ArrowRose

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  1. Quote:
    Originally Posted by OzzieArcane View Post
    Arc ID#221702 In Pursuit of Liberty by @Gypsy Rose

    Rating: ****

    This will be a short review. Ran on Ultimo Girl. Starting dialogue was weird. The way Ms. Liberty kept saying her in a sentence where she should have been saying she.

    Overall it's a good arc. The story is interesting and the villain group has a well designed look. But the villains don't have much of a motivation that's explained. Yeah they don't like the Liberty League. Why? Why the Liberty League in particular? I'm sure there are plenty of other heroes willing to knock them on their bum as well. This could use some explaining.

    So could why MAL is such a major threat, he's such a threat that he can cause an apocalyptic future, so this could use some explaining as well. All I got in regards to these things was a little bit of a summary when I clicked on MAL to look at his info, but not everyone is going to do that. Lots of players may complete the arc scratching their head not understanding why half of these things happened. You've got a good story here, but the backstory portion for the villains could use a little explaining.
    Thanks so much for your review and for taking the time to play my arc.

    I was at 99% space usage, so I could not add a lot, but I was able to add some info on MAL to the mission 5 send off dialog.
  2. Quote:
    Originally Posted by TeChameleon View Post
    I've sent you some (relatively) detailed feedback via PM, Rose; if you'd like to try any one of my arcs (or all of them), go right ahead- the names and numbers are in my signature
    I played: Small Fears

    This was an extremely well-written arc that made great use of maps and chained objectives.

    What I liked best: The quality of the writing and the great choices of childhood fears.
  3. Quote:
    Originally Posted by Joe_Black View Post
    And along those lines, if you are into the Wretch/Ghost-Widow thing please give my arc a try! MA:101857, "A Ghost Story....."

    Set up so it can be done solo or enjoyed with a team. Four missions long but usually takes no more then an hour to complete!

    Feedback GREATLY appreciated! Thanks all!
    This was a great arc that was so full of details.

    What I liked best: An amazing story with so many clues. It made me want to keep on playing to discover the truth and solve the mystery.
  4. I agree with all the reasons cited the previous post.

    It is also possible that at times, no comment is sent because of the way the feedback screen is designed.

    Although I know there is a button to send the comment, I falsely assumed that if I typed a comment and pressed finish, that the comment would be sent along with my rating. It seems that is not the case.
  5. Quote:
    Originally Posted by airhead View Post
    You might like to try arc 1144. It was my early attempt to turn an origin story into an arc (but with a focus on the player). It's solo-friendly, unless you're a Peacebringer or Warshade, in which case it's soul-destroying. I've just reworked large parts of it to accomodate I16 changes. I've tested it right through, but I don't know if the storyline is still clear to other people.

    You can rush through this in 1/2 hour, savor it for 45 minutes or grind it to dust in about an hour.

    I loved this arc! It was very well written, told and nice story and had some humor.

    What I liked best: This is hard to pick, but I would have to say it's entertainment value. It let me have fun while uncovering a story. It made me want to keep playing to find out more!
  6. Quote:
    Originally Posted by Megajoule View Post
    Putting one of my own arcs into the ring - #15976, "Glory Days". It has its own comment thread, so feel free to post here or there if you end up playing it.


    I played Glory Days and I really enjoyed it. It has a great story which is full of details and is so much fun to play! I posted some additional comments on your thread.

    What I liked best: The last mission debrief and the souvenir. The whole arc was great but that really stood out to me.
  7. I really enjoyed this arc! Great story and well written!

    I only spotted one possible typo. In the bio of Strong, I would say "hard as diamonds" instead of "hard as diamond".

    I would also add mission titles.

    I loved how you framed the story and all the details.

    I loved Marko's initial pose in mission 1..

    I am not sure why you made mission 4 a kill all. I have no problem with it at all because it was a small map, but it might scare off someone who is browsing for missions to play.

    I loved the last mission debrief and the souvenir.

    This arc was a lot of fun to play
  8. I would like to request that you add a re-review of my arc to your list:

    In Pursuit of Liberty - 221702
    by @Gypsy Rose

    I have made many changes that you and other reviewers suggested which I hope improved it. Anyway I would love your thoughts on this.

    I reviewed your arc Papers & Paychecks and left you comments on your thread.
  9. I really loved this arc. Oddly, it reminded me of my office! Five stars.

    Here are my comments:

    I loved the story description. They always SAY they want people who think outside the box.

    Mission 1:

    What I liked:

    Loved the intro - what happened to Bob!

    The promo criteria - so funny because sadly it is true.

    Love the mission goals.

    Nice costumes on the customs - blaster , scrapper and troller.

    I wonder what they are doing there.

    I thought I was going to have to fight Hopkins.

    Loved the tie in to your Celebrity Kidnapping Arc

    Enjoyed Nemises Plot Reference

    Possible typo: I was not sure if the "War Wolf"? in crate 1379 was intentional or if you meant "Werewolf"


    Mission 2:

    Loved the dress code comment in the send off!

