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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
The Daybreak Patrol Needs Help! (ID#321834, 3 stars*)
*If I am remembering correctly, this arc was sitting at 0 plays, so I gave it 5 stars in game, in the hope that it would get the ball rolling - or at least not discourage others from giving the arc a chance.
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Actually I think it had 1 play as I forced a member of my supergroup to play it
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
Pro Payne again rounded up the armors, and defeated the ringleader of the operation - who was apparently Countess Crey (or someone who looked very much like her and had all her powers).
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I wanted an AV at the end and didn't know how to design my own so edited one. Editing the Countess seemed the best choice since she was Crey after all...
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
Pros: The mission design was fairly good overall - the missions were fairly direct, without excessive numbers of objectives, and, although it did use 'chains' of objectives, they were handled just fine and didn't get annoying or otherwise detract from the gameplay. That made the overall pacing of most of the missions good. Put simply, the gameplay itself was good: I didn't get bored playing the missions, the story (mostly) made sense to me, and was presented in chunks at about the right pace to keep me engaged. Also, the Daybreak Patrol were pretty well done as well - very reasonable power choices, and their costumes looked like what the story suggested: power armor.
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I don't love how the chain objectives work but I liked them better than the possibility of stumbling across the hostages before it was time. I wish there was a better way to do it, like a locked door you cannot get through until you do X but if there is, I don't know it...
The Daybreak Patrol is actually my supergroup and while I didn't copy anyones costumes exactly we did all go for the powered armor look so if I wasn't able to capture that then I really wasn't doing my job at all
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
Cons: First and foremost, this arc really needed some dedicated proofreading: typos, grammar errors, and some pretty awkward phrasing in places; some additional formatting on the mission briefing and debriefing text wouldn't hurt, but that certainly wasn't a deal breaker.
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Once I go back that will be one of the first things I look over and have someone else look over as well. While I'm pretty good at spotting typos others make, I tend to have a blind spot to my own errors...
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
In mission though, you might want to limit boss dialog that implies the boss is handily defeating the player (as was the case with that really big tank-like armor): this one really is just a minor nit (at least for me), but it did seem a bit silly that big tank-guy was telling me how slim my chances were of victory and how likely my defeat was while I was busy mopping the floor with him.
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The goal there was some mild humor... The intent was to have the guy being so egotistical that it was silly/funny. Obviously I need to work on that a bit more.
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
Okay, on to some other observations: I did notice some places where I thought the placing of mission objectives could be tweaked a bit (in either the first or second mission, almost every objective seemed to be in the same room - a bit of spreading the less critical objectives to the middle and front parts of the map: or, if the placement is a bug, it might be helpful to try out some other maps to see if the objectives get placed in a more staggered manner).
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I *believe* that I have them on random placement but that's certainly something easily fixed and sounds like it should be.
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
The fact that the last mission was an outdoor mission didn't quite make sense to me - it seemed more like if Crey was intent on smuggling this stuff out, that they'd be taking pains to not be as 'out in the open' as an outdoor urban map is - an abandoned or normal warehouse is one option, although even an outdoor map that suggests more 'outskirts of the city' would be better?
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I was going for variety in maps. I should probably put a bit more thought into it than just that though. The first two maps I did try were just too large (I hate uselessly humongous maps) and I finally settled on that one just to finish the arc.... Will be loked at once I redo.
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
And the Freakshow ambushing me in the last mission because they felt cheated seemed odd - I got the impression the Freakshow were hired by Crey at the beginning of the story, and nowhere did I get the feel Crey was later trying to cut them out of the deal, which is why it seemed odd that they were acting like they weren't getting a cut of the reward (perhaps just making it very clear that they're just flat out turning on Crey and betraying their contract just 'cause they feel like it would work better).
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Yeah, that needs to be explained a bit better. Basically at the last minute I decided to mix in someone besides Crey and did it that way. The basic thinking was what you figured, Crey hired the Freakshow and they thought they would be getting the armors, which of course was never Crey's intentions. I really need to spell that out better or nix it altogether.
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
Finally, I would recommend either just flat out making the mastermind of the whole thing quite obviously Countess Crey (rather than using the C.C. model but renaming it "Armor Thief" and giving it a new description) - or have a logical underling be the one directing the operation (such as Hopkins, or create another custom character).
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As mentioned above, I was looking for an AV and I think she is the only Crey one? I personally don't like using such "key" figures of the cannon which is why I edited her.
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
Oh and here's a bit a technical feedback - perhaps try it out in a 'test' version of your arc and see if you like it: instead of having the armors 'packed in crates' in the last mission, why not have them as rescuable allies (that stay non-combat, or just run away once you rescue them with a 'returning to base' dialog) - it would work for most of the armors, since all but one show no skin, so it's perfectly believable they'd be able to walk around under remote control.
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The first version I did actually had it that way with the armors set on the mildest help mode. Still, running it solo with 4 helpers (even slight) they took over the battles which I didn't like at all. Not sure why I switched to having them boxed up instead of just leaving...
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Originally Posted by Coulomb2
This arc certainly has potential, but this time around I did feel like some pretty significant polish was needed. But make no mistake - the arc was still very playable, and I did have a good time playing it, in spite of the feeling that it needed some more work.
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I must admit, I agree with each and every point you made. I have a reason I did as I did for a few of them (as mentioned above) but still, you are spot on.
I basically wrote that one night when I was tired of levelling and couldn't sleep. I figured I would putz around and see what making an AE arc was all about. If I had planned on making an arc I think I could have avoided at least a few of the problems. If I did it when I wasn't half asleep, maybe a few more. However, I think the number 1 thing I need to do before writing my next one (or even fixing this one) is find a good mission writing tutorial/guide (I assume there is one around somewhere) and giving it a read to see just what can and can't be done and how...
I REALLY appreciate your review. AE isn't my main focus at all so it may be a while before I get around to fixing the problems but I tend to have a blind spot for my own errors so this is going to be a great guide on what to fix/modify once I do get to it.
Thank you.
Still, I'll happily prticipate if Xzero45 contacts me... If not, I'll pass (but probably join next time.)
