer... well, either a truly empty fight, against a guy who came out of his battle armor to gloat (no ally patrols in this case), or a 5-10 minute "impossible timer" that actually puts me in the fight with the collective so I can get a feeling for the impossible odds. (I wonder if you could reframe this as a holo-recreation of sorts, so that you could actually "get obliterated" in the last battle and still have that i n the frame, so to speak.) That plus all the hero rescuees that never actually helped -- well, I felt detached, like I wasn't allowed to be involved in events as they happened, and that puts a damper on any combat high.

[/ QUOTE ]
The MA completely limits my ability to tell the story I’m trying to tell the way you want me to tell it. I can’t have you fighting beside the SOLUS Collective and yet force them to die. If I could, trust me, I would. Of course I’d tick people off then, too. This is the best way I could come up with of telling the story I want to tell. It works well for many people, not as well for others. ECD, my friend, ECD.

[ QUOTE ]
Gameplay - ****. Mostly for doing laps and laps around the giant circus tent map without ever managing to find anything but boss fight after boss fight. I really need to learn where stuff is on that mess.

[/ QUOTE ]
ECD again. I wish I could please everyone.

[ QUOTE ]
Detail - *****. Generally solid, with exceptions as noted.

[/ QUOTE ]
Thank you very much for that. I guess it’s still a work in progress, but I’ve learned that – as noted – I’ve chosen a path that will just not work with everyone. So be it. I’d love a Dev’s Choice. Who wouldn’t? I’m not certain these arcs will get me there, but I’ll be proud of them nevertheless.

[ QUOTE ]
Overall - ***. My main beef here is that, for something that's supposed to be an experience of the original Rikti Invasion, I spend a whole lot of time either backstage making sure the people who experienced the original invasion can get out there, or on stage after the production is over sweeping up.

[/ QUOTE ]
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed in 3 stars. I appreciate the time and effort you put into the review, though. Despite disagreements, I love getting them because I always find something that tightens the story a little more. Time will keep making it better, and that’s all anyone can ask for.

You can bet I'll run at least one, probably both, of your arcs.

As for mine, a level 37 kin/rad defender running solo may have a tough go of it. I've made it very realistic in terms of wartime battles, and the AV scales from 40 - 54. I set the mission levels from 38 - 54 because some characters can handle a difference that big with the right combination of player skill, enhancements, inspirations, and/or buffs. You'd know better than me if you fall in that category with that character.

I don't know whether I just flat went brain dead and forgot to ask you for a review, whether I've already asked you for one and went brain dead about remembering, or if I read something somewhere in your thread that made me think you didn't want to review my arc and went brain dead since then, but in any case, brain dead is part of the equation.

In any case, I love your style and I'd be tickled pink (I hope) if you'd run "The Consequences of War" - Part 1 as noted in my signature. Of course, if you really find it enjoyable, there's always Part 2, too... but I won't do any gift-horse-mouth-looking.

Thanks a bunch, either way.

Edit - I KNEW it... I DID already post here, on the 14th... saying I wasn't going to post here because I thought my arcs were too high level for you. It *was* a case of brain deadedness, but since I've asked, I won't retract it now. Should you find the desire, I'd be honored.

I started this thread to support my two arcs (or three or four or...), but I've found that, in promoting said arcs, I've happened on opportunities to review other arcs. In many cases it's a quid pro quo thing. In others it's "just because." Many of them have their own threads, but in the cases of ones that don't, I'll just handle the reviewing chores here. So, with all that said, I've made a recent friend that has a couple arcs I'm more than happy to help out with. That friend goes by the Global of @Griffin. The first arc I'm looking at is...

Rise of the Shadow Guard - #259657

Now, since I'm primarily looking at it from a position of helping him to make it stronger... rather than to provide spoilers... my comments aren't going to be terribly lengthy. I also don't see the point of publicizing the rating I gave the arc. Suffice it to say that, even as a work in progress, it's well written and Griffin obviously has what it take to make it a 5 star arc, if it isn't there yet.

OK, enough preamble.