    So many nice touches - Stolen Office supplies

    Should Simmons have a custom bio?

    Love the surprise final objective.

    Mission 3:

    Typo on popup? – should be formaldehyde

    Loved test subjects

    Take credit for someone’s work – never happen.

    Mission 4:

    Nice to see the TF members again

    Love the NPC dialog

    TPS reports – another nice touch of humor.

    Loved Barbie's name.

    Love how objectives trigger others.

    Ah so it was a Nemises Plot


    Mission 5:

    Reorg huh. You hit on the solution to every company’s problem – reorg

    Not crazy for timed missions but especially not in MA . It did add excitement and fun but did not let me savor the details.


    My overall comments:
    I didn't like the fact that the last mission was timed because I didn't get to enjoy the details of it.

    I really loved this arc. I especially loved how you mixed in humor and how you have one objective completion trigger other objectives.
  10. Quote:
    Originally Posted by airhead View Post
    Arc 221702, The Pursuit of Liberty, @Gypsy Rose

    I've actually played this before, very early on. At that point, I was struck by the "modern fairytale" elements of a child, artifacts, and the enchanted garden among more conventional CoH elements. I knew there'd be hurdles with many players/reviewers regarding the details of combat balance and plot. But the author has weathered those well, to create an arc that is still true to the original intent, and runs very smoothly. My third pass through this arc rates it 5-stars.

    Thank you so much for such a nice review, but way more importantly, thank you for all the time and effort you put into running my arc and providing me with comments and suggestions to make it better.

    I appreciate your help and your encouragement so much.

    Thanks
  11. I am posting this arc here because someone I met online played my arc and gave feedback. In return I played:

    What did Jan do now?
    Arc ID: 177539
    Author: @fromundaneath

    This was really fun arc to play on a team. Had some nice customs and was just the right balance of fun and challenge.

    What I liked best: It was so much fun to play and had some great humor mixed in. I would definately recommend it for teams. It has 3 missions so not too long.
  12. This sounds like a fun idea.

    I would love if you would play my arc In Pursuit of Liberty - 221702.

    It is a lighthearted story arc. It says it is very long because it has 5 missions, but it takes less than a hour to play.

    It is set at level 45 and up but will auto level you to 45.

    I have soloed it on heroes in the 20s at level 1.

    I can always use more feedback.

    Thanks
  13. Thanks so much for taking the time to review my arc!

    Quote:
    Mission 2: Ms. Liberty informs me that Little Liberty has been kidnapped again, 7 years ago. I thought that is when she was kidnapped the first time
    I changed this so the first mission takes place 9 years ago and the second seven.

    Quote:
    The mission was on a pretty large blue cave map - not a good choice, those are pretty universally considered horrible maps, and I agree.
    I too hate caves, any caves, but I really wanted the treasure chest in a cave for the mood of the arc. I spent a lot of time selecting maps for the arc. I tested every office map and every cave map as well so that I could be sure that the player did not have to back track. I chose this map because, I loved the look of it and way more importantly, I could guarantee that you find the child before you find the treasure.

    Quote:
    Still, the mission was pretty good, fighting against this customer group. They look great and provide a nice, but fair challenge. Perfectly balanced for me.
    I am so glad you liked them. I spent a lot of time creating them and then later balancing the powers based on input from other reviews.

    Quote:
    Mission 3: Guess who has gone missing again? Yep, Little Liberty, except she is 21 years old now and was in search of a book. No more time traveling, but we are headed to an enchanted garden to find her, and that book.

    The mission is the forrest map and the enemies are boulders and wisps - garden variety evil.
    Your pun made me smile


    Quote:
    OK, so the map is the destroyed Atlas Park map, the most overused map in AE and as said many times before, one of my most hated. It fits the story though, so I can't complain TOO much. But I still hate it. You jump around a smoky, fire filled map looking for 1 little glowie and Statesman, who you have to rescue for no real reason.
    The reason I have Statesman is his relationship to Liberty and his importance in COH lore. I made him trapped in a glowing trap so he is easier to find. Also he tells you that the swords are near the ruins of City Hall. Oddly they always are. Before I knew that I too went nuts looking for them. I am very bad at finding glowies.

    Quote:
    Mission 5: Little Liberty has the costume and has the swords and.....has been captured again. This time by the leader of MAL (the custom group). I need to rescue her and defeat this guy. Hmm...I thought this was Little Liberty's destiny to do so? Well, let see how it turns out...
    Yes but also your destiny to help her.

    Quote:
    Cemetary map with 4 heroes to rescue. Thank you for making them stand out with a big green aura. the EB was very difficult to find and keep all the allies following, so I ditched them all and found him. It was a good fight, had to pop a couple purples, but he went down eventually.
    I changed it to 3 allies and lost the mist on my stormy. Someone suggested that was part of the reason the allies got lost. It seemed to help.

