Harris: First of all I would like to thank you for taking the time to appear on the program.
Methadone Man: And I would like to thank you for having me here... by the by is it ok if I take some stuff from the buffet?
Harris: Sure, I don't see why not... Um, could you tell the viewers at home a little bit about how and why you became a hero.
Methadone Man: My real name is Rufus Flintlock and I am the son of a crack "[Censored]"... I don't think I can say [censored] on the air... it's not the most pleasant introduction, but its Gods honest truth. I was born a mutated, drug-addled baby. I was a mess... not that Im not now... I still urinate in my pants from time to time....................... Anyway, in my teens I gave in to my innate desire for heroin
You know? China White, Capital H, Red Chicken, Birdie Powder..... and I started rambling
Moving on, I was a human wasteland spending all my time selling pencils on a street corner in Brickstown and visiting Harry Jones, Aunt Hazel, and Mister Brownstone and Firing the Ack Ack Gun. When I was 19, the Heroin-filth Demon inside me burst out in a vicious sort of way.... skulls and tentacles and the like. Freaked me out and I sought treatment at this special center in Crey's Folly... they used radiation to treat my Demon
it only got stronger, but my cravings for Smack diminished... perhaps it was for the best as now at age 24, I heal the downtrodden of Paragon and unleash the Smack Demon on those that would harm the innocent.
Harris: Amazing. What would you say is the greatest reward for being a hero?
Methadone Man: Well, the way I see it, I was a beer can on the butt of society when I was an addict... now I feel like I have a debt to pay... that's not really an answer to your question, nor did it make much sense... er, children give me candy and smiles instead of throwing rocks at me, knocking over my shopping carriage full of useful garbage, and making fun of my stained gym suit. Some people will invite me into their home for a hot meal... that makes me feel like I'm doing some good in the community.
Harris: Have you ever found there is any drawback to being a hero?
Methadone Man: I don't get much sleep... out fighting the evil do'ers a lot... sometimes I get the shakes, but the Meds I'm taking seem to help... when I go to the KR Clinic to get my prescriptions filled people let me cut to the front of line... I think there are drawbacks, but the benefits of being a hero seem to wash them away... kinda like my weekly shower at the YMCA.
Harris: What is going through your mind when you are in a dangerous situation that could lead to civilian casualties? That must be a scary situation.
Methadone Man: Civilians come first... I'll throw myself in front of some Freak Tank Swiper to save a Civilian or a fellow Hero... helping those in trouble hang on is what I'm all about... when I was Vietnam it wasn't like that... when Charlie took over a village we couldn't tell friend or foe... it was a horrible... and... and... wait that was at a Chinese restaurant last week in King's Row and my General Gau's Chicken had a hair in it... I kinda yelled a bit at the waiter... I think I missed my dose that day and I was...
Harris: Moving on Mr. Flintlock... How do you feel about people that use their powers for crime like the outcast or the super villains we starting to see around the city?
Methadone Man: What? Didn't you already ask me that? I need to pee... cut to a commercial or something.
Harris: Well we're almost done here, Meth... if I may call you Meth? What do you think is going through these criminals' minds when they commit these acts?
Methadone Man: Sure, call me Meth... I think they're just looking to abuse the power that has been bestowed upon them... kind of like when King Arthur took Excalibur and cut that baby in two to settle that dispute between those two women who both claimed the baby was theirs. That didn't solve anything... just made a mess... I think he got impeached for pulling that stupid stunt.
Harris: Um... what are you talking about? Good thing we're almost done here. I was going to ask you how you feel about the various anti hero and anti mutant groups that believe heroes course more problems then they solve, but I feel such a big question might confuse you or cause you to have an embolism. So what is your favorite color?
Methadone Man: Orange... the color of Orange Juice... I mix my Meds in OJ.
Harris: Thank God you kept it short... last and finally, have you ever worked along side the Statesman? What is he like?
Methadone Man: He tried to bust me way back in the day when I was off the wagon and stole the evidence... If I bumped into him again I'd ask for my $400... but now that I'm on the productive side of society I'd give all the money to the King's Row Methadone Clinic .
Harris: I would like to thank you for coming on the show and on behalf of the citizens of Paragon city thank you for keeping the streets safe
Methadone Man: And I would like to thank you for having me here... by the by is it ok if I take some stuff from the buffet?