Mission #1 - I like the custom group. It has a background that makes sense, good character descriptions and nifty costumes. We've discussed whether or not you should add another lieutenant to the mix. If the memory's available, it can't hurt, but if it comes to sacrificing exposition for the extra body, I'd leave the body out.

When you cross paths with the first NPCs you get the following chatter: "Don't forget the stolen to tell them..." I'm pretty lost as to what the intended dialogue was, but I don't think this was it.

Battle Ground's description should read, "Robert abandoned Vanguard, taking..."

I'll make a quick comment here - Vanguard traitors, you gotta love 'em. Griffin'll know what I'm talking about.

The exit pop-up has the word "make," but it should be "makes." The association is with the word "number," not the word "cells."

Mission #2 - The intro should read, "...it appears, now that..."

Mission #3 - The intro should read, "...major player in Paragon, have..."

I'd suggest adding an ambush or two to the statues if you have the memory. It'll make them seem like more important objectives. I'd also add some more text to reinforce why these are so important. It's sweet that they're historical and all, but in the big pidture, I didn't feel the love as compared with our other needs. Maybe it's just me.

Mission #4 - Yikes! I'd scream the fact that it's a timed mission a lot louder. I flat missed that , and since it was baby-feeding time I can tell you that I had one unhappy five month old by the time I was done.

We discussed the problems with Mr. Mayor getting offed. Hopefully you've found a work-around for that bug.

Mission #5 - If there remains a chance the Mayor can die, then you've got a problem with your mission intro. It works fine is he's rescued, but if he *does* bite it, your intro for mission five doesn't work. It is no longer an assassination *attempt*, but an assassination. That being the case, you'd think he'd be a whole lot more bothered by it. The best fix, in my opinion, would be to fix it where Mr. Mayor can't be prematurely terminated at all.

The mission entry pop-up should read, "...fortified, with..."

That huge Arachnos transport is really sharp looking. Polished to a sheen. What? Good question. Why did we take an *Arachnos* transport? Yeah, I know the map demands it, and it's a great map to use, but that's an awfully big elephant in the room to expect people to suspend disbelief over.

I'd also include some exposition during the mission briefing or thereabouts that told folks where the door into the big honking warehouse is so they'll a) know you should probably try to get into teh warehouse, and b) know which of the 87 doors actually works. They did it in the official CoH mission they used it in, probably for those exact same reasons.

The exit text should read, "...remaining, but..."

Overall, as I said in my preamble, tis is a good read and a good start. It's very reminiscent of the earlier versions of CoW in that it's apparent you have a good story to tell and have the ability to tell it. With a little more exposition (which shouldn't be a problem for us writer-types), spit and polish, I'll be fighting you for players.

Thanks for the arc, and for connecting. It's great making new friends 'round here.

So as not to clutter PW's thread, I posted a more detailed response to her review of "The Consequences of War" - Part 1 on my own thread at this location.

If anyone's interested in where I thought she went right (in most cases) and where I think she missed something because she was probably too busy trying to read, play, and take notes all at once (in very few cases), feel free to check it out.

Thanks again, PW!

PoliceWoman wrote the following review in her thread. Rather than clutter that wonderful thread with my comments, I thought I’d do it here. So, without further adieu, I give you PoliceWoman’s review of “Consequences of War” – Part 1 with response by yours truly:

The Consequences of War - Part I review
Arc ID: 227331
Keywords: Challenging, Canon Related, Drama
Morality: Heroic
Level range: 38-54

The premise seems connected to the Rikti war; the arc is flagged with warnings about AVs, EBs, extreme EBs, extreme bosses, and extreme lieutenants. Whew!

I wonder at the programming that actually determines these warnings. After all, there is only one EB and one AV in the entire arc. How can it have AVs, EBs, and extreme EBs unless it considers an AV as an extreme EB if you’re set low enough.

I ran this on the Rikti invasion weekend, which seemed particularly appropriate.

I tried playing a 38 SS/will brute on Malicious (difficulty 2).