    Quote:
    Overall this was a mostly enjoyable arc to play. The story was pretty decent, though towards the end it felt like I was saving the world, not that it was Little Liberty's destiny. In fact, since I ditched her for the final fight, she wasn't even there for it. It could use some tightening up, but as is, it is still not too bad. the missions were all pretty good, but some of the map choices were a bit tough, particularly the destroyed Atlas Park map and the last one was too big to have 4 allies follow along, IMO. I can't give the arc 3 stars...it was better than that. But it also fell short of 4 stars for me. 3.5 (rounded up to 4 as the official rating).
    I am glad that you mostly enjoyed it. Thanks so much for your review and especially for the comment that it was worth more than 3 stars. That meant a lot to me
  14. ArrowRose

    Canon Fodder

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by 5th_Elemental View Post

    In Pursuit of Liberty
    Arc ID: 221702
    By: @Gypsy Rose
    Overall Rating: 4.5 Stars

    @Cain Lightning says:
    Fun Factor I felt the story arc matched up to the keywords “Complex” and “Origin”. There was an adequate amount of stuff to uncover and do to keep things interesting. Considering the help you get from numerous allies (is Statesman really necessary in this arc?) and the fact that most signature villains are EBs rather than AVs, I think “Solo” as a keyword might fit here as well. Having said that, the arc was still very enjoyable and has a high replay value for both soloists and teams. 4.5 Stars

    @LAMIKE says:
    Story Flow: This arc’s presentation was great, which I really appreciate. The story was clever, and following Liberty through the various points of her life was interesting. Nice, deep mob info and backgrounds which I enjoyed a lot. Having to gather the parts of her costume and weapons was fun and kept my attention all the way through. The only negative I would address is that at the very end, it felt like the story ran out of gas. The text information got progressively less and less, so you could afford to make it a bit more epic. 4.5 Stars

    @Pankrator says:
    Visual Pop: Schwing! I loved the hot members of the Liberty Force, especially Liberty Rose all grown-up. The Garden of Evil mob was neat (cool Devoured Earth) and well supported by the custom character Fatal Fern. The design was nice all throughout the arc except for the fourth mission. It had a bland mix of canon critters, and I would have much preferred another custom mob here. Although the maps seemed large, the proper use of the right type of mission objectives (i.e.: no “defeat alls”) allowed the missions to be completed nice and swift. 4.75 Stars
    Thanks so much for your review of my arc.

    Based on your input, I did the following:

    I removed Statesman from the last mission.

    I added some text to the MA overview indicating that the arc difficulty scales based on your setting and that at level one it is soloable.

    I tried to add a bit more detail at the end but I am almost completly out of space.

    I changed the mob in the 4th mission a bit based on some specific suggestions from another review, but I was unable to make them custom due to lack of space.

    I am so glad that you enjoyed my arc! Thanks for playing it and for such a nice review.
  15. The Double-Edged Sword
    ARC ID: 4384
    Author: @theHedoren

    Reason: This arc was lots of fun to play. It was easy to solo, had a nice story and had some humor mixed in. If you play it be sure to read "Will's Story "
  16. I played your arc:

    Arc Name: The Double-Edged Sword
    Arc ID: 4384

    I really enjoyed it. It had a good story and I loved the bits of humor you mixed in.

    The two suggestions I have are:

    - Give Mynx, your contact a bio.
    - In the cargo ship mission the wording of the objective "9 search the cargo" seems a bit awkward to me. Maybe 9 Cargo to Search?

    Now for the positives:

    - I really enjoyed the story and was able to solo it on a mid level WS
    - I loved your contact dialog. You provided info that was needed in a way that was fun to read.
    - I loved the humor mixed in to the arc. I especially loved Will's Story. It actually made me laugh.
    - I loved the allies, especially in the last mission!

    I would love if you would play and review my arc. Here is the info:

    In Pursuit of Liberty - 221702
    by @Gypsy Rose

    I hope you enjoy it!
  17. I still have 2 play requests in my queue. They are:

    Trouble at ParaCon! - Mr_Remarkable
    No Hope - The Hound

    If either of you still want your arc played:

    Play my arc In Pursuit of Liberty - 221702

    Rate it in game, and send me a comment of something you like or something you would change.

    A few comments on my arc:

    - The story is best enjoyed at level 1. At that level the arc is easily soloable.
    - It was written to mirror the normal COH difficulty as much as possible, so at higher levels it becomes more difficult.
    - Oddly for me it was hardest to solo on a scrapper
    - If you play on high difficulty levels, I would suggest break frees for the last mission.
    - In the last mission, allies are there if you need them.
    - If you don't like allies, don't use them.