Mission 1
Briefing: The contact seems to be some kind of fiery entity, the leader of something called the "SOLUS Collective", which has been battling the Rikti invasion. He's lost contact with two of his operatives, fighting Rikti in the sewers, and he sends me to help. A decently written briefing that explains the situation and what I'm expected to do.

Actually, the contact *was* a fiery entity as noted in his contact description. You don’t get much fierier than a being that comes from the sun, I don’t think.

Good clue at the beginning of the mission explaining the history of the Rikti war and explaining the SOLUS Collective. Vanguard is mentioned here; I wonder if this arc should perhaps be Neutral since Vanguard is a neutral organization that fights Rikti? Heroic works fine too though.

Done. Both arcs are now set as “Neutral.”

Inside the mission: The Rikti talk in weird indecipherable symbols, which is cool but is different than the typical way we see Rikti talking in other story arcs.

Thanks to LaserJesus, I did my homework on this. According to established canon, the Rikti translators as we know them in CoH lore didn’t exist. Based on this fact, I created the alien dialect which is used through the majority of the arc. Like the retro Vanguard uniforms, I was going for something new that seemed realistic.

I destroyed one of the bombs and got the "Bomb Placement" clue, which had a nice explanation of what was at risk.

I found Billy Bad Boy and he was surrounded by Rikti holding wooden crates, which I thought was an odd animation for them to begin in. (Billy's clue later explains this a bit more, but it still seemed odd at first glance.) I like Billy's sassy dialog.

The reason I went with the crate animation was because the Rikti are putting bombs in place, and one would assume the components came packed in something. Since there’s no animation available with Rikti crates, this was the best the MA allowed. The few animations that would work for the Rikti get rather repetitive. I was just trying to add some variety. In any case, I switched back to the default menace animation – at least until someone suggests I put it back, I guess.

Found and rescued Captain Superior...I really like his look. Very heroic. A shame he couldn't stay!

Thanks, and you haven’t seen the last of him.

Found the Rikti leader and he starts off spouting symbols, but then actually starts talking intelligibly in the normal Rikti syntax, which was kinda cool, like they're just learning to speak the human language. In order to trash talk me, admittedly.

Hmm, I got "Tro'naht's Translator" as a clue, which was well planned as I was just thinking about why he changed languages on me.

I like the "Radio Transmission from Lazon" clue and how it's described as blurry due to the jamming; nice description. "but it's use this close" should be "but its use this close".

Fixed.

Mission 2
Briefing: the contact asks me to try and plant some kind of virus on the Rikti computers, and says that two more of his team will meet up with me. Starting to think this is a series of cameos from someone's SG.

Actually, you were hacking into the system with a heuristic program that was designed to eventually break through the Rikti firewalls in order to gather data that might help with the jamming problem (or anything else, I assume). It’s really pretty well explained, but I know how you can miss things when you’re trying to play and take notes at the same time.

Inside the mi ssion, I rescue Empathy, and she talks about Eric as if it's someone I should know. Perhaps Energy Blastion? If I'm supposed to know him, maybe his name should be mentioned earlier.
OK, I find Energy Blastion, and his description DOES say he's named Eric; still would've made more sense if I knew that before seeing Empathy's dialog.

I modified some text to clear that up.

Mission seems to finish fairly straightforwardly after finding the right glowy and releasing the two allies.

Mission 3
Briefing: This briefing mentions they are puzzling over some "battle suit parts" that I had apparently recovered; I did get an encrypted file, but don't remember bringing battle suit parts back. Possibly I missed it, but in any case, if this is an important clue, you may want to add an official "Clue" indicating you brought this back in a previous mission. Although looking back at my clue journal, I wonder if these "battle suit parts" are meant to be the same as the "parts" describe d in the "Tro'Naht's Translator" clue; that might make sense, but the connection isn't entirely clear.

You did get them in the first mission. I modified the clue to clear that up a little.

The contact wants me to rescue a scientist in Galaxy City and give her these battle suit parts. This seems reasonable, though I wonder what happened to the encrypted file that I found in mission 2? If the battle suit parts are, indeed, from Tro'naht's Translator, then I got it in mission 1 and maybe should've immediately done this new task?