    Any new requests for play swaps are welcome.
  18. Quote:
    Originally Posted by Dalghryn View Post
    This is exactly why I read all the review threads (aside from the fact that I have arcs I'm pimping, of course). I've had a problem with the first mission of my second arc - a 50/50 split of people liking it or hating it - that's had me looking at whether I need to change bosses or not. I saw this and...

    ...problem solved. (I hope.)

    Thanks, PW.

    Thanks so much. That worked perfectly for me
  19. Quote:
    Originally Posted by GlaziusF View Post
    Yeah, that's a sample reason. It's not the only one. You remember what I said before, right? How I gave people who put a lot of detail into their missions one star for it, because I read a description in the first mission that was accidentally left to be a stock description of the character, and it took all the suspense out of the rest of the arc?

    I'm not playing through your arc a third time. But now that I can actually EDIT that first post, and since I stuck it up with stars in my eyes and have since waded through several months of reviewing, I'll go back and update it with a practical description of the ratings as they've turned out to work.
    That would be a good idea. It is unfair for people to present arcs for you to review based on false expections. When you state specifc criteria and rules you should follow them.

    If you want to just go with your gut on reviews that's fine so long as you make no pretense that you are doing otherwise.
  20. Quote:
    Originally Posted by PoliceWoman View Post
    In Pursuit of Liberty review
    Arc ID: 221702
    Thanks again for your detailed review. I have made a lot of changes based on your input and I have a very specific question regarding the following comment that you made.

    Quote:
    I eventually dropped MAL after a hard fight. You might consider making his objective only need the boss to complete it; I had to clear several stray minions before the mission would complete, and it's easy for his group to get mixed up with other nearby groups on this particular map (his group spawned on the grass in front of the gates of the main cemetery), making it a little confusing to find them all.
    I agree with your comment. I also had his minions get mixed up with the others. I tried to have no surrounding enemy group and could not find a way to do this. Perhaps you need to do this when you add the boss? As I now sit at 99.95 space, I am reluctant to attempt removing and re-adding him.

    So my question is, what would you think of having him surrounded by a different group, say Family? This would solve the issue you mentioned and bring the arc full circle?

    Let me know your thoughts on this.

    Thanks
  21. GlaziusF,

    I am not asking for you to like my arc, clearly that would be pointless. All I am asking is that you be fair. You gave me 2 stars on details. Here is your quoted criteria for that rating:

    ** - The absolute minimum text to not raise errors. No clues, even for things I'm supposed to have picked up or conversations I'm supposed to have heard. Custom enemies aren't described, there's no interaction text for glowies, enemies and objectives have default descriptions.

    OK

    - I had lots of clues
    - My custom enemies were all described
    - One glowie was missing interaction text and this was fixed. All the rest had them.
    - No enemies and No objectives have default descriptions.


    So, even by your own criteria my arc deserves more than 2 stars on details. I challenge you or anyone else to justify a 2 on detail, given my arc and your stated criteria.

    You clearly don't like my arc.

    All I want is for you to be fair. You provided me so much valuable input which I am grateful for. Please re-review my arc and rate it. I realize you don't care for the arc, but I would really value your honest fair input, looking at each of the categories that you specified in the start of your thread separately and rating each according to what you stated. As an aside, perhaps you will like it better now. I considered every bit of the feedback you gave me seriously and incorporated much of it.

    You have every right to rate any arc in whatever way you choose. The truth is, all of the ratings come down to opinion and personal taste. But, I was so happy when I saw your thread because based on what you stated in the first post, I believed that I would get a separate fair assessment of each element. I think that is really valuable. That is all I am asking for. If I didn't value your input, I would not have pursued any beyond the original review.

    Again, please re-review and rate.

    Thank you.
  22. Quote:
    Originally Posted by GlaziusF View Post

    I don't like something about the entire arc. It can't decide whether it wants to be comedic and lighthearted or serious and horrific. If it were one or the other I could stand it, but as it is it's lukewarm and I spit it out of my mouth.
    That was obvious, but sadly not much help. The arc knows what it wants to be, but apparently that is not something that you care for. Luckily for me, not everyone feels the same way that you do.

    The arc is intended as a light-hearted origin story. Does it have comedy? Yes, many find parts of it funny. Is it serious? Yes, at times. It has some serious messages. Is it horrific? NO! The villains are evil. Villains are supposed to be evil, but no one besides you has found anything horrific about them (OK maybe too much fear ).

    I don't agree with you that an arc or a book or a movie needs to be all one thing. Most of my favorite movies are action or sci-fi with a little comedy and or romance mixed in.

    Thanks for the rest of your input in your latest post. Much of that was helpful.
  23. Thanks for re-looking at my arc. I have some questions and comments:

    Quote:
    Part of it is that there's a fine line between being lighthearted and rolling on the Random Conversational Interjections Table. I look at something like "Why do I stand before you, asking for your help? Perhaps it is because I like her name. Perhaps I grew bored of standing in Atlas Park. Perhaps there is more to her than meets the eye. But I digress..." and I can't think of what it adds to anything. In fact it takes away. Ms. Liberty, by saying this, sets up the expectation in me that she's not sending me out for the obvious reason -- a child has been kidnapped and this threatens the future of Paragon City.
    The reason for this, was in fact that it was for more than the obvious reason. Ms. Liberty is Little Liberty's aunt. The reason that she doesn't come out and tell you, is that the idea behind the arc is for you the player to discover what is going on as you play.