Lazon got the encrypted file that contained (as we later learn) false information on the location of the jammers – a ruse to lure more heroes from the base and leave it vulnerable. The reason you didn’t do this immediately was that Lazon was looking at it first. All explained in one place or another. With the shear amount of text that makes up this story, it may have gotten lost in the effort to take notes. Again, from experience, I know how hard it is to run a mission and catch everything while you’re trying to take notes.

Inside there's a nice little battle between Rikti and Vanguard. One of them says:

[NPC] Vanguard Soldier: $name! Several shellheads just got past us! Get back to Brinell! We've got this!

...without actually using my name, so I'm guessing maybe fighting the Rikti triggered this dialog before I got within range. Maybe rephrase to not include the player name.

I’d already fixed this. Must have been after you selected the arc.

I like the map choice, it gives very much a damaged air raid shelter sorta feel.

I found the Jammer Info Data File glowy and clicked it; it spawned an ambush, but didn't give me a clue (which seemed surprising).

I’ve used 99.86% of my allotted memory. Some clues just had to go. This one (as well as the ones I’d had for both the rookies) got the axe, and I tried my best to fill in the info gap in other places.

Debriefing: Basically empty, as you can't get through to Lazon. Though this is explained by the mission exit popup, which warns of an attack on the SOLUS base. You might briefly recap this in the mission debriefing, though, to make sure the player sees it.

As per your suggestion, I’ve re-worked that entire sequence. It should be clearer now.

Mission 4
Briefing: It looks like I'm asked to help fight off the Rikti attack on the SOLUS base, with some name dropping of more SOLUS members that are about to be introduced.

Inside, I have 9 heroes to find, wow.

[NPC] Lazon: 22nd Century Man and Translucent Girl, if you can read me, team up with Mega!

There's an extra space between "if" and you"

Fixed.

[NPC] Lazon: They're hitting the residential section! The less experienced heroes are getting chewed up up there!

"up up there" maybe should be "up over there".

It now reads, “…massacred up there!”

Found the various bodies of dead heroes, killed in the attack, getting "The Ultimate Sacrifice" clue, which is well-written and a nice touch.

I found and rescued Prince Nigel IV, who has pretty nice dialog that helps characterize him as one of the "rookie" heroes that got caught flatfooted by this attack. He asks me to get him to a door, but I don't have an objective to lead him out, and unlike Penthouse, it doesn't seem like he helps fight; yet, he IS following me. Not sure what the intent there is.

An AI glitch which I’d dealt with, apparently (again) after you accepted the arc. I also fixed the compass text problem. It’s frustrating because I really wanted the type of “missing heroes” to be somewhat vague, but it just didn’t work right.

I rescued Commissioner G and oddly he ran off rather than helping me, despite Lazon's previous instructions for Penthouse and G to work with me.

Priorities change during war. The bottom line with all the hero “abandonments” as they were, was that I was getting way too many complaints about the NPCs hogging battles and claiming tickets. They are supposed to be level 50-type heroes, so powering them down and letting them fight wasn’t a real option. So, I had them take off to do other things, leaving the player character to handle the battle.

Once I got down to "Find the last hero", I searched the whole base without finding any more heroes; then I finally led Prince Nigel IV to the door, which completed the objective. This is a little unintuitive (since I had already "found" Nigel) and I'd suggest you make it so that when you rescue Nigel, it changes him from a "X heroes to find" objective to a "Lead Nigel to safety" objective.

As I said, fixed.

Debriefing: Seems awfully short, but perhaps this is justified by the situation, as it implies that the Rikti attack is continuing on (into the next mission).

Mission 5
Briefing: The final mission seems to be to save the "upper floors" of the SOLUS base and warns of an AV.

Map selection: the burning office is cool, but looks very different than the "lower floors" so it requires a little extra suspension of disbelief to imagine this is part of the same base; especially with all the pentagrams and cabalistic looking stuff. The burned-up tech lab map in the villain arc where you fight ARCH-A would've been perfect, but doesn't seem available.