    Quote:
    Weren't there heroes seven years ago? Why can't they stop this? Did time travelers do it in the first place?
    In my arc as originally written, missions 1 and 2 took place in the present day. At the beginning of mission 3, Ms. Liberty told you that 7 years had passed. Two separate reviewers had a BIG problem with time passing between missions in an arc. I found this odd because I have read many books where years pass between chapters. So, my question is would it make the arc better if mission 1 and 2 were present day and 7 years passed between mission 2 and 3?


    Quote:
    They're basically all terrible shallow little-kid peculiarities, stuck in a time capsule and left to marinate until they reach evil adulthood. And I find that horrifying. Mostly because they're all still so human.

    If they were more inhumanly shaped - faceplates or less form-fitting armor - and presented as the abstractions they're supposed to represent - maybe MAL's androids/spirits of evil or something along those lines - I wouldn't have this creeping sense of dread that I was slaughtering my way through the vanguard of Pleasure Island.

    Hmm.. Shouldn't villains be horrifying? I won't change the look of the villains, as that is what most people liked best about the arc. In fact don't all real life monsters look human? And yes you are right, that is scary.

    Quote:
    Also the agent needs an armor type that doesn't boost her perception as Willpower does. Maybe Inv? She just takes off on her own because of a combination of the larger perception radius and the close quarters of the mission.
    Thanks for this input. I wondered why she did this as I have her set to fight defensively.

    Quote:
    In the mission sendoff text she apologizes for making me time-travel, like it's some kind of a surprise.
    A joke....

    Quote:
    In this mission, Liberty's near the front of the cave, which is alright, but the one glowy that completes the mission is one room later, and there are like three otherwise featureless rooms after that.
    I have no control over this. Liberty was placed at middle. The treasure I placed at the end. I agree it is stupid. A bug maybe?

    Quote:
    Thanks for marking another minion up to lieutenant, though, makes things much smoother.
    I agree, thank you for your original input.

    Quote:
    And now I think I see what you're trying to do with these entry/exit popups. Usually they're rather objective but these feel more like Ms. Liberty buzzing me on a comm channel. Kinda throws off the expectation.
    I did this because, if you are not the team leader, you can't see what is going on in the 2nd brief screen and the debrief screen.

    Quote:
    "the world is full of treasure" really rubs me the wrong way. I put out fires and bring peace to the dead and save people from losing everything they have to the mob and I don't care if I never get paid, because I'm a hero.
    I am not sure what you mean here, so I will explain. There are all sorts of treasures in the world, and "gold and sliver" isn't at least in my view, true treasure. To me, true treasure is always found in people and what they have to give. The idea here, was in fact a mock on greed, and yes sadly I have encountered some very greedy COH players.
    My intent was not to offend you, or imply that you the player are greedy. It was in fact a mock on greed, and if I recall, I stated that you are a hero and for you thanks is enough.

    Quote:
    I get the feeling this story isn't "for me". Really on some level I'm wondering if it's for Ms. Liberty, since she's going all "why am I asking you this?" and "do you think maybe this will change the future?" and "why is she going after a book?" I know I'm supposed to take this lightly, treat it like a children's storybook, but I can't do it on my own. You have to help me.

    I mean, maybe Ms. Liberty's making a storybook for this sick kid and she wants me in playing a sort of sidekick/helper, maybe because the kid saw me on the news and went wow, so we're off making a bedtime story with Ms. Liberty doing narration. And I'd be okay with that. AS LONG AS SHE TOLD ME.
    The intent of this arc is for you to uncover what is going on as you play. The idea is that you uncover exactly who Little Liberty is as you help her find her destiny. If Ms. Liberty told you all of this, it would defeat the point of the arc. I truly wish I had more space, because then in the wrap up of the arc, I could explain way more. I will see what I can do, but I am currently sitting at 99.8 space usage.

    Quote:
    ...yeah, some of the Deathblossoms and Granites are still doing the thing where they don't give me any experience (but still drop inspirations), despite me being the only one to do damage to them. Might want to check into how the group's constructed.
    I have looked at this but will look at it again. I get XP. The point of the arc is definately not XP, otherwise I would write a farm. The idea was to make a magical garden. I don't know why you got no XP though. Odd...

    Quote:
    Something else turning the MAL minions into stylized figures might help with: they all look alike. I know there are differences in hair and costume styles and all, but what it boils down to from where I put that camera is "black bodysuit, red-lined cape" with the one exception of "white bodysuit, white cape".
    This I won't change as this is what everyone else liked best. I am glad you noticed the similarty. All use anarchy chest symbol, all have the same cape symbol. This is part of the theme. Each has a unique bio with powers and costume to match.

    Quote:
    Hmm. If the system text is explicitly calling out finding a note on the boss, then the objective should complete when the boss is defeated, so I get the note right when I drop her.
    It does. Perhaps, you did not defeat the surrounding group?

    Quote:
    Still no "you lost me" text from the allies. (or the one in this mission, anyway) That's kinda important. I can't just keep the minimap open to see whether or not the little green arrows have stopped moving.
    I am not sure which mission you are referring to here. In mission 3 there are no longer any allies. I will check all the other missions (1, 4 and 5).

    Quote:
    His appearance and dialog make a lot more sense this time around, though his letter should probably come before the swords on the clue list, just because he's supposed to be encountered first.
    Can I control the order? I had him give a clue about the location of the swords because they always seem to be in the same place and lots of people had trouble finding them.

    Quote:
    Lampshading the villains as just a bunch of random dudes still doesn't make them any less a bunch of random dudes, especially since some of them are from other dimensions (RAM, Circuit, Rularuu).
    They were chosen to be random and also for visual effect. PW suggested, keeping more to a futuristic theme. I will look into this.

    ---
    Quote:
    Last mission - noticing very few gales from the stormer. Yay.
    Again thanks to your input and I agree Yay!

    Quote:
    MAL has the same cast aura as the hostages. Statesy doesn't have one at all. This seems like a bit of an oversight.
    He had one, it keeps getting lost .

    Quote:
    I disagreed violently with the framing device. That just drags everything else down. It digs into me every time I click on the contact, and it brought my opinion of everything down - the storyline that used it, the designs that supported it, the gameplay that followed it up, and the details that reinforced it.

    I can't pretend that I like the framing device and go what if, because that's one small step away from going "what if I didn't actually care about all the things I complained about" and that way lies madness.

    Gameplay is slightly less frustrating than last time, though running around trying to found someone with the "wrong" visual cue on that giant map is the same as trying to find someone with no visual cue at all.
    I am not quite sure what you said in the above quote. Clearly you don't like something about the interaction with Ms. Liberty I take it?

    I have played many arcs where the contact gives extremely long boring speeches which I hate. In fact, they have bored me so much, I could barely read them. Still, I looked past that to the obvious effort that was put in the arcs, I have rated them 4 stars.

    Given that I don't want Ms. Liberty to spell out everything. Given that I want you, the player to figure things out, is there anything specific that would make her or the framing less annoying?

    On a positive note, I am glad the gameplay was less frustrating. That is definately in part due to suggestions from you.

    Thanks
  24. Quote:
    Originally Posted by PoliceWoman View Post
    In Pursuit of Liberty review
    Arc ID: 221702
    Thanks so much for taking the time to review my arc.
    I am maxed on on space (99.8%) but I will address as many issues as I can. Hopefully I can at least fix the typos.

    I have some comments/questions.

    Quote:
    Mission 1
    Briefing: Nicely formatted, but the text kinda rambles. She wants me to rescue a kidnapped child. She first says "the future of Paragon depends on it", then "Why? Perhaps because I like her name...perhaps I'm bored..." etc.; I suggest you edit this down some, and make her stick to one reason why she's asking (the additional speculation by the contact doesn't add much, IMHO).
    The idea here was mystery mixed with mild humor. Ms. Liberty didn't spell out the why because the why was meant for the player to discover as he or she played the arc. She is in fact Little Liberty's aunt. Her sister is Liberty Rose's mother. My intent was to provide a clue in the first mission with the family tree and fully reveal this in mission 4.

    Quote:
    Ms Liberty says the kidnapping happened seven years ago and you have to go back in time to save the girl; she cuts herself off before explaining why jumping through all these hoops is necessary.

    Finally she says "I am wasting valuable time. A child needs saving." But this seems to contradict the fact that the child was kidnapped 7 years ago? If you're time traveling into the past anyway, I'm not sure how much time urgency there can be in the present.
    I originally had a question about this for you. When I wrote the arc, mission 1 and mission 2 both took place in the present. At the beginning of mission 3, Ms. Liberty informed you that seven years had passed since you last spoke. For some reason, two reviewers had a huge problem with this. They had NEVER seen time pass between missions in an arc. I found it odd that villains with ice and fire powers was fine, but time passing was not. I have read many books where time passes between chapters. Anyway, my question here for you is would the arc be better with the first 2 missions in the present and seven years passing between mission 2 and 3?

    Since posting this question, another reviewer agreed that jumping years between arcs was unacceptable to him. So I tried to explain, as much as space allowed, why you were being asked to do this and why it is urgent.

    Quote:
    Second part of briefing: the contact finally tells me some details about the kidnapping; the name of the child, the perpetrators, the fact that she already sent an agent (also via time travel?) to save the girl.