It’s still the best map for the job. Unfortunately, we live with the limits of the MA. I made a choice between the burning Hellions hideout or yet another generic, office. Someday, they’ll give us more variety and I’ll change it.

Objectives: another 8 heroes to find! Wow, feels like a lot.

I rescued Translucent Girl; had to lead her to the door before I got credit for "finding" he r. Same suggestion as for Nigel, change her from a "hero to find" to a "Lead Translucent Girl to door" when she is rescued. Although I am surprised she wants medevac after her brave dialog about the nature of heroes; I can understand that Nigel (as a newbie) needed to get out, but wouldn't Translucent Girl want to help save the rest of her friends? I guess she is being depicted as "too wounded to help".

The compass text issue’s been fixed. I also changed some dialogue to reinforce the fact she’s too exhausted to keep fighting and needs medical help.

I found and rescued Lazon; he has some nice dialog. I think you might want to reinforce that Lazon's powers are overloading here somehow; perhaps use one of the animations where he's in an energy field, or change his model so that the aura is more pronounced or a different color, or maybe just have him exposition a little more about "I'm overloading!" after "You don't understand!" and maybe add "I've got to get out of here, fast!" before he says "Tell Captain Superior to get the data...". I very much like the "Lazon's Ultimate Sacrifice" clue, though.

Modified some text in the briefing to make it more obvious he’s about to go nova.

Found and fought Hro'Dath. Wow, he looks HUGE in this little, low-ceilinged office! I beat him, but he "teleports away" in the "Hro'Dath's Escape" clue upon defeat. Grrrr.

I searched a body and got the "Deceased Heroes" clue, which says "you didn't even have time to look at her I.D. card"...but the progress bar for searching the body actually says "Searching for identi-card", so this seems to be inconsistent. May need to change one or the other, to match.

I see this as being similar to dog tags in war. You find the necklace and yank the tags free, but you don’t have time to do more than tuck them into a pocket before you’re dodging more bullets and back in battle.

Got the "Lazon's Last Orders" clue on mission complete, which was actually pretty nice.

Mission exit popup seems to recognize that this is a pyrrhic victory, at best.

Debriefing: Not bad; but I liked "Lazon's Last Orders" a bit more. Consider repeating some of that clue here, though I think you should keep the clue so that other team members will get to see it, too.

Memory issues have got me at the moment, but it’s on my list.

Overall
This arc did a good job of portraying the brutal violence of the Rikti War an d the sacrifices made by the people who fought in it. The final two missions were particularly compelling, as they depicted a desperate struggle as you rescue who you can, but you find many have given their lives in defense against the Rikti.

The first three missions seemed rather generic fights against the Rikti by comparison, however. There was a good introduction to the arc, but it seemed like the plot thread about researching the translator never really went anywhere.

As I mentioned elsewhere, this is a single story told in two arcs. While I’m well aware that each arc needs to be self-contained (and I think I’ve done a fairly good job of that since it *does* get its share of 4s and 5s), some things aren’t fully explained until the second arc. It’s kind of like the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, or more aptly, the upcoming Hobbit films. Good on their own, but the entire story is what shines. I think that becomes clearer after both arcs are run.

Countless heroes that were SOLUS members made brief cameos in this arc, appearing for one mission and then never being seen again; I felt this really made it impossible for any of them to get enough character development, except for Lazon himself, who was handled pretty well. It occurred to me that these may be guest appearances from members of the author's SG. For sake of the story, though, you might consider reducing the cast size, and instead focus on developing the story for a fe w recurring characters. Perhaps one could be one of the rookie heroes who works with the player in the early missions, but ends up dying against hopeless odds in the later missions. This would give you a stronger connection to what happens in missions 4 and 5, where you find a LOT of body bags, but they're (as currently presented) mostly nameless statistics. Even the one that IS named isn't anyone you "know".

”Countless,” hardly. There are seven signature heroes, plus two rookies and a slew of bodies. A lot, but hardly “countless.” And, again, for reasons learned later, I’m going to stick with what I have here. I may sacrifice the occasional 5 star rating because of this, but the end result (fairly consistent 5’s for the second arc and pretty uniformly nice comments about the entire story) is worth it.