    One question I have to ask here is, why doesn't Ms Liberty go back in time to save this girl herself? She obviously thinks this is important and is a hero and all.
    Well the answer here is two-fold. She needs to go back to AP and more importantly the main point of this arc is how you, a powerful hero, help Little Liberty find her destiny and thus save the world.

    Quote:
    Mission objectives: Wow, there's a lot of people named Liberty in this story arc already; the contact, the kidnapped child, AND the agent I'm being sent to rescue. This seems a bit too much coincidence.
    Very true and it is not a coincidence. The note you receive at the end of mission 1 explains that all members of the Liberty League take a hero title with Liberty. The agent you are finding is not a Longbow Agent but "Agent Liberty" from the Liberty League. However, point taken and I will be more specific about which Liberty is your objective.


    Quote:
    I have the objective "Find the safe" also, but it's not at all clear why I need to find a safe; based on the contact's briefing,
    This is by intent. I want it to be a mystery for you to unravel.

    Quote:
    Found Agent Liberty being held by some members of the "Anti Liberty League", who seemed to be custom villains with nice costumes and descriptions. I wonder why the contact never mentioned these guys though? They really should have some dialog to help establish what this new villain group is like and who they are; perhaps they could threaten Agent Liberty or expound about the Anti-Liberty League's agenda.
    Perhaps. I intended that they be a surpise and you find out about them in the note at the end.

    Quote:
    Big Al's description refers to his "cousin Al" but the clue "Note to Al" that you get for defeating Big Al refers to "cousin MAL" - name is inconsistent.
    MAL is for Master Al. I do see that it is a bit confusing and should be clarified and also two Als make it even worse, so I changed Big Al's name.

    Quote:
    I got the "Family Tree" clue from the safe in this mission, which explains how Liberty Rose is related to Ms Liberty and Miss Liberty; having this clue in the Family base seems inconsistent with the "Note to Al" clue that says "Don't ask why, just trust me!" which suggests that Big Al is in the dark as to the girl's importance.

    I also think it's a little strange that Ms Liberty didn't tell me about her relation to the girl up-front; it's not like Ms Liberty has anything to hide here?
    You are correct, Big Al is in the dark and Ms. Liberty could tell you all but the idea of the arc is for you to uncover it as you play.

    Quote:
    And find some "treasure", which is a strange motivation for a hero.

    Mission title is "Find the Treasure", but shouldn't the hero's main motivation be to save the girl?
    This was an attempt to be funny. Sadly many players of COH are in fact very greedy. Demanding PLs and random influence whenever they see a level 50 at WW. I read on this very board that people don't like origin stories because they want it to be "all about THEM". I am in complete agreement that a true hero would be motivated only by a desire to save the girl.

    I reworded some of the treasure related dialog.

    Quote:
    I rescued Little Liberty and found the treasure chest which had a costume in it. This mission really didn't seem to have a lot to it. Would the Anti Liberty League hiding her costume really have prevented her from becoming a hero? Surely she could've gotten another costume if need be.
    Both the costume and the swords are magical and required for her to fulful her destiny. How I wish I could buy more space!!! I did what I could to make this all more clear.

    Quote:
    Mission 3
    Briefing: Little Liberty needs to be saved again; rescuing her repeatedly seems to be the theme so far. (Only now it's present day Little Liberty instead of going back in time.)
    Yes a theme. You are pursuing Liberty in more ways than one. The whole arc is themed. Even the mission titles and intro text is red, white and blue.

    Quote:
    Mission title of "Find the Book" seems odd; the main goal should be to rescue the girl.
    Again this is part of the mystery.

    Quote:
    I rescued the grown-up Liberty Rose Jones, though I wonder if she should have a hero name by this point; she seems to be in her hero costume. The plant trap "captured" animation was a nice touch. She didn't seem to help fight enemies, but possibly she isn't officially a hero yet.
    She is not yet a hero. Perhaps I should make her dress more civilian like. She was a captive and I found it odd that she just stood there instead of leaving the mission. Perhaps this is a bug?

    Quote:
    I found a display case for the "book"; consider using one of the bookcase or pile of books graphics instead? The "journal" reveals some of the back story, that Liberty Rose is Miss Liberty's granddaughter and the costume is magic, and mentions the swords. You might consider rewriting the "Journal" clue to sound more like an excerpt from the journal; right now it explains a lot, but is pretty obviously an explanation. Making it sound more like a journal entry would be a little more cool.
    I really like the look of the magic case in the garden, but I definately agree with the rest of the above. I tried to make it more like a journal entry, but found I only had 300 characters. I changed it a bit to provide more info.

    Quote:
    Debriefing: Seems rather dry. The debriefing says "She is Miss Liberty's granddaughter", which is a rather odd way to phrase it considering Miss Liberty is also the contact's mother.
    It was revealed this way because it is Miss Liberty's journal. The importance to the story was that Little Liberty was Miss Liberty's granddaughter.
    Quote:
    I found and rescued Statesman; he was guarded by more Anti Liberty League, which I guess have survived into this possible future. He was in the "cowering" animation, which is decidedly unheroic; maybe give him a more dignified captured animation.
    I have tried to fix this about 50 times. No matter what I set this to he appears cowering. Perhaps I need to bug report this. I have tried talking, thank you and various other emotes. I HATE that he appears cowering.

    Quote:
    It's a rather lengthy glowy hunt to find the "swords". It took me awhile as it's a large outdoor map with poor visibility;
    Others have had this problem. So Statesman now tells you they are near the ruins of City Hall and oddly they always are.

    Quote:
    Oddly, the swords are in a wooden coffin; you might consider using the weapon rack graphic instead.
    I chose a coffin because it is a symbol of death and the future is dark.

    Quote:
    I think the implication is that if it weren't for Liberty Rose, this bad future would come about, but would be a little stronger on narrative if there were some clues or dialog that showed exactly why this was so.
    Yes you are correct. I did what I could to provide more info. I have all of .2 space .

    Quote:
    In the mission: I have to rescue 3 people named Liberty (Liberty Rose, Liberty Storm and Agent Liberty) and Statesman. Not quite sure how Statesman got involved.
    Because he is her great grandfather.

    Quote:
    Also, Liberty Storm is never mentioned before this, so I don't really know who she is; you might have her briefly introduced by the contact in the mission briefing, or at least have her introduce herself as a member of the Liberty League when you meet her. Strangely her tag is "Liberty Elite", though Agent Liberty earlier said that people with "Liberty" in their name would be in "Liberty League".)
    Info on her is in her bio. Point taken, I got rid of Liberty Elite and made her group Liberty League. At one point, before I realized I had no space, I had intended to make some Liberty League members but never did, and so the more special members were Liberty Elite.

    Quote:
    Anyway, I like the outline of the story and thought some of the custom costumes were quite nice. I felt some of the background details and plotting could use some more work. With all this in mind I gave this arc 3 stars. Hope you think that is fair!
    I am sure that every author who put months of work into creating an arc in his or her heart believes that it deserves 5 stars. So naturally, I hoped, but did not expect that you would rate it 5 stars. I spent close to 3 months creating and revising it. It is themed and full of detail, but not of the type you were asking for.

    I could have written an arc where the contact explained everything up front, but that is not what I set out to do. My intention was to have you the player uncover what was going on as you played. I wanted you to be the focus of the arc as you figured out what was going on and at the same time helped a hero fulfill her destiny.

    Honestly, I think that 4 stars would be fair.

    That being said, I respect your opinion and value your input. Your arcs are among the best I have played. I have already made changes based on your suggestions which I hope makes the arc better.

    Thanks again for the time and effort that you put into this review.
  25. Quote:
    Originally Posted by GlaziusF View Post
    I explained this up thread. You even replied to it. It's not just a measure of how much is there, but the effect it has on the overall experience. I've given two people one star for detail, not because they facemashed their keyboard to write things, but because I checked somebody's description in the first mission and spoiled myself accidentally on the whole rest of the arc..
    I completely understand why you didn't give a 5 star on detail. Your point on the Boss bio was very valid, and based on your input, I moved detail on him from a clue to his bio. It's just on a scale of 1-5 I don't get a 2, as he did have a bio.

    As an aside, I just played Venture's top arc from the rotten COH thread. One of his main bosses had an extremely short bio, shorter than many of his minions and personally I would have given him a 5 on detail.

    At any rate your input was very valuable, in that most people probably missed the detail I had in the mission begin clue, so it is much better to have it in the bio.

    I was maxed out on space and each time I reloaded customs it seemed to take me over the top and this is why the detail on him was not where it really belonged. I think I now sit at 99.8 space usage.


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GlaziusF View Post
    Ah. That was actually a tie-in to the final comment above the dotted line. Seeing the end boss plastered against the war wall by a gale, like some kind of goofy cartoon character. It is how I felt about the storyline - I couldn't take it seriously, which is kinda a problem when I'm staring Agony Hall / Red Atlas right in the face.
    Before you replay, you should know the intent of the arc is lighthearted fun, so I don't really want the player to take it too seriously. Since you played it, I added a warning that the arc may contain some humor to the summary displayed before you play.

    Also a word on the allies. I made them all fight defensively so that don't go "Lady Jane" and cause random aggro. However, Liberty Rose and Statesman are still "overpowered". If either was defeated, it would ruin the spirit of the arc.

    I realize that many want to feel important and don't care for overpowered allies. Is there any wording that I could put in the mission overview to briefly convey allies are there only if you need them? I am not the most amazing player and on setting one I can solo my arc without them, though some ATs I play, give me more trouble than others.

    If you replay and give me additional feedback, I would love it.

    Thanks