I did really like Lazon's final scenes, though, which I thought gave him a pretty heroic ending.

I was rather disappointed that even though I beat the final boss, he "teleports away" so you don't really win against him. Despite beating back the Rikti attack, due to the enormous loss of life the final mission has a sense of failure. Considering some of the final clues and debriefing, this may be your design intent. I might suggest you let the final boss get "really" defeated, though, to partly balance the deaths of Lazon and the others, and al low the player to have some sense that she accomplished something beyond survival.

You can’t kill the villain in the middle of the story. Patience, Weedhoppah, patience.

Anyway, I did like the arc overall, but thought there were a few things that could be improved. I rated it 4 stars.

Thanks, PW. A great review. Very helpful, personable, and informative.

[ QUOTE ]
The Consequences of War - Part I review
Arc ID: 227331
Keywords: Challenging, Canon Related, Drama
Morality: Heroic
Level range: 38-54
...

Overall
This arc did a good job of portraying the brutal violence of the Rikti War and the sacrifices made by the people who fought in it. The final two missions were particularly compelling, as they depicted a desperate struggle as you rescue who you can, but you find many have given their lives in defense against the Rikti.

The first three missions seemed rather generic fights against the Rikti by comparison, however. There was a good introduction to the arc, but it seemed like the plot thread about researching the translator never really went anywhere.

Countless heroes that were SOLUS members made brief cameos in this arc, appearing for one mission and then never being seen again; I felt this really made it impossible for any of them to get enough character development, except for Lazon himself, who was handled pretty well. It occurred to me that these may be guest appearances from members of the author's SG. For sake of the story, though, you might consider reducing the cast size, and instead focus on developing the story for a few recurring characters. Perhaps one could be one of the rookie heroes who works with the player in the early missions, but ends up dying against hopeless odds in the later missions. This would give you a stronger connection to what happens in missions 4 and 5, where you find a LOT of body bags, but they're (as currently presented) mostly nameless statistics. Even the one that IS named isn't anyone you "know".

I did really like Lazon's final scenes, though, which I thought gave him a pretty heroic ending.

I was rather disappointed that even though I beat the final boss, he "teleports away" so you don't really win against him. Despite beating back the Rikti attack, due to the enormous loss of life the final mission has a sense of failure. Considering some of the final clues and debriefing, this may be your design intent. I might suggest you let the final boss get "really" defeated, though, to partly balance the deaths of Lazon and the others, and allow the player to have some sense that she accomplished something beyond survival.

Anyway, I did like the arc overall, but thought there were a few things that could be improved. I rated it 4 stars.

[/ QUOTE ]

PW, thank you VERY much for this detailed and insightful critique. I may have been a girlyman for being nervous, but it was everything I expected. Rather than address it point by point (something I may do in my own thread), I'll just make a couple of semi-quick comments.

First, your suggestions are almost all superb, and you can bet I'll be taking a lot of time looking at them and making improvements to the arc as a result. Actually, they are *all* superb, however, the intent of the *story*, as opposed to just the arc, will reveal itself later -- and demonstrate why some of your suggestions won't work as well as others.

Therein lies the problem with crafting a story that reaches beyond the bounds of one arc. As has been noted by many reviewers time and time again, each arc has to be self-contained, with a distinct beginning, middle and end. I believe I accomplished that with CoW - Part 1. Since it is, however, a two arc story, some things had to remain vague of necessity. You'll see all of these characters, good and bad, again, and in doing so, you'll see why the consequences of war doesn't end at with one battle or one campaign. Unfortunately, we all know the end result of the First Rikti War, and it wasn't pretty.

If your reviews are similar to others, the second arc will rate better than the first, and the overall story will come together better for you. I've knowingly sacrificed the occasional 5 star rating for the first arc for that reason.

That said, by the time the next reviewer gets to the first arc, it will hopefully stand a better chance of garnering that 5th star thanks to your help -- which *is* why I wanted your review in the first place.

I'm looking forward to seeing what you have to say about Part 2. Thanks again